Comments | livepoets: Well, you've got yourselves another newbie

bluefate in livepoets

Well, you've got yourselves another newbie

Aug 06, 2006 23:21

This group seems interesting, and I thought I'd try it out.
I'll try to comment on others', but I'm not completely sure I know what I'm doing...
Right, a poem then?

( Development of an Identity )

Comments 4

roseross August 8 2006, 12:57:21 UTC

Hi! I do have some tips to share ( ... )

bluefate August 8 2006, 15:10:31 UTC

thanks very much

roseross August 8 2006, 15:22:57 UTC

You're welcome. Remember any feedback is only one person's opinion, so just take the bits that make sense to you and leave the rest. :-)

verdanthe August 25 2006, 13:42:24 UTC

I think the 'you' is clear enough in context of the poem - it sounds like a friendship that turned physical and got lost in the process. I agree that fewer line breaks would improve the poem.
The most awkward line is ' someone's "extra incentive"? ' because the quote seems to be from a conversation we the strange reader haven't heard. At the same time, it conveys the bulk of my understanding of what the poem is about . So, maybe it'd be better to read
' and not worrying about the incentive of touch? '
assuming that my interpretation is what the writer meant.