The images are excellent, but I'm rather a rhythm pedant, and it's so nearly iambic pentameter it's driving me nuts. Just little shifts from the short-beat lines to the long-beat ones would improve it, I think.
I think the imagery and sounds in this poem are fantastic.
I just have a couple of nits.
The transition from title to first line would be smoother if the first line read "My days were painted yellow".
Mrs. Feldman's/daisy dress was brightly golden-hued. This is a bit redundant (of course the daisy dress is yellow). I think you do need something here about the teacher before the description of learning to write (which is just lovely), but a small insight about her might work better.
It took me a second read-through to understand the first sentence in the last stanza. I think it'd be clearer if you began a new sentence with "Khaki draped".
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I just have a couple of nits.
The transition from title to first line would be smoother if the first line read "My days were painted yellow".
Mrs. Feldman's/daisy dress was brightly golden-hued.
This is a bit redundant (of course the daisy dress is yellow). I think you do need something here about the teacher before the description of learning to write (which is just lovely), but a small insight about her might work better.
It took me a second read-through to understand the first sentence in the last stanza. I think it'd be clearer if you began a new sentence with "Khaki draped".
Thanks for sharing this one, I enjoyed the read.
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