late nite entries again
Here it goes...i have a friend who's interested in me still and he's said that he, my dear jess, had had this interest since we met two years ago. I agree, i'm alright with that. I reciprocate most of the attraction--keyword most, because there's a catch and i wish it was not this way. The catch is that although we have not made a commitment as to make it exclusive (up until now we've been keeping options open), i must say that i am i bit ruffled that he's detailing his encounters with others (which i have no problem with), even so much as to going into detail about things that i do not want to hear about or know (which i DO have a problem with).
I am aware of how that statement does not make logical sense. But there is a reason you do not trumpet about your past exes, exploits/adventures/conquests. It's because no one wants that extra baggage and/or deal with another's dirty laundry.
He said he thought that i wasn't interested and felt comfortable divulging this and anything to me, which i take as an honor that he can confide in me; it's in the friends obligation. When he mentioned that 'i must not have been interested,' i brought up that 'well, if i am reacting this way [negatively] and asking you to curb that discussion, does that not imply that i do have some sort of interest?' He mentioned that, yes, he is actively looking for a girlfriend, and i myself am looking for a guy as well. On top of that, he put the pressure on to entice me to go over to his place and hang out, this that and the other thing--perhaps bond a bit more and decide if i want to go out with him.
He also said that i ought to have an answer within an hour or he was going to make those plans with someone else. Did i also mention that he said he was also desperate to get laid? I don't mind this at all, we all get like that, but my dear friend in his case has the tendency to magnify the issue of sex much more than it needs to be. I don't see how sex is such a big deal. So when this is factored in along with other pressures, it pushes me away. I'd prefer if it wasn't mentioned--just let it happen. I prefer someone who's quiet and that i find out for myself rather than the blatant advertisement. [it's the quiet ones you gotta look for--they hold the most surprises! my ex was one of these] And hell, not to sound like an old-fashioned type (i like to say i was brought up, not dragged up), if my friend was so adamant about being with me, wanting the relationship, the companionship, the sleeping together and such, wouldn't he reserve himself? Like i said previously, there is not such commitment at the outset so in that light i may have nothing to complain about, but then what am i complaining about?
What i think is gnawing at me is that the mere mention of all these details, i feel as if he's sticking it to me, trying to kick me in the ass to make a decision in a bad way with the babbling (if his mention about an attraction to an 18 y/o isn't enough to get me going, i wouldn't know what else would, if he's not bluffing). It's a good kick in the ass in that he reminds me that he's still available. I don't know. I have a summer to meet new people and meet old friends and find someone to cuddle and be close with (kids, sometimes a close cuddle can mean a lot more than the hours some spend having sex, but i digress). I'll just let him know what's what, such as the above mentioned.
Looking at the date: it's sid vicious/john ritchie's birthday! Which also reminds me: deborah spungen's And I Don't Want to Live This Life which is about the roller coaster ride of nancy's life. I always held a special place for nancy spungen, but from this book i have even more regard. Required reading for all you punk enthusiasts :P
I am aware of how that statement does not make logical sense. But there is a reason you do not trumpet about your past exes, exploits/adventures/conquests. It's because no one wants that extra baggage and/or deal with another's dirty laundry.
He said he thought that i wasn't interested and felt comfortable divulging this and anything to me, which i take as an honor that he can confide in me; it's in the friends obligation. When he mentioned that 'i must not have been interested,' i brought up that 'well, if i am reacting this way [negatively] and asking you to curb that discussion, does that not imply that i do have some sort of interest?' He mentioned that, yes, he is actively looking for a girlfriend, and i myself am looking for a guy as well. On top of that, he put the pressure on to entice me to go over to his place and hang out, this that and the other thing--perhaps bond a bit more and decide if i want to go out with him.
He also said that i ought to have an answer within an hour or he was going to make those plans with someone else. Did i also mention that he said he was also desperate to get laid? I don't mind this at all, we all get like that, but my dear friend in his case has the tendency to magnify the issue of sex much more than it needs to be. I don't see how sex is such a big deal. So when this is factored in along with other pressures, it pushes me away. I'd prefer if it wasn't mentioned--just let it happen. I prefer someone who's quiet and that i find out for myself rather than the blatant advertisement. [it's the quiet ones you gotta look for--they hold the most surprises! my ex was one of these] And hell, not to sound like an old-fashioned type (i like to say i was brought up, not dragged up), if my friend was so adamant about being with me, wanting the relationship, the companionship, the sleeping together and such, wouldn't he reserve himself? Like i said previously, there is not such commitment at the outset so in that light i may have nothing to complain about, but then what am i complaining about?
What i think is gnawing at me is that the mere mention of all these details, i feel as if he's sticking it to me, trying to kick me in the ass to make a decision in a bad way with the babbling (if his mention about an attraction to an 18 y/o isn't enough to get me going, i wouldn't know what else would, if he's not bluffing). It's a good kick in the ass in that he reminds me that he's still available. I don't know. I have a summer to meet new people and meet old friends and find someone to cuddle and be close with (kids, sometimes a close cuddle can mean a lot more than the hours some spend having sex, but i digress). I'll just let him know what's what, such as the above mentioned.
Looking at the date: it's sid vicious/john ritchie's birthday! Which also reminds me: deborah spungen's And I Don't Want to Live This Life which is about the roller coaster ride of nancy's life. I always held a special place for nancy spungen, but from this book i have even more regard. Required reading for all you punk enthusiasts :P