(no subject)
For Alz, that wanted me to post some mind-altered rant that I may or maynot have deleted.
The rest: god, just scroll on.
These past two days have been so satisfactory...
Oh, it has been like a hug! As personal as a hug from a friend, but oh, so much warmer... warm like the first rays of the morning sun - elusive, subtle, calm and pure but undeniably warm in it's bright, light yellow totality.
Not much can be said about Friday, other than I walked around in a dazy haze (hazy daze, perhaps?). But, there is something to be said about living in such a transitory mode, to be forced to appreciate the mundane banal activities that we always partake in.
The most I can say - the most I can take away from Friday, rather, is the idea of how disjointed and unified the banal is.
Of course, to be in such a momentary mode is quite jarring - everything is so disjointed, the phsyical and temporal now taking precedence and erasing the past and to even entertain the ideas of thinking into the future would simply bring chaos.
Sounds would travel away from their origin, and for that matter, everything floated away. A sentence would be uttered and the sound - the physical manifestation - would so simply float away and leave, so gentle in it's nature that it would almost go by unnoticed with no emotional or mental attachment. Oh, but the meaning, the thought would leave too, peeling and twisting itself away from Speech until it too, was as wistful and fickle to simply ... float away. Oh, it was here where the battle of abstract vs. tangible, between Thought becoming Speech took place...
Oh, how disjointing all of it was!
But, all of this, was held together by the sweetest, purest moments of dear clarity and unity. The thin linear thread that holds a conversation together, that brings all this disjointed thought and speech together, so fragile and pale it is... and yet, yet it has the ability and strength to create such a realization. Sometimes it would be a stretch, my mind lost in a fog, trying to find this linear thread to comprehend the conversation - to comprehend it ALL. Yes, at times it would be such an elongated reach to create speech from my thoughts, to connect the disjointed sentences from others to the larger, greater Conversation.
But, when I would be able to link my own speech to the Conversation as a whole: when I remembered the past conversation, understood the present conversation and took part of the progressive future of the conversation, well! Well, that realization and wholly understanding is a feeling that few will ever experience.
Oh, to have the full understanding of the conversation in all it's entirety: the past, the present and every progressing future... the realization spread within me, like a stain in the water.
At first, it was only a drop in the water: small, unknowing, self-contained in it's drop; a drop of understanding, to understand my own speech and thought.
Then: osmosis, a steady stream of crimson ink, swelling and drifting deep, taking me with it to diffuse with conscious thought. This is when and where all at once, the past, the present and ever-progressing changing future of conversation, speech and thought converge in a moment of clarity, when I understood, wholly.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Today though, today was different. Today was sober frolicking, where I cooked, had a meeting, cooked some more, went to Friends with Money and took about a 100 pictures with a friend around Berkeley. It was unadulterated pure fun.
I enjoyed our escapade to photograph ourselves and Berkeley because it brought such a moment of beauty to the mundane (well, not that I find it mundane but mundane in the sense that I walk it everyday) campus. There is a certain joy in finding angles that reveal secrets about the person or place you are taking a picture of. Or, perhaps, I find some deep visceral joy in trying to capture the transient into the forever, the abstract now into the tangible later (or, is it the tangible now and abstract later??) Will post pictures later, if they are ever developed.
The rest: god, just scroll on.
These past two days have been so satisfactory...
Oh, it has been like a hug! As personal as a hug from a friend, but oh, so much warmer... warm like the first rays of the morning sun - elusive, subtle, calm and pure but undeniably warm in it's bright, light yellow totality.
Not much can be said about Friday, other than I walked around in a dazy haze (hazy daze, perhaps?). But, there is something to be said about living in such a transitory mode, to be forced to appreciate the mundane banal activities that we always partake in.
The most I can say - the most I can take away from Friday, rather, is the idea of how disjointed and unified the banal is.
Of course, to be in such a momentary mode is quite jarring - everything is so disjointed, the phsyical and temporal now taking precedence and erasing the past and to even entertain the ideas of thinking into the future would simply bring chaos.
Sounds would travel away from their origin, and for that matter, everything floated away. A sentence would be uttered and the sound - the physical manifestation - would so simply float away and leave, so gentle in it's nature that it would almost go by unnoticed with no emotional or mental attachment. Oh, but the meaning, the thought would leave too, peeling and twisting itself away from Speech until it too, was as wistful and fickle to simply ... float away. Oh, it was here where the battle of abstract vs. tangible, between Thought becoming Speech took place...
Oh, how disjointing all of it was!
But, all of this, was held together by the sweetest, purest moments of dear clarity and unity. The thin linear thread that holds a conversation together, that brings all this disjointed thought and speech together, so fragile and pale it is... and yet, yet it has the ability and strength to create such a realization. Sometimes it would be a stretch, my mind lost in a fog, trying to find this linear thread to comprehend the conversation - to comprehend it ALL. Yes, at times it would be such an elongated reach to create speech from my thoughts, to connect the disjointed sentences from others to the larger, greater Conversation.
But, when I would be able to link my own speech to the Conversation as a whole: when I remembered the past conversation, understood the present conversation and took part of the progressive future of the conversation, well! Well, that realization and wholly understanding is a feeling that few will ever experience.
Oh, to have the full understanding of the conversation in all it's entirety: the past, the present and every progressing future... the realization spread within me, like a stain in the water.
At first, it was only a drop in the water: small, unknowing, self-contained in it's drop; a drop of understanding, to understand my own speech and thought.
Then: osmosis, a steady stream of crimson ink, swelling and drifting deep, taking me with it to diffuse with conscious thought. This is when and where all at once, the past, the present and ever-progressing changing future of conversation, speech and thought converge in a moment of clarity, when I understood, wholly.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Today though, today was different. Today was sober frolicking, where I cooked, had a meeting, cooked some more, went to Friends with Money and took about a 100 pictures with a friend around Berkeley. It was unadulterated pure fun.
I enjoyed our escapade to photograph ourselves and Berkeley because it brought such a moment of beauty to the mundane (well, not that I find it mundane but mundane in the sense that I walk it everyday) campus. There is a certain joy in finding angles that reveal secrets about the person or place you are taking a picture of. Or, perhaps, I find some deep visceral joy in trying to capture the transient into the forever, the abstract now into the tangible later (or, is it the tangible now and abstract later??) Will post pictures later, if they are ever developed.