me babbling.. sorry
So I haven't updated in awhile. which is probably good. I need to waste my time less and accomplish more. but I feel the need to write.
today was odd. I told Adam the truth....when I have extreme hormonal imbalances, I should not be aloud to speak or have human contact. It doesn't happen every time I have pms, just once in awhile. but I know I think differently...I fucking hate it. Thank god I don't speak my mind TOO much... b/c I have cynical thoughts. and if I said what I thought I'd regret it later. So I try to ignore my fucked up state of mind but it drives me fucking crazy. like today...I can't explain it any other way than "I was screaming on the inside". I'm frustrated about nothing and everything and things that I do or don't do. Or I don't know why I'm frustrated. Usually I know the reason, I just can't say it. because it wouldn't make anything better, it would just hurt people and I'd feel like shit for saying it when I return to normalness.
I don't know. I try to explain it even though I know I can't.
And the fucked up thing is I'll wake up tomorrow feeling like a million bucks. it'll feel like nothing happened. like I wasn't seeing red. or feeling depressed. and yet in a couple of months I'll have a few days in a row or a week or two where I feel crazy again.
even today. when Adam came over I felt like I was about to explode. but then we were talking and hanging out and I felt normal again, even happy. but when he left, my thought pattern came back. so now I'm writing this.
I just needed to get it out. And I'll feel fine tomorrow. I just hate knowing that this can happen at random times. And I piss myself off every fucking time it happens.
yea, if you can't understand, don't try.