Leslie Knope, Teen Sleuth: Chapter 2
I am leaving tomorrow at 4 AM to go to the airport, but I wanted you guys to have this. I hope you are happy. Many thanks to saucydiva for the beta.
Ann had barely started to unpack her suitcase when the doorbell rang. It was Leslie, of course, but she looked more stressed than usual. Her eyes were red with tears and she was wearing yoga pants in public.
Something was wrong. Before Ann could begin to comfort her friend, Leslie told her some startling news.
“My ex-best friend was murdered.”
Without hesitation, Ann embraced Leslie. She’d never seen her friend this vulnerable; it was disconcerting to see her effortless enthusiasm replaced with sorrow. Moreover, Pawnee was no longer a safe enclave for the morbidly obese. It had turned into something much more sinister than she ever could have imagined.
Even though Ann was uttering reassurances, the words sounded slightly empty. The right words didn’t exist.
“I want to find out who did this. But I can’t do it alone - I’ll need help.”
She accepted, provided that she would be able to make her 10:30 PM curfew. Leslie continued to embrace her as if she were holding on for dear life.
**
It wasn’t until they arrived at Leslie’s basement that Ann learned about the extent of the investigation. Leslie had assembled a bunch of seemingly random photographs on a bulletin board. In the center, there was a picture of Lindsay Carlisle Shay.
It looked like something out of an episode of Scandal.
“A murderer has struck on Pawnee soil.” Leslie pointed at the picture of Lindsay to emphasize her point. “This egregious wrongdoing puts everyone at risk.”
Ann’s brain churned for what seemed like forever. She was torn between wanting to be supportive and wanting to lock herself inside a convent for her own safety.
“Leslie, do you want to do a full blown investigation?” A few more moments of silence led to a sudden realization; the risks were clear. “Maybe we should let the police handle this. They have guns and things.” The risks were clear; Leslie would have to see reason.
Leslie’s face was deadly serious. “Yes, we are going to find out who did this. She turned into a jerkface, but she was there when I needed her the most. So, we’re going to find out what happened.”
Ann didn’t protest any further. She knew that Leslie had lost her father only a few years ago. Lindsay, who was truly bitchy in all of the worst ways, was a key part of Leslie’s past. Even though she didn’t want to admit it, Ann would want Leslie to be just as angry and upset if she died unexpectedly.
It was unreasonable to ask Leslie to discriminate between living and dead friends.
Leslie was unable to keep still and started connecting pictures together with pushpins and string.
“You know, we should be cautious. Your mom wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”
Leslie stopped what she was doing and turned on her heel to face Ann. “Lindsay did something for me, so I’m going to do something for her. That’s what friends do. Now, what do you know about Greg Pikitis? Lindsay used to babysit him and he’s a delinquent in the making.”
Ann sunk into her seat on the couch. Leslie was going to keep going until the bitter end, even without critical information. The trail would go cold. The police would eventually solve the mystery and she and Leslie would go back to sunning at the pool. For now, the main goal was to make sure Leslie got closure, even if that required a ragtag investigation.
It was outside of her comfort zone, but it was the right thing to do.
**
Leslie began to introduce the cast of suspicious persons on the bulletin board. Ann had only moved to Pawnee two years ago, so she didn’t know much about the nefarious people who lurked in the shadows. She had to be brought up to speed.
Just by process of elimination, Ann suggested that they eliminate ten-year-old Greg Piktikis. “But he was unhealthily fixated on her,” Leslie protested.
“Leslie, he’s ten. All ten year old boys are fixated on anyone who they can trick into letting them stay up late,” Ann replied.
“Fine, fine. We’ll put him in the ‘unlikely’ pile. For now.” Leslie removed the picture from the board. There was one photograph of a person left that featured a girl with heavily caked on makeup and dark hair.
“Who’s that?” Ann asked.
“That’s Trish Ianetta. Remember when Tom tried to ask her to homecoming?” It had been a truly embarrassing experience for Tom, who sang a Bruno Mars song to Trish in the hallway only to get laughed in the face.
“Oh, right. I’ll never be able to listen to ‘Locked Out of Heaven’ ever again. So, what’s her connection to Lindsay?”
“Lindsay was Trish’s main competition in the upcoming Miss Teen Southern Indiana Pageant. Trish wants to win badly; she’s been practicing for years. Rumor has it that her father has connections to the mob.” Leslie artfully added a picture of a tiara to the bulletin board.
“Wait, Lindsay lived in Pawnee? I thought she had moved to Eagleton.”
Leslie flopped down on the couch next to Ann. “Oh Ann, you moderately observant starfish. Lindsay was on scholarship at the Academy. And the prize for Miss Teen Southern Indiana is $5,000. Perfect for her to spend on fancy clothes to fit in with her new best friend, Ingrid.”
The bulletin board activity was immediately put on hold for a trip to Edible Arrangements. It was time to pay a visit to Ingrid de Forest.
**
The disparity of wealth between Pawnee and Eagleton was apparent when they pulled up at Ingrid’s house in Leslie’s used Camry. Ingrid’s immaculate, white Range Rover was sitting in the driveway.
Ingrid’s mother answered the door. Her beady eyes appraised Leslie and Ann’s tee shirts and shorts. When Leslie blurted out that she was an old friend of Lindsay’s, Mrs. de Forest reluctantly let them in.
“Ingrid, darling, you have callers! Please have a seat in the sitting room. She’ll be down shortly.” Mrs. de Forest marched off to the garden to finish her afternoon glass of champagne.
Leslie and Ann were left to wonder where to sit, since there were at least three rooms adjacent to the entry hall that could be sitting rooms.
Moments later, Ingrid slunk down the stairs in her tailored pajamas. Leslie had only met Ingrid once before, at an academic decathlon competition. Even though she considered herself to be fundamentally different from her, she was unnerved by how much they resembled each other.
“Leslie, it’s a shame that we have to see each other under such terrible circumstances.” Ingrid wiped her tears with her sleeve.
Leslie awkwardly thrust the Edible Arrangement into Ingrid’s hands. “I know you have to be in shock, so I brought you something.” Maybe she should have eaten some of the chocolates before she gave the arrangement to Ingrid; she had a hunch that Ingrid didn’t appreciate chocolate.
Ingrid put the arrangement on a side table and helped herself to a strawberry. “Oh, you must be Ann. Lindsay told me about you.”
“Only good things, I hope. I’m very sorry for your loss.” Ann glanced at Leslie. She’d only met Lindsay once, at one of Tom and Donna’s parties. Did Lindsay and Ingrid spend time making fun of Leslie and her new best friend?
“Thanks; I truly appreciate the fact that you two dropped by. Leslie, why don’t we have a quick chat so we can catch up?” Ingrid led Leslie into one of the sitting rooms. Ann stayed in the great room and pretended to be interested in the contents of a china cabinet.
Ingrid sat down on a chaise lounge and started talking, as if Leslie were a therapist.
“Lindsay had so many good things going on her life. She was interning at the Sweetums foundation and working on becoming Miss Teen Pawnee. She was on the varsity tennis team; she was their best singles player. She wanted to go to Williams or Amherst for college. And now she’s gone, just like that.” Ingrid heaved a big sigh.
Leslie was taken aback; all of the dreams Lindsay had constructed for herself were so different than the dreams they thought up together a few years ago. Road tripping to Harry Potter World was not a thing the new and improved Lindsay would want to do.
She decided to push delicately for a bit more information. “I’m trying to piece together what happened to her. We had our differences, but she deserves justice.”
Ingrid nodded empathetically.
“So, did Lindsay have a tennis partner or a pageant coach? Did she have any enemies?”
“No, she didn’t have any enemies. Not at school at least. She was popular,” Ingrid said indignantly. “She was working on her pageant routine with Tynnyfer. Lindsay wanted it to be classy. And she was going to join Academic Decathlon with me, this fall. Something about improving her extracurriculars for college.”
Leslie couldn’t help but remember when she and Lindsay used to play Trivial Pursuit on Saturday afternoons for the fun of it. Her phone started buzzing in her pocket. Ann was probably sending her a “get me out of here, now” text.
“If you think of anything else, let me know.” Leslie stood up and extended her hand, expecting a handshake. Instead, Ingrid jumped and gave her a tentative hug.
“I’m happy that you stopped by. Even in death, it’s good to know that Lindsay’s old friends care about her.”
Ann hopped in the car and Leslie checked her phone messages. It was Jerry, the guy that followed up on stuff Ron didn’t care about. Leslie needed to get to the pool right away because a pool staffer was refusing to sell pool passes. She’d made up an arbitrary rule that the pool wouldn’t let in people from Minnesota in on Mondays, Thursdays, and Fridays.
Leslie knew right away that it was April, who enjoyed messing with customers on a daily basis. She dropped off Ann at home, promising to reconvene with her later.
It wasn’t until Leslie was alone that it hit her. She and Lindsay didn’t just end their friendship. Lindsay had upgraded to a new and improved Leslie.
A version of Leslie that preferred horseback riding to waffles.
A version of Leslie that didn’t have to do an internship for gas money.
A version of Leslie that had the world handed to her on a silver platter.
It hurt more than she expected it would.
**
When Leslie arrived at the pool, she found April sitting in the entry booth. She was engaged in an argument with two pale, brown haired teens. The guy looked like he was about Leslie’s age. The girl was probably around fifteen or so.
“Look, I told you. We don’t let people from Minnesota in on Mondays, Thursdays, and Fridays,” April said drolly.
The guy rolled his eyes. “It is Tuesday. We’re going to buy passes. Why are you ignoring paying customers?”
“This is stupid. We should have joined the Y instead,” his sister argued. “I’m going to get a drink from the vending machine. It had better take cash.”
Without hesitation, April came up with another policy. “We only take American Express.”
“This is ridiculous. Are you in charge?” He gave Leslie a furtive glare.
“Uh, yes. Leslie Knope, lead Parks and Recreation intern. I’m here to file an incident report. And we certainly take cash. April is just entertaining herself, right?”
It was April’s turn to roll her eyes.
“Here, fill out this form and we will do our best to rectify this unfortunate lapse in service etiquette. Today’s visit is on the house.” Leslie gave a clipboard to the guy and he filled it out.
He stormed off without another word, with his sister following him. Leslie glanced at the form. Ben Wyatt had written a short rant about quality of city services and aggression towards paying customers. He left his phone number and email address and expected the city to follow up with him.
Thoroughly irritated, he stormed through the pool gates without another word.
Leslie usually enjoyed filing incident reports, but this guy was clearly a killjoy who couldn’t take a joke.
**
That evening, during dinner, the doorbell rang. Leslie couldn’t place the cop’s name, but she’d know his face anywhere.
“Hi Leslie. Detective Green, Pawnee Police Department.” He flashed a badge. “My partner and I would like to ask you a few questions about Lindsay Carlisle Shay."