I feel for you. It's such a hard thing. I've often thought that there should be some way to prosecute bad parents - not to put them in jail, but maybe force them to spend some quality time in parenting school, or wear shock collars or something.
You know, I'm really wary of blaming the parents for everything because I know that teachers tend to place the blame elsewhere. But, jeez, there is a point where I can't do anything else. This boy's father came into a lot of money and has, so far as I can tell, no work ethic. So it's no surprise that his son doesn't understand that some things in life have to come from hard work. At this point I doubt he'll ever learn. Shock collar or no shock collar. :)
You did NOT create this situation Liz. You have done enough. There must be some sort of other program this kid can go to because as you have said, you have taken time away from the other kids to deal with him and that is enough. You can't change something that wants to stay the same.
This is n't the movies where you can spend all your waking hours with the one childd making him want to care. He has to want to on his own and his pathetic father will be no help.
Try to ease your mind that you can only do so much but there has to be some sort of return on your investment.
I suppose that you are right. As much as I live to reenact the plot of Dangerous Minds, I'm no Michelle Pfeiffer. ;)
But, seriously, I worry that I'm giving up on this kid just like everyone else has. I can make him stay inside, I can make him miss activities, I can make school a pain in his ass, but I can't make him care. It scares the hell out of me sometimes, the responsibility of turning these children into thinking, feeling, considerate adults. What kind of adult will he become?
I had him tested in reading at the beginning of the year. He reads at a 7th grade level. His math scores are low, but when I explain something to him he understands immediately. He has done so little work for so long that he is behind. I don't beleive that it has to do with ability at all. I wish it did, I could find a tutor for him and accomodate a disibility. But I can't teach him to take responsibility for his actions.
That must be extremely frustrating for you, especially with a parent who only reinforced his behaviour. Is the student ever frustrated, or does he shrug everything off?
I'm frustrated enough for both of us, I think. He does get annoyed, especially when I make him stay inside at recess or lunch. However, things that would really intimidate the other kids, like tearing up his paper, have no effect on him. He just doesn't care.
remember meg ryan in "city of angels" when she lost a patient? "there must have been something i could do..." well, maybe there *was* something that would have worked, but didn't you do the best you knew how? you're not omniscient or omnipotent and it's unfair to expect that of yourself. sometimes you'll hit kids that you can't help -- maybe you're not the one to shake them out of it. it's ok to hurt for them, but don't be too hard on yourself.
I've really gotten much better about blaming myself. My rule is not to feel bad for not knowing something I never had the experience to learn. But I still feel badly that this kid is failing.
And I hope you meant to write "get" or something other than "hit." Because as much as I may have wanted to on a couple of occasions, (like when he called me a bitch,) I've never hit this kid. Corporal punishment may make a comeback yet, though. ;)
yes, not the best word choice...sosiouxmeFebruary 15 2002, 05:39:22 UTC
substitute "run into" or "come upon" or some such... though a smack in the ass might be just what this kid needs, who knows... lord knows i got enough of em as a kid...
I know its easy to blame the parents for the situation. In this case it seems that way. Sounds to me like you've exhausted all possibilities. Are there any kind of alternative programs available?
This isn't a criticism but what about positive reinforcement instead of consequences. Might be tough for the rest of the class, but it might help on some level.
BTW, Dad sounds like an asshole to care so little.
Yeah, I try not to jump to blaming the parents. Teachers have a real tendency to do that. Often the parents are at fault for a kid's behavior, but to blame them does nothing if you aren't proactive about the situation.
I do try to be kind to this kid, but all of the more positive ways of dealing with his behavior have done nothing. Most of my kids respond well to talking and reason. The difference is that the rest of my class really wants to do well, this kid doesn't. *sigh* You're right, of course. But I have to grit my teeth to praise a kid who does so little.
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This is n't the movies where you can spend all your waking hours with the one childd making him want to care. He has to want to on his own and his pathetic father will be no help.
Try to ease your mind that you can only do so much but there has to be some sort of return on your investment.
David
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But, seriously, I worry that I'm giving up on this kid just like everyone else has. I can make him stay inside, I can make him miss activities, I can make school a pain in his ass, but I can't make him care. It scares the hell out of me sometimes, the responsibility of turning these children into thinking, feeling, considerate adults. What kind of adult will he become?
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And I hope you meant to write "get" or something other than "hit." Because as much as I may have wanted to on a couple of occasions, (like when he called me a bitch,) I've never hit this kid. Corporal punishment may make a comeback yet, though. ;)
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This isn't a criticism but what about positive reinforcement instead of consequences. Might be tough for the rest of the class, but it might help on some level.
BTW, Dad sounds like an asshole to care so little.
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I do try to be kind to this kid, but all of the more positive ways of dealing with his behavior have done nothing. Most of my kids respond well to talking and reason. The difference is that the rest of my class really wants to do well, this kid doesn't. *sigh* You're right, of course. But I have to grit my teeth to praise a kid who does so little.
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