I had a Dream last night....
In that dream I went to Alex's new house. He lived there with two other guys. The place was kind of in th desert, I suppose.... anyway, it was kind of hectic there, there were the two guys, I only saw Alex for like a second, it was almost as if he was avoiding me.
There was this shorter hispanic woman there. You know, the typical short but round... She had an alright face though. She was wearing too much lipstick. Her hair was pulled back loosely with a few fuzzys and curls going astray. She must have been about ... 32...?
anyway, she was talking about getting calls from Alex and how he hadn't called today. This made me suspicious because I guess he was going to call ME today... then it turns out that the last time she talked to him was a day that I hadn't meaning he called her and not me... so, then one of the other girls figured it out and said ~gasp~ "ay, chucha, dos mujeres!" and another one said "el tiene dos mujeres?" so I stopped them there and asked when this woman came into his life and she said "hace casi una semana" (been about a week) to which I replied ... no, then he only has one woman. He hasn't seen me or even kissed me in over a week... this explains why.... and she was sympathetic, but in an "oh, you poor kid" type of way....
hm... I wonder ... Do you think in the end that is what it will boil down to? I mean even though he says repeatedly that the age is not a big deal, do you think ultimately it will cause a rift? That he'll just want someone older who he can relate with more? ... with more "experience"?
I am going to add a brief portion of a conv. I had earlier... feel free to add imput....
Brett : From what you tell me, he is a good man. If so, he will know that it doesn't make much of a difference, that there is just more for him to teach you.
angel_8_black: I know... it is just... he is flippin bat man...
angel_8_black: he is always being invited to going away parties and has "stuff" to do and he never really elaborates.... I mean, I trust him and all, but ok... example
angel_8_black: I was at his house one time and he was finishing up some conversations on msn. I had been there for a little while and we were both hungry so we were going to leave for the corner doughnut place and he just said "tengo que salir" meaning... I have to go. This person didn't even know I was there. He didn't tell them. When we go back, I am sure there was an intimate moment or two, and that person didn't even know he wasn't alone...
angel_8_black: What if.... just what if he has done the same thing to me? He said I am the only person to ever come in that house and that I was the first person to ever be in his bed (he had bought a new one when he came back to the us)
Brett : Well, I've done that before. I was talking with Josh and you came over. You were in the bathroom when I told him I had to go.
Brett : If he has, he doesn't deserve you. But I don't think he has. I can feel it in my gut.
angel_8_black: then why has he been pushing me away so much? Do you think it is just that he is leaving or has he just lost interest and do you think he would even tell me if he found someone else?
Brett : My theory is that he doesn't want you to know just how much he cares. He doesn't even want to know that he cares that much. That way, if YOU found someone while he was away (I'm not saying you would on purpose, but two months is a long time) it wouldn't hurt as badly.
Brett : He would tell you.
angel_8_black: I don't think that theory is correct
angel_8_black: he seems "stronger" than that... I don't think he cares near enough to distance himself as you are talking about. ... Although, in Malibu when I told him that I liked him a lot, he did say "me too" softly and hold me tighter. and when we went into the water we were standing close and holding eachother again and I asked him why it was ok now and not in public (because he gets uncomfortable standing really close to me or being arm in arm in public... he prefers subtle displays of affection...) and he said because he felt at home with me there. That the sea calms him
Brett : yeah, the Malibu journal is what made me theorize the way I did
angel_8_black: sigh...
Brett : what?
angel_8_black: just... he is so hard to figure out
Brett : true, but once you do, the fruit will be all the sweeter
angel_8_black: It is like he is so busy trying to play it cool sometimes, you know, keep calm and collected or even indifferent that he sends me mixed messages
Brett : Yeah, but you'll crack his code
Brett :
angel_8_black: I'm not so sure
angel_8_black: He didn't even leave me a message before he went on this second road trip
Brett : I think he's probably just contemplating how he feels about you, but I don't know.
Brett : Maybe he just needs time to think
Brett : you know?
angel_8_black: the last thing he said to me was
"take care ok
we talk later
bye
Brett : were you chatting with him, or was it an offline message?
angel_8_black: chatting
Brett : hmmm
Brett : It seems as though he was either overwhealmed or in a real hurry
angel_8_black: he was leaving
Brett : that or he had a lot on his mind
Brett : most likely had a lot on his mind
Brett : and he's reserved, right?
angel_8_black: well I HAD just told him that I think I was falling in love with him
angel_8_black: and yes, quite
Brett : /!
Brett : There it is
Brett : My theory now is that he is evaluating the relationship, figuring out whether or not he is falling in love with you too.
Brett : is he a logical guy?
Brett : or is he emotional?
Brett : heh, stupid question...
Brett : He's most likely just stepping back and looking at his situation
Brett : Think of it as if you were him
Brett : you're this calm, reserved guy.
angel_8_black: I would not just shut them out of my life for a week though
Brett : and you are about to go back to Sweden
angel_8_black: NOR would I say there is no possible way they could see me before I went home
Brett : but I'm saying think of it as if you were HIM, not you!
angel_8_black: so that is your final conclusion?
angel_8_black: he has a lot on his plate?
Brett : yeah
Brett : as an aspiring psychologist, I'd say it stems from his teenage years
angel_8_black: or psycho ex wife
Brett : he probably had to deal with something enormous happening alongside a lot of little things
Brett : yeah, whatever time, that's what happened
angel_8_black: (psycho ex wife....)
Brett : and now he feels as if he needs to completely step back and look at the whole thing
angel_8_black: I just wish he would talk to me about it, know?
angel_8_black: I want to be there for him and he knows he can talk to me, he has opened up immensely, but about the past.
Brett : yeah
angel_8_black: The present is what he keeps to himself
Brett : well, give him time to "eat," and he'll come to his senses
angel_8_black: ?
angel_8_black: the full plate?
Brett : si
angel_8_black: he has given himself plenty of time
Brett : it's been what, a week and a half?
Brett : that's barely enough time to step back, much less digest
angel_8_black: no, sweetie, I mean this road trip with no contact with me, then directly after, Sweden
Brett : well, once he finds time to think, he'll come to his senses
Brett : just give it time
angel_8_black: 's all I can do
Brett : exactly
angel_8_black: It just makes me sad
angel_8_black: I feel like a burden now
angel_8_black: something that is just easier to leave behind
Brett : no, no
Brett : he feels that he needs time to himself, to think.
Brett : once he finds it, he can think
Brett : once he thinks it through, he'll realize that he is falling for you.
angel_8_black: don't tease
angel_8_black: and how can you be so sure?
Brett : just trust me, Sian.
Brett : I know people.
Brett : I know how to analyze.
angel_8_black: But you don't know him... (I too know both of those things) ... I mean, when he does seem sharp or cold I know it is because of stress and being overwhelmed and I tell him I understand which makes him quite relieved and he always appologizes for being cold or getting upset or anything like that.
angel_8_black: heh,
angel_8_black: I just gave me my answer
angel_8_black: I was going to type
angel_8_black: "As soon as he has a few minutes alone to cool off, he gets back to himself and tells me he is sorry and is all sweet again ... and comforting and sometimes he even comes to see me...." So I guess this is just a grander scale of that, then.. huh?
Brett : see?
Brett : you get it now.
angel_8_black: I just don't want to lose him.... He said he is not going to look for anyone else while he is in Sweden, but I wasn't looking for him, and look what happened?
angel_8_black: thank you so much for talking with me about this... I know I shouldn't even be doing this, but that dream really upset me and you were the only one I had
Brett : you are welcome
Brett : just try not to focus on what you think might be
Brett : focus on what you know that is.
angel_8_black: Those are good words of advice
Brett : I think so, too.
So yeah... there's THAT....
There was this shorter hispanic woman there. You know, the typical short but round... She had an alright face though. She was wearing too much lipstick. Her hair was pulled back loosely with a few fuzzys and curls going astray. She must have been about ... 32...?
anyway, she was talking about getting calls from Alex and how he hadn't called today. This made me suspicious because I guess he was going to call ME today... then it turns out that the last time she talked to him was a day that I hadn't meaning he called her and not me... so, then one of the other girls figured it out and said ~gasp~ "ay, chucha, dos mujeres!" and another one said "el tiene dos mujeres?" so I stopped them there and asked when this woman came into his life and she said "hace casi una semana" (been about a week) to which I replied ... no, then he only has one woman. He hasn't seen me or even kissed me in over a week... this explains why.... and she was sympathetic, but in an "oh, you poor kid" type of way....
hm... I wonder ... Do you think in the end that is what it will boil down to? I mean even though he says repeatedly that the age is not a big deal, do you think ultimately it will cause a rift? That he'll just want someone older who he can relate with more? ... with more "experience"?
I am going to add a brief portion of a conv. I had earlier... feel free to add imput....
Brett : From what you tell me, he is a good man. If so, he will know that it doesn't make much of a difference, that there is just more for him to teach you.
angel_8_black: I know... it is just... he is flippin bat man...
angel_8_black: he is always being invited to going away parties and has "stuff" to do and he never really elaborates.... I mean, I trust him and all, but ok... example
angel_8_black: I was at his house one time and he was finishing up some conversations on msn. I had been there for a little while and we were both hungry so we were going to leave for the corner doughnut place and he just said "tengo que salir" meaning... I have to go. This person didn't even know I was there. He didn't tell them. When we go back, I am sure there was an intimate moment or two, and that person didn't even know he wasn't alone...
angel_8_black: What if.... just what if he has done the same thing to me? He said I am the only person to ever come in that house and that I was the first person to ever be in his bed (he had bought a new one when he came back to the us)
Brett : Well, I've done that before. I was talking with Josh and you came over. You were in the bathroom when I told him I had to go.
Brett : If he has, he doesn't deserve you. But I don't think he has. I can feel it in my gut.
angel_8_black: then why has he been pushing me away so much? Do you think it is just that he is leaving or has he just lost interest and do you think he would even tell me if he found someone else?
Brett : My theory is that he doesn't want you to know just how much he cares. He doesn't even want to know that he cares that much. That way, if YOU found someone while he was away (I'm not saying you would on purpose, but two months is a long time) it wouldn't hurt as badly.
Brett : He would tell you.
angel_8_black: I don't think that theory is correct
angel_8_black: he seems "stronger" than that... I don't think he cares near enough to distance himself as you are talking about. ... Although, in Malibu when I told him that I liked him a lot, he did say "me too" softly and hold me tighter. and when we went into the water we were standing close and holding eachother again and I asked him why it was ok now and not in public (because he gets uncomfortable standing really close to me or being arm in arm in public... he prefers subtle displays of affection...) and he said because he felt at home with me there. That the sea calms him
Brett : yeah, the Malibu journal is what made me theorize the way I did
angel_8_black: sigh...
Brett : what?
angel_8_black: just... he is so hard to figure out
Brett : true, but once you do, the fruit will be all the sweeter
angel_8_black: It is like he is so busy trying to play it cool sometimes, you know, keep calm and collected or even indifferent that he sends me mixed messages
Brett : Yeah, but you'll crack his code
Brett :
angel_8_black: I'm not so sure
angel_8_black: He didn't even leave me a message before he went on this second road trip
Brett : I think he's probably just contemplating how he feels about you, but I don't know.
Brett : Maybe he just needs time to think
Brett : you know?
angel_8_black: the last thing he said to me was
"take care ok
we talk later
bye
Brett : were you chatting with him, or was it an offline message?
angel_8_black: chatting
Brett : hmmm
Brett : It seems as though he was either overwhealmed or in a real hurry
angel_8_black: he was leaving
Brett : that or he had a lot on his mind
Brett : most likely had a lot on his mind
Brett : and he's reserved, right?
angel_8_black: well I HAD just told him that I think I was falling in love with him
angel_8_black: and yes, quite
Brett : /!
Brett : There it is
Brett : My theory now is that he is evaluating the relationship, figuring out whether or not he is falling in love with you too.
Brett : is he a logical guy?
Brett : or is he emotional?
Brett : heh, stupid question...
Brett : He's most likely just stepping back and looking at his situation
Brett : Think of it as if you were him
Brett : you're this calm, reserved guy.
angel_8_black: I would not just shut them out of my life for a week though
Brett : and you are about to go back to Sweden
angel_8_black: NOR would I say there is no possible way they could see me before I went home
Brett : but I'm saying think of it as if you were HIM, not you!
angel_8_black: so that is your final conclusion?
angel_8_black: he has a lot on his plate?
Brett : yeah
Brett : as an aspiring psychologist, I'd say it stems from his teenage years
angel_8_black: or psycho ex wife
Brett : he probably had to deal with something enormous happening alongside a lot of little things
Brett : yeah, whatever time, that's what happened
angel_8_black: (psycho ex wife....)
Brett : and now he feels as if he needs to completely step back and look at the whole thing
angel_8_black: I just wish he would talk to me about it, know?
angel_8_black: I want to be there for him and he knows he can talk to me, he has opened up immensely, but about the past.
Brett : yeah
angel_8_black: The present is what he keeps to himself
Brett : well, give him time to "eat," and he'll come to his senses
angel_8_black: ?
angel_8_black: the full plate?
Brett : si
angel_8_black: he has given himself plenty of time
Brett : it's been what, a week and a half?
Brett : that's barely enough time to step back, much less digest
angel_8_black: no, sweetie, I mean this road trip with no contact with me, then directly after, Sweden
Brett : well, once he finds time to think, he'll come to his senses
Brett : just give it time
angel_8_black: 's all I can do
Brett : exactly
angel_8_black: It just makes me sad
angel_8_black: I feel like a burden now
angel_8_black: something that is just easier to leave behind
Brett : no, no
Brett : he feels that he needs time to himself, to think.
Brett : once he finds it, he can think
Brett : once he thinks it through, he'll realize that he is falling for you.
angel_8_black: don't tease
angel_8_black: and how can you be so sure?
Brett : just trust me, Sian.
Brett : I know people.
Brett : I know how to analyze.
angel_8_black: But you don't know him... (I too know both of those things) ... I mean, when he does seem sharp or cold I know it is because of stress and being overwhelmed and I tell him I understand which makes him quite relieved and he always appologizes for being cold or getting upset or anything like that.
angel_8_black: heh,
angel_8_black: I just gave me my answer
angel_8_black: I was going to type
angel_8_black: "As soon as he has a few minutes alone to cool off, he gets back to himself and tells me he is sorry and is all sweet again ... and comforting and sometimes he even comes to see me...." So I guess this is just a grander scale of that, then.. huh?
Brett : see?
Brett : you get it now.
angel_8_black: I just don't want to lose him.... He said he is not going to look for anyone else while he is in Sweden, but I wasn't looking for him, and look what happened?
angel_8_black: thank you so much for talking with me about this... I know I shouldn't even be doing this, but that dream really upset me and you were the only one I had
Brett : you are welcome
Brett : just try not to focus on what you think might be
Brett : focus on what you know that is.
angel_8_black: Those are good words of advice
Brett : I think so, too.
So yeah... there's THAT....