To: 2 years ago me,
Technically, my last post was two years ago.
The most recent post, was a drunk entry I made months ago, when I was sad and wanting a closure from a special person who now drifted away. It was saved on draft for so long I just recently posted it now. and it feels good, cause I finally got to say my part on that story.
So, to the past me two years ago, I just want to say that after all the challenges and difficulties you've encountered one thing is for sure, that too shall pass. And it's true, that it gets better. Honestly, I'm proud of you, that you waited patiently onto this day, faced all the hardships and fought hard enough against your demons cause look where you are right now? You're in a healthy environment, loved by your friends, and enjoying your life.
You finally passed all your subjects and currently finalizing your requirements for internship, when before you get so overwhelmed and have panic attack every night. You finally found the right school that helps you grow and at the same time fits your study habits. Plus it has an in house review center so it's an advantage in the long run. Soon, Sam, soon, you'll be done with your academics.
You have circle of friends who help you cope up, and give you enough space to heal. From time to time you always got to go out of town, it was fun when it's spontaneous like how you always imagined it. The road trips you had with your friends, where you just want to escape the city, rode a bus and return the morning after. To more out of towns and spontaneous trips. You don't get to beg for someone's attention, you got enough support and you get to do things you enjoy with mutual wanting from your circle of friends.
Your family, especially your mother, though she didn't put much expectations on you, she still believes you can still finish this course, and that you'll graduate. So is your father, who never failed to support you. You've been forgiving to yourself, and went a little more easy. You accepted that although a lot of things don't go according to what you want, you still managed to look past it and sought the positive thought. Your faith in the Lord has been restored and though you may find it hard to believe in some of the teachings, I want you to know that always believe there is a creator above that will help you through thick and thin.
Finally, you found a new fandom, and believe it or not, it is Korean. Something past you two years ago wouldn't thought you'd be enjoying. But guess what, you'll be seeing you faves next week, and it's just the first to more concerts from the new found fandom. Always know, that even though you've moved on from you Japanese Music phase, Hey! Say!JUMP will always remain one of your goals, so is other japanese acts.
I'm so proud of you Sam of the present, past and future. For holding on, fighting, and believing that tomorrow will be a better day. It will get better, just keep holding on. From time to time, your demons would want to pull you down, and it would be hard, but I want you to fight it, remember the good times.
Two years ago Sam, if only you knew it would be better, I wish you didn't shed that much tears. Two years forward Sam, I know it gets better, always remember your roots. I'm happy you got to grow to become who you are today. Self-Love. Always choose yourself, remain kind and forgiving.
BTW, I might convert this account to become an online blog. I don't want to fully abandon it, it's been up for almost a decade and this is where I put out everything, from my life stories, to alternate world stories, to my growth as a person I am today. I am glad I have an outlet like this where I can share my thoughts with no judgement cause this is my safe space.
The most recent post, was a drunk entry I made months ago, when I was sad and wanting a closure from a special person who now drifted away. It was saved on draft for so long I just recently posted it now. and it feels good, cause I finally got to say my part on that story.
So, to the past me two years ago, I just want to say that after all the challenges and difficulties you've encountered one thing is for sure, that too shall pass. And it's true, that it gets better. Honestly, I'm proud of you, that you waited patiently onto this day, faced all the hardships and fought hard enough against your demons cause look where you are right now? You're in a healthy environment, loved by your friends, and enjoying your life.
You finally passed all your subjects and currently finalizing your requirements for internship, when before you get so overwhelmed and have panic attack every night. You finally found the right school that helps you grow and at the same time fits your study habits. Plus it has an in house review center so it's an advantage in the long run. Soon, Sam, soon, you'll be done with your academics.
You have circle of friends who help you cope up, and give you enough space to heal. From time to time you always got to go out of town, it was fun when it's spontaneous like how you always imagined it. The road trips you had with your friends, where you just want to escape the city, rode a bus and return the morning after. To more out of towns and spontaneous trips. You don't get to beg for someone's attention, you got enough support and you get to do things you enjoy with mutual wanting from your circle of friends.
Your family, especially your mother, though she didn't put much expectations on you, she still believes you can still finish this course, and that you'll graduate. So is your father, who never failed to support you. You've been forgiving to yourself, and went a little more easy. You accepted that although a lot of things don't go according to what you want, you still managed to look past it and sought the positive thought. Your faith in the Lord has been restored and though you may find it hard to believe in some of the teachings, I want you to know that always believe there is a creator above that will help you through thick and thin.
Finally, you found a new fandom, and believe it or not, it is Korean. Something past you two years ago wouldn't thought you'd be enjoying. But guess what, you'll be seeing you faves next week, and it's just the first to more concerts from the new found fandom. Always know, that even though you've moved on from you Japanese Music phase, Hey! Say!JUMP will always remain one of your goals, so is other japanese acts.
I'm so proud of you Sam of the present, past and future. For holding on, fighting, and believing that tomorrow will be a better day. It will get better, just keep holding on. From time to time, your demons would want to pull you down, and it would be hard, but I want you to fight it, remember the good times.
Two years ago Sam, if only you knew it would be better, I wish you didn't shed that much tears. Two years forward Sam, I know it gets better, always remember your roots. I'm happy you got to grow to become who you are today. Self-Love. Always choose yourself, remain kind and forgiving.
BTW, I might convert this account to become an online blog. I don't want to fully abandon it, it's been up for almost a decade and this is where I put out everything, from my life stories, to alternate world stories, to my growth as a person I am today. I am glad I have an outlet like this where I can share my thoughts with no judgement cause this is my safe space.