Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
Chapter Three
Chapter Wordcount: 2460
Jensen eyed the mint green and brick red building in confusion, double checking the address he had scribbled down from online for the American Backpacker's Hostel.
Certainly this rundown building couldn’t be where she was staying…could it?
The door squeaked as he swung it open and stepped inside.
“Hello?” he asked tentatively, slipping the scrap of paper back in his pocket, not seeing any sort of check in desk or anything.
He heard some talking and walked slowly to the doorway. There were a couple guys eating what looked to be breakfast over in a booth.
“Hey man, you lookin’ to check in? Cindy just took the garbage out, she’ll be right back.”
“Uh…no,” Jensen said slowly, quickly taking in the small kitchen, eyeing the cabinets that didn’t quite close right and the stove that looked as old as him. “Um…actually I’m looking for somebody…name’s Tareena.”
“Oh Monte! Uh yea sure, just head on down the hall, second door on the left.”
“Thanks,” Jensen smiled uneasily and turned to go the way the guy had pointed.
He politely smiled at a couple of the people he passed, trying to not let the down in the dumps feel of the place bother him.
His mom would have a field day in this place. Scrubbing and shellacking the floor, painting the walls, picking out curtains. The place sure could use it.
Sure enough two doors down and he found her folding some clothes and rearranging her duffle bag, standing by a plain black metal frame bunk bed.
He knocked twice on the door, glancing over at the other girl in the room reading a magazine on the other set of beds.
“You’re not leaving are you?” he asked quietly.
Tareena’s eyes shot up in surprise and the jeans she had been so carefully folding got rolled and shoved in her bag.
“Jensen…” she shot a look over at her roommate, who was eyeing them both, “I’ll be right back Kate,” she smiled shoving her bag in a locker, slamming it shut and grabbed Jensen’s elbow, pulling him down the hall into the small rec room with a pool table that had definitely seen better days.
“What are you doing here?” she hissed, trying to keep her voice down.
He fixed her with a stunned expression. “What do you mean what am I doing here? The way you took off last night, you freaked me out, I wanted to see if you were alright. I’m kinda wondering about that,” he said, throwing a pointed glance around the room.
“Don’t. I’m fine.”
“Really?”
“Yes,” she said, crossing her arms and trying to dial down the bitchy tone she had been spitting at him. “I just…I didn’t feel good last night.”
“I think that’s bullshit,” he said, crossing his arms too.
“Just…what do you want Jensen?” she asked, letting her arms fall to her sides again.
“Why did you leave?” he asked, seeing someone walk by the door and glance in on them.
Tareena stepped over and shut the door quietly. “I couldn’t…I just couldn’t stay there,” she said quietly.
“At Gotham? Why?”
She laughed cynically, “Because if you and Jared hadn’t have taken me there I never would have stepped foot in that joint.”
“What does that mean?” he asked, brow drawing down.
“I couldn’t afford the appetizers let alone the dinners!” she said.
“So? Me and Jared were gonna get the tab…”
“That’s not the point!” she said, cutting him off. “Don’t you see?” she asked, motioning to the room around them. “This, is what I can afford, hostels and fast food joints, not restaurants where a plate of food costs more than it takes to fill up my car!”
His face fell, finally understanding that she had been uncomfortable the night before.
“Look…I’m sorry, I didn’t think about it. That…that wasn’t, normal, for you,” he stumbled.
“Don’t,” she stopped him. “You don’t have to think about that Jensen, you were trying to do something nice, and I appreciate it I really do. This trip was a dream of mine and the fact that I got to meet you guys, let alone hang out all day, you just…you don’t even know what that means. But…” she sighed.
“What?” he asked quietly.
“As much as you’re still a hometown Texas boy and not a Hollywood whore, which I love about you…it just…it hits me sometimes, how different we really are. We’re from two different worlds. I don’t belong in yours, I never have.”
“Tareena…”
“Just…just don’t,” she said quietly.
“If you know half as much about me as I think you do,” he laughed nervously, “Than you know I’m not exactly a fan-friendly guy. Don’t get me wrong, I love you guys, but ya’ll scare me.”
She smirked.
He sighed, “And yet, I felt…comfortable around you…and the fact that I tracked your butt all the way back here just to check on you should mean something.”
She tried to say something back, the words getting lodged against the lump in her throat. “It does,” she finally forced out quietly.
“Come back to set with me…please.”
“Jensen…”
“Please?” he asked again.
“Oh don’t give me that look,” she groaned, crossing her arms and looking away before turning back to him.
He grinned, but stuck his lip out in a comical pout.
“Please?”
“I hate you,” she smiled.
“Hey! You’re back!” Jared grinned, jogging over and pulling her into a hug before yanking back to hold her at arms length. “Are you okay?”
She smiled, “Yea, I’m fine. Just had a bit of an upset stomach.”
“Okay, good. I mean, not good, but you scared us last night.”
“Yea, sorry ‘bout that,” she grinned.
“Jared get your ass back over here!” one of the PAs called and Tareena laughed pushing him as he went running back to where he was supposed to be.
“What?” she asked, turning to Jensen who was just staring at her with this look on his face.
“Upset stomach huh?”
“Yea…what? You think you’re the only one who can act?” she smiled sarcastically, walking away before he could say anything back.
Jensen managed to pull her away from filming when Jared was shooting one of his scenes and he had some downtime.
“Come on,” he said leading his way to his trailer.
“So what?” he asked as soon as the door was closed. “You’re just gonna pretend like nothing happened? Like none of this bothers you?”
“Excuse me?”
“You ran out on us last night and then you act all fine today.”
“First off you asked me to come back. You came and got me at the hostel so drop the attitude. And second of all yea, I am gonna act fine. Because you know what? That’s a hell of a lot safer than freaking the fuck out like I am inside.”
“Look, I went and got you ‘cause I was worried about you, and you know what? Maybe I had fun hanging out yesterday with someone other than Jared. But I know this shit is bothering you and sorry if I’m a little concerned that you’re just sweeping everything under the rug!”
“Don’t you dare,” she hissed. “Don’t you dare try to tell me how to deal with my issues. You don’t know shit about me. I’m just some stray you picked up and decided to feed for a couple weeks.”
“You are not!” he growled. “I get that this kind of thing makes you uncomfortable okay? I get that you’re not used to the lights and glam…”
“Do you?” she said softly.
“What?”
“Do you know what it’s like? What it’s like to beg your Mom at thirteen years old for a work permit so you can help pay the bills and hopefully keep the house from foreclosure?” she said, voice breaking.
“You know what it’s like to roll coins so you can buy a gallon of milk? Eat hotdogs for dinner? Do you know what it’s like to have your Dad quit his job on a Friday and you break your arm on Monday with no insurance and no way to pay the medical bills? Or how about working two jobs while you’re still in high school? Having a brother that you haven’t seen in years because he wants nothing to do with your family? Or maybe…maybe you know how it feels when your Mom gets diagnosed with cancer and you have to fight Medicaid every month to get her chemo ‘cause you’re barely surviving on your Dad’s disability check as it is.”
Jensen swallowed hard, shoulders slumping as her eyes glazed over with tears.
“Or how about Medicaid threatening to cut of your Mom’s aid because you’re still living in the house with them and you actually have a job? And just maybe you know what it feels like to have to have your sister pay the funeral home just to get your Mom’s ashes because you can’t fucking afford it. Or having your Dad tell you when he’s in a goddamned hospital bed that he would have just given up if you weren’t around.
“Right Jensen, you so understand where I’m coming from.”
There was an uncomfortable beat of silence before Jensen managed to locate his voice somewhere in the vicinity of his knees and hauled it back up to his throat.
“God…I didn’t…I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” he rumbled, voice soft as she looked away from him, blinking back the tears she refused to let fall.
“No, you didn’t,” she said meeting his eyes again. “Why do you think I like Dean so much?” she whispered.
“The car, the music, the clothes…that’s me, sure, but…the way he takes care of his family, shoulders every goddamned thing,” she said softly, voice breaking.
At that moment Jensen understood. She might have been a fan and she might have enjoyed the fight scenes and the slick car, hard rock and two pretty boys that played the leads but it went way deeper than that for her. And it was the first time he was face to face with the fact that what he did meant so much more to somebody than just an hour of entertainment on TV.
“Look, I’m sorry,” he said softly, crossing the trailer to stand next to her. “I didn’t know. This hasn’t always been my life, I mean, my parents were hardly loaded, but you’re right, I have no idea where you came from and I had no right to say that.”
She smiled cynically, “You don’t have to apologize. You guys have been nothing but nice to me since I’ve been here, god…I can’t believe I just snapped at you like that,” she mumbled, covering her face with her hand.
Jensen chuckled beside her and nudged her shoulder with his own.
“I kinda deserved it.”
She laughed and dropped her hand and Jensen could feel the air lighten around them a little bit.
“We okay?” he asked hesitantly.
She chuckled, “Are you kidding me? You could kill a puppy and we’d be okay.”
“Good to know,” he laughed.
“I didn’t come all this way to meet Dean…or even Jensen, the guy who has a house in LA and his own TV show,” she said quietly, causing him to turn and look at her in confusion. “I wanted to meet Jensen, the guy who grew up in Texas. The guy who loves his Mom and used to help his Dad learn his lines,” she grinned, voice going soft, still staring at where his laptop sat on the table across from them.
“That’s who you met,” he said softly, giving her a small smirk when she turned to look at him. “I think maybe that’s why I feel comfortable with you. You don’t treat me like a celebrity. I just…I feel like I’m just a guy back home hanging with his buddies.”
“Promise me something,” she said, holding his eyes.
“Anything,” he whispered, trapped in her gaze.
“Promise me…you’ll never forget how lucky you are,” she finished quietly, eyes glazing over with tears again.
Jensen swallowed hard, turning and pulling her into a hug.
“I promise,” he mumbled into her hair, holding her against his chest.
“Can you do me a favor though?” he asked, pulling back enough to look at her.
“What?” she asked, brow drawing down in confusion.
“Let me pay to get you a hotel room.”
“No,” she said, cutting him off.
“Come on, you could have your own room, own bathroom…”
“No Jensen,” she said again, holding his eyes when his jaw snapped shut.
“My whole life I’ve had to depend on handouts, even when I didn’t want to. My brother was sending me money every month for years after I was out of high school. This trip was for me. I did this, by myself and I’m not about to start leeching off of you.”
“It’s not leeching…”
“No,” she said soft but firm.
He sighed, “Alright.”
“But can I at least like…take you to dinner or something?”
Her eyebrow arched and he had to bite back a laugh at the Dean look she shot him.
“Because that went so well last time.”
He did laugh at that, “No, no more Gotham, like…McDonald’s or something. There’s this awesome little pizza place downtown, their large is like six bucks!” he rushed to say when she opened her mouth to cut him off. “I’m not letting you leave Vancouver ‘til you see Jared devour a pizza by himself.”
She laughed. “Alright, fine.”
Jensen smiled back, turning when an assistant director knocked on the door, letting him know they were going to need him back on set in another twenty minutes.
“You want a beer?” he asked, heading over to the small refrigerator after the AD had left.
“Sure,” she grinned, reaching out just to have him pull the bottle back from her reach.
“Wait…you are legal right?”
She arched her brow again at him. “Yes.”
“What year were you born?” he asked, smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“’87 Not that it’s any of your business,” she grinned back, snatching the bottle from his hand.
“Damn.”
“What?”
“I just didn’t think there was like ten years between us.”
“Nine.”
“Oh, nine, sorry.”
“Shut up,” she grinned, throwing her bottle cap at his head.
“Geez, you’re just a kid!” he grinned, faltering when she didn’t smile back.
“Kinda not,” she said softly.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said quietly, pulling her into another hug.
“I know,” she sighed.
“Sorry baby girl,” he grinned, kissing her quick on the tip of her nose before busting out laughing and bolting for the door.
“Oh you bastard!” she yelled, as she jumped off the steps of his trailer and ran after him.
Chapter Notes:
Again, The American Backpacker's Hostel is real, and probably not half as crappy as I make it out to be in my fic, it's probably really cool, it sure looks like a fun place to stay...so no offense to them
All that shit she spit out at Jensen...yea, real *shrugs*
Previous: Chapter Two | Next: Chapter Four
Chapter Three
Chapter Wordcount: 2460
Jensen eyed the mint green and brick red building in confusion, double checking the address he had scribbled down from online for the American Backpacker's Hostel.
Certainly this rundown building couldn’t be where she was staying…could it?
The door squeaked as he swung it open and stepped inside.
“Hello?” he asked tentatively, slipping the scrap of paper back in his pocket, not seeing any sort of check in desk or anything.
He heard some talking and walked slowly to the doorway. There were a couple guys eating what looked to be breakfast over in a booth.
“Hey man, you lookin’ to check in? Cindy just took the garbage out, she’ll be right back.”
“Uh…no,” Jensen said slowly, quickly taking in the small kitchen, eyeing the cabinets that didn’t quite close right and the stove that looked as old as him. “Um…actually I’m looking for somebody…name’s Tareena.”
“Oh Monte! Uh yea sure, just head on down the hall, second door on the left.”
“Thanks,” Jensen smiled uneasily and turned to go the way the guy had pointed.
He politely smiled at a couple of the people he passed, trying to not let the down in the dumps feel of the place bother him.
His mom would have a field day in this place. Scrubbing and shellacking the floor, painting the walls, picking out curtains. The place sure could use it.
Sure enough two doors down and he found her folding some clothes and rearranging her duffle bag, standing by a plain black metal frame bunk bed.
He knocked twice on the door, glancing over at the other girl in the room reading a magazine on the other set of beds.
“You’re not leaving are you?” he asked quietly.
Tareena’s eyes shot up in surprise and the jeans she had been so carefully folding got rolled and shoved in her bag.
“Jensen…” she shot a look over at her roommate, who was eyeing them both, “I’ll be right back Kate,” she smiled shoving her bag in a locker, slamming it shut and grabbed Jensen’s elbow, pulling him down the hall into the small rec room with a pool table that had definitely seen better days.
“What are you doing here?” she hissed, trying to keep her voice down.
He fixed her with a stunned expression. “What do you mean what am I doing here? The way you took off last night, you freaked me out, I wanted to see if you were alright. I’m kinda wondering about that,” he said, throwing a pointed glance around the room.
“Don’t. I’m fine.”
“Really?”
“Yes,” she said, crossing her arms and trying to dial down the bitchy tone she had been spitting at him. “I just…I didn’t feel good last night.”
“I think that’s bullshit,” he said, crossing his arms too.
“Just…what do you want Jensen?” she asked, letting her arms fall to her sides again.
“Why did you leave?” he asked, seeing someone walk by the door and glance in on them.
Tareena stepped over and shut the door quietly. “I couldn’t…I just couldn’t stay there,” she said quietly.
“At Gotham? Why?”
She laughed cynically, “Because if you and Jared hadn’t have taken me there I never would have stepped foot in that joint.”
“What does that mean?” he asked, brow drawing down.
“I couldn’t afford the appetizers let alone the dinners!” she said.
“So? Me and Jared were gonna get the tab…”
“That’s not the point!” she said, cutting him off. “Don’t you see?” she asked, motioning to the room around them. “This, is what I can afford, hostels and fast food joints, not restaurants where a plate of food costs more than it takes to fill up my car!”
His face fell, finally understanding that she had been uncomfortable the night before.
“Look…I’m sorry, I didn’t think about it. That…that wasn’t, normal, for you,” he stumbled.
“Don’t,” she stopped him. “You don’t have to think about that Jensen, you were trying to do something nice, and I appreciate it I really do. This trip was a dream of mine and the fact that I got to meet you guys, let alone hang out all day, you just…you don’t even know what that means. But…” she sighed.
“What?” he asked quietly.
“As much as you’re still a hometown Texas boy and not a Hollywood whore, which I love about you…it just…it hits me sometimes, how different we really are. We’re from two different worlds. I don’t belong in yours, I never have.”
“Tareena…”
“Just…just don’t,” she said quietly.
“If you know half as much about me as I think you do,” he laughed nervously, “Than you know I’m not exactly a fan-friendly guy. Don’t get me wrong, I love you guys, but ya’ll scare me.”
She smirked.
He sighed, “And yet, I felt…comfortable around you…and the fact that I tracked your butt all the way back here just to check on you should mean something.”
She tried to say something back, the words getting lodged against the lump in her throat. “It does,” she finally forced out quietly.
“Come back to set with me…please.”
“Jensen…”
“Please?” he asked again.
“Oh don’t give me that look,” she groaned, crossing her arms and looking away before turning back to him.
He grinned, but stuck his lip out in a comical pout.
“Please?”
“I hate you,” she smiled.
“Hey! You’re back!” Jared grinned, jogging over and pulling her into a hug before yanking back to hold her at arms length. “Are you okay?”
She smiled, “Yea, I’m fine. Just had a bit of an upset stomach.”
“Okay, good. I mean, not good, but you scared us last night.”
“Yea, sorry ‘bout that,” she grinned.
“Jared get your ass back over here!” one of the PAs called and Tareena laughed pushing him as he went running back to where he was supposed to be.
“What?” she asked, turning to Jensen who was just staring at her with this look on his face.
“Upset stomach huh?”
“Yea…what? You think you’re the only one who can act?” she smiled sarcastically, walking away before he could say anything back.
Jensen managed to pull her away from filming when Jared was shooting one of his scenes and he had some downtime.
“Come on,” he said leading his way to his trailer.
“So what?” he asked as soon as the door was closed. “You’re just gonna pretend like nothing happened? Like none of this bothers you?”
“Excuse me?”
“You ran out on us last night and then you act all fine today.”
“First off you asked me to come back. You came and got me at the hostel so drop the attitude. And second of all yea, I am gonna act fine. Because you know what? That’s a hell of a lot safer than freaking the fuck out like I am inside.”
“Look, I went and got you ‘cause I was worried about you, and you know what? Maybe I had fun hanging out yesterday with someone other than Jared. But I know this shit is bothering you and sorry if I’m a little concerned that you’re just sweeping everything under the rug!”
“Don’t you dare,” she hissed. “Don’t you dare try to tell me how to deal with my issues. You don’t know shit about me. I’m just some stray you picked up and decided to feed for a couple weeks.”
“You are not!” he growled. “I get that this kind of thing makes you uncomfortable okay? I get that you’re not used to the lights and glam…”
“Do you?” she said softly.
“What?”
“Do you know what it’s like? What it’s like to beg your Mom at thirteen years old for a work permit so you can help pay the bills and hopefully keep the house from foreclosure?” she said, voice breaking.
“You know what it’s like to roll coins so you can buy a gallon of milk? Eat hotdogs for dinner? Do you know what it’s like to have your Dad quit his job on a Friday and you break your arm on Monday with no insurance and no way to pay the medical bills? Or how about working two jobs while you’re still in high school? Having a brother that you haven’t seen in years because he wants nothing to do with your family? Or maybe…maybe you know how it feels when your Mom gets diagnosed with cancer and you have to fight Medicaid every month to get her chemo ‘cause you’re barely surviving on your Dad’s disability check as it is.”
Jensen swallowed hard, shoulders slumping as her eyes glazed over with tears.
“Or how about Medicaid threatening to cut of your Mom’s aid because you’re still living in the house with them and you actually have a job? And just maybe you know what it feels like to have to have your sister pay the funeral home just to get your Mom’s ashes because you can’t fucking afford it. Or having your Dad tell you when he’s in a goddamned hospital bed that he would have just given up if you weren’t around.
“Right Jensen, you so understand where I’m coming from.”
There was an uncomfortable beat of silence before Jensen managed to locate his voice somewhere in the vicinity of his knees and hauled it back up to his throat.
“God…I didn’t…I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” he rumbled, voice soft as she looked away from him, blinking back the tears she refused to let fall.
“No, you didn’t,” she said meeting his eyes again. “Why do you think I like Dean so much?” she whispered.
“The car, the music, the clothes…that’s me, sure, but…the way he takes care of his family, shoulders every goddamned thing,” she said softly, voice breaking.
At that moment Jensen understood. She might have been a fan and she might have enjoyed the fight scenes and the slick car, hard rock and two pretty boys that played the leads but it went way deeper than that for her. And it was the first time he was face to face with the fact that what he did meant so much more to somebody than just an hour of entertainment on TV.
“Look, I’m sorry,” he said softly, crossing the trailer to stand next to her. “I didn’t know. This hasn’t always been my life, I mean, my parents were hardly loaded, but you’re right, I have no idea where you came from and I had no right to say that.”
She smiled cynically, “You don’t have to apologize. You guys have been nothing but nice to me since I’ve been here, god…I can’t believe I just snapped at you like that,” she mumbled, covering her face with her hand.
Jensen chuckled beside her and nudged her shoulder with his own.
“I kinda deserved it.”
She laughed and dropped her hand and Jensen could feel the air lighten around them a little bit.
“We okay?” he asked hesitantly.
She chuckled, “Are you kidding me? You could kill a puppy and we’d be okay.”
“Good to know,” he laughed.
“I didn’t come all this way to meet Dean…or even Jensen, the guy who has a house in LA and his own TV show,” she said quietly, causing him to turn and look at her in confusion. “I wanted to meet Jensen, the guy who grew up in Texas. The guy who loves his Mom and used to help his Dad learn his lines,” she grinned, voice going soft, still staring at where his laptop sat on the table across from them.
“That’s who you met,” he said softly, giving her a small smirk when she turned to look at him. “I think maybe that’s why I feel comfortable with you. You don’t treat me like a celebrity. I just…I feel like I’m just a guy back home hanging with his buddies.”
“Promise me something,” she said, holding his eyes.
“Anything,” he whispered, trapped in her gaze.
“Promise me…you’ll never forget how lucky you are,” she finished quietly, eyes glazing over with tears again.
Jensen swallowed hard, turning and pulling her into a hug.
“I promise,” he mumbled into her hair, holding her against his chest.
“Can you do me a favor though?” he asked, pulling back enough to look at her.
“What?” she asked, brow drawing down in confusion.
“Let me pay to get you a hotel room.”
“No,” she said, cutting him off.
“Come on, you could have your own room, own bathroom…”
“No Jensen,” she said again, holding his eyes when his jaw snapped shut.
“My whole life I’ve had to depend on handouts, even when I didn’t want to. My brother was sending me money every month for years after I was out of high school. This trip was for me. I did this, by myself and I’m not about to start leeching off of you.”
“It’s not leeching…”
“No,” she said soft but firm.
He sighed, “Alright.”
“But can I at least like…take you to dinner or something?”
Her eyebrow arched and he had to bite back a laugh at the Dean look she shot him.
“Because that went so well last time.”
He did laugh at that, “No, no more Gotham, like…McDonald’s or something. There’s this awesome little pizza place downtown, their large is like six bucks!” he rushed to say when she opened her mouth to cut him off. “I’m not letting you leave Vancouver ‘til you see Jared devour a pizza by himself.”
She laughed. “Alright, fine.”
Jensen smiled back, turning when an assistant director knocked on the door, letting him know they were going to need him back on set in another twenty minutes.
“You want a beer?” he asked, heading over to the small refrigerator after the AD had left.
“Sure,” she grinned, reaching out just to have him pull the bottle back from her reach.
“Wait…you are legal right?”
She arched her brow again at him. “Yes.”
“What year were you born?” he asked, smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“’87 Not that it’s any of your business,” she grinned back, snatching the bottle from his hand.
“Damn.”
“What?”
“I just didn’t think there was like ten years between us.”
“Nine.”
“Oh, nine, sorry.”
“Shut up,” she grinned, throwing her bottle cap at his head.
“Geez, you’re just a kid!” he grinned, faltering when she didn’t smile back.
“Kinda not,” she said softly.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said quietly, pulling her into another hug.
“I know,” she sighed.
“Sorry baby girl,” he grinned, kissing her quick on the tip of her nose before busting out laughing and bolting for the door.
“Oh you bastard!” she yelled, as she jumped off the steps of his trailer and ran after him.
Chapter Notes:
Again, The American Backpacker's Hostel is real, and probably not half as crappy as I make it out to be in my fic, it's probably really cool, it sure looks like a fun place to stay...so no offense to them
All that shit she spit out at Jensen...yea, real *shrugs*
Previous: Chapter Two | Next: Chapter Four