Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
Chapter Eight
Chapter Wordcount: 2088
Jensen cracked his eyes open, squinting at the news on TV before reaching out to grab his glasses off the coffee table.
“Hey,” he smiled, voice gravel rough from sleep as he padded over to the kitchen, scratching his stomach.
“Mornin,’” Tareena smiled, flipping the grilled cheese she was making.
“Oh please god tell me that’s your famous grilled cheese and bacon,” he groaned, coming up behind her and looping his arms around her neck, resting his chin on the top of her head.
“I don’t know about famous, but it is grilled cheese and bacon,” she grinned.
“Awesome,” he moaned.
She laughed, shoving an elbow into his stomach.
“Wanna make some eggs?” she asked, buttering up some more bread for the next sandwich.
“Sure,” he grinned, walking over to the fridge.
“Look, I wanna apologize…” he started, fork idly dragging through the goopy yolk of his egg. “I mean, I shouldn’t have called you like that, asked you to come with no heads up.”
“Oh my god shut up,” she smirked, when he looked at her wide eyed.
“A., you know I don’t care, I’m glad you called me. I would have kicked your ass and Jared’s, if you hadn’t have told me. And B., don’t you dare apologize for that or I may kick your ass anyways.”
He smirked, looking back down at his plate where the tines of his fork were dragging four little perfect lines of yellow across the china.
“Thanks.”
“No problem,” she grinned.
“So…umm,” he sighed, still messing with his egg. “How long can you stay?”
She swallowed the mouthful of milk she had and set her glass back down.
“As long as you need me to.”
“Well…I mean, don’t you have to go back to work?” he asked, looking up in confusion.
“Nope,” she said, cutting into the white of her own egg with the side of her fork.
“Nope?” he asked, eyebrows shooting high. “Mind explaining?”
“I quit,” she said, spearing the milky white piece with her fork and shoving it in her mouth, looking up at him as if she had said that that sun was out.
His fork dropped, clinking against his plate.
“Excuse me?” he squawked, voice breaking.
“I quit,” she shrugged.
“Tareena…I didn’t, god I didn’t want you…”
“Stop,” she said, holding up her hand. “Just stop. I had been planning on quitting anyways. They had my notice, I was just waiting until I found somewhere else. And when you called…” she sighed, “You scared the crap out of me Jensen,” she said softly.
He dropped his gaze back to his plate and swallowed hard.
“So I called ‘em up, told ‘em I had an emergency and I quit. I’m here for as long as you need me to be…and don’t you dare start brooding about it,” she said, pointing her fork at him.
“I can’t believe you’d do that…I mean, god,” he whispered.
She looked back up at him and held his eyes. “I’d die for you Jensen, in a goddamned heartbeat and you know it, quitting my job was a cakewalk.”
He swallowed hard, knowing she meant it but smirked at her. “Thanks.”
“You thank me one more time and I’m gonna…”
“I know, I know, kick my ass,” he grinned.
She smiled.
They had Monday off, some Canadian holiday. Someone did stop by though, dropping off the script for that week.
Tareena had been in the shower when it showed up and came out, pair of jeans and a t-shirt whose back was being soaked by her wet hair, to see Jensen sitting on the couch flipping through the stapled pages.
“What’s that?” she asked, running a towel over her hair.
“This week’s script.”
She nodded, walked back to the small utility room and threw her towel into the hamper. Grabbing a couple beers from the fridge before curling up in the corner of the couch, shoving her toes under Jensen’s thigh.
She was idly flipping through the menu on the TV, volume down low when Jensen hissed beside her.
“Shit.”
“What?” she asked, sitting up when he tossed the paper onto the coffee table in disgust and hung his head in his hands.
“Jen…”
He waved his hand towards the mess of papers and she slid over to the coffee table, sitting on the wood to reach over and grab where the script pages had landed.
She watched him out of the corner of her eye, his head still hung, before straightening out the jumbled papers and flipping through, scanning the words to try to find what had set Jensen off.
She sighed when she found it. A scene that was guaranteed to be hard. Not the kind where he got slammed into a wall. But the kind that made him sit in a corner by himself to get ready for.
The kind that made him sit in a corner by himself to recover from.
Which was something he definitely could have done without seeing as he was still upset over the break up. He had been pretty good at covering it with false smiles and jokes but she could still tell. He still let her see, when it got tough for him. The fact that he had come out and asked her if she would sleep in his room with him instead of the guest bedroom being more than enough proof.
When he did that she was really tempted to call up the airport and book the red-eye to LA so she could kick that bitch’s ass, whether Jensen wanted to her not.
“You want me to talk to Kim?” she asked quietly, flipping the pages closed and setting it off to the side.
Jensen looked up, eyes fixed on the papers.
“No, we gotta film it.”
“If you don’t want to they can shove it Jensen…”
“No, no,” he said, reaching out to rub his hand across her knee and smirked at her. “Thanks, but, no, I’ll…I’ll deal.”
“Jen…”
“It’s okay,” he mumbled, and she knew that was the end of the conversation. This was his job, a job he was very lucky to have. Very few in Hollywood ever got to be a part of something as special as ‘Supernatural’ and he wasn’t about to let his personal problems get in the middle of that.
“You want me to be there?” she said quietly, placing her hand over his where it was still on her knee.
He nodded, staring at their hands.
She sighed and pulled him forward, arms wrapping around his shoulders when he buried his face in her neck, fingers curling into the back of her t-shirt, still wet from her hair.
The scene did take a lot out of him. Tareena had actually pulled Kim aside and asked him to cut it down as much as he could. Knowing Jensen, not wanting to air his personal problems, was going to try to suck it up and deal.
Kim was more than happy to help of course, adjusting his camera shots a little so that he could have two or three running at a time and get it done quicker.
Even with that Jensen still stalked off as soon as Kim yelled ‘check the gate.’
Tareena had been standing off to the side and Jared came over to her when the shot was over, wondering if he should go over or give Jensen his space.
Jensen stopped towards the edge of set, off on the side where no one was bustling around and looked up long enough to meet Tareena’s eyes before looking away again.
She sighed and went walking over to him, not saying a word when he turned into her, crushing her against him.
Jared gave them a couple minutes, slowly making his way over to them. Jensen huffed out a laugh, letting Jared pull him into a hug when he looked at him with wide worried eyes.
“I’m okay,” he said, pulling in a deep breath, “I’ll be okay…thanks guys,” he smiled, Tareena’s fingers threaded in his and Jared’s hand warm on his back.
Wednesday morning Jensen got himself a plate at lunch and sat down at the picnic bench under the tents at craft services across from Jared.
He laughed and shook his head at Jared who had two plates in front of him.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he laughed, stabbing his fork into the baked potato on his plate.
He looked over to the side. Tareena was over towards the trailers, sitting on the tailgate of a pickup, legs dangling over the end and talking on the phone, checking in back home.
Jared laughed, shaking his head at Jensen.
“What?” he asked, head snapping back around to stare at Jared.
“Nothing,” he grinned. “Just you.”
“What about me?”
“You and her,” Jared grinned, waving his fork over at Tareena.
“What?”
“Are you serious?”
“Dude, what?”
“Can’t you see?”
“Jared, if you don’t friggin’ tell me whatever it is you…”
“I just don’t know why you don’t get it over with and ask her out.”
“What?!” he squawked, voice breaking. “Dude! She’s my friend!”
“Uh huh,” Jared grinned, shoving a piece of chicken into his mouth.
“Me and you are friends Jensen, you and her…are more than that.”
“Riiight,” Jensen drawled, shooting Jared a look before spearing his fork into his potato again.
“Dude, seriously. When everything crashed down, who did you call? Her.”
“I called you first,” Jensen shot back.
Jared nodded and smiled. “Yea, but you needed her. And she turned around, dropped everything and flew 4000 miles to be with you.
“You know damn well how she feels about you.”
“She’s never hidden that,” Jensen mumbled. That was one of the many reasons they had become as good of friends as they had, she had never hidden how much he meant to her. Never tried to pretend it was anything other than what it was.
Jared nodded, still packing away his food. “My point exactly. You know how she feels. I just can’t believe you keep lying to yourself about how you feel.”
“Dude, you’re cracked. She’s my friend.”
“Uh huh and friends call each other everyday.”
“I talk to you every day!” Jensen shot back, food long forgotten.
“You work with me everyday, it’s kinda mandatory. Jensen, you talked to her more than you ever talked to your girlfriend,” he said quietly, trying to get his point across but not wanting to pour salt into the still fresh break up wound. “You call her ‘baby girl’ for Christ’s sake,” he laughed.
“I mean hell man, you sleep with her.”
“I don’t…I mean, it’s not like I’ve…slept with her!” Jensen hissed. “And ‘baby girl’s a nickname!”
Jared shook his head and laughed, taking a sip of his soda when he started to choke on his food.
“Dude that’s not what I meant,” he grinned. “But seriously, you guys sleep in the same bed, I mean come on.”
“I’ve slept in the same bed with you!” Jensen shot back, trying to stop his stomach from the free fall it was deciding to put itself in.
“Yea,” Jared laughed, “But I never woke up in your arms dude,” he grinned.
Jensen couldn’t tell whether his face had gone pale or flushed red, but judging by the way his body was burning up from the inside out he would bet on the latter.
“Look, I’m not trying to rib on you man. My point is, you guys have more than you let on. She knows it, she’s always known it and I don’t understand why you keep lying to yourself about it.”
Jensen’s mouth worked, trying to come up with something to say.
“Just…just think about it man. I mean, you gotta be careful. You guys are friends and add in the fact of the way she feels about you and that this is not something you wanna fuck up. I know you Jensen, I know you don’t wanna fuck this up, I know how much she means to you whether you want to admit it yourself of not. Just…just think about it,” he said, picking up his empty plates and walking off.
Jensen sat there, staring into space for a minute before he snapped his jaw shut.
He turned to look over at Tareena, his stomach dropping and his throat going tight when she laughed at whoever was on the phone.
He snapped his head back around to stare at the food on his plate, pushing it away when he suddenly lost his appetite.
Chapter Notes:
I make the best grilled cheese and bacon EVA! *whoo*
Previous: Chapter Seven | Next: Chapter Nine
Chapter Eight
Chapter Wordcount: 2088
Jensen cracked his eyes open, squinting at the news on TV before reaching out to grab his glasses off the coffee table.
“Hey,” he smiled, voice gravel rough from sleep as he padded over to the kitchen, scratching his stomach.
“Mornin,’” Tareena smiled, flipping the grilled cheese she was making.
“Oh please god tell me that’s your famous grilled cheese and bacon,” he groaned, coming up behind her and looping his arms around her neck, resting his chin on the top of her head.
“I don’t know about famous, but it is grilled cheese and bacon,” she grinned.
“Awesome,” he moaned.
She laughed, shoving an elbow into his stomach.
“Wanna make some eggs?” she asked, buttering up some more bread for the next sandwich.
“Sure,” he grinned, walking over to the fridge.
“Look, I wanna apologize…” he started, fork idly dragging through the goopy yolk of his egg. “I mean, I shouldn’t have called you like that, asked you to come with no heads up.”
“Oh my god shut up,” she smirked, when he looked at her wide eyed.
“A., you know I don’t care, I’m glad you called me. I would have kicked your ass and Jared’s, if you hadn’t have told me. And B., don’t you dare apologize for that or I may kick your ass anyways.”
He smirked, looking back down at his plate where the tines of his fork were dragging four little perfect lines of yellow across the china.
“Thanks.”
“No problem,” she grinned.
“So…umm,” he sighed, still messing with his egg. “How long can you stay?”
She swallowed the mouthful of milk she had and set her glass back down.
“As long as you need me to.”
“Well…I mean, don’t you have to go back to work?” he asked, looking up in confusion.
“Nope,” she said, cutting into the white of her own egg with the side of her fork.
“Nope?” he asked, eyebrows shooting high. “Mind explaining?”
“I quit,” she said, spearing the milky white piece with her fork and shoving it in her mouth, looking up at him as if she had said that that sun was out.
His fork dropped, clinking against his plate.
“Excuse me?” he squawked, voice breaking.
“I quit,” she shrugged.
“Tareena…I didn’t, god I didn’t want you…”
“Stop,” she said, holding up her hand. “Just stop. I had been planning on quitting anyways. They had my notice, I was just waiting until I found somewhere else. And when you called…” she sighed, “You scared the crap out of me Jensen,” she said softly.
He dropped his gaze back to his plate and swallowed hard.
“So I called ‘em up, told ‘em I had an emergency and I quit. I’m here for as long as you need me to be…and don’t you dare start brooding about it,” she said, pointing her fork at him.
“I can’t believe you’d do that…I mean, god,” he whispered.
She looked back up at him and held his eyes. “I’d die for you Jensen, in a goddamned heartbeat and you know it, quitting my job was a cakewalk.”
He swallowed hard, knowing she meant it but smirked at her. “Thanks.”
“You thank me one more time and I’m gonna…”
“I know, I know, kick my ass,” he grinned.
She smiled.
They had Monday off, some Canadian holiday. Someone did stop by though, dropping off the script for that week.
Tareena had been in the shower when it showed up and came out, pair of jeans and a t-shirt whose back was being soaked by her wet hair, to see Jensen sitting on the couch flipping through the stapled pages.
“What’s that?” she asked, running a towel over her hair.
“This week’s script.”
She nodded, walked back to the small utility room and threw her towel into the hamper. Grabbing a couple beers from the fridge before curling up in the corner of the couch, shoving her toes under Jensen’s thigh.
She was idly flipping through the menu on the TV, volume down low when Jensen hissed beside her.
“Shit.”
“What?” she asked, sitting up when he tossed the paper onto the coffee table in disgust and hung his head in his hands.
“Jen…”
He waved his hand towards the mess of papers and she slid over to the coffee table, sitting on the wood to reach over and grab where the script pages had landed.
She watched him out of the corner of her eye, his head still hung, before straightening out the jumbled papers and flipping through, scanning the words to try to find what had set Jensen off.
She sighed when she found it. A scene that was guaranteed to be hard. Not the kind where he got slammed into a wall. But the kind that made him sit in a corner by himself to get ready for.
The kind that made him sit in a corner by himself to recover from.
Which was something he definitely could have done without seeing as he was still upset over the break up. He had been pretty good at covering it with false smiles and jokes but she could still tell. He still let her see, when it got tough for him. The fact that he had come out and asked her if she would sleep in his room with him instead of the guest bedroom being more than enough proof.
When he did that she was really tempted to call up the airport and book the red-eye to LA so she could kick that bitch’s ass, whether Jensen wanted to her not.
“You want me to talk to Kim?” she asked quietly, flipping the pages closed and setting it off to the side.
Jensen looked up, eyes fixed on the papers.
“No, we gotta film it.”
“If you don’t want to they can shove it Jensen…”
“No, no,” he said, reaching out to rub his hand across her knee and smirked at her. “Thanks, but, no, I’ll…I’ll deal.”
“Jen…”
“It’s okay,” he mumbled, and she knew that was the end of the conversation. This was his job, a job he was very lucky to have. Very few in Hollywood ever got to be a part of something as special as ‘Supernatural’ and he wasn’t about to let his personal problems get in the middle of that.
“You want me to be there?” she said quietly, placing her hand over his where it was still on her knee.
He nodded, staring at their hands.
She sighed and pulled him forward, arms wrapping around his shoulders when he buried his face in her neck, fingers curling into the back of her t-shirt, still wet from her hair.
The scene did take a lot out of him. Tareena had actually pulled Kim aside and asked him to cut it down as much as he could. Knowing Jensen, not wanting to air his personal problems, was going to try to suck it up and deal.
Kim was more than happy to help of course, adjusting his camera shots a little so that he could have two or three running at a time and get it done quicker.
Even with that Jensen still stalked off as soon as Kim yelled ‘check the gate.’
Tareena had been standing off to the side and Jared came over to her when the shot was over, wondering if he should go over or give Jensen his space.
Jensen stopped towards the edge of set, off on the side where no one was bustling around and looked up long enough to meet Tareena’s eyes before looking away again.
She sighed and went walking over to him, not saying a word when he turned into her, crushing her against him.
Jared gave them a couple minutes, slowly making his way over to them. Jensen huffed out a laugh, letting Jared pull him into a hug when he looked at him with wide worried eyes.
“I’m okay,” he said, pulling in a deep breath, “I’ll be okay…thanks guys,” he smiled, Tareena’s fingers threaded in his and Jared’s hand warm on his back.
Wednesday morning Jensen got himself a plate at lunch and sat down at the picnic bench under the tents at craft services across from Jared.
He laughed and shook his head at Jared who had two plates in front of him.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he laughed, stabbing his fork into the baked potato on his plate.
He looked over to the side. Tareena was over towards the trailers, sitting on the tailgate of a pickup, legs dangling over the end and talking on the phone, checking in back home.
Jared laughed, shaking his head at Jensen.
“What?” he asked, head snapping back around to stare at Jared.
“Nothing,” he grinned. “Just you.”
“What about me?”
“You and her,” Jared grinned, waving his fork over at Tareena.
“What?”
“Are you serious?”
“Dude, what?”
“Can’t you see?”
“Jared, if you don’t friggin’ tell me whatever it is you…”
“I just don’t know why you don’t get it over with and ask her out.”
“What?!” he squawked, voice breaking. “Dude! She’s my friend!”
“Uh huh,” Jared grinned, shoving a piece of chicken into his mouth.
“Me and you are friends Jensen, you and her…are more than that.”
“Riiight,” Jensen drawled, shooting Jared a look before spearing his fork into his potato again.
“Dude, seriously. When everything crashed down, who did you call? Her.”
“I called you first,” Jensen shot back.
Jared nodded and smiled. “Yea, but you needed her. And she turned around, dropped everything and flew 4000 miles to be with you.
“You know damn well how she feels about you.”
“She’s never hidden that,” Jensen mumbled. That was one of the many reasons they had become as good of friends as they had, she had never hidden how much he meant to her. Never tried to pretend it was anything other than what it was.
Jared nodded, still packing away his food. “My point exactly. You know how she feels. I just can’t believe you keep lying to yourself about how you feel.”
“Dude, you’re cracked. She’s my friend.”
“Uh huh and friends call each other everyday.”
“I talk to you every day!” Jensen shot back, food long forgotten.
“You work with me everyday, it’s kinda mandatory. Jensen, you talked to her more than you ever talked to your girlfriend,” he said quietly, trying to get his point across but not wanting to pour salt into the still fresh break up wound. “You call her ‘baby girl’ for Christ’s sake,” he laughed.
“I mean hell man, you sleep with her.”
“I don’t…I mean, it’s not like I’ve…slept with her!” Jensen hissed. “And ‘baby girl’s a nickname!”
Jared shook his head and laughed, taking a sip of his soda when he started to choke on his food.
“Dude that’s not what I meant,” he grinned. “But seriously, you guys sleep in the same bed, I mean come on.”
“I’ve slept in the same bed with you!” Jensen shot back, trying to stop his stomach from the free fall it was deciding to put itself in.
“Yea,” Jared laughed, “But I never woke up in your arms dude,” he grinned.
Jensen couldn’t tell whether his face had gone pale or flushed red, but judging by the way his body was burning up from the inside out he would bet on the latter.
“Look, I’m not trying to rib on you man. My point is, you guys have more than you let on. She knows it, she’s always known it and I don’t understand why you keep lying to yourself about it.”
Jensen’s mouth worked, trying to come up with something to say.
“Just…just think about it man. I mean, you gotta be careful. You guys are friends and add in the fact of the way she feels about you and that this is not something you wanna fuck up. I know you Jensen, I know you don’t wanna fuck this up, I know how much she means to you whether you want to admit it yourself of not. Just…just think about it,” he said, picking up his empty plates and walking off.
Jensen sat there, staring into space for a minute before he snapped his jaw shut.
He turned to look over at Tareena, his stomach dropping and his throat going tight when she laughed at whoever was on the phone.
He snapped his head back around to stare at the food on his plate, pushing it away when he suddenly lost his appetite.
Chapter Notes:
I make the best grilled cheese and bacon EVA! *whoo*
Previous: Chapter Seven | Next: Chapter Nine