Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
Chapter Ten
Chapter Wordcount: 2185
Marlo wasn’t kidding when he said he had taken food up there for them the night before. There was chicken and steaks and pork chops and pasta and rice and all kinds of snacks packed into the cupboards and refrigerator.
Tareena grilled some chicken, smiling to herself when Jensen brought them both a beer and looked out over the clear lake as the sun set, painting it purple and orange.
“So…you gonna explain all this to me yet?”
She shrugged, taking a sip of her beer before setting it to the side.
“Figured we could use a weekend off,” she said, flipping the chicken as it started to brown.
“You mean I could use a weekend off,” he said, turning to lean against the railing that wrapped around the wood deck.
“Maybe,” she grinned, closing the lid on the grill.
“Thanks,” he whispered, setting his beer on the small patio table and pulled her into a hug. “It’s just what I needed baby girl.”
She sighed against him, both content to just stand there and stare out over the horses and wilderness until the chicken was done cooking.
They ate outside, scrambling to pick up their plates and drinks when thunder rumbled overhead and let loose a steady soothing rain.
Tareena laughed, throwing Jensen a towel she had grabbed from the bathroom and leaned back against him when he wrapped his arms around her waist, staring out the sliding glass door at the way the lake danced with the rain.
“Why don’t you go fire up the fireplace,” she said quietly, extracting herself from his arms and taking the towels back down the hall.
Jensen wanted to yank her back against him, warm press of bodies and cool crisp scent of rain but froze as soon as he realized his own thought. Mumbling an ‘okay’ as she walked away, his stomach flipping, remembering Jared’s words a couple days earlier.
He had just sat back on his heels, arranging the firewood with the iron poker to make sure the flames were going to hold when she threw a blanket at him. The heavy material smacking him in the shoulders and half over his head.
“Son of a…” he laughed, batting at the soft material to see her grinning at him, bag of marshmallows, box of graham crackers and couple bars of chocolate in her hands.
“Are you kidding me?”
“No!” she grinned, kicking at the blanket until he rolled his eyes and laid it out flat in front of the fireplace. “What kind of weekend in the mountains would it be without smores,” she winked, sitting down next to him and handing over the box of crackers as she ripped open the marshmallows, laughing at him as she crammed one in his mouth when he leaned over.
“Oh my god, you are a freak,” she smiled, hand over her mouth as she laughed.
Jensen was struggling to get the hot sticky mess of a smore he had made, double marshmallows, into his mouth. White goo smeared across half his face as he tried not to laugh while he swallowed.
Jensen grinned and wiggled his eyebrows, sucking the white sugary glue from his fingers and collapsed next to her, pulling on her arm until she laid down next to him.
“Thanks…for all this,” he whispered, shoulder bumping against hers, hand draped over her stomach.
“No problem babe,” she grinned, shifting so the heat of the fire was at her back, soothing drum of rain still falling across the roof.
“Seriously though,” he said softly, turning his head to look at her. “You just…it’s like you knew what I needed…even when I didn’t.”
She smiled softly, looking away from his eyes, fingers playing with a stray thread on his shirt and his throat closed up.
God help him, but Jared was right.
He rolled, pushing himself up onto his elbow so he could face her and raised an unsteady hand to push a stray stand of hair behind her ear.
She met his eyes then, jade green burned gold in the firelight.
He leaned forward slowly, kissing the tip of her nose softly.
“Baby girl…” he whispered, swallowing audibly in the silence that surrounded them.
“Jen…”
“Just…I,” he sighed. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“For what?” she asked, brow scrunching in confusion.
“For not seeing what was right in front of me,” he said, hand trailing down her arm.
“Jensen…”
“I was so busy looking for a girlfriend that could be my best friend, that I didn’t notice the best friend that I already had.
“I mean, look at us,” he laughed softly. “We talk everyday, share secrets nobody else knows…I mean…you can’t tell me it doesn’t feel right, curling up on the couch to watch a movie, or sleeping in on the weekend,” he whispered.
“It always has,” she said quietly, “You know how I feel about you Jensen…” she choked, voice twisted in her throat.
“I know,” he whispered, “You’ve never hidden that…I’m just pissed at myself at how I could be so blind.”
She laughed nervously, her breathing ragged and broken as she looked away from him, eyes locking onto his chest.
“You’re my best friend,” he said quietly, hand coming up to graze across her cheek. “I can’t begin to imagine not having you in my life,” he said, voice hoarse with emotion when she looked back at him. “Give me one good reason why…why this wouldn’t work.”
“Because we’re friends,” she said quietly. “Because of how much I love you. God Jensen…it…it scares me sometimes. How much you mean to me. I mean, hell, you were a guy on my TV screen for Christ’s sakes,” she laughed, “and even then…god, it was so much more,” she whispered. “I’m not gonna lie, you know damn well I want to, but this…I can’t risk this, I can’t risk us.”
He shook his head, “Nothing, nothing, is gonna ever come between what we have…”
“Jen…I don’t want to be a rebound,” she whispered, eyes glazing over with tears that she blinked back. “You have no idea how much I want this, but I can’t,” she said, voice breaking.
He leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers.
“God Tareena…I would never do that to you, don’t you dare for one second think that. I mean…look at us,” he whispered, kissing the tip of her nose softly. “We have everything a relationship could possibly have besides…well, that,” he laughed awkwardly, hand tightening around hers when she sighed brokenly, eyes closed.
“Promise me…” she whispered, opening her eyes to stare at him. “Promise me that if we…if we do this,” she said, heaving in a breath, “and it doesn’t work…”
“It can’t not work…”
“If it doesn’t,” she cut him off, “promise me I’m not going to lose you,” she finished quietly. “God Jensen, I can’t…I won’t.”
“I promise,” he rumbled, bringing his hand back up to cup her cheek again. “Because if we don’t work…which we will,” he grinned. “It’s going to be because it just…doesn’t work,” he shrugged, mouth pulled up into a grin. “Because I know you. You’re one of the few people I know…” he whispered, swallowing against the sudden lump in his throat. “You’re one of the few people I feel safe with. I know you would never hurt me.”
He laughed softly, thumb sweeping across the bead of a tear that slipped from her eye.
“So if, by some slight as hell chance, it didn’t work, we’d still be friends. That, I promise you, because I’m not willing to loose you either.”
“God,” she whispered.
He grinned, his own eyes welling with moisture.
“Tell me no,” he said quietly, “tell me you don’t want this and I’ll never bring it up again…”
She shook her head slowly, staring into his eyes. “I can’t…” she whispered, voice broken as the corner of her mouth twitched into a grin.
Jensen smiled, breathing ragged as he huffed out a laugh, letting his eyes fall to her parted lips before crashing back to her silver blue eyes.
He felt her shudder under the palm of his hand and leaned in, kissing the tip of her nose like he had done so many times before.
“I got you baby girl,” he whispered, ghosting his lips across hers, shiver running under his skin at the way she trembled against him.
He watched her, eyes shut, breathing ragged and slipped his fingers into her hair, pulling her back into the kiss, soft press of lips.
He moaned softly against her when her fingers grabbed blindly onto his shirt, the cotton curling around her fingers.
“God,” he whispered, breath sweeping across her lips.
He kissed her again, still soft and slow but his intention clear and his heart seized, stomach plummeted when she opened with a sigh, letting him in.
They were both breathing hard when they broke and he watched her when she blinked repeatedly, trying to clear the fog from her head.
He watched her, forehead still pressed against hers and let his hand run down her side, fingers slipping under the hem of her shirt, pressing into fire warmed skin, stroking soothingly when she shivered under the touch.
“Jensen,” she whispered, hand trembling as she shyly ran her hand up his chest.
He grinned stupidly. They had been best friends for a couple years now, shared everything under the sun, hell, they had shared a bed the past week and she was still nervous about touching him like this.
He sat up slowly and pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it blindly onto the couch behind them slowly and laid back down beside her, finger crooking under her chin to bring her eyes back to his when she looked away.
“It’s okay,” he whispered, leaning forward to kiss her again, breath hitching when her hand trembled and came to rest against his stomach.
He sighed into the kiss, his own fingers slipping into the small of her back, heart picking up its pace when she boldly slid her hand up his chest, palm sweat slick and burning hot as it slid over his nipple.
He shifted, turning them just barely until her back was flat against the blanket under them, his arm over her stomach and took a minute to watch her.
She laughed nervously, breaking their gaze to watch the way her fingers drew invisible symbols over his stomach, the muscles tightening under the soft touch.
She met his eyes again, slipping her finger into the belt loop on his jeans and tugged, pulling until his center of gravity shifted and his jean clad thigh slid over hers, knee slipping in between hers and he was braced over her.
“We can wait,” he whispered, trapped in her eyes.
“Been waiting long enough,” she murmured back, thumbs sliding into the grooves of his hips where they disappeared into his jeans. “Besides, what could be better than in front of a fireplace in a cabin in the mountains?” she smiled, mouth turning up in a teasing grin.
He smiled back, breath hitching as he lowered himself, soft press of his hips against hers, skin burning where it came in contact with hers, shirt rucked up over her stomach as he slid his hand underneath her t-shirt.
He felt her sigh, her hand coming up to cup the back of his head, fingers threading through his hair and he closed his eyes, kissing the tip of her nose and smiling before kissing her solidly, tongue slipping between her lips to wrap around her own.
His armed tightened around her when she buried her nose against his collar bone, his leg draped over hers.
“Jared told me,” he whispered, watching the flames dance in the fireplace.
“What?” she asked, shifting against him until her head was propped in the corner of his arm, where she could watch his face, her fingers linked with his over his stomach.
“That I should be with you,” he smiled. “Scared the crap out of me. I guess deep down I knew he was right. And then you brought me out here and I just…I realized I didn’t want to let you go,” he said softly.
“What?” he asked, looking down at where she was grinning at him.
“Nothing, just explains why he was so happy to help me,” she smiled.
“What do you mean?”
“I called him, told him that I wanted to do this. He was more than willing to hand over his credit card for it,” she laughed.
Jensen’s chest rumbled with his soft laugh and he pulled her back against him.
“Remind me to thank him when we get back then,” he smiled, kissing her softly when she looked back up at him.
They laid together in the dark, soft shadows dancing around the room as the flames flickered in the fireplace.
“One year from now,” Jensen said, breaking the silence. “On our anniversary…let’s come back here,” he grinned, propping himself up on his elbow to smile at her.
“Okay,” she smiled, hand cupping his jaw when he bent to kiss her.
Chapter Notes:
okay, so I'm a big hopeless romantic...sue me
one of my buds said the ending was anti climatic lol, and yea, it kinda is, but seeing as it's so blatently ME it would be kinda awkward writing a sex scene that my friends are gonna read ;) lmao
And I'm gonna throw in this little Bonus Track for the Soundtrack, because, well I didn't have it until after I made up the soundtrack (I'll add it to the Soundtrack Page as well, both the download and listening options)
One Fine Day - Natalie Merchant
Previous: Chapter Nine | Next: Epilogue
Chapter Ten
Chapter Wordcount: 2185
Marlo wasn’t kidding when he said he had taken food up there for them the night before. There was chicken and steaks and pork chops and pasta and rice and all kinds of snacks packed into the cupboards and refrigerator.
Tareena grilled some chicken, smiling to herself when Jensen brought them both a beer and looked out over the clear lake as the sun set, painting it purple and orange.
“So…you gonna explain all this to me yet?”
She shrugged, taking a sip of her beer before setting it to the side.
“Figured we could use a weekend off,” she said, flipping the chicken as it started to brown.
“You mean I could use a weekend off,” he said, turning to lean against the railing that wrapped around the wood deck.
“Maybe,” she grinned, closing the lid on the grill.
“Thanks,” he whispered, setting his beer on the small patio table and pulled her into a hug. “It’s just what I needed baby girl.”
She sighed against him, both content to just stand there and stare out over the horses and wilderness until the chicken was done cooking.
They ate outside, scrambling to pick up their plates and drinks when thunder rumbled overhead and let loose a steady soothing rain.
Tareena laughed, throwing Jensen a towel she had grabbed from the bathroom and leaned back against him when he wrapped his arms around her waist, staring out the sliding glass door at the way the lake danced with the rain.
“Why don’t you go fire up the fireplace,” she said quietly, extracting herself from his arms and taking the towels back down the hall.
Jensen wanted to yank her back against him, warm press of bodies and cool crisp scent of rain but froze as soon as he realized his own thought. Mumbling an ‘okay’ as she walked away, his stomach flipping, remembering Jared’s words a couple days earlier.
He had just sat back on his heels, arranging the firewood with the iron poker to make sure the flames were going to hold when she threw a blanket at him. The heavy material smacking him in the shoulders and half over his head.
“Son of a…” he laughed, batting at the soft material to see her grinning at him, bag of marshmallows, box of graham crackers and couple bars of chocolate in her hands.
“Are you kidding me?”
“No!” she grinned, kicking at the blanket until he rolled his eyes and laid it out flat in front of the fireplace. “What kind of weekend in the mountains would it be without smores,” she winked, sitting down next to him and handing over the box of crackers as she ripped open the marshmallows, laughing at him as she crammed one in his mouth when he leaned over.
“Oh my god, you are a freak,” she smiled, hand over her mouth as she laughed.
Jensen was struggling to get the hot sticky mess of a smore he had made, double marshmallows, into his mouth. White goo smeared across half his face as he tried not to laugh while he swallowed.
Jensen grinned and wiggled his eyebrows, sucking the white sugary glue from his fingers and collapsed next to her, pulling on her arm until she laid down next to him.
“Thanks…for all this,” he whispered, shoulder bumping against hers, hand draped over her stomach.
“No problem babe,” she grinned, shifting so the heat of the fire was at her back, soothing drum of rain still falling across the roof.
“Seriously though,” he said softly, turning his head to look at her. “You just…it’s like you knew what I needed…even when I didn’t.”
She smiled softly, looking away from his eyes, fingers playing with a stray thread on his shirt and his throat closed up.
God help him, but Jared was right.
He rolled, pushing himself up onto his elbow so he could face her and raised an unsteady hand to push a stray stand of hair behind her ear.
She met his eyes then, jade green burned gold in the firelight.
He leaned forward slowly, kissing the tip of her nose softly.
“Baby girl…” he whispered, swallowing audibly in the silence that surrounded them.
“Jen…”
“Just…I,” he sighed. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“For what?” she asked, brow scrunching in confusion.
“For not seeing what was right in front of me,” he said, hand trailing down her arm.
“Jensen…”
“I was so busy looking for a girlfriend that could be my best friend, that I didn’t notice the best friend that I already had.
“I mean, look at us,” he laughed softly. “We talk everyday, share secrets nobody else knows…I mean…you can’t tell me it doesn’t feel right, curling up on the couch to watch a movie, or sleeping in on the weekend,” he whispered.
“It always has,” she said quietly, “You know how I feel about you Jensen…” she choked, voice twisted in her throat.
“I know,” he whispered, “You’ve never hidden that…I’m just pissed at myself at how I could be so blind.”
She laughed nervously, her breathing ragged and broken as she looked away from him, eyes locking onto his chest.
“You’re my best friend,” he said quietly, hand coming up to graze across her cheek. “I can’t begin to imagine not having you in my life,” he said, voice hoarse with emotion when she looked back at him. “Give me one good reason why…why this wouldn’t work.”
“Because we’re friends,” she said quietly. “Because of how much I love you. God Jensen…it…it scares me sometimes. How much you mean to me. I mean, hell, you were a guy on my TV screen for Christ’s sakes,” she laughed, “and even then…god, it was so much more,” she whispered. “I’m not gonna lie, you know damn well I want to, but this…I can’t risk this, I can’t risk us.”
He shook his head, “Nothing, nothing, is gonna ever come between what we have…”
“Jen…I don’t want to be a rebound,” she whispered, eyes glazing over with tears that she blinked back. “You have no idea how much I want this, but I can’t,” she said, voice breaking.
He leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers.
“God Tareena…I would never do that to you, don’t you dare for one second think that. I mean…look at us,” he whispered, kissing the tip of her nose softly. “We have everything a relationship could possibly have besides…well, that,” he laughed awkwardly, hand tightening around hers when she sighed brokenly, eyes closed.
“Promise me…” she whispered, opening her eyes to stare at him. “Promise me that if we…if we do this,” she said, heaving in a breath, “and it doesn’t work…”
“It can’t not work…”
“If it doesn’t,” she cut him off, “promise me I’m not going to lose you,” she finished quietly. “God Jensen, I can’t…I won’t.”
“I promise,” he rumbled, bringing his hand back up to cup her cheek again. “Because if we don’t work…which we will,” he grinned. “It’s going to be because it just…doesn’t work,” he shrugged, mouth pulled up into a grin. “Because I know you. You’re one of the few people I know…” he whispered, swallowing against the sudden lump in his throat. “You’re one of the few people I feel safe with. I know you would never hurt me.”
He laughed softly, thumb sweeping across the bead of a tear that slipped from her eye.
“So if, by some slight as hell chance, it didn’t work, we’d still be friends. That, I promise you, because I’m not willing to loose you either.”
“God,” she whispered.
He grinned, his own eyes welling with moisture.
“Tell me no,” he said quietly, “tell me you don’t want this and I’ll never bring it up again…”
She shook her head slowly, staring into his eyes. “I can’t…” she whispered, voice broken as the corner of her mouth twitched into a grin.
Jensen smiled, breathing ragged as he huffed out a laugh, letting his eyes fall to her parted lips before crashing back to her silver blue eyes.
He felt her shudder under the palm of his hand and leaned in, kissing the tip of her nose like he had done so many times before.
“I got you baby girl,” he whispered, ghosting his lips across hers, shiver running under his skin at the way she trembled against him.
He watched her, eyes shut, breathing ragged and slipped his fingers into her hair, pulling her back into the kiss, soft press of lips.
He moaned softly against her when her fingers grabbed blindly onto his shirt, the cotton curling around her fingers.
“God,” he whispered, breath sweeping across her lips.
He kissed her again, still soft and slow but his intention clear and his heart seized, stomach plummeted when she opened with a sigh, letting him in.
They were both breathing hard when they broke and he watched her when she blinked repeatedly, trying to clear the fog from her head.
He watched her, forehead still pressed against hers and let his hand run down her side, fingers slipping under the hem of her shirt, pressing into fire warmed skin, stroking soothingly when she shivered under the touch.
“Jensen,” she whispered, hand trembling as she shyly ran her hand up his chest.
He grinned stupidly. They had been best friends for a couple years now, shared everything under the sun, hell, they had shared a bed the past week and she was still nervous about touching him like this.
He sat up slowly and pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it blindly onto the couch behind them slowly and laid back down beside her, finger crooking under her chin to bring her eyes back to his when she looked away.
“It’s okay,” he whispered, leaning forward to kiss her again, breath hitching when her hand trembled and came to rest against his stomach.
He sighed into the kiss, his own fingers slipping into the small of her back, heart picking up its pace when she boldly slid her hand up his chest, palm sweat slick and burning hot as it slid over his nipple.
He shifted, turning them just barely until her back was flat against the blanket under them, his arm over her stomach and took a minute to watch her.
She laughed nervously, breaking their gaze to watch the way her fingers drew invisible symbols over his stomach, the muscles tightening under the soft touch.
She met his eyes again, slipping her finger into the belt loop on his jeans and tugged, pulling until his center of gravity shifted and his jean clad thigh slid over hers, knee slipping in between hers and he was braced over her.
“We can wait,” he whispered, trapped in her eyes.
“Been waiting long enough,” she murmured back, thumbs sliding into the grooves of his hips where they disappeared into his jeans. “Besides, what could be better than in front of a fireplace in a cabin in the mountains?” she smiled, mouth turning up in a teasing grin.
He smiled back, breath hitching as he lowered himself, soft press of his hips against hers, skin burning where it came in contact with hers, shirt rucked up over her stomach as he slid his hand underneath her t-shirt.
He felt her sigh, her hand coming up to cup the back of his head, fingers threading through his hair and he closed his eyes, kissing the tip of her nose and smiling before kissing her solidly, tongue slipping between her lips to wrap around her own.
His armed tightened around her when she buried her nose against his collar bone, his leg draped over hers.
“Jared told me,” he whispered, watching the flames dance in the fireplace.
“What?” she asked, shifting against him until her head was propped in the corner of his arm, where she could watch his face, her fingers linked with his over his stomach.
“That I should be with you,” he smiled. “Scared the crap out of me. I guess deep down I knew he was right. And then you brought me out here and I just…I realized I didn’t want to let you go,” he said softly.
“What?” he asked, looking down at where she was grinning at him.
“Nothing, just explains why he was so happy to help me,” she smiled.
“What do you mean?”
“I called him, told him that I wanted to do this. He was more than willing to hand over his credit card for it,” she laughed.
Jensen’s chest rumbled with his soft laugh and he pulled her back against him.
“Remind me to thank him when we get back then,” he smiled, kissing her softly when she looked back up at him.
They laid together in the dark, soft shadows dancing around the room as the flames flickered in the fireplace.
“One year from now,” Jensen said, breaking the silence. “On our anniversary…let’s come back here,” he grinned, propping himself up on his elbow to smile at her.
“Okay,” she smiled, hand cupping his jaw when he bent to kiss her.
Chapter Notes:
okay, so I'm a big hopeless romantic...sue me
one of my buds said the ending was anti climatic lol, and yea, it kinda is, but seeing as it's so blatently ME it would be kinda awkward writing a sex scene that my friends are gonna read ;) lmao
And I'm gonna throw in this little Bonus Track for the Soundtrack, because, well I didn't have it until after I made up the soundtrack (I'll add it to the Soundtrack Page as well, both the download and listening options)
One Fine Day - Natalie Merchant
Previous: Chapter Nine | Next: Epilogue