Arrested Development
How can a show this funny be canceled so soon?
Tobias Fünke:You know, Michael, perhaps I should buy you that tape recorder. Do you have any idea how often you say the word "afraid"?
Michael: Well, I know I did in the jacuzzi.
Tobias Fünke: And I apologize for that. I thought it was a pool toy
Barry Zuckerkorn: So basically you're about 2,000 shares short of being the majority stock holders. Now unfortunately it's a private stock so you can not just buy up the shares unless someone is willing to sell
Michael: Are you sure?
Barry Zuckerkorn: That's what it said on 'Ask Jeeves'
Michael Bluth: [looking at a gift basket Michael received] Didn't you get one of those, too? You bought Lindsay at the same auction.
Tobias Fünke: Yes, but I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, and now I think I have something of a mess on my hands.
Michael Bluth: Wow, there's just so many poorly chosen words in that sentence.
Tobias Fünke: Michael, you are quite the cupid. You can stick an arrow in my buttocks any time.
Lucille Austero: Today at lunch, you were ashamed to be with me!
Gob: No! I was ashamed to be seen with you. I like being with you.
Lucille: Michael Moore confronted me on national television!
Michael: First of all, that was not Michael Moore. That was a Michael Moore look-alike. And second it wasn't national television. It was for a bit, on Jimmy Kimmel Live.
Lucille: I don't know what that is nor do I care to find out.
Lucille: The company is in danger!
Michael: What tipped you off? The falling profit margins or the fact that we're a regular feature on Bill O'Reilly's most ridiculous item of the day?
Gob: Steve Holt's not my son.
George Michael Bluth: Steve Holt? What, the moron jock?
George Michael Bluth: That's my son, you pothead.
Tobias Fünke: Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.
Lucille: What's a Forget-Me-Now?
Gob: They're pills that create a sort of temporary forgettingness. So if somebody finds out how you do a trick, you just give 'em one of these, and they forget the whole thing. It's a mainstay of the magician's toolkit, like how clowns always have a rag soaked in ether.
Tobias Fünke: Gob, this is Flunitrazepam. It's a roofie.
Lucille: Those are illegal.
Gob: Shut up, Mom. Don't make me give you another one of these.
Steve Holt: I've made a huge mistake.
Gob: I know the feeling. I had you. I'm your father, Steve Holt! I can't hide from it any more.
Steve Holt: I won't forget this... Dad.
Gob: [swallows roofie] I will. I will.
Narrator: [Rita enters the house, the family freezes] Michael was concerned that he was caught in a lie about his family. The family was concerned that they were being confronted by a woman they had clubbed, drugged, and left on a bench.
Michael: Gob, Steve Holt is your son. He probably just feels a connection.
Gob: He doesn't know what he feels. I'm tired of being told - my God. What is this feeling?
[Schmaltzy music begins to play]
Michael: You know, the feeling that you're feeling is just what many of us call... a "feeling".
Gob: It's not like envy, or even hungry.
Michael: Could it be love?
Gob: I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite - it's like my heart is getting hard.
Michael Bluth: [calling from prison, taking about his brother, Gob] I've got a nice hard cot with his name on it.
Lucille: You would do that to your brother?
Michael Bluth: I said "cot".
Gob: Michael, I'm your big brother. I'll never be impressed with you.
Buster: Mom is becoming a little controlling.
Michael: What tipped you off? When she locked you out on the balcony again?
Buster: That was half my fault. I thought I saw a Graham Cracker out there.
Michael: You baited the balcony?
Lucille Bluth: Prove it.
[Tobias has painted himself blue]
Tobias Funke: I blue myself.
Narrator: Gob, getting the feeling he could not return a completely frozen dead dove to a pet store and get the full refund the felt he was entitled to, decided to join him.
Michael: So this is the Aztec Tomb trick.
Gob: Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money...
George Sr.: Don't get involved. Believe me. When I thought your first wife was pulling us apart, I did not make a stink.
Michael: You complained all the time and she was my only wife and she died.
George Sr.: Well, see? Things have a way of working themselves out.
Michael Bluth: We're not here to talk nonsense to Bob Loblaw.
Michael Bluth: This all makes sense now. Dad's in Reno, Kitty's in Reno, Dad's in Kitty, and Dad's a Blue Man.
Gob: And if I'm going to be staying here...
Lucille: Staying here? What, did that Mexican throw you out?
Gob: She's not "that Mexican," Mom. She's my Mexican. And she's Colombian or something. Anyway, it's over.
Lucille: You've got three days.
Gob: Hey, if I can't find a horny immigrant by then, I don't deserve to stay here.
George Sr.: I haven't had sex in a month.
Michael: You know, you've been here two months
Pause
George Sr.: It's hard to gauge time
Michael: Yeah. I'll bet.
Michael: We need to speak to you about getting a divorce for Gob.
Barry: Well, I got Michael out of his marriage, didn't I?
Michael: Actually, she died.
Barry: You're kidding me. I've been taking credit for that for years!
Michael: So, if we want to get that evidence back and Dad, Kitty's insisting on a meeting with Mom.
Lindsay: What can Mom do for her?
Michael: I don't know, but I've got to get that evidence. The problem is that I've just checked her into rehab and they're not exactly going to let me check her out and take her to a bar. Gob, I need your help to sneak her past the guards.
Gob: Well, I didn't think the woman I'd be checking out during spring break would be Mom.
Buster: She's better looking than the whores you usually date!
Gob: Don't call my escorts whores!
Buster: Mom's still got it!
Gob: I don't date whores!
Lucille: Well, apparently, mood-altering medication leads to street drugs. That’s what this very handsome, young doctor said on The Today Show.
Michael: That was Tom Cruise, the actor.
Lucille: They said he was some kind of scientist.