In which even darker sides of Christian are revealed
It had been 5:17, exactly.
He'd been struggling over some particularly difficult translation. Gerundives and subjunctive irregulars and no main verbs this side of Ostia. It had been 5:15 when he'd hurled his pencil across the room, 5:16 when he'd retrieved it and seated himself back at the desk, and 5:17 when the truth he'd been ignoring so long hit him square in the face.
"My God. I'm in love with Thomas."
The realization and the words had appeared simultaneously. Christian immediately clapped a hand over his mouth, despite the fact that there was no one in the room, and it was too late anyway.
Christian had never been one for epiphanies, especially not epiphanies that took control of you and forced you to utter words you'd swore you'd never say. It was all profoundly disconcerting.
Even more disconcerting was the fact that, despite this epiphany, he still wanted...No. His mind clamped down on that thought. No. Even before realization and truth and light and all of that, he never, never would have done that. Out of the question. Irresponsible. Morally wrong.
But it would be so easy.
The thought slid smoothly around his defenses.
You want it. And he wants it even more. It would be a cruelty not to. Be kind, make him happy. And he'd keep his pretty little mouth shut afterwards. Thomas-
The defenses sprang back up. Christian shuddered. His head was splitting open by increments and he was powerless against it.