If anyone asks, you tell them you don't know

[lokicarbis]

I've always been kinda annoyed by one of the odder pieces of etiquette in El Jay Land. Specifically, the practice of thinning out one's friends list, then posting an assurance that there was nothing personal about it. Because, frankly, unless you selected which names to remove completely randomly, you applied some sort of criteria to the decision. And being as how we all so very very subjective and emotional - and none more so than those who think of themselves as rationalists (but that's a rant for another day) - we can't help but be personal.

I've been sitting here for a while thinking of reasons why you'd take some one off your reading list, from the mundane to the silly to the, yes, personal. Here's what I have so far:

• I was only reading your NaNoWriMo novel, and you're not doing that anymore
  
• That joke was funny the first few hundred times, but after that... (looking at you, Onion astrology feeds)
  
• You were annoying when I met you, and neither the years nor the internet have made you less so
  
• You're a famous writer whose work I enjoy, but is either a) very dull in your journal; or b) an NRA activist in your journal
  
• How can someone who's so interesting in person be so dull online?
  
• After several years of this, I'm kinda bored with watching you repeat the same mistakes...
  
• ...and doubly so if you're still whoring for sympathy over them.
  
• You're someone I haven't seen in years, and don't expect to see again
  
• You're someone I met once at a party, and don't expect to see again
  
• You're someone I picked up once at a party, and hope not to see again...
  
• Oh. My. God. How can one human being be so inane?
  
• You haven't spoken to me since I broke up with your friend, and I don't see you starting any time soon
  
• I find your lack, or possibly your surplus, of faith disturbing
  
• You never like anything!
  
• It's not like you friended me back, so you probably won't even read this...
  
• Goodbye cruel world!
  
• You defected to MySpace...
  
• Are you really going out with him/her/it?
  
• Okay, removing your from my friends list won't make you any less paranoid - but at least I won't have to read about it...
  
• Too many quizzes
  
• Too many memes
  
• Too many credulous reposts of unlikely news stories
  
• Your spelling, grammar or both hurt my head when I try to read them
  
• All snark and no play makes your journal a dull...
  
• Tact, clues, wit - you're lacking in at least one of these
  
• You don't know me. Really, you don't. And I'm tired of you pretending.
  
• Too many lyrics posts
  
• LJ-Cuts. Learn what how to do them.
  
• Hypocrisy. Learn how not to.
  
• Say Something!
  
• Okay, say you friended me, and you say you know me, but I don't have clue one who you are.
  
• The caps-lock key: please turn it OFF
  
• Oh, fuck the political fallout...
  
• You are not as funny as you think you are
  
• For that matter, I am not as funny as you think you are, either...
  
• You're an online journal for a defunct roleplaying campaign...
  

Did I miss any?

Hmmm, it occurs to me that, conversely, I have no idea who several of the people who have friended me but not been friended back are - which is probably the major reason why the lack of reciprocality on my part. If this means you, by all means tell me.

In totally, completely, utterly and in all other ways unrelated news, this will be either the last or the second last post before this journal goes friends only. And I have just ruthlessly - one might even say viciously - culled my friends list.

So it goes.