Two stories I've been thinking of for a while prt 1

[lokmarie]

Ok, I know this needs editing, so I'll come back to it in a few days because the mistakes are not as clear now

Comments

[dvak_64]

Haha. If your first male character is named Hannibal or Lecter, you get a cookie.

Two cookies if his name is Hannibal Lecter.

[lokmarie]

I was considering making the first person who comes into the room say "Hello Clarice" or something, but I just picked the name cause it fit ;P

[msteatime]

I like it, but you should make it more subtle that she's from a future world; don't add nano-technology or hover cars--it makes it too childish sort of; it's nicer when it's subtler. I like it though, and don't take my advice, I'm not a brilliant writer.

[lokmarie]

hmm, thanks. That's kinda fine line there, thanks for re-drawing my attentio to it. Margh, I need to play with that bit.

[lokmarie]

check to see if the corrections are good...

[msteatime]

Yeah, it sounds less Star-Warsy now (not that Star Wars is bad, it just doesn't fit).
Sorta ironic, cause it's describing our world from a different POV, and we just read something similar for english...

[radiumx]

Hello, I added you from Warren Ellis because you live in LA and like Lovecraft and physics and other awesome things. I cannot think of a way to make this more interesting, so I'll leave it at that.

:)

[lokmarie]

hey, thanks! Friended back

[lokmarie]

thanks!:) yeah, I need to come back to it after being away from it for a while so that I can see the mistakes better.