SPN Fic: "The Professionals"

[lolaann1]

Title: The Professionals
Summary: Outsider POV. The guys visit a pharmacy after Dean gets injured on a hunt. Of course, their visit is a memorable one. Set in S3.
Rating: PG-13 for language
Characters/Pairings: Sam, Dean (no pairings)
Genre:  gen
Wordcount: ~2,700

A/N:  I've been wanting to do an outsider POV fic for a while and I've always loved fics

Comments

[etoile444]

Love outside POV! Dean and his ass bone, god that's so him. Thanks for including Hekdrikson, miss him.

[lolaann1]

Thanks :) I liked Henriksen too. Sad that they killed him off just as he was getting interesting.

[randomstasis]

HEE!
"I’m seriously wondering what in this world is wrong with these two."

excuse me while i do a outsider-POV-happy dance

love every little bit!

[lolaann1]

Yay! Thank you :)

[pinkphoenix1985]

Great story! I love outsider POVs and this one is fantastic!

Just one little nit-picky thing- the boys never address each other by name in front of the pharmacy guy. But you wrote a paragraph where he names them which doesn't make sense...

[lolaann1]

Thanks :)

But *is dissapointed that you can't read my mind*
Yeah, that was probably not as clear on paper as it was in my head. I was thinking he'd been over the story lots of times and by now knew that he'd met up with the infamous Winchester bros. But I shouldn't have to explain that if the writing had been clear enough. That's why I asked for concrit. *runs off to think of a way to make myself make sense to someone other than me*

[pinkphoenix1985]

I'm sorry if I put you on the spot but it just didn't make sense to me in the story since you wrote it as if we are watching his encounter of the boys.

He wouldn't know their names if the boys hadn't called each other by name. The two bookends of the story make perfect sense but in the middle, like I mentioned it comes off as if we are seeing what happens not purely the pharmacy guy recalling what happened to Henriksen for example.

A fix-it suggestion would be just adding names to the first spoken sentences that the pharmacy guy hears the boys say to each other.

[lolaann1]

Fair enough, I can see where you're coming from and I'd rather a reader not be thrown out of my story because of unintentionally confusing passages. First person POV has, for some unknown reason, proven incredibly difficult for me to write. Probably way more difficult than it should be. Honestly, it makes my head hurt :(

[fifimom]

Very nice read. Thanks so much for sharing. This was fun.

[lolaann1]

thanks :)

[sameuspegasus]

Loved it! Yay for outsider POV.

[lolaann1]

I love outsider POV too, so thank you!