(Untitled)

[lolita_stardust]

a little bit behind now, but day 8 from the dogdaysofsummer

Title: Back in your Seamless Rhymes
Author: Lolita_Stardust
Pairing: come on now... :-)
Rating: Pg-13 (bit o' drug use and boy kissing)
Summary: "then we felt this place, we felt the magic here and we had to come"
Author's Note: title is taken from the Blur song "For tomorrow", full lyrics here

Comments

[javajunkie13]

“don’t you get it? You are the sun”

*large goofy grin* This was adorable. I think I'll be smiling like this all day. :D

[lolita_stardust]

aw, thanks :-)

I loved writing this - I've had many a muggle-style solstice moment on Primrose hill with my boy and a couple of joints.
when the sun comes up over the whole city it's not so hard to believe in magic

thanks for commenting

[underlucius]

Really gorgeous, the way Remus materialises, and the slightly otherwordly feel of a post drug euphoria is done very well.

The formatting was a little off putting however

xxx

[lolita_stardust]

really? which bit of the formatting? I finished and posted this pretty quickly so I'm sure it's not laid out as well as it could be.

If you have any suggestions I'd love to hear them

thanks
-x-

[underlucius]

*g* I'm glad you didn't mind me saying - it was such a lovely piece and deserved to be read.

Most of the paragraphs don't have a break between them, and you should leave a white line between each new person's speech. I know that's not how it is done in books, but screen reading is more stressful on the eyes than books.

e.g.

Sirius tilted his head back and smiled lazily as right on cue, the sun came up, turning Remus’s eyes amber, his hair gold laughing as a scar-crossed finger traced his nose down to his lips

“Stop looking at me, you dolt, look at the sun, look at the city - it’s beautiful”

“No, you make it beautiful. Before it was just grey, noisy, filthy; but now it’s incandescent, and you made it like that”

“Sirius, the sun made it like that”

“Don’t you get it? You are the sun”

[lolita_stardust]

ok, try it now. it has paragraphs and everything :-)

[bippimousie]

I love this, I love this, I love this! I love all of the others so far too...you are a truly amazing writer and forgive me if I fawn but this was simply brilliant...If you were in front of me, I would doff my hat ^^

[lolita_stardust]

thankyou so much! what a wonderful compliment

-x-

[hecates_wings]

Oh my. I'm in love. Thank you!

[lolita_stardust]

thankyou sweetheart!!

this one's as much a loove story with London as with the boys for me - that view as the sun comes up over London from Primrose Hill is the most beautiful sight in the world

-x-

[_brit_chick_]

That was gorgeous. I donno why, but i love the "you said i'd killed you" "you had" part. Its just so great with the simple wording but tons of meaning behind it. Very wonderfully written.