I get it, I get it.
Girlfriend > Me. Always.
I get it, I'll never be as important as her. I get it that you'll throw me away for her because she has your back. That you will throw your friendship away for her. Because she's the first out of everyone in your life, right? Why are you scared of losing me? I'll be there patiently waiting. Why? Because I forgive people way too easily because I care about you way too much. But Damn, I must have been an fucking idiot to believe that you cared about me more than your girlfriend.
I feel pretty used right now. Why? Because BEFORE YOU DID FUCKING ANYTHING, you threw me away. You said, "Alright. I'll miss you." And you go onto say that I mean a lot. The fuck!? The fucking hell!? I saw a glimmer of hope after you said I'm still going to talk to you. It's her fault if she thinks I'm cheating on her. Yeah, what do I hear ringing in my head? False hope, false to the fucking hope. But why do I feel like this? Oh, right.
It's because you made sure I heard that I was "second best" to you, I'm a jealous bitch. Call me out right now, right fucking now. I'm jealous that you love her that much, that I'm second place not first place. But whatever. I get it that your girlfriend will be your first priority while I'm not. I thought you were changing. But it's right where we started.
This one-sided friendship. Me caring for you and never the other way around. What kind of best friend are you? Those promises were they all in vain?
I'll tell you what I really want. Is you to be happy and if that means I'm the little sister who doesn't get a say in anything then I'll be okay.
That I don't say anything anymore about my feelings because they're selfish and stupid. That you deserved the best. That I was jealous of your damn girlfriend because she would always be more than me. That I actually stood a chance against her. Fuck you for believing that I was giving up on you. Fuck you for saying that you trusted me and all of a sudden pull out the razor and hurt yourself.
I'm jealous that your girlfriend has a guy who'll give up their best friend for you. I'm jealous that she means so much to you and I mean so little. Best friend, pfft, you're kidding, right? I'm not in the mood to cheer up someone who'd never cheer me up unless I asked. Thanks for everything. Today is not the day to think you can make me happy. You can't. You proved that I mean not that much to you, that I'm not important and you know what's fucked up about it?
Is that no matter how much you do to me, I'm going to love you unconditionally because you're the big brother I never had and I can lean on you, some times. That I'll forgive you no matter what, because you're that important to me.
SOMEONE HELP ME.