Ryoda Do you hate me? Chapter 5
Title: Do you hate me? Chapter 4
Pairings: Ryoda
Characters: Ryo, Ueda, KAT-TUN, YamaPi, Maru
Summary: Ueda's dreaming. He was dreaming of Ryo.
After Ryo had carried Ueda out of NewS’ room, he had decided to place Ueda on a couch in KAT-TUN’s resting room. There were bodies lying everywhere on KAT-TUN’s floor, along with dozens of beer bottles. Ryo silently walked over the emptied bottles and bodies and arrived in front of the velvety white couch.
Ryo had thought about this. Despite all the anger and worries that was rampaging in his head, he managed to think about Ueda. If he had carried Ueda back to his house, Ueda would be hurt. He knew better. He knew that if Ueda wakes up in Ryo’s house, his mind couldn’t handle it, especially with all the red marks on his neck and chest. Ryo had thought about it.
After Ryo had gently placed his exquisite lover on the couch, and took off his black sweater, and put it on Ueda. The black sweater was a bit too big on Ueda, but it was enough to cover up Ueda’s marks. Ryo didn’t want to go back to NewS’ room to get Ueda’s sweater back. He didn’t want to see Maru’s face again, not knowing if he was going to beat the drunken boy up again.
Ryo ran his thumb across Ueda’s cheeks, and stared at the boy with extreme care and pain. Ryo didn’t know how to make it up to Ueda about all the things that he had done. He didn’t know how to express his love for Ueda. Ryo knew that it was going to take a lot of time and effort for Ueda to accept him again, but that didn’t matter. Ryo loves Ueda. Even if it won’t be easy, Ryo would do everything to get Ueda in his arms again.
Ryo leaned in close and placed a gentle kiss on Ueda’s forehead. “Tatsuya…I love you. I’ve always had…” With his confession said, he ran his finger on Ueda’s lips before taking Ueda’s face in his hands. Ryo stared at Ueda with love in his eyes, and landed his lips on Ueda’s. The kiss lasted very long, like an eternity. Ryo liked the feeling of him and Ueda connecting. It had seemed like they were the only two people left on the world. Everything went blurry when they kissed. The feeling of Ueda’s lips on his was amazing. He wanted this feeling to last forever, but he knew that that would be impossible. When Ueda went out of breath, he started to struggle in his “asleep state”. Ryo reluctantly apart his lips from Ueda’s, breaking their contact. Ryo chuckled at Ueda’s expression. Ueda was trying to get his breathing right, but it had looked extra funny when Ueda was unconscious.
Ryo took one last look at Ueda before placing a last kiss on Ueda’s forehead. “I love you…Please forgive me. I know you shouldn’t, but I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done. I love you, Tatsuya.” A tear escaped one of Ryo’s eyes. “I want you to know that I love you, with all my heart. I can’t stop loving you, I really can’t. You’re my life, my everything. I don’t know if you hate me now, but it’s reasonable. It’s reasonable for you to hate me, but I will still love you.” Ryo closed his eyes shut, preventing any more tears to come out. He took one of Ueda’s delicate hands in his, and continued. “I don’t know if you’ll ever love me back, but I love you. I love you so much, so much that it hurts. It hurts a lot. It hurts because I cannot have you. It hurts because there is a chance that you hate me, that you’ll give up on me.” Ryo lifted Ueda’s hand with his, and placed their hands on his face. Ryo closed his eyes when Ueda’s hands touched him. “I love you, Tatsuya. Good night.” A tear escaped his eyes he when opened them. Ryo leaned in and kissed Ueda gently, and gave Ueda a painful, crooked smile before letting Ueda’s hand go.
Ryo stood, and left the room. He was afraid that if he had took a last look at Ueda, he would take the smaller boy in his arms, and never want to let go. Right when Ryo was about to leave the room, he heard a sound. Beep It was like a CD player, a recorder, or some kind of machinery that was clicked or activated. Ryo was too tired and pained to care. He walked out the door with fists clutched hard against his sides.
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The next morning, the bodies that were lying on the floor started wake up, one by one. It had taken at least 5 minutes for each and every one of them to regain common sense after they woke up. The ones that had woken up was tidying the room and waking up the other unconscious ones. They had finished taking off all the decorations, and threw out all the left over food and drinks. The emptied beer bottles were thrown away, packed in boxes. There were at least 10 boxes of emptied beer bottles at the end. After they had finished tidying up, half of the boys went to take a shower, the other half was trying to wake the few left over boys up, who were still unconscious.
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A world of pure white. The ground, trees, flowers, houses, the sky were all white. Countless of snow petals were falling from the solid, ice-cold sky. The snow had covered the ground, the trees, everything in white. Ueda opened his eyes as the snow touched him. He found himself in a world of white. He looked at himself. He was dressed in all white, with no shoes on. He was sitting on a pile of snow, but he wasn’t cold. He lifted his hand to collect a bunch of snow in his hands and clutched onto the snow pile. He couldn’t feel anything. His hands didn’t feel the coldness of the snow, nor did his body.
Slowly, Ueda stood up with the help of his hands. He took a glance at his surroundings. Everything was covered in snow. Everything was white. For some reason, that made Ueda feel at ease. Everything was so clam and beautiful.
“Tatsuya…I love you. I’ve always had…” Ueda flinched at that voice. “Who said that?” Ueda questioned in whisper. Ueda thought he had heard someone calling to him, but he wasn’t sure. All he heard was a blurred out sentence. . “I love you…Please forgive me. I know you shouldn’t, but I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done. I love you, Tatsuya.” There it was again. The voice continued. Ueda was curious. Who said that? Ueda couldn’t figure it out.
“Love? You love me?” Ueda asked in whisper. Then Ueda though of Ryo, the man he loved. Everything sense of pain and agony came back to him. The knowledge of Ryo hating him, knowledge of knowing that Ryo will never love him back had sickened him. Tears started to pour under Ueda’s brown eyes. Then, Ueda felt something pressed on his lips. It had felt like a kiss, a gentle kiss. Ueda could feel the sadness and love contained in that kiss. Even though Ueda doesn’t know who the person was, he knew that the person was in pain.
After the pressing feeling had been pulled away, Ueda flinched. He was uncomfortable at the loss of contact with the other person. Then, Ueda felt something, something wet. He looked down t his feet, and there it was, blood. The bright red colour was extra obvious on the pure, white snow he was standing on. His eyes traced the bloodline. His eyes slowly followed the bloodline, and he found his eyes landed on his own heart. Ueda pressed his hand on his heart. It hurts. Not the physical pain that makes you bleed, it was the emotional pain. Ueda felt the pain. The pain was unbearable. His hands clutched hard on the white shirt that he was wearing. He clutched at the spot where his heart located, on the blood stained shirt. It was then when Ueda noticed the bracelet.
“Huh?” Ueda lifted his other hand to touch the bracelet. He remembered this bracelet. It was the bracelet him and Ryo had share once. Ueda’s heart felt love and remorse as he remembered the scene where Ueda decided to give the bracelet back to Ryo. “Did Ryo keep the bracelets?” Ueda wondered out loud. Ueda landed his lips close to his wrist, and kissed gently on the bracelet. “I love you, Ryo. I really do. But it hurts. Should I give up? I tried to. I really did, but my heart wouldn’t let me. It still hurts. What should I do?” Ueda closed his eyes shut and a tear escaped his eyes.
. “I love you, Tatsuya. Good night.” The voice appeared again. This time, Ueda could actually hear every word clearly. Ueda lifted his head up, and found the voice. It was Ryo. Ryo was standing not far away from him. “Ryo…” Ueda opened his mouth, finding it difficult to pronounce Ryo’s name right when he saw the blood on Ryo. Ryo was bleeding. Ueda’s heart ached with pain and worry when he saw Ryo’s blood. The thought that Ryo was hurt had killed Ueda. That though alone killed Ueda. There were tears on Ryo’s face. Ryo’s face was a mixture of pain, regrets…and love.
Ueda noticed that Ryo was bleeding from the same place as he. “Ryo was hurt from someone he loves? Who?” That questioned danced itself around Ueda’s mind. When Ueda took a step forward to Ryo, Ryo started to back away. Ueda flinched at that moment. Without even taking another step, Ryo was getting farther and farther away from Ueda. Ueda’s body acted on its own and ran after Ryo. Ueda ran as fast as he could, but he was nowhere near Ryo’s paste. “Ryo! Stop! Ryo, wait for me! Don’t leave me!” Ueda managed to sob out those words between his heavy panting and tears.
The snow was falling heavier now, but the two didn’t stop chasing. After what it seemed like forever, Ueda tripped and fell on the snow. Ueda didn’t have the strength to get up. He just sat there, crying hysterically with his hands on his face. Moments later, Ueda could feel someone caressing his heart. Ueda took his hands off his face, and found Ryo in front of him, comforting him. Ryo took Ueda in his arms, and patted the back of Ueda’s head. Ryo pulled Ueda out and landed a gentle kiss on Ueda’s forehead. Ueda closed his eyes at the contact of Ryo’s lips on his skin. When Ryo had pulled himself away from Ueda, Ueda flinched at the loss of contact. Ueda stared at Ryo, only to find that Ryo was disappearing. Ryo was fading right in front of him, but he couldn’t do anything to save him.
“No…don’t leave me! Don’t leave me here all alone! Please…Ryo…I love you…” Ueda sobbed heavily when Ryo had completely faded away, right in front of him. Seconds later, Ueda was all alone again. He was all alone in the snow. “Ueda…Ueda…Ueda Tatsuya!” Ueda ignored the callings that surrounded him, knowing that the voice didn’t belong to Ryo. Slowly, Ueda drifted into sleep, and left the world of white…
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“Ueda kun! Ueda kun!” Ueda reluctantly opened his eyes, and found Jin’s head 5 times bigger than usual in front of his face. After trying to rub away the pain in his head (and failing) caused by the amount of beer he drank, Ueda gave Jin a look, as if asking, “Where am I?”
“We’re in KAT-TUN’s resting room. Remember we had a party for you last night? We were all drunk and fell asleep.” Jin answered Ueda’s question. “Let’s go now, Pi and I will drive you home. We don’t have work today, luckily, so you can rest all day.” Jin smiled at Ueda and helped Ueda get up on his feet.
After a 30 minutes drive, Ueda was arrived his apartment. He waved Jin and YamaPi good bye before smiling t them. When Ueda arrived his apartment, he slumped his body lazily on the couch. He then glanced at his wrist. He found the bracelet. “Ryo?” A tear escaped down Ueda’s cheeks. “I love you Ryo. I still do.” Ueda kissed the bracelet before falling asleep on the couch.
To be continued…
I didnt edit this chapter, so please ignore my mistakes>< hope you enjoy this chapter~
Pairings: Ryoda
Characters: Ryo, Ueda, KAT-TUN, YamaPi, Maru
Summary: Ueda's dreaming. He was dreaming of Ryo.
After Ryo had carried Ueda out of NewS’ room, he had decided to place Ueda on a couch in KAT-TUN’s resting room. There were bodies lying everywhere on KAT-TUN’s floor, along with dozens of beer bottles. Ryo silently walked over the emptied bottles and bodies and arrived in front of the velvety white couch.
Ryo had thought about this. Despite all the anger and worries that was rampaging in his head, he managed to think about Ueda. If he had carried Ueda back to his house, Ueda would be hurt. He knew better. He knew that if Ueda wakes up in Ryo’s house, his mind couldn’t handle it, especially with all the red marks on his neck and chest. Ryo had thought about it.
After Ryo had gently placed his exquisite lover on the couch, and took off his black sweater, and put it on Ueda. The black sweater was a bit too big on Ueda, but it was enough to cover up Ueda’s marks. Ryo didn’t want to go back to NewS’ room to get Ueda’s sweater back. He didn’t want to see Maru’s face again, not knowing if he was going to beat the drunken boy up again.
Ryo ran his thumb across Ueda’s cheeks, and stared at the boy with extreme care and pain. Ryo didn’t know how to make it up to Ueda about all the things that he had done. He didn’t know how to express his love for Ueda. Ryo knew that it was going to take a lot of time and effort for Ueda to accept him again, but that didn’t matter. Ryo loves Ueda. Even if it won’t be easy, Ryo would do everything to get Ueda in his arms again.
Ryo leaned in close and placed a gentle kiss on Ueda’s forehead. “Tatsuya…I love you. I’ve always had…” With his confession said, he ran his finger on Ueda’s lips before taking Ueda’s face in his hands. Ryo stared at Ueda with love in his eyes, and landed his lips on Ueda’s. The kiss lasted very long, like an eternity. Ryo liked the feeling of him and Ueda connecting. It had seemed like they were the only two people left on the world. Everything went blurry when they kissed. The feeling of Ueda’s lips on his was amazing. He wanted this feeling to last forever, but he knew that that would be impossible. When Ueda went out of breath, he started to struggle in his “asleep state”. Ryo reluctantly apart his lips from Ueda’s, breaking their contact. Ryo chuckled at Ueda’s expression. Ueda was trying to get his breathing right, but it had looked extra funny when Ueda was unconscious.
Ryo took one last look at Ueda before placing a last kiss on Ueda’s forehead. “I love you…Please forgive me. I know you shouldn’t, but I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done. I love you, Tatsuya.” A tear escaped one of Ryo’s eyes. “I want you to know that I love you, with all my heart. I can’t stop loving you, I really can’t. You’re my life, my everything. I don’t know if you hate me now, but it’s reasonable. It’s reasonable for you to hate me, but I will still love you.” Ryo closed his eyes shut, preventing any more tears to come out. He took one of Ueda’s delicate hands in his, and continued. “I don’t know if you’ll ever love me back, but I love you. I love you so much, so much that it hurts. It hurts a lot. It hurts because I cannot have you. It hurts because there is a chance that you hate me, that you’ll give up on me.” Ryo lifted Ueda’s hand with his, and placed their hands on his face. Ryo closed his eyes when Ueda’s hands touched him. “I love you, Tatsuya. Good night.” A tear escaped his eyes he when opened them. Ryo leaned in and kissed Ueda gently, and gave Ueda a painful, crooked smile before letting Ueda’s hand go.
Ryo stood, and left the room. He was afraid that if he had took a last look at Ueda, he would take the smaller boy in his arms, and never want to let go. Right when Ryo was about to leave the room, he heard a sound. Beep It was like a CD player, a recorder, or some kind of machinery that was clicked or activated. Ryo was too tired and pained to care. He walked out the door with fists clutched hard against his sides.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The next morning, the bodies that were lying on the floor started wake up, one by one. It had taken at least 5 minutes for each and every one of them to regain common sense after they woke up. The ones that had woken up was tidying the room and waking up the other unconscious ones. They had finished taking off all the decorations, and threw out all the left over food and drinks. The emptied beer bottles were thrown away, packed in boxes. There were at least 10 boxes of emptied beer bottles at the end. After they had finished tidying up, half of the boys went to take a shower, the other half was trying to wake the few left over boys up, who were still unconscious.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A world of pure white. The ground, trees, flowers, houses, the sky were all white. Countless of snow petals were falling from the solid, ice-cold sky. The snow had covered the ground, the trees, everything in white. Ueda opened his eyes as the snow touched him. He found himself in a world of white. He looked at himself. He was dressed in all white, with no shoes on. He was sitting on a pile of snow, but he wasn’t cold. He lifted his hand to collect a bunch of snow in his hands and clutched onto the snow pile. He couldn’t feel anything. His hands didn’t feel the coldness of the snow, nor did his body.
Slowly, Ueda stood up with the help of his hands. He took a glance at his surroundings. Everything was covered in snow. Everything was white. For some reason, that made Ueda feel at ease. Everything was so clam and beautiful.
“Tatsuya…I love you. I’ve always had…” Ueda flinched at that voice. “Who said that?” Ueda questioned in whisper. Ueda thought he had heard someone calling to him, but he wasn’t sure. All he heard was a blurred out sentence. . “I love you…Please forgive me. I know you shouldn’t, but I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done. I love you, Tatsuya.” There it was again. The voice continued. Ueda was curious. Who said that? Ueda couldn’t figure it out.
“Love? You love me?” Ueda asked in whisper. Then Ueda though of Ryo, the man he loved. Everything sense of pain and agony came back to him. The knowledge of Ryo hating him, knowledge of knowing that Ryo will never love him back had sickened him. Tears started to pour under Ueda’s brown eyes. Then, Ueda felt something pressed on his lips. It had felt like a kiss, a gentle kiss. Ueda could feel the sadness and love contained in that kiss. Even though Ueda doesn’t know who the person was, he knew that the person was in pain.
After the pressing feeling had been pulled away, Ueda flinched. He was uncomfortable at the loss of contact with the other person. Then, Ueda felt something, something wet. He looked down t his feet, and there it was, blood. The bright red colour was extra obvious on the pure, white snow he was standing on. His eyes traced the bloodline. His eyes slowly followed the bloodline, and he found his eyes landed on his own heart. Ueda pressed his hand on his heart. It hurts. Not the physical pain that makes you bleed, it was the emotional pain. Ueda felt the pain. The pain was unbearable. His hands clutched hard on the white shirt that he was wearing. He clutched at the spot where his heart located, on the blood stained shirt. It was then when Ueda noticed the bracelet.
“Huh?” Ueda lifted his other hand to touch the bracelet. He remembered this bracelet. It was the bracelet him and Ryo had share once. Ueda’s heart felt love and remorse as he remembered the scene where Ueda decided to give the bracelet back to Ryo. “Did Ryo keep the bracelets?” Ueda wondered out loud. Ueda landed his lips close to his wrist, and kissed gently on the bracelet. “I love you, Ryo. I really do. But it hurts. Should I give up? I tried to. I really did, but my heart wouldn’t let me. It still hurts. What should I do?” Ueda closed his eyes shut and a tear escaped his eyes.
. “I love you, Tatsuya. Good night.” The voice appeared again. This time, Ueda could actually hear every word clearly. Ueda lifted his head up, and found the voice. It was Ryo. Ryo was standing not far away from him. “Ryo…” Ueda opened his mouth, finding it difficult to pronounce Ryo’s name right when he saw the blood on Ryo. Ryo was bleeding. Ueda’s heart ached with pain and worry when he saw Ryo’s blood. The thought that Ryo was hurt had killed Ueda. That though alone killed Ueda. There were tears on Ryo’s face. Ryo’s face was a mixture of pain, regrets…and love.
Ueda noticed that Ryo was bleeding from the same place as he. “Ryo was hurt from someone he loves? Who?” That questioned danced itself around Ueda’s mind. When Ueda took a step forward to Ryo, Ryo started to back away. Ueda flinched at that moment. Without even taking another step, Ryo was getting farther and farther away from Ueda. Ueda’s body acted on its own and ran after Ryo. Ueda ran as fast as he could, but he was nowhere near Ryo’s paste. “Ryo! Stop! Ryo, wait for me! Don’t leave me!” Ueda managed to sob out those words between his heavy panting and tears.
The snow was falling heavier now, but the two didn’t stop chasing. After what it seemed like forever, Ueda tripped and fell on the snow. Ueda didn’t have the strength to get up. He just sat there, crying hysterically with his hands on his face. Moments later, Ueda could feel someone caressing his heart. Ueda took his hands off his face, and found Ryo in front of him, comforting him. Ryo took Ueda in his arms, and patted the back of Ueda’s head. Ryo pulled Ueda out and landed a gentle kiss on Ueda’s forehead. Ueda closed his eyes at the contact of Ryo’s lips on his skin. When Ryo had pulled himself away from Ueda, Ueda flinched at the loss of contact. Ueda stared at Ryo, only to find that Ryo was disappearing. Ryo was fading right in front of him, but he couldn’t do anything to save him.
“No…don’t leave me! Don’t leave me here all alone! Please…Ryo…I love you…” Ueda sobbed heavily when Ryo had completely faded away, right in front of him. Seconds later, Ueda was all alone again. He was all alone in the snow. “Ueda…Ueda…Ueda Tatsuya!” Ueda ignored the callings that surrounded him, knowing that the voice didn’t belong to Ryo. Slowly, Ueda drifted into sleep, and left the world of white…
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“Ueda kun! Ueda kun!” Ueda reluctantly opened his eyes, and found Jin’s head 5 times bigger than usual in front of his face. After trying to rub away the pain in his head (and failing) caused by the amount of beer he drank, Ueda gave Jin a look, as if asking, “Where am I?”
“We’re in KAT-TUN’s resting room. Remember we had a party for you last night? We were all drunk and fell asleep.” Jin answered Ueda’s question. “Let’s go now, Pi and I will drive you home. We don’t have work today, luckily, so you can rest all day.” Jin smiled at Ueda and helped Ueda get up on his feet.
After a 30 minutes drive, Ueda was arrived his apartment. He waved Jin and YamaPi good bye before smiling t them. When Ueda arrived his apartment, he slumped his body lazily on the couch. He then glanced at his wrist. He found the bracelet. “Ryo?” A tear escaped down Ueda’s cheeks. “I love you Ryo. I still do.” Ueda kissed the bracelet before falling asleep on the couch.
To be continued…
I didnt edit this chapter, so please ignore my mistakes>< hope you enjoy this chapter~