Chapter 5 Baction, Save Estelle!
[Concerning the title of this chapter… my response is, “Who cares?” It’s clear that Estelle (and practically every other protagonist) has been shafted in order to make room for Sierra. Seriously, the whole group can die and it wouldn’t matter because Sierra would be there to do everything.]
"Sierra? Sierra?" No response. It was as simple as that. They had landed at an ancient shrine, where they suspected Baction was.
"Sierra?" Another voice spoke. But she didn't listen. The eerily [Adverbs do not work with nouns. Sorry.] feeling she was getting from the shrine made her scared, and interested at the same time. You know, curiosity overflowing in her body. [Is it fatal? That would be good.]
"Sierra." This time, three voices spoke at the same time. She looked up with glazed eyes. And then that's when Yuri and Flynn smacked their foreheads in unison.
"Oh no."
"Oh hell." The two said, and I'm pretty sure you know who said what [You know what, the author might as well be a character with how she likes to narrate the story.]. Sierra got up from her lying down position to look at them.
"So, are we going?" She asked, her voice monotone. The rest of the group gave her a weird look before nodded. She nodded, before snapping herself out of it.
"…What did I do this time?" She asked, in an exasperated tone. The group now gave her another weird look [They wouldn’t act completely the same. Different characters have different reactions. It’s called “personality”, which is clearly lacking in this crapfic.], as if to ask what the hell was going on. Yuri responded.
"Just freaking the heck out of the rest of us." He replied as if it was nothing. She laughed slightly before smacking her head lightly.
"Ok, ok. Someone explain to me what's going on before I go crazy." Rita said, giving the look that gave everyone chills.
"I get apparent 'personality changes' at random times. I don't remember these moments, but apparently I look like I'm possessed. [Oh yes, give Sierra DID to make her even more special than before! Joy.]" She said, in a sort of thinking way [Opposed to a completely thinking way?]. Yuri nodded.
"Yeah. Don't get freaked out by it. A simple way to snap her out of it is to smack her." He said, laughing. She gave him a glare that could give the Kratos [What about Chuck Norris?] a run for his money.
"O-ok… don't do that." He said, a slightly frightened. [No.] Slightly. But that was enough to give Rita here some dangerous vibes.
"L-let's go now…[No.]" Flynn said, recovering the group successfully after an awkward moment and silence.
They stood in front the entrance.
THE ENTRANCE TO THE GLORIOUS BACTION!
…Sorry, won't do that again. [:\]
"Ok guys. We go in here, rescue Estelle and get out of here. [Sounds like the best poorly constructed plan ever.]" Yuri said. Karol nodded in agreement. Sierra looked at Yuri's serious face and cracked a smile before stifling her laughter, her hand gracefully covering her mouth.
"Oh? Yuri, you're actually serious for once. Could it be…?" Sierra managed to say out before her laughs took over her. Yuri gave her a weird, confused and then disgusted look. It took him approximately thirty seconds longer to figure out what she was implying, compared to the rest of the group.
"I don't like, like her!" He exclaimed, his face turning red. [Dear lord shoot me now.] The rest of the group laughed and then they entered the eerie place, the vibes the place was giving off gone.
[What happened to Sodia and Witcher? Also notice that Sodia suspiciously stops hating on Yuri the moment Sierra joins.]
They were inside. Simple as that? Of course not! The place would've given a normal person the creeps. It was cold, slightly damp, monster filled. Just like an average child's nightmare. Yes, that kind of included Karol, but he… grew up and decided not to show his fear.
"You know, out of the few days, the only person that hasn't cooked is Sierra. [Man, it sure is fun to talk about cooking when your friend is being tortured, isn't it?]" Karol said, laughing slightly. Yuri turned around to face him.
"Well, I don't mind to have Sierra's cooking. It's not as destructively bad as someone I know here." He replied back, quickly facing to the front. But half way, he sent a wink to the person he was referring to. [NO.] Sierra caught just a glimpse of it, but still laughed, or giggled.
"Actually, it's more like… a game of chance. It can be perfectly good, or horrifically bad." She said, smiling. The person that the two were referring two gave them a stubborn look.
"Is my cooking that bad?" He asked. He being Flynn. [Why so roundabout, author?] The two nodded their heads in unison. And then he looked at the rest of the group. They too nodded their heads. He sighed, but Patty's comment put the icing on the cake, the cherry on top, you get it.
"We don't need those thrills in cooking. [I hope you credit whoever translated that skit.]" No one retorted against that point. But then they really didn't want to be on the receiving end of a fourteen year olds trusted frying pan. And she was the best cook in the whole group.
"You know, did anyone spray a Holy Bottle?" Yuri asked. The whole group looked at him in confusion. They weren't too far in the dungeon, so they hadn't been attacked by any monsters yet.
"We thought you did, Yuri." Judith said, looking at him with questioning eyes. The rest of the group looked at him, until they saw…
A…
Group of knights! [Gasp! Surprise! Shock! Astonishment!]
"So, no one did, eh?" Sierra said, pulling her sword out of her sheath. The rest of them got ready for battle. [I like how impersonal it is whenever the author doesn’t refer to Sierra.]
"Well, it tells us one thing. The Imperial Knights have some work here. And chances are Estelle is here." Rita said, as she started to cast.
They dealt with the knights, one by one. That was only way. I mean, if you destroyed them one by one, like having everyone slash at one, they're weak. If they're in a pack, they're strong. [Cool story, bro.] But there was one thing that happened during that battle.
Sierra was careless enough to have her arm sliced. [OMG. She was hurt?] No, not in half, but a deep gash appeared.
"Sierra!" Karol shouted. She looked up to him, her arm closing up the wound. [Oh wait, never mind.]
"I'm fine. Just… fight." She said, as she used her 'Heal' arte. It had worked, though some of the evidence stayed behind. Like a scar, and a heck load of blood. But she didn't mind. It was the scar of war, wasn't it? So her black cloak was soaked in blood. But yet again, she didn't mind.
And once it was finally over, she stood up, wincing slightly at the after pain of being healed. Ironic isn't it?
"Are you alright, Sierra?" Judith asked. Sierra nodded.
"Yes, I'm fine. I was distracted. This is what I get for being inexperienced." She said, laughing slightly. Flynn shook in anger.
"This is no laughing matter! You could've lost your arm! [That would’ve been great. Or not. The author probably would’ve exploited it to make Mary Sue look better.]" Flynn. The Great Flynn Scifo had exploded. The built up guilt had, in an instant, turned into anger. And just all came down, almost like an avalanche, actually. [Needs moar anger management.]
"...You know Flynn. There's one thing you can't control. Your emotions. [Bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit. He is quite possibly one of the most restrained characters in the entire game.] You are the same Flynn that I met eleven years ago." She said, as she walked forward. Yuri, who watched the scene with interest, and smiled.
"Yuri, tell her it's a lie." He said calmly. Yuri laughed a bit more audibly before patting his back.
"Sorry, but I have to go with Sierra there. You really need to learn how to control your emotions. [Shouldn't Sierra be the one getting this lecture? She's the one who gets "anger fits".]" He said. Flynn looked away. And he didn't speak for the remainder of the dungeon. Because he knew it was bullshit.
And after a few moments of silence, with the occasion monster cry, or a spray of a Holy Bottle, or a swing from a knight's sword…
"Flynn! Watch out!" Karol and Sierra shouted. He stopped walking and opened his closed eyes. [Walking with closed eyes. Uh huh.]
"You dummy! You were just about to crash into that pillar! Watch out next time!" Rita shouted. Now that was more expected from Rita, since she was quiet ever since they entered the place. Strangely quiet. But then she was worried to high heaven about Estelle, so it wasn't that strange.
"So… what else [I like how he says “else”.] do you fight with, Sierra?" Karol asked. He was quite interested in her fighting method, because it was slightly different from Yuri's. It was more elegant, but ever so strangely [Still trying to one-up Yuri?], she was weaker than him. But then, she had almost incredibly fast speed. [And apparently I have almost incredibly good tolerance for shoddy writing.]
"Well, what do you guy's fight with? [How about trying to pay attention in battle? It’s quite evident then.]" They all felt weird. As they went deeper and deeper in the dungeon, they could feel the air (not the aer) [Yes, the readers can tell that there is a spelling difference.] start to become dense, and denser. And the place was getting damper, and damper, due to the plants that were growing all over the walls. As estimated by Karol, they were close to the end. [How can you tell? Not like there’s a light at the end of a tunnel or anything.] Though, ever since when was the map maker right? [Is Ever Since When a new character as well?]
"Well, I fight with axes, hammers and swords. Though occasionally, my bag works too." Karol said surprisingly proudly, considering his probable emotional state to be haywire [This reads like Engrish.].
"I fight with spears. Or staves. Or occasionally, when I'm not using either of them, my boots. They're really good at causing unexpected pain." Judith said, laughing a little.
"You're… joking, right? [I should be the one saying that. She’s been fighting with you since Ghasfarost.]" Rita asked. She was a little freaked out. Just a little.
"Yes. Of course." Judith replied.
"I fight with whatever works well within my research materials. But mainly, books, whips and scrolls. Though when I don't have any of them, I use my belt." Rita said. She had finally contributed to the conversation. They had gone one more floor deeper. And that's when they had to stop. Yuri had ran out of Holy Bottles in his pack.
"Hey, Captain Karol! Do you have any Holy Bottles in your bag?" He asked. Karol sighed.
"Man, we're out already? Well, I don't think we have any left. We used the last at Mt. Temza, and someone forgot to get more." He said, glaring at Yuri. Yuri flinched a bit before muttering an apology. [He’s channelling Estelle!]
"I…I have a few." A person mumbled nervously. She really didn't want her stock to go empty. [Well thanks. Take your stock over the lives of your team members. But I suppose they don’t really matter because Sierra can beat Alexei on her own.] But there was no choice. They were desperate. But only Flynn heard it.
"Hey, Yuri! Sierra's got a few. [Gasp,the author lied! Flynn wasn't supposed to speak for the rest of the dungeon!]" He said, in her place. Sierra took her backpack from her back off and opened it, revealing everyone's favorite monster (enemy) evasive bottle.
"Good. I don't want to fight until I'm exhausted. [That could be misinterpreted into something extremely stupid.]" Yuri said, as he took one and sprayed it. (Really, do you spray it, or pour it on your body? I'm pretty sure you don't eat it…)
"And I never found out what Sierra uses. [It's so sad that you have to interrupt a conversation to save a friend.]" Karol mumbled as they got to a door, which they had suspected was the basement of the place.
"Estelle!" Rita shouted, as they opened the door. They found themselves in the basement, where Alexei stood on the pedestal. Yuri was holding his sword, well not really his sword, the Dein Nomos in his hands quite securely. [How did Yuri get Dein Nomos if they didn’t meet Duke along the way? Hello, plot hole.]
"Ahh… so you came for Her Highness?" He said, laughing. Estelle was trapped in a vortex of something that she couldn't get out of. And as Rita had discovered a few minutes ago, it was a vortex of aer, which had a difficult formula that she couldn't even break.
"Get Estelle out of there NOW!" Yuri shouted, in a commanding voice.
"Yuri Lowell. You have the Dein Nomos, don't you?" Alexei said calmly. He gritted his teeth.
"I've been looking for that sword for a while now. Pity that it comes to me when I no longer need it." [Lol, copypasta.]
"Lady Estellise!" Flynn shouted. Estelle looked at him, her eyes full of sorrow.
"Well, I don't have any time. I'll be off now. Schwann, deal with them." He said, before leaving.
"You seem a little off there. Wanna try a redo, or should I just go ahead and make fun of you." said Yuri, amazed that he hadn't killed himself yet.
"WAIT A MOMENT!" Now that was unexpected. [That’s because Alexei was supposed to make his exit there.] The voice came from Sierra. Alexei stopped in his tracks.
"Yes?" He asked. She sighed.
"I believe…" She started. She put her hands behind her back and took off the locket. It was a gold locket, with beautifully engraved swirly patterns on it. And on the back, there were words.
To my dear, late wife, I will wear this for life, in her honour.
Was all it said. She threw it at Alexei. He caught it and looked at it. With opened eyes. [No, he looked at it with closed eyes!]
"…this is yours." She finished. He took it by the chain and swung it a little. It shone under the small amount of light in the room.
"How do you know that this is mine?" He asked, his voice quite shakily. [Alexei would not show that. He’s a damn good actor, if you haven’t noticed.] She laughed slightly.
"Look inside." She said. He opened it and found himself facing something he hadn't seen in seventeen years. The locket he had lost. With the picture of his dear late wife.
"…How long have you had it for?" He asked, his voice wavering more and more. She laughed again, except a little louder. [She always does this.]
"Now, that's confidential to me. Why should I tell you? Does it matter? I know it was yours because you told me, when I was in the knights, that you lost a locket like the one I wore. Though I think you've forgotten about that moment." She said. And then that's when he noticed who she was. [She’s his daughter, surprise, surprise.]
"You are…!"
"I am Captain Sierra Corlese. Well, former captain anyways. I suggest that you stop your foolish plans. Before I personally make it my plan to make sure you are stopped. Dead, or alive. [Making her a controlling bitch as usual.]" She said, her cheeriness gone. It was like the venom in her voice was really deadly [Or maybe it was only just a tad deadly.]. And she really made it sound like she meant it.
Alexei took one good look at her before running away. [Enemy ALEXEI fled the battle!] Estelle right behind him. She sighed. [So after all that, Sierra just sits and watches. Good job.]
"ESTELLE! (Or in Flynn's case LADY ESTELLISE!)" The whole group apart from Sierra shouted. [That was a delayed reaction.]
"Oh well, that didn't work." She said, smacking her forehead. [No shit, Sherlock.]
Me: Hello! And Good- whatever time you read this (morning/afternoon/evening/night!)
Yuri: Didn't you say that you had to tell people something?
Me: Oh yes! I made Sierra a little less stronger [Didn't work.], because, as someone helped me pointed out that I had indulged in Sierra (aka, mary-sueish) which I find too hard to do, because...I just normally can't help it. But she is important in the story as well, so I had to make her a little useful too. [There's a difference between making her presence known in the story and overshadowing every main character. Furthermore, if you realize you have a problem with making Mary Sues, shouldn't you be more alert of what causes it in the first place?]
Yuri: I see, you said that to clear up some confusion? [Not confusion. Contempt.]
Me: Yeah.
Flynn: She doesn't own ToV. [Damn right she doesn't.] Or any random references made in the making of this chapter. She like reading reviews, you know. Helps her change ideas and such. [But she won't change her ideas.]
Me: ....Flynn, that was wayy to much info. And I'm pretty sure that's Luke knocking at the door.
(outside) Luke: FLYNN! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET MY CLOTHING FROM?
(outside) Asch: YURI! WHERE IN THE NAME OF AULDRANT DID YOU GET MY OUTFIT FROM!
Yuri, Flynn: Oh shoot.
Me: Well, I ain't involved, so don't look at me.
Sierra was unfortunately mentioned 24 times in this chapter.