Godawful Naruto Mary Sues.
Bored as hell, needed something to do, so I start sporking Naruto Mary Sue profiles on FF.net. I would post this on naruto_horrors but I hate being like the only person on there anymore so I am punishing them for being SO DEAD.
Name: Nikia Zaraki (Denshi Jishou’d that. Zaraki apparently means something like “sake” from what I could tell. Is she from a family of alcoholics?)
Gender: Female
Birthday: May 5th
Age: 15
Height: 6’ 10” (6 foot 10 inches)( Konoha’s tallest resident ninja) (So a OC who’s famous for being a genetic freak. I like that.)
Clan/Family: Zaraki; Kasumi(mother, chunin), Keiji(father, jonin), Mihoshi(aunt, special jonin), Kenta(uncle, special jonin), Ayane(aunt, Anbu), several younger and older cousins. (I find it funny as hell that her momma’s a Chuunin. WEAK MOTHER. WEAK.)
Likes: Cute things(plushies, kittens, puppies, etc), music, tranquillity and serenity, capoeira, anime, manga, sweets, cola, Anko Mitarashi(crush). (So she likes kawaii stuff, wannabe-zen stuff, something I don’t know about, and she’s a otaku with a lesbian crush? WTF?)
Dislikes: Arrogance, rude people, perverts, bigot, prejudice, traitors, hypocrites. (Stop trying to be all political up in yo fanfictions.)
Dream: To become a successful ninja and meet the girl of her dreams(one with the combined grace and beauty of Anko, Tsunade and Hinata.) (I like the fact that the Sue’s lesbian, because most authors would shy away from that, but the “combined grace” part rings an alarm towards another Sue.)
Qualities/Personality: Leader, calm, quiet, serious, playful, friendly, romantic matchmaker, peacekeeper, strong silent type, spaces out and daydreams, kind, fierce temper when provoked, especially in regards to her extreme height. (The pErFeCt personaliii!!!!)
Team-mates, Sensei: Team 3; Chino Benihebi, Dokuro “Dok’” Kurosame. Sensei (depending on what fic and its settings, either any OC or existing character); Rock Lee(along with Kushina-chan and Magaki Uzumaki), Obito Uchiha , Mikoto Uchiha, Genma Shiranui, Tokagero Benigumo, Anko Mitarashi, Hyuuga Hinata, Uzumaki Naruto, etc. (Nuh-uh, back the fuck up. ONE TEAM. ONE SENSEI, 2 OTHER PEOPLE ONLY.)
Jutsu: Ninjutsu: Suiton(Water style), Doton(Earth style), Raiton(Lightening style), Ice style(from Naruto movie 1), Silent Homicide, Striking Shadow Snake(regular and multi). Hyorinmaru(Ice Ring)(Bleach’s Toushiro Hitsugaya’s zanpakuto): Developed by Nikia, this technique uses her affinity for water, as she gathers it from the moisture in the air,the flowing and swift movements generated from using her tai-chi and capoeira movements, and as she lashes out kicks, launches a flow of ice shaped like an Chinese dragon, which flies at the opponent and feezes anything it touches. Unlike her ice-style jutsu, this technique doesn’t need already available ice and snow, but rather works best in the sort of terrain as well as very cold and wet areas The way in which Nikia uses this technique is similar to Chino’s Rankyaku. (tl;dr sounds awful though.)
Black Dragon Blizzard(regular and double): another ice style jutsu, these 2 can be used when there’s either ice and snow available or in a very cold and wet area as well, however the latter condition requires 3 times more chakra. (*yawn* I can tell she used the jutsu generator. Emo color + Asian animal + disaster = your new jutsu!)
Genjutsu:No talent for casting them, but can sense and break them. (Because she’s so powerful like that.)
Kenjutsu: Usual ninja weapons, but has manriki(throwing chains). (I respect that she actually looked that up.)
Taijutsu: A mixed style built around her main style, Capoeira, a sort hybrid art that combines fighting with dancing. The style is built around acrobatic play, feints, and extensive use of groundwork including sweeps, kicks and head butts, as well as elbow strikes, slaps, punches and body throws. It has a variety of techniques that make use of the hands, legs, feet, arms and head, and its emphasis is normally on kicking, though kicks are among the offensive movements along with punches and takedowns. Because of the many techniques’ appearances, they’re often mistaken for dancing or acrobatic maneuvers. However, while capoeira has some quite impressive acrobatic signature moves, many of the basic techniques of the style are similar to those found in other martial arts. (tl;dr, respect lost.)
Nikia’s capoeira combines many other styles, such as tae kwan do, muay thai, savate and many others, and her stance shifts from capoeira’s main stance, the ginga, in which she seems like she’s dancing, to relaxed stances in which she seems to not use her upper body, often crossing her arms together across her chest or placing them in her pockets, only putting them in action for submission holds, grapples and takedowns, or strikes with the elbows and punches or when they’re required for maneuvers like handstands. Nikia’s skill with capoeira shows her phenomenal speed, agility and flexibility, unusual in one of her height and build, using it together with the natural reach and strength found in one expected of her size. Some have dubbed her style of capoeira the Red Dragons dance, as her movements, which are quick and brutal, yet often flow like water, are often lethal in their precision, as if twisting and turning like an Asian style dragon in the sky, ready to eliminate the enemy, their blood falling from the sky like rain. Nikia’s Capoeira style boasts a wide array of kicks coupled with superb acrobatic skill to make for a versatile fighting technique which weaves continuous and powerful attacks. (MOAR tl;dr, I caught “dragon” “dance”, “flow like water”, “brutal”, so it must be headdesk worthy.)
Rai no Mai(Dance of Lightening):Similar to Sasuke’s Chidori Current, Nikia, using her affinity for lightening, covers and charges her body with electricity, which flows to and outside her body, giving her strikes, especially her kicks an extreme edge, as the blows will cause shocks to an opponent, to the point their nervous system becomes immobilised. (It’s “similar” to a existing character because she’s lazy.)
Diable no Mai(Dance of the Devil):using air friction, Nikia sets her legs on fire, adding extreme heat to the impact of her attacks. This is done so by spinning rapidly to heat up the legs so much they turn red, and sets the opponent on fire when they strike. (If she set her legs on fire, they’d blacken and burn. People get hurt in the Naruto world, hun.)
Nikia’s use of capoeira and her movements in general are the result of her habit of spacing or zoning out. Often times, this habit is her 6th sense, which gives her an awareness of her surroundings, and provides aid to her other senses. This awareness and sensitivity greatly affects her reactions, causing her to move, attack and defend on instinct, pure basic instinct. She never thinks her moves, she just does them; when she’ll throw a punch, she just does it, no forethought. Her instincts offer her numerous actions to choose from, often making her take what they tell her is the best course of action; she could either dodge left or right, use substitution, etc. This natural instinct makes her an Uchiha’s worst nightmare, as since Sharingan is based on reading the opponent’s moves, there’s no way to decipher how to counter and act, as all the fore-images they see will be the hundreds of maneuvers she could pull off, nor does she stay still long enough to look them in the eyes, often flwoing around and feinting with her acrobatics, leaving her hard to read on where and when she might strike. (Tl;dr bullshit)
Shunpo(Flash Step): Like Dok’s Sonido and Chino’s Soru, a movement technique that allows it’s users to move faster than the eye can follow. Nikia often uses this hand in hand with her taijutsu, making her even more unpredictable. (She’s so awesome she stole her other Gary Sue’s moves can move like fast!)
Ryu Rendan(Dragons’ Barrage): Like Sasuke’s Lion’s Barrage, only once again using her Capoeira, this move is like an aerial dance, if it involved punches and kicks. (Someone explain what the hell capillariopia or whatever it is to me? I didn’t catch it.)
Ryu-Mon Rendan(Dragons’ Gate Barrage):A more brutal version of the above attack, which finishes with a piledriver technique like Peregrine Falcon Drop, and if the target still lives, will receive a vicious elbow strike over the Xiphoid Process( the portion of the ribcage over the heart, which when broken, impales it). (She’s so brootal TT_TT)
Negative Drain: A devastating attack in which Nikia grabs her opponent in a hurricanrana and does it over several times, finishing with an aerial piledriver. (Stop stealing shit from Rock Lee. You can steal from Sasugay and your OC’s, but touch Rock Lee and you’re dead.)
Withering Chaos: Same as above, only Nikia does a power bomb over and over, finishing with a jumping version, slamming the opponent into the ground hard. This attack and the 2 above often end with a balzing pillar of chakra with an ethereal skull in its centre, a dragon’s skull in the case of the Ryu-Mon Rendan. (Moar brootalness! DRAGON SKULL! I bet her younger brother got inspired and started a shitty metal band named DRAGON SKULL because of her.)
Character Theme Music: Normal; “Overkooled” by Skankfunk, Fight;“Diva’s Opera” by Diva Plavalaguna, “Suffocate” by Sevendust. (Rule 30 of the Naruto Fanfic Writing: If you are going to make a theme song for your Sue, and in that case, please don’t, but if you must, make it Japanese. The Naruto characters live in Japan and have Japanese theme songs, so you should too.)
Okay, that was bad. Not really bad, but all of the capillary and copying movies stuff was getting unbearable. DIVA’S OPERA!
1Profile
Name: Maho, Tsuki (Tsuki apparently means “attached”, maho means “magic”. Weird last name.)
Age: 15 going on 16 (Ever since that Jennifer Lowe Hewitt/Jennifer Garner or whatever movie, I can’t stand that phrase.)
Birthday: July 25
Blood type: AB positive (Too specific.)
Zodiacs: (Chinese)- Snake/ (Stars)- Leo (Too fucking specific.)
Size: LARGE 5’7’’ (I couldn’t resist. It should be “Height”, I’m sure.)
Hair/Color: Straight, shoulder length, blonde. Long bangs frame her face.
Eye Color: Really light gray with black pupil (Weird eyes, check. Abormal for Naruto world [yes, I know, Naruto and Tsunade have blonde hair but that’s it, really] hair color, check!)
Eye Personality: (these are odd, by the way) (*headdesk* Christ Jesus.)
Deep Blue - Depressed
Really light gray - Not feeling any strong emotions/Normal
Light Blue - Happy/Content
Red - Angry/Really Pissed-off
Purple - Genkakugan is activated (WAIT. BACK UP. “GENKAKUGAN”. SHE DIDN’T. NO.)
When her Jikan Genkakugan is activated her iris is red and the whites of her eues are a dark pink color. (Think Cheza from Wolf’s Rain) (Stealing from a Naruto clan’s kekkai genaki, CHECK. Stealing from a non-Naruto character? CHECK!!)
Tattoo: Magick circle with a ten pointed Star in the middle with enough room for a Sun at the top of the star, while still in the circle, and a Moon at the bottom, while still in the circle, on her back. (I think this is THE SUE. She just has to have a sparkly name, a tail, relation to a Naruto character, a relationship with a character, and we’ll have the Perfect Sue!)
Weapons: Magick cards with staff. She also draws on paper and uses ‘Reflection’ to make it come alive. (OH I GET IT. MAGIC CARDS…TSUKI “MAHO”…LOLOLOL *breaks down*)
Country/Region/Village: Snow Country/ Moon Region/ Village Hidden in Magic (Not sure where the moon region is or if it even exists so I’m just making stuff up in that point. The Village hidden in Magick is mine, unless it already exists.) (AUTHOR MAKES UP OWN FUCKING VILLAGE? Check, please!)
Bloodline Trait: Genkakugan (illusory eyes), activates in the eyes. Enables the person to Kurayami Kikan (Dark Space or Dark Time). It can be used as a time justu or memory justu. With this, the user can show the memories of ones past, much like the Uchiha Clan’s Tsukuyomi Sharingan. Also, like the Tsukuyomi, the user can create a world where mater, space, and the very fabric of time is under the users control, and in this, can do what they will to whom ever. But, there is another side to Kurayami Kikan, the user can use it to look into the Past, Present, and Future, this is the only justu that can perform this andonly those of the Maho Clan who posses the Genkakugan can use it. The Time Justu it’s come to be called, or the Jikan Genkakugan. Another name for Genkakugan is Genkaku-Teki (causing illusion). (Kekkai genkai that can do 2 things? C-h-e-c-k! This might be one of the worst Sues I’ve ever seen!)
Personality: Shy by nature, carefree, usually shows no emotion (usually when she’s not thinking anything, which is usually all the time unless someone is talking to her), quiet, not sensitive to most anything meaning just about nothing really fazes her unless you happen to hurt one of her friends, then she gets pissed. (Hinata amirite?)
Clothing: Mesh shirt with black hoodie over top, black baggy pants over black knee-high boots that has toes covered, silver ring with Ruby stone in the center on right middle finger, and a black choker. Hoodie has Japanese symbol for illusion on the back in silver. Wears village head band around neck. (I can imagine the Sue going: “Look at my stone!” *sticks up middle finger* “HAW HAW HAW!” Then I come by and break her fingers.)
Background:
-Age 5: Discovered her bloodline.
-Age 7: Graduated from academy at the top of her class. (*sobs*)
-Age 8: Total mastery of bloodline, passes chuunin exams. (I…think I’ve found the worst Sue evar!)
-Age 10: Became Jonin. (Shut the hell up.)
-Age 11: Became Anbu captain. (Yessir, loli ANBU captain reporting!)
-Age 12: When she came home from a mission, found her entire clan had been slaughtered. Discovered the Yukikage to have ordered the assassination of her clan, so she, in turn, slaughtered the entire village, including the Yukikage. She left the village soon after. (*yawn* Heard this before.)
-Age 13: Had a run in with the Akatsuki. Nothing much happened , but she did manage to seriously injure one of them. (OH I BET. Just don’t fucking hurt Zetsu. I love that cannibal plant guy. ♥)
-Age 15: Now arrivesthe Village Hidden in the Leaves, also known as Konohagakure. Time set during the time skip, 2.5 years after the siege of Sound and Sand. (*sporker flees from story in panic, burning down Konoha as she runs* MAN THE HARPOONS WE HAVE A CODE RED SUE!)
Umeda Aburame (As in…Shino? Uh-oh!)
Gender:Female
Age:13
DOB:February 14
Parents:Shino Aburame; Emi ((From fire Nation)) (……………excuse me? FIRE NATION? THIS IS NOT FUCKING AVATAR THIS IS NARUTO GODDAMMIT)
Team:3
Favs:Ice Cream; Card Games (Sounds like an extremely exciting girl.)
Hair:Black
Eyes:Golden (Homegirl’s eyes can’t just be brown. That shit has to be fucking GOLDEN.)
Height:5'6”
Kekkai Genkai: Control over Bugs (…I thought they just summoned bugs? What?)
Summons:Bugs
Rank:Genin (Okay, that’s good.)
Specialty:Ninjutsu/Genjutsu
Village:Leaf
Weapons:Kunai (Well, I always say a sparsely-worded OC profile is better than a srsly long one!)
Tejima Akimichi: (AS IN CHOUJI? Fatass.)
Gender:Male
Age:13
DOB:January 27
Parents:Choji Akimichi; Ayame((From the Ramen Shop)) (I just lawled. Have some more creativity. At least you remembered whatserface’s name.)
Team:4
Favs:Pork; Ramen; Soup; Ginger (FATTY LIKES FOOD NOM NOM NOM)
Hair:Red-Brown
Eyes: Brown
Height:5'5”
Kekkai Genkai: N/A
Summons:N/A
Rank:Genin
Specialty:Mednin
Village:Leaf
Weapons:Chakra control (*falls asleep reading* Wow, sounds pretty bad. B-o-r-i-n-g.)