Tell Me Baby (who do you wanna be?) - Part Four

[london_blitz]

It’s Saturday all too soon for Mikey’s liking, and even though he accidently missed his previous therapy appointment, he can’t help but wish he was in Ray’s bed instead or driving with him to get breakfast again. It’s not that he’s not happy, because really he is. It’s just that he doesn’t want to talk about why he’s happy and the fact that he has to remember that him being happy isn’t a regular occurrence, or at least it wasn’t until a month or more ago.

Gerard is at his apartment early like he usually is to make sure that Mikey’s filled in his chart and that he’s ready to go. There isn’t much time to talk between Gerard getting to his apartment and them driving to the therapist, and Mikey is starting to miss his brother a little.

The therapy session is as it usually is, Mikey sits in the chair opposite Hailey and Gerard sits next to him listening in.

“Thank you for calling me last week, Mikey. I was a little worried...” Hailey starts and Mikey bites at his lip because he knew she was going to bring that up.

“Yeah, I...sorry. I stayed over at my friends and-”

“Ray’s?” She asks, jotting things down on her notepad as usual.

Mikey nods. “Yeah, we’ve had a really great time.”

Hailey smiles at this and Mikey knows that it’s really not a fake smile. It’s not the usual therapist smile, coy and deceiving, because she isn’t like that at all. She knows Mikey and she knows his darkest moments in life and not once has she ever judged. He makes a big deal out of visiting her every Saturday but really he knows that if she hadn’t been there for him to speak to, apart from Frank or Gerard he would have been in a lot more trouble than he once was.

The time Mikey has with her today passes quickly, and soon he’s quite aware that he only has around ten minutes left. As they talk about the changes in Mikey’s daily routines, how he’s been given a little more responsibility with Frank’s store and how he wants to continue seeing Ray, he notices that Gerard is sitting next to him looking rather pissed off.

“You alright, Gee?” Mikey asks quickly in between conversation.

Gerard nods, still looking mighty pissed at something. Thinking about it, Mikey realises that he’s not actually said much since he picked him up this morning.

“Are you alright, Gerard? Anything you would like to add?” Hailey asks, and Gerard quickly looks over to her, instantly guilty that he’s raining on his brother’s time to speak.

“I’m fine. I just, I’m worried, that’s all,” Gerard mumbles and Mikey looks at him, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Gee, you can talk...” Mikey adds and Gerard nods.

“I’m worried about you. I can see how happy you are, and really I’m happy for you, it’s just...” Gerard starts to speak, words failing him because he really doesn’t know how to put what he’s about to say. “I just, it’s just Ray...”

Mikey scoffs and runs a hand through his hair. “You don’t want to see me happy, do you?” Mikey asks with a disbelieving tone to his voice.

“What!” Gerard squeaks because if there is one thing in his life he tries to make sure he does it to keep his brother as happy as possible. “You know that’s unfair, Mikey,” he warns, but Mikey just shrugs.

“What are you worried about, Gerard?” Hailey asks again and Gerard sighs, looking over at her and then to Mikey.

“I’m just worried he’s going to leave again. I’m worried he’ll leave and then I’ll be left to pick up the pieces, just like last time,” he finally admits, and Mikey scoffs again.

“You’re unbelievable. I’m happy for the first time in years Gerard. Years, and you can’t not, for one second, stop and act like you’re happy for me?”

Gerard sighs because, really, this isn’t what he wanted to happen when he told Mikey his concerns. He knows that he shouldn’t have even said anything.

“Just forget it. I’m happy for you...” Gerard mumbles, because right now he really doesn’t want to be arguing with his brother. Hailey is sat across the room jotting things down still on her notepad like she always does, and he really doesn’t want an argument between him and his brother noted down and filed away.

“I can see why you’re concerned, Gerard...” Hailey says before adding, “but maybe you need to focus on the fact that your brother is happy, whether it will be short lived or not?”

Mikey laughs a little under his breath because hello, he is still in the room. This has got to be the crappiest therapy session he’s had, and all he wants to do right now is leave the room, text Ray, go and eat pancakes with Frank and of course, completely ignore his brother.

He gets his wish a few moments later, though, because now the hour is up and they’re leaving the room, thanking Hailey for her time as always and leaving the building, heading across to Gerard’s car.

“You coming back to mine?” Gerard asks in a glum voice, because he knows that his brother is mad at him.

Mikey only nods and opens the car door when Gerard sounds the alarm off, belting up before averting his eyes to the passenger window for the entire drive.

When they arrive at Frank and Gerard’s, Mikey slams the car door and doesn’t even bother to wait for Gerard to lock the car before he heads for their stair case and sprints up the stairs, picking out his own set of keys so that he doesn’t have to wait for his brother.

He lets himself in and closes the door quickly, knowing that will piss Gerard off too. He smirks at his actions before walking in to the living room and throwing himself down on to his recliner. He sighs as his body hits the comfy leather and turns his head to look towards the kitchen where Frank is stood in the door way, looking rather confused.

“Erm, where’s my husband?” Frank asks with raised eyebrows.

Mikey rolls his eyes. “You mean the inconsiderate moron? Downstairs,” Mikey answers with a smug look on his face, but before Frank can reply, Gerard is opening their door, throwing his keys down on the couch and then himself.

“What was that?” Gerard asks, because Mikey’s just stormed off and he’s not even sure what he’s done wrong.

“What was that at my therapy session, hmm?” Mikey retaliates and Gerard groans.

“Mikes, I’m allowed to be worried about you...” Gerard protests and throws his hands up in the air before smacking them back down on to the couch quickly.

“Woah, you told him?” Frank asks as he comes in to the living room now, standing between the recliner and the couch.

Gerard nods and Mikey keeps quiet.

“Gerard! What did I tell you?” Frank complains with a stern, angry look across his face.

“I’m not going to stand by and watch him get hurt again, Frank,” Gerard warns, but Frank scowls.

“And what makes you think he’s going to get hurt?” Frank questions, a pissed off look still adorning his face.

“He’s left before, he could do it again,” Gerard mumbles and Mikey groans.

“If I can get over the fact that he left, so can you,” Mikey states and points at Gerard. “I’m happy. I’m not stupid or naive, I know he could leave again. I know that my life is never going to be rainbows and walks in the park because I’m always going to be bipolar. But if I can start to come to terms with that,” Mikey speaks quickly before pointing at Gerard. “Then so can you.” he finishes and Gerard sighs, chest rising quickly and falling at a slow pace.

“Mikes, I just - ” Gerard tries to talk, but Mikey cuts him off.

“It doesn’t matter. Frank, man, pancakes?” Mikey smiles over to Frank who is standing watching as they argue and nods quickly before walking back to the kitchen to finish making their breakfast.

It takes a few attempts at smiling over at Mikey, but Gerard soon lets his mouth curl in to one and shoots it across to his brother who is now shovelling pancakes in to his mouth. Mikey smiles back because, really, he’s still going to need his big brother, whether things work out or not.

-

The rest of the weekend for Mikey is spent texting Ray. Mikey never thought it was actually possible to send and receive so many texts in such a small space of time, but apparently you can, because by the end of Sunday night, he’s got over fifty texts in his inbox from Ray.

Most of the texts are about new video games Ray might be able to get at work, plans to play the games and what DVDs they have to watch together soon. A few of the texts, though, make Mikey’s heart beat a little faster and his stomach ties in to knots because, really, Ray is a romantic at heart.

It’s nearly midnight and Ray’s been texting Mikey about seeing him tomorrow.

Are you in the shop tomorrow? Please say yes, I might have screwed my bass up a little... and I really want to see you xxx

Mikey laughs at the text and he’s actually in bed, his eyes starting to grow tired. Who knew happiness was the key to insomnia?

I’ll be in from around lunchtime. What have you done, Toro? I want to see you too :) xxx

I’ve knocked the pegs out of place and it sounds all weird, you’ll tune it for me right? Is the shop usually busy on a Monday afternoon? Xxx

I’ll tune it for you :) Usually dead about 4pm, why? xxx

You’re the best! Just wondering...xxx

Raymond Toro...what are you planning? xxx

Ray grins and bites his lip as Mikey texts him back because his full name sounds amazing coming from Mikey’s lips, even when he texts he can imagine just how he says it.

Nothing! I just might want to kiss you...a lot xxx

Sounds like a good plan to me. Frank’s out late afternoon. I’ll close the shop for half an hour, say 3.30? xxx

I’ll be there. See you tomorrow, beautiful xxx

Night Ray xxx

Mikey texts back and he can’t help but grin in to the darkness of his bedroom, his stomach in knots because Ray just called him beautiful. He feels sick, but a good kind of sick, because his heart is pumping a little faster, his body thrumming with anticipation.

-

Ray is true to his word, and just before 3.30 he’s there, helping Mikey lock the door and turn the ‘open’ sign around to ‘closed’ before he grabs him for a hug, pulling him in and wrapping his strong arms around his small middle.

“Missed you...” Ray mumbles against Mikey’s shoulder.

Mikey hums. “Missed you too,” he replies and squeezes his arms around Ray tightly before letting him go. “Want to move to the back room?”

Ray grins. “Sounds awesome.”

Mikey grins back, all awkward teeth and grabs at Ray’s hand and drags him towards his backroom. Ray follows quickly, and as they reach the back room Mikey closes the door before pushing Ray down on to the worn couch before he climbs on top of him.

Ray squeaks as Mikey sits in his lap, legs either side of his as their lips meet, slow at first and then quicker, Mikey opening his mouth for Ray to add his tongue to the mix, their teeth clashing a little as they kiss. It’s frantic, and as much as Mikey knows Ray isn’t going anywhere right now, he needs to know that he’s not going anywhere, ever, and kissing him like his life depends on it. Ray doesn’t mind, though, because Mikey is in his lap, arms around his neck and a hand in his curly hair, gently pulling, and it feels amazing. Ray moves a hand to the small of Mikey’s back and holds him in place, gently stroking the strip of skin that is showing as his shirt rides up a little from the awkward position.

When they pull back, panting, Ray grins, his full lips sore from kissing so hard but it feels good and although Mikey is skinny, he’s still pretty heavy for his figure, his bony ass on Ray’s knees. He couldn’t care less, though, because Mikey feels amazing in his arms.

“Why did we never do this as kids?” Ray asks and Mikey grins down at him, leaning forward to peck at his lips again and again until he pulls back again.

“We were morons?” Mikey offers and Ray laughs a little and nods.

“To miss out on this, complete morons,” Ray agrees before leaning up and pressing his lips to Mikey’s again, still smiling in to the kiss.

They use their half an hour wisely, kissing the entire time if not stopping to talk about something trivial before making out again and Mikey manages to peel himself away from Ray in time to open the shop door and turn the sign to ‘open’ for when Frank walks back through the door not ten minutes later.

“Ray!” Frank chimes and walks over to the counter where Ray is now standing, trying his best not to look like he’s just been making out for half an hour in his shop.

“Hey, you alright, man?” Ray asks as he pulls Frank in to a hug.

“I’m good, how are you? Enjoying being back in Jersey?”

Ray nods quickly. “Loving being back, it’s my home,” Ray says and as he does he looks over to Mikey, suddenly realising in his head that in fact, it really is home and that he doesn’t just love Jersey, he loves the people in it too... Mikey, in particular.

Mikey smiles back at Ray nervously and busies himself with cleaning the magazine stacks at the side of the shop, sorting through all the old issues and remembering which ones will need ordering back in because they’ve sold out.

Frank somehow manages to persuade Mikey to stay late with him, doing a stock take and putting through an order on what they need in order to refill the shop again. Mikey does find the time to tune Ray’s guitar again, and sits down with him for ten minutes to show him how to use an electric tuner.

“Here, take this one with you,” Mikey offers his tuner to Ray, and gives him a new lead too.

“That’s yours, I’ll just go buy one from Frank,” Ray protests, but Mikey silences him with a short kiss and opens Ray’s hand, leaving the tuner in his palm before closing his fingers around it.

“It’s yours now.” Mikey smiles and Ray grins before ducking his head because there was something in the way Mikey spoke just then, and Ray knows that Mikey doesn’t just mean the tuner.

-

They seem to have a theme running now, with texting one another all day. Tuesday comes and goes and Mikey’s lost count of how many texts he’s received and sent in the last twenty-four hours since he last saw Ray, but he doesn’t care because every text he gets makes him happier. It’s strange for Mikey because now he has something to rely on, something to look forward to because now Ray’s even starting sending him goodnight and morning texts, without fail.

The next time Mikey sees him is Wednesday afternoon. Ray texted him in the morning and told him that he has a surprise for him, and texted him the zip-code for his work, telling Mikey to meet him there at around 4pm. Mikey can’t help but wonder all day, exactly what his surprise is because if he’s honest, he hates surprises.

He arrives just before Ray told him to and locks his car before walking towards the front entrance where Ray told him to wait. It’s a large building, dark brick and pretty dull but as soon as Mikey sees Ray standing outside the large glass doors he grins with all of his awkward, crooked teeth and he walks a little quicker. He shoves his car keys in to his jean pocket and tucks his cell away in his hoodie so that his hands are free to pull Ray forward and in to his arms as he reaches him.

Mikey wraps his arms around Ray and leans forward to kiss at his lips, granting permission quickly as Ray smiles and presses his lips to Mikey’s for a quick but sweet kiss.

“Ready for your surprise?” Ray asks with a grin.

Mikey nods as he moves his hands from around Ray’s waist and presses them against the front of his shirt, fingertips brushing against his chest and the material of his dress shirt and tie. He looks different because he’s usually dressed in jeans and a t-shirt but Mikey’s smiling as he fingers at the silk tie.

“I look a moron, I know,” Ray sighs, as he looks at Mikey playing with the tie and shirt buttons.

Mikey scowls. “You look awesome,” He says and flattens Ray’s shirt back down before moving his hands away and dropping them to his sides. “If not kinda... sexy.[,]” Mikey mumbles afterwards, and Ray ducks his head with a small smile before grabbing Mikey’s hand and leading him in to the building.

They walk straight over to the elevator and Ray ushers Mikey inside as the doors open, quickly walking in to the metal box and pressing the button for the basement. Mikey’s still eyeing Ray suspiciously, really wanting to know just what his surprise is going to be. He doesn’t have to wait long, though, because they soon arrive on the basement floor.

As the doors open, Ray pushes Mikey out and towards a another set of doors before quickly walking past him to hold them open, letting him through first. Mikey smiles back at Ray before walking forward and into the large, warehouse like space.

Mikey looks back at Ray with a confused look on his face. “I don’t understand?”

Ray grins and wraps one arm around Mikey’s small waist and leads him through the warehouse, through large shelves full of what look like DVD cases.

“You know how I get free games, right?” Ray explains and Mikey nods, looking around in awe. “Well, I spoke to a few friends and they said that I could choose a bunch of new games, so who better to pick than you, Mikeyway?” Ray smiles and watches as Mikey’s face contorts in to a grin, face completely happy.

“You’re kidding? Really?” Mikey asks, smile still stretching wide across his face.

Ray only grins at Mikey and grabs his hand, lacing their fingers together before pulling him in the direction of one of the large shelves.

They spend nearly an hour in the warehouse with Mikey running from shelf to shelf with this non-faltering unfaltering grin across his face, reading the back of the game cases and either handing them to Ray to keep or putting them back on the shelf.

By the time they walk out of the building again Mikey’s carrying a bag full of new games, at least ten packed in to the bag.

“You coming over to play some new games?” Ray asks, and Mikey rolls his eyes.

“Course I am, we’re going to be playing for hours,” Mikey grins, and Ray laughs before walking over to his own car and leaving Mikey to unlock his.

Mikey follows Ray back through the Jersey rush hour traffic to his apartment and parks next to him in the private car-park, literally bouncing on the balls of his feet as he walks up the stairs behind Ray, glancing at his ass now and again.

They do end up spending hours playing on the Xbox, just like Mikey said they would. Ray doesn’t seem to mind though, because they’re playing some kick ass new games and Mikey is totally beating his ass, but he doesn’t mind because he gets to see Mikey and his smug grin every time he kills Ray in combat, or something along those lines.

Ray does order pizza a couple of hours later and they stop gaming for a while to eat and talk, and of course kiss some more. Mikey finishes eating his half of the pizza and lies back on the couch with a hand on his stomach, patting at it gently.

“I’m so full, my stomach is huge.” Mikey sighs and pats at his stomach again.

“You’re anything but huge, want to see huge, take a look at this,” Ray jokes and pats on his stomach, pinching a little skin between his fingers.

Mikey furrows his eyebrows, looking displeased, and shifts a little on the couch so that he’s leaning against Ray. He extends a hand and settles in on Ray’s stomach, stroking small circles as he pushes Ray’s dress shirt up a little. He hasn’t bothered to change since work, only taken his tie off and un-popped a few buttons so that his shirt is loose.

“Well...” Mikey starts in a matter-of-fact type of manor. “I think you’re very attractive,” He states and Ray smiles a little, trying his hardest not to blush because really, do grown men blush? His efforts are soon lost, however, when Mikey pushes the shirt up a little more and drags his hand up and down, moving from just under Ray’s belly button to just under his nipples.

Ray makes a small noise in the back of his throat, enjoying the feel of Mikey’s hand brushing against his skin. As Mikey keeps a steady hand, moving up and down against his chest and stomach Ray can feel himself growing hard. The feel of Mikey’s fingertips on his skin and the fact that he is just looking at him so normally as he’s teasing the skin is driving Ray insane, and the fact he smells of his favourite pizza too isn’t helping.

Mikey notices the slight bulge starting to appear in Ray’s black work pants and he bites his lip a little, knowing full well that this is a big and very bold step to take but right now, all he knows is that he loves Ray, and that since he’s been back it’s been the best time he’s had in forever. He wants to make him feel good, and as he drags his hand down past his belly button and towards the waistband of his slacks, he knows just how to make him feel amazing.

He slowly pushes his hand down across the waistband and down towards the crotch of Ray’s pants, slowly letting his hand cup him through his pants and squeezes a little. Ray hisses and bucks up a little, hips pushing up from the couch. This spurs Mikey on as he cups again and squeezes, gaining the same reaction.

It’s then that he moves his hand back up to the waistband of the pants and pushes his fingertips slowly under, the slacks big loose enough for him to fit his hand under. He pushes his hand down and holds his breath as he gets his fingers under the boxer elastic too before letting his hand slip down until he feels Ray’s dick, half hard in his hand.

Ray gasps and lets his head fall back against the couch, rolling to the side to look at Mikey who lets out a long breath that he’s been holding.

“Y-you really don’t...” Ray speaks as his voice slowly starts to wither as Mikey grips at his dick with his long fingers, taking Ray in to his hand the best he can with the angle he’s got. He takes in a sharp breath again and tries to finish. “Don’t have to...” he chokes out and Mikey responds by leaning in to his turned head and kissing his lips quickly, turning in to a heated make out.

When Ray realises that Mikey isn’t going to stop, he stops Mikey’s hand’s movements a moment to undo the button and zipper on his pants, shimmying out of them a little so that Mikey has more room.

Mikey grins in to Ray’s mouth at this because now he has the room to jack him properly, moving his hand to wrap around Ray’s length and jacking him slow but firm, right from base to tip.

Ray is completely gone in a few minutes. He’s panting in to Mikey’s mouth, cheeks flushing and hips bucking up from the couch as Mikey twists his wrist as he pulls his hand up, thumbing the head of Ray’s dick a little before jacking him quicker now, moving his hand faster until he feels Ray tense underneath him, dick pulsing in his hand and he comes, long thick ribbons of white covering Mikey’s knuckles as Ray pulls him in to kiss him, hard and fast and panting in to his mouth.

“Fuck.” Ray pants out, half laughing and half sighing because he really wasn’t expecting that. “You really, really didn’t have to,” he says, voice gone and lips swollen.

“You have another shirt for work tomorrow right?” Mikey asks and Ray nods.

Mikey grins as he brings his hand up and wipes the thick ribbons of come from his hand on to Ray’s shirt that he’s still wearing.

Ray scrunches his face a little at this, but sighs when Mikey gently tucks him back in to his boxers but leaves his slacks where they are sat around his ankles.

“Was that too weird?” Mikey asks quietly as it dawns on him what he’s actually just done.

Ray licks at his lips and shakes his head, hair brushing against the back of the couch. “No, it was amazing,” Ray mumbles and Mikey nods, smiling.

“Yeah? Thank God...” he half-laughs and sighs in relief because, really, he wasn’t quite sure he was going to be on the same page as Ray after that.

Ray beams as he leans forward to kiss at Mikey’s lips again before quickly moving a hand to Mikey’s crotch, gently squeezing the hard-on he can feel through the denim.

“Is this too weird?” Ray whispers as he squeezes and then moves his other hand to un-pop the button and drag the metal zipper down, pushing Mikey’s jeans down past his hips and on to his ass, just enough for him to access his boxers.

Mikey shakes his head, no, because this really is amazing. More than amazing, even, because he can’t even find words to describe how incredible it feels when Ray pushes Mikey’s boxers down in the same fashion, closing his large hand around his dick and dragging it up and down a few times, smearing pre-come down his length.

“R-ray...” Mikey whimpers as he starts to jack him in a steady rhythm, repeating the actions Mikey had been doing only a few minutes ago dragging his hand down to the base and pulling back up, gently brushing the head as he does so. It feels absolutely amazing and any reservations he’s had about getting so close to Ray again are gone, completely gone, because fuck, this is the best thing he’s probably ever felt.

It doesn’t take long for Mikey to come in to Ray’s hand, panting in to his mouth the same way Ray had done and bucking his hips up and to the side, unloading over Ray’s hand and pushing up until he’s well and truly spent.

“A-amazing...” Mikey mumbles as Ray wipes his hand on his own dress shirt before starting to unbutton it, shrugging out of the arms and tossing it to the side when he’s got it off. He kicks his jeans off too so that he’s sat in his boxers.

“C’mere,” Ray whispers and puts an arm around Mikey, pulling him in towards his chest where he can rest his head on his shoulder.

“We’re okay, right?” Mikey asks quietly and Ray looks down at him before kissing his forehead.

“Of course we are.” Ray reassures him before kissing at his forehead again. “I don’t want this to end, Mikes.”

Mikey looks up and leans to kiss Ray on the lips. “Me either.”

Ray smiles with his full lips and kisses Mikey again. “Good,” he concludes and rests his head back against the couch again, adoring the feel of Mikey heavy and solid on his chest.

The next day when Ray has to leave for work Mikey presses him against his bedroom door, kissing him deep until he gently pushes him away, claiming that he really can’t be late. Mikey pouts but pecks Ray’s lips once more before letting him finish getting ready for work, moving in to the living room to sprawl across the couch as Ray runs around getting his things together.

“You staying here today?” Ray asks as he stops rushing around to bend over the back of the couch to kiss Mikey, smiling in to the kiss as he stops to realise just how domestic they must look right now. He doesn’t care, though, as he kisses Mikey for a few moments longer before pulling back.

“Yeah, is that alright?” Mikey asks as he eyes the Xbox and the new stack of games.

“Of course, help yourself to anything you need. There’s a spare key in the box next to the door, it’s the only silver one,” Ray explains and Mikey nods, taking the information in and remembering what to do when he leaves.

Ray grins as he leans forward to kiss Mikey goodbye before standing up and straightening his suit out and heading for the door.

“Have a good day, dear!” Mikey chimes and Ray laughs as he walks out of the door.

“I’ll text you soon!” he calls out and the door shuts, leaving Mikey in Ray’s empty apartment.

He grins as he looks around because, really, he could get used to this - staying over, kissing in the morning, seeing him off to work.

Mikey shakes it off for the moment, though, and stands up to set the Xbox up and looking through the stack of new games, seeing which ones he wants to play. He looks through all of Ray’s games, too, and decides what high scores he’s going to beat and what leader-boards he’s going to kick Ray from.

Mikey ends up staying at Ray’s all day and playing games, and before he knows it Ray’s back home and making them dinner again. They eat together, much like the previous night, and kiss a lot, smiling and talking about anything before Mikey tells Ray that he should probably go home as he has to help Frank in the shop tomorrow.

-

The next day Ray decides to call in to the shop to find Mikey on his way home from work. He pulls up outside and wanders in but the only two people there are Frank and Gerard. Ray walks towards the counter and smiles across to them.

“Hey, Mikey not here?” Ray asks and Frank shakes his head.

“No dude, he went home early. Wasn’t feeling too good,” Frank tells him, and Ray nods.

“Ah, I was hoping to catch him,” Ray admits and looks across to Gerard who is sat behind the counter, not even making eye contact with Ray. “Hey, Gee, you okay, man?”

Gerard snaps out of the deep though he was in and looks over at Ray. He shrugs.

“What’s up?” Ray asks as he cocks his head to the side, looking at Gerard’s face for an answer.

“Nothing, it’s...” Gerard sighs. “It’s nothing,” he finishes and looks away again.

“Gee, what’s up?” Ray asks again, looking at him a little funny now, worried.

Gerard sighs and looks over to Ray. “I’m just worried about my brother, okay?” He says finally, and Frank bites at his lip, wincing a little before moving from the desk and heading towards the back room. He’s really not having any part in this.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Ray asks in a worried tone and Gerard just looks mighty pissed off.

“I’m just worried about him. He’s not like us Ray, alright? He’s sensitive.” Gerard speaks in a matter-of-fact tone of voice that makes Ray wince. “He’s sick Ray, and he just doesn’t need anything setting him back.”

Ray lifts his head and nods in acceptance, knowing full well that Gerard is implying coming back and getting close with Mikey again.

“Gerard, I-” Ray tries to speak but Gerard soon cuts him off.

“No, I get that you care for him, but we’ve worked so hard to get him back to this state, Ray,” Gerard explains, but his tone of voice is harsh, much unlike Gerard. Ray is starting to feel a little sick, because he’s never heard Gerard speak to anybody like this. “If you leave again...” Gerard licks his lips and sighs. “If you leave, we’ll have to pick up the pieces, stop him from trying to top himself again. It won’t be you having to save him, again,” Gerard concludes and stands up, picking a pile of papers from the counter and stacking them neatly.

“I...I’m really not,” Ray starts, but he’s not quite sure what to say. “I’m not leaving again,” he states quietly.

“How do we know that?” Gerard asks, but turns around quickly and walks in to the back room.

Ray stands there for a second, debating what to do before turning around and walking from out of the store.

-

Mikey doesn’t see Ray for a few days. He gets a few texts from him, but they aren’t what he’s been hoping for. Ray’s texted a few nice things to him, but not as much as he has been, and Mikey’s starting to grow anxious, starting to worry that he doesn’t want to know anymore and that it was just a phase.

He doesn’t sleep much for the next few nights, constantly worried that he’s done something wrong. He doesn’t voice this to Ray, of course, because if nothing is wrong and he’s just over thinking things, he’s going to look a complete moron if he makes a huge deal out of it.

Ray does text him, though, around lunchtime a few days later and asks him if he wants to come over to watch some films and play a few games. Of course he says yes, and tells him that he’ll use the spare key he took home to let himself in just before Ray gets home.

When Ray does get home Mikey’s already sat on the couch, playing one of the games he picked out the other day. Ray walks in and drops his keys to the table beside the door and walks over to the couch, watching Mikey pause the game he’s playing. He sits next to him and undoes his tie before pulling his shirt from his pants quickly, sighing in to the cushions.

“You alright?” Mikey asks as he leans over to kiss Ray.

Ray nods and kisses Mikey back gently before turning away and over to the TV.

“Did you save the last game before ejecting the disc?” Ray asks and Mikey looks over to the TV nervously.

“I, no. I’m sorry I didn’t know I was supposed to?” Mikey offers and Ray sighs, running a hand through his hair.

“It’s fine, it doesn’t matter,” he mumbles, but looks completely pissed.

Mikey ducks his head and stares at his fingers as he starts to pick at the skin around his already bitten nails. He knew he was going to start to fuck up soon. His anxiety is getting the better of him and Ray is getting sick of him already. He stands no chance.

“I’m sorry...” Mikey whispers and stares down at his hands still, not caring to look at the annoyed look that’s across Ray’s face.

Ray quickly softens as he shuffles a little closer and puts an arm around Mikey, using his other hand to lift his chin and turn his head to look at him.

“Hey, I’m sorry. It’s fine. I just, I’ve had a bad day,” Ray admits, and uses his thumb to brush over Mikey’s lips, tracing the shape of them with the pad of his thumb.

Mikey nods. “It’s okay. I’m sorry about your game.”

Ray smiles and looks at Mikey’s eyes, leaning forward to kiss at his lips. “It’s fine, besides you can help me get back to where I was...”

Mikey smiles and kisses Ray. “Sure.”

It doesn’t stop there, though, because when Mikey uses the bathroom an hour or so later he accidently kicks a highly important looking vase that’s sat on the floor next to the toilet. He panics and bends down, trying to pick up the broken fragments of china but it’s no use, it’s splintered in to what looks like hundreds of tiny pieces.

Ray comes rushing to the bathroom as soon as he hears the smash and knocks on the door.

“Mikes, you alright?” He asks through the door in a worried tone but as soon as Mikey opens the door to let him in, he sees it.

It’s his late grandmother’s highly expensive and rare vase that she left to Ray when she died.

Ray stands there for a second, eyes bugging wide and mouth open before he looks up to Mikey.

“I’m really sorry, my foot just knocked it, I-”

“Mikey. That was my grandma’s!” Ray shrieks and throws his hands in the air

Mikey steps from foot to foot awkwardly as he looks down at the broken shards and back at Ray’s angry face.

“I’m really sorry. I really am.[,]” Mikey starts before closing his mouth, only to open it again. “Fuck. This is all my fault. Everything is my fault, I-”

“Mikey, stop,” Ray states and he closes his mouth, the bathroom falling silent. “I’m sorry, I’ve just had a bad day and everything seems to be going wrong and-”

Mikey looks genuinely hurt when Ray says that. Everything seems to be going wrong. As soon as he says it Mikey is already making things up in his head, his mind automatically jumping to the worst possible scenario and thinking that by that he means Mikey, everything Mikey-related is going completely wrong.

“I’ll go...” Mikey mumbles and goes to walk out of the bathroom door but Ray stops him, walking in front of him to block the door.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for acting like a jerk, it’s just...” Ray sighs and tries to hold Mikey’s hand but he pulls it away quickly. Touching will only make this harder, harder then it’s already going to be to have been rejected again. “It’s your brother. I went to the shop the other day and-”

Mikey sighs. “Please, do not tell me he’s said something to you...”

Ray nods. “I went looking for you and we argued.”

Mikey sighs again and bites at his lip. “What did he say?”

Ray groans, because he really didn’t want to say anything, but it’s been eating away at him for days now and he’s worried.

“He said he thinks I’m going to leave again...” he starts, “And that he thinks that if I leave and let you down again, you’ll try to...”

Mikey groans and throws his hands into the air. “Try to what? Fuck, why did he even say anything? You listened to this?” Mikey starts to rant. “Fuck, this is why you weren’t texting me as much, this why you seemed off.”

Ray only nods. “I just...what if he’s right? What if I let you down again?” he offers as he stomach starts to turn to knots.

Mikey scoffs. “So what, just because you might let me down, just because I’m more of a risk because I’m sick, that’s a reason to call this off?” he asks, motioning between the two of them.

Ray doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t even move, he just stands and listens.

“You know what? Maybe my brother was right,” Mikey snaps and tries to walk from the bathroom but Ray steps in the way again. “Ray, move.”

“No. I’m not going to hurt you, Mikes. I want to be with you. Leaving you was the worst mistake of my life,” Ray tries to reason in a small voice, but Mikey is through with listening, he’s through with being let down, used and thrown to the side when he’s not needed anymore.

“Don’t even bother. You know, maybe this is your fault. I’m sick, and maybe it’s because of you.” Mikey points at Ray, completely losing his cool and saying things he knows he’s going to regret later.

Ray looks hurt. He looks wounded, and as Mikey finishes pointing at his chest he steps aside, letting Mikey walk past and out of his apartment. As he hears the door slam he stares down at the broken pieces of china, his heart beating crazy fast and his stomach in knots.

-

When Mikey gets home he takes his medication and falls on to his couch, pressing his face in to a pillow and screaming as loud as he can until he’s red in the face. His eyes are sore from crying on the drive home, his stomach is in knots tied up and making him feel sick and his chest hurts, actually physically hurts and there is nothing he can do to stop this feeling of despair.

He knows that what he said was unfair. He knows that he lost his rag and shouldn’t have said those things to Ray, but he’s got years of pent up anger just waiting to seep out.

Mikey doesn’t sleep at all at night. He doesn’t even bother moving to his bed because he knows half of the bed smells like Ray. He stays on the couch, doesn’t even bother pulling his blanket over his cold body and chews at his nails all night, nervous and unsettled with only one person on his mind: Ray.

-

It takes Mikey a few days to pull himself from his couch. He only moves to piss or to eat something small and of course take his meds, because as much as he’s feeling like shit, he knows that not taking his meds is really not the answer. He doesn’t bother charging his cell phone because he doesn’t want to speak to anybody.

Two days later is when Mikey finally realises that he was wrong for saying what he did. He knows that Gerard only spoke to Ray because he loves him and that he’s worried, and how the hell was Ray supposed to feel when he’s had Gerard shouting at him, trying to scare him away?

Mikey makes the decision to try and make amends. He drives to Frank’s store and buys one of the most expensive bass amps. He does it quickly so that as Frank’s in the back looking through the stock that’s been delivered, he doesn’t notice Mikey using the card terminal himself, charging his card for the amp before leaving the store with it. He knows that this is part of bipolar. This is the manic high that follows the days of feeling so low. This is usually the part where Mikey would drive himself to the mall, take his cards from his wallet and practically throw them at stores, buying everything and anything that he wants because he simply can.

He doesn’t care this time, though, he knows Gerard is going to look through his card records and see the bill of nearly $400 but he really does not care. His rent is paid for a while and he doesn’t need anything new.

Once he lifts the large amp in to his car he drives to Ray’s. It’s a hard task moving the amp from the car and up the flights of stairs but he manages alright without damaging the sides of the amp too much and his back. He sets the amp down on the doorstep and knocks on the door gently.

Ray soon opens the door, face changing as soon as he sees who it is.

“Mikes...” Ray starts to speak but apparently can’t find any other words. He looks terrible too, unshaven and hair a mess. He’s not been to work, by the looks of it.

“I’m sorry...” Mikey starts and Ray’s face softens a little. He then looks down, seeing the amp.

“What’s this?” he asks, eyeing it up suspiciously.

“It’s for you. As an apology,” Mikey admits, and Ray’s face drops.

“Mikey. You can’t...” he sighs and scratches at his cheek. “Mikes, you can’t give me that. I was wrong too. That must have cost a fortune...”

Mikey nods but shrugs. “I don’t care. I’m sorry for what I said.”

Ray sighs and takes the amp and carries it inside. Mikey follows.

“I’m sorry too...”

Ray sets the amp down at the side of the couch and sits down, patting the seat next to him for Mikey to sit on. He does, walking over from the door and sitting down next to Ray.

“I shouldn’t have said those things. Gerard wasn’t right, and I’m pissed at him for saying it.”

“No, he was right. What I did, Mikes, it’s not excusable. And if I thought I could come back and everything be alright again, I was wrong too.”

Mikey shakes his head and takes Ray’s hand in his own, lacing their fingers together as he strokes at the skin around his thumb.

“I forgive you. For leaving, for everything,” Mikey whispers as he looks Ray in the eye and continues to stroke at his hand.

Ray takes a deep breath and drawls it back out, chest rising and falling slowly. “I’m really sorry, for everything,” he offers and Mikey nods.

“Can I kiss you now?” Mikey asks, and Ray half-laughs before nodding.

Mikey smiles and leans in quickly to trap Ray’s lips between his own. He kisses softly at first, knowing that these are the lips which, two days ago, he thought he was never going to get to kiss again, and soon he starts to open his mouth, allowing Ray’s tongue to slide in and caress his own.

When they pull back Ray looks across the down to the amp on the floor. “Why did you buy me that?”

“Because I was sorry...” Mikey starts and he’s quite aware of how stupid it sounds. “Besides, you need an amp to practise on.”

Ray grins and pecks Mikey’s lips again, moving a hand to stroke the back of his neck, just under his hairline.

“You have to tell me when you’re having a down day...” Ray says, because he knows that Mikey’s outburst has something to do with his illness.

Mikey nods. “I’ll try. It’s just, I don’t even realise until it happens sometimes.”

“I just, I want to help,” Ray offers, and continues to stroke the skin around Mikey’s neck, brushing at the sensitive skin just under his ear.

“You can help, if you promise not to take any shit from my brother,” Mikey states before remembering another condition. “Oh, and you have to tell me if you’ve had a stressful day.”

Ray smiles and nods his head. “Yeah, I can do that...”

Mikey smiles back. “Good. Me too, I think.”

Ray quickly leans back in to kiss Mikey, using the hand that’s resting behind the back of his neck to pull his head in a little quicker as their lips press together, both opening their mouths to exchange tongues and caress the inside of each other’s mouths. Ray soon presses Mikey’s body back against the couch with his body weight, causing him to lie flat on his back against the couch, Ray on top of him.

The kiss starts to grow a little feistier. Mikey’s got his hands in Ray’s hair, gently tugging at the strands, and Ray moans, right in to Mikey’s mouth as he lets a hand slip down to Mikey’s stomach, stroking the skin there before letting his hand drift down a little further, cupping Mikey through his jeans and pressing the heel of his palm down.

Mikey moans as he does so, tugging Ray’s hair a little more and as they break away from the kiss, panting, Mikey brings Ray’s face down to his neck, hinting for him to kiss at the skin there that Mikey has on display. He does as he knows Mikey wants; gently kissing and licking until he opens his mouth a little more, biting at the skin until Mikey presses his hips up, right in to his hand.

It’s then that Ray pulls away, sitting back on his knees and staring down at Mikey. He grins down as he moves both hands to unbuckle Mikey’s belt, moving the leather tongue from its home and quickly working on the zipper and button of his jeans. He quickly pushes them down and Mikey helps, lifting his ass to get them past so Ray has better access to what he wants, what he needs.

Ray doesn’t waste any time. He pushes Mikey’s boxers from his hips and down past his ass, leaving his erect cock on display, flushed and needy. Ray licks at his lips as he lowers his head, holding Mikey at the base and licking along the head before closing his full lips around it.

Mikey throws his head back, arms flying in front of him to Ray’s shoulders where he grips as Ray laps at the head, quickly tasting the salty pre-come that’s building on the head of Mikey’s dick. He squeezes at the base and lets his fingers drift down to Mikey’s balls, gently pressing as he lowers his mouth a little more, letting his throat and jaw relax as he takes more of Mikey in to his mouth, lips finally meeting his knuckles at the bottom.

Mikey doesn’t even know what to do with himself. His hands are on Ray’s shoulders and the next moment they’re in his hair, grabbing at the strands while he’s trying his hardest not to buck up in to the wet heat.

Ray pulls back a little, though, closing his lips in to an ‘O’ shape as he loosens his grip on Mikey’s hips, allowing him to thrust up a little and to work his dick in and out of Ray’s mouth.

Mikey doesn’t give much warning when he comes, only pulls Ray’s hair and his mouth back down on to his dick as he comes, warm, salty liquid coating Ray’s tongue and filling his mouth. He lets Mikey fall from his lips as he starts to go limp and he swallows, licking at his lips and wiping them with the back of his hand before looking down and tucking Mikey back in to his boxers. He’s a complete mess, head thrown back and cheeks flushing as he pants, trying hard to focus his eyes on Ray.

“That...” Mikey tries to speak, tries to comprehend just how amazing that was but he can’t.

Ray laughs but soon stops as Mikey slowly moves from his horizontal position and pushes at Ray’s chest, making him sit up. He moves quickly as he gets up from the couch and kneels on the floor, jeans still around his thighs as he shuffles and adjusts himself so that he’s kneeling between Ray’s legs.

“Mikes...” Ray whispers as he feels Mikey pulling at his sweats, pulling them and his boxers down past his hips and on to his ass, freeing his hard and leaking cock in the process.

“Don’t even try to tell me I don’t have to do this. I wantto,” Mikey says and Ray holds his hands up but as he does Mikey moves quickly, taking Ray in to his hand and leaning down to close his mouth around Ray.

Ray looks down at Mikey, taking his cock in to his mouth, because he looks amazing. His cheeks are still flushed from his own orgasm, jeans around his thighs and his mouth full of him, it just feels amazing.

“Yeah, yeaaaah...” Ray moans in a long breath, still looking down at the way Mikey is taking him in to his mouth, licking all over his hard dick and making a tight circle with his lips, sucking him just right.

He doesn’t last long and Ray’s pretty sure it’s because the sight of Mikey taking him down is just too much, but he doesn’t care because he comes long and good right in to [into] Mikey’s mouth, hips and thighs shaking as Mikey uses one hand to cup Ray’s balls as he unloads and uses the other to quickly push up towards Ray, finding his own hand and lacing their fingers together as Ray comes, squeezing at Mikey’s hand.

Mikey does the same as Ray did to him, gently tucking him back in to his boxers and leaving his sweats around his ankles where they’ve fallen. He climbs back on to the couch and slots right next to Ray, leaning his head against his chest and just listens to his heartbeat.

“You’re amazing. You know that, right?” Ray whispers against Mikey’s head, and kisses at his hair. He feels Mikey laugh under the kiss.

“Not as amazing as you are,” He replies and wraps his arm around Ray’s waist, squeezing gently.

-

Part Five