(no subject)
**I want to be a NASCAR passenger. Just the guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, you should slow down. Can I put my feet on the window? Why do you keep going in circles? Boy, you sure like TIDE."
**I got a cheese grater at home. That's the positive name for it. The other name is 'sponge ruiner'. Because I wanted to clean it. Now I have little bits of sponge that will melt easily over tortilla chips.
**Wearing a turtle neck feels like you're being choked by a weak guy all day long. If you wear a backpack, it's like a weak midget is trying to bring you down.
**The best thing about an esculator is...it will never be completely out of order. It just becomes stairs.
**For Lefties, Righties, Nosepickers,
Shark Attack Survivors,
Folks With Poison Oak,
Avid Porn Fans,
Pissed Off New York Taxi Cab Drivers,
A Certain Mid-80's Hard Rock Drummer,
That Clumsy Kid In Shop Class,
People Who Gave Their Right Arm For Something,
And Sabrina Whitehead,
Who Wrote Down Absolutely Everything
Mrs. Dinklemeyer Said In History 101.
**Noctu te Servam = Every Night I Save You (Spike to Buffy, translated by the wonderful Mr. Krause.)
A is for Angel that makes me swoon
B is for Buffy who is worse than Sailor Moon
C is for Connor who is an angel
D is for Drusilla who likes to watch intestines dangle
E is for Edith, Drusilla's talking doll
F is for Faith, who likes to fuck all
G is for Giles, who runs the magic shop
H is for horny, which Buffy and Spike got
I is for the Initiative who put a chip in Spike
J is for joy, which he doesn't get when he bites
K is for the Key, which our Dawnie is
L is for Lorne, who is in the biz
M is for the magick Willow often uses
N is for the new kittens Spike just won with his duces
O is for Oz who stays in a cage
P is for the people Angelus ate in his rage
Q is for Quentin, the Watcher's Head Doof
R is for Riley, who is a big Poof
S is for Spike who has a big dick
T is for Tara who likes to lick
U is for the Universal BuffyBot Slave
V is for vengeance, which Anyanka gave
W is for William the Bloody Awful Poet
X is for Xander who is useless and knows it
Y is for the yearing Buffy hid
Z is for the zipper that she undid
(Got that from FanFiction.net a few years ago)
From Housekeeping Monthly, May 1955:
The good wife's guide:
-Have dinner ready. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.
-Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
-Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
-Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order. After all, caring for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
-Be happy to see him.
-Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
-Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first...remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
-Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
-Don't greet with him with complaints or problems.
-Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as monir compared to what he might have gone through that day.
-Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
-Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
-Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement. You have no right to question him.
-A good wife always knows her place.
...Sometimes I hate people. Lol.