(no subject)
im tired.
of high school and all of the things in my life. i put off important things to the very last minute. all of this work is taking its toll on me, mentally and physically as well. the never-ending notebooks in kimreys class suck ass. and i cant stand his classroom, its 100 degrees and i can never talk. mrs bedenbaugh's class is even getting on my nerves. too many things to memorize. simple, but not simple enough for me to remember without knowing it. i have a test in there tommorow and i havent even looked at the study guide. i took the ap chem exam this morning. that was enough to tire anyone. i had a good time with it.. if that is even possible. i knew some of the shit, but not all of it. i hope to at least get a 3 this time. get some more college credit. i have 12 hrs for clemson in the fall..so now the graduation thing is approaching. i guess im valedictorian.. so now i have to write a speech.. which i am definitly not looking forward to. i cant even give a speech in front of ten of my peers, how will i ever get in front of thousands? i dont know what to do.. and that thought is always in the back of my mind, causing my stomach to churn and twist.. i almost throw up every night thinking about it. i cant wait until after grad though. im going to the mountains for a major party time. i love to drink. it makes me feel so good abotu everything. even myself. when i am drunk i can talk abotu anythign.. but sober i am sort of a guy that goes blank and cant think of good conversations. sort of depressing ..i guess thats what i pay to be smart. i dont like being smart. school usually bores me. i guess thats why i hate it so much. i only have two classes left. its been a long year. imagine.. i have a job where i work five days a week. i had two college classes every morning. an ap chemistry class.. and economics and government. its been a long year. plus prom parties and prom.. yes 2 proms. i guess i can say that music has held my life together. its my therapy. umm i saw jewel which was good. and i want to see dashboard this summer. im going to mexico.. gonna chill down there for a while.. then i go off to school. clemson here i come. i guess im ready. i mean i will miss this place. but i need to leave.. its necessary. i think i am beginning to long for a time where i can go somewhere where i dont know anyone. meet some new people. be true to myself. i feel like i cant be real here. theres too much going on. i guess i will see where my life takes me.. and who i end up with. yes, i do want to belong to someone. i long to hold her and touch her and claim her as mine. but i just havent met her yet. i guess time will take its toll on me until i am saved from myself..