I wish it would all stop...
Disclaimer: THIS IS NOT A SUICIDE NOTE
I'm so tired of things right now...We've started the scheduling for next yeaers classes, and honestly, I just wanna quit and homeschool again. 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th periods are, respectively, Peer Tutor 5th band, LA 11 AP, Spanish 2, HS Health, Natural Resources, and HS Band. Mr. Gallo, the AP 11 teacher, came into my CP 10 class today, and talked to us about the summer homework and such...and I swear I nearly started crying...we have to read Moby Dick, which isn't the hard part...I have to take 75 quotes from 75 chapters evenly spaced throughout the book, and describe the imagery, metaphores, parallelism, etc...used in each quote. THAT IS MY WEAKEST POINT EVER! I know virtually nothing about the mechanics of the english language when it goes past basic proper grammar and spelling...I can tell you how a sentence should be changed to make it right, how a word is spelled even if I've never heard nor seen it before...I read a word and I get a basic idea of what it means, though I couldn't explain it to you...everything else...nouns, verbs, etc...I didn't know that stuff til about 4th grade, and I was in the advanced classes mind you, where EVERYONE knew them...I got so many comments about that...I don't understand half of it...no matter how many times I am taught the definition of a metaphore, or what the subject and the predicat of a sentence are, I N E V E R remember what they are...I am stressing so bad about it...pulling my hair out nearly...and, of course, the summer projects are 10% of the 1st semester grade...*sigh*...
I'm still flunking my math class...I see no chance of me passing it by the end of the year; we have, like, 25 days left. If I worry about that anymore, I'll explode, methinks...my parents already think I'm trying to screw myself over 'cause I'm lazy and don't feel like doing the work...I work at it every night, I stress over it to tears, I'm always exhausted 'cause I'm up all night workin' on it; I quit karate, I stopped going online for a long while, I had to resign from vice-presidency and ultimately quit drama club, I had to renege on my plans to go the the massed pep band festival with my band, and the guitar performance for the retirement home today...I quit E V E R Y T H I N G so I could try to pass this class, and N O N E of it worked...I dunno what to do anymore...argh....I just want to give up on everything...
With Jason things seem to be goin fine...I dunno what's goin' on though...he'll tell me he's not in the mood for...er...anything...but when I come home and go online, the history states he's been on porn sites and stuff...I clear the history every night for just that reason, 'cause Richard tends to like to randomly search my computer, but still...am I just not good enough for him or sommat? I dunno how to approach him about this...*sigh*...oh well...Not to mention the fact that no matter where it is we go, some skinny, beautiful chick runs up and A)gives him a hug B)Flirts with him or C)Has dated him...I got over the whole thing about him telling me about pretty girls and shit, for the most part...but...hell...it seems like he settled for me 'cause he couldn't get anyone else to date him...he would always complain about not having ANYONE to go out with, to me of course, and now he's dating me, but he doesn't wanna really do anything, and he's too tired to stay up for a little while and talk or anything...I don't think there's anything going on, but the typical, teenage, girl part of my otherwise-rational mind can't help but wondering if I'm just the runner up 'cause he couldn't get who he wanted...*sigh*...I should quit worrying...but...last time I talked to him about my concerns about similar stuff, he laughed at me...aye, it probably was ridiculous, but oh well, ya know?
I think I'm just tired of life right now...kinda want it to just stop...I won't kill myself, and I won't do anything to bring it about, but I find myself secretly hoping I just won't wake up again, that it'll be over, and I can rest...I'm always so tired..so...tired...*sigh*...oh well..I think I'm gonna go take a nap now...
Kimber
I'm so tired of things right now...We've started the scheduling for next yeaers classes, and honestly, I just wanna quit and homeschool again. 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th periods are, respectively, Peer Tutor 5th band, LA 11 AP, Spanish 2, HS Health, Natural Resources, and HS Band. Mr. Gallo, the AP 11 teacher, came into my CP 10 class today, and talked to us about the summer homework and such...and I swear I nearly started crying...we have to read Moby Dick, which isn't the hard part...I have to take 75 quotes from 75 chapters evenly spaced throughout the book, and describe the imagery, metaphores, parallelism, etc...used in each quote. THAT IS MY WEAKEST POINT EVER! I know virtually nothing about the mechanics of the english language when it goes past basic proper grammar and spelling...I can tell you how a sentence should be changed to make it right, how a word is spelled even if I've never heard nor seen it before...I read a word and I get a basic idea of what it means, though I couldn't explain it to you...everything else...nouns, verbs, etc...I didn't know that stuff til about 4th grade, and I was in the advanced classes mind you, where EVERYONE knew them...I got so many comments about that...I don't understand half of it...no matter how many times I am taught the definition of a metaphore, or what the subject and the predicat of a sentence are, I N E V E R remember what they are...I am stressing so bad about it...pulling my hair out nearly...and, of course, the summer projects are 10% of the 1st semester grade...*sigh*...
I'm still flunking my math class...I see no chance of me passing it by the end of the year; we have, like, 25 days left. If I worry about that anymore, I'll explode, methinks...my parents already think I'm trying to screw myself over 'cause I'm lazy and don't feel like doing the work...I work at it every night, I stress over it to tears, I'm always exhausted 'cause I'm up all night workin' on it; I quit karate, I stopped going online for a long while, I had to resign from vice-presidency and ultimately quit drama club, I had to renege on my plans to go the the massed pep band festival with my band, and the guitar performance for the retirement home today...I quit E V E R Y T H I N G so I could try to pass this class, and N O N E of it worked...I dunno what to do anymore...argh....I just want to give up on everything...
With Jason things seem to be goin fine...I dunno what's goin' on though...he'll tell me he's not in the mood for...er...anything...but when I come home and go online, the history states he's been on porn sites and stuff...I clear the history every night for just that reason, 'cause Richard tends to like to randomly search my computer, but still...am I just not good enough for him or sommat? I dunno how to approach him about this...*sigh*...oh well...Not to mention the fact that no matter where it is we go, some skinny, beautiful chick runs up and A)gives him a hug B)Flirts with him or C)Has dated him...I got over the whole thing about him telling me about pretty girls and shit, for the most part...but...hell...it seems like he settled for me 'cause he couldn't get anyone else to date him...he would always complain about not having ANYONE to go out with, to me of course, and now he's dating me, but he doesn't wanna really do anything, and he's too tired to stay up for a little while and talk or anything...I don't think there's anything going on, but the typical, teenage, girl part of my otherwise-rational mind can't help but wondering if I'm just the runner up 'cause he couldn't get who he wanted...*sigh*...I should quit worrying...but...last time I talked to him about my concerns about similar stuff, he laughed at me...aye, it probably was ridiculous, but oh well, ya know?
I think I'm just tired of life right now...kinda want it to just stop...I won't kill myself, and I won't do anything to bring it about, but I find myself secretly hoping I just won't wake up again, that it'll be over, and I can rest...I'm always so tired..so...tired...*sigh*...oh well..I think I'm gonna go take a nap now...
Kimber