I am confused
about what to output?
I need more input!
Give me names of books, cds, and movies!
I think the lack of depth in my entries is mirrored by the lack of depth in my life currently. I feel trapped, contained, and limited emotionally, spiritually, and creatively. I am in the trash compactor on the deathstar, and R2D2 is NOT upstairs covering my ass. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I am coming to the conclusion that I am depressed. I do not know if it is this town eating away at me, or not. As much as I try to convince myself that I am headed somewhere positive, it is hard to retain that vision amidst this troublesome sea of doubt. I find myself staying up all night, looking for media to saturate my mind with. I feel I lack drive, or an objective goal. My desire to go back to school is really a desire to meet new people and change location, which worries me because I have never been spot on about motivating myself to excel academically, and I am of the firm belief that nothing should be done half-heartedly. I play too many video games, and generally spend too much time on my computer. I forge meaningless relationships with people on a daily basis who share my addiction to excessive drinking/smoking. I have good friends who care about me that I neglect and blow off. I try not to dwell on the past, and try not to obsess too much about the future, yet still find the present unsatisfying on some level. I lack the motivation to make music, write, or draw. I feel as if my sanity is slowly slipping away. I have on more than one occasion had hallucinations lately when I was not under the influence of any drugs. I have seen and felt bugs, and heard noises. I have a deep rooted sexual issue (not STD related) that I can not come to terms with, and do not feel I will ever be able to come to terms with. I am sick of people hearing that I am a homosexual, as it interferes with my ability to date freely. I have neglected my weight and acne for a few years now. I am tired constantly. I haven't bought myself any clothes but 2 shirts in the past year. I hate my clothes, but I hate other people for judging me based on my lackluster appearance even more. I get disgusted with ignorance and materialism everyday, and battle it constantly in my own house. I am afraid but not alone, scared but not abandoned. I love and appreciate the friends I have, and I know they will help me through this difficult time. I am sick of being looked down on because of my mistakes, my financial situation, my car, my clothes, or my living situation. I do not need a vacation, or an escape, as I am sick of running from my problems, but travel quiets my soul and helps me to better know myself. I think people close to me are confused about me, and I am constantly socially paranoid. I am easily upset, and at many times hypersensitive. I need a bike. I feel narcissistic. I think I somehow developed some sexist tendencies. I feel very misogynistic sometimes when I am speaking, and find myself having to catch myself. I want meaningful sex with a person I care about. I want to be able to find music more efficiently. I need to organize my life, my room, my car, and my computer. I want to start working out, and using facial care products. I am tired, and I am going to bed.
now that I have typed out all my complaints, I think I will be fine. I am lonely and I miss everyone I have ever lost contact with. If you want to go on a picnic, bike ride (your bike haha), play soccer, smoke weed and talk about life, go to see live music (or any kind of performance), spend some time at the beach, watch a good movie, jam out, do arts and crafts, take lsd and look at the stars, smoke copious amounts of cigarettes over cheap coffee, go to a movie, or to a roller-rink, or bowling, cook for me or have me cook for you, have dinner w/ or without wine, watch artsy-artsy films
and smoke fancy cigarettes, go on a nature walk, go camping, fishing, or plain old exploring, or talk to someone about your day, my cell phone number is 239=9.94=3285! please ignore the symbols I am just worried about robots.
danny :)
p.s. To my new friends who I cherish very much as well: Do not take offense. I don't pretend to be friends or lie. I am just an asshole sometimes. I would not be who I am were it not for the people I have met. CONTACT ME ANYBODY haha.
goodnight internet. goodnight lj, night dudes and dudettes.
I need more input!
Give me names of books, cds, and movies!
I think the lack of depth in my entries is mirrored by the lack of depth in my life currently. I feel trapped, contained, and limited emotionally, spiritually, and creatively. I am in the trash compactor on the deathstar, and R2D2 is NOT upstairs covering my ass. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I am coming to the conclusion that I am depressed. I do not know if it is this town eating away at me, or not. As much as I try to convince myself that I am headed somewhere positive, it is hard to retain that vision amidst this troublesome sea of doubt. I find myself staying up all night, looking for media to saturate my mind with. I feel I lack drive, or an objective goal. My desire to go back to school is really a desire to meet new people and change location, which worries me because I have never been spot on about motivating myself to excel academically, and I am of the firm belief that nothing should be done half-heartedly. I play too many video games, and generally spend too much time on my computer. I forge meaningless relationships with people on a daily basis who share my addiction to excessive drinking/smoking. I have good friends who care about me that I neglect and blow off. I try not to dwell on the past, and try not to obsess too much about the future, yet still find the present unsatisfying on some level. I lack the motivation to make music, write, or draw. I feel as if my sanity is slowly slipping away. I have on more than one occasion had hallucinations lately when I was not under the influence of any drugs. I have seen and felt bugs, and heard noises. I have a deep rooted sexual issue (not STD related) that I can not come to terms with, and do not feel I will ever be able to come to terms with. I am sick of people hearing that I am a homosexual, as it interferes with my ability to date freely. I have neglected my weight and acne for a few years now. I am tired constantly. I haven't bought myself any clothes but 2 shirts in the past year. I hate my clothes, but I hate other people for judging me based on my lackluster appearance even more. I get disgusted with ignorance and materialism everyday, and battle it constantly in my own house. I am afraid but not alone, scared but not abandoned. I love and appreciate the friends I have, and I know they will help me through this difficult time. I am sick of being looked down on because of my mistakes, my financial situation, my car, my clothes, or my living situation. I do not need a vacation, or an escape, as I am sick of running from my problems, but travel quiets my soul and helps me to better know myself. I think people close to me are confused about me, and I am constantly socially paranoid. I am easily upset, and at many times hypersensitive. I need a bike. I feel narcissistic. I think I somehow developed some sexist tendencies. I feel very misogynistic sometimes when I am speaking, and find myself having to catch myself. I want meaningful sex with a person I care about. I want to be able to find music more efficiently. I need to organize my life, my room, my car, and my computer. I want to start working out, and using facial care products. I am tired, and I am going to bed.
now that I have typed out all my complaints, I think I will be fine. I am lonely and I miss everyone I have ever lost contact with. If you want to go on a picnic, bike ride (your bike haha), play soccer, smoke weed and talk about life, go to see live music (or any kind of performance), spend some time at the beach, watch a good movie, jam out, do arts and crafts, take lsd and look at the stars, smoke copious amounts of cigarettes over cheap coffee, go to a movie, or to a roller-rink, or bowling, cook for me or have me cook for you, have dinner w/ or without wine, watch artsy-artsy films
and smoke fancy cigarettes, go on a nature walk, go camping, fishing, or plain old exploring, or talk to someone about your day, my cell phone number is 239=9.94=3285! please ignore the symbols I am just worried about robots.
danny :)
p.s. To my new friends who I cherish very much as well: Do not take offense. I don't pretend to be friends or lie. I am just an asshole sometimes. I would not be who I am were it not for the people I have met. CONTACT ME ANYBODY haha.
goodnight internet. goodnight lj, night dudes and dudettes.