(no subject)
Title: Keep Digging; Maybe We'll Find Some Talent
Author: poor_choices
Fandom: Supernatural RPS.
Pairing: Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles, minor off-screen Jensen/Jeffrey Dean Morgan, mentions of Jared/girls.
Rating: Hard R.
Word Count: 7000 words.
Warnings: None, really!
Summary: In 2005, instead of getting cast on Supernatural, Jared and Jensen get cast on Jeffrey Dean Morgan's new show, Whose Line Is It Anyway. BFFery and innuendo ensues.
Notes: Written for giandujakiss! I REALLY WANTED TO DO YOUR OTHER PROMPT but it was like pulling nails writing it, sadly. I hope to finish it someday! In the meantime, I hope this satisfies. With grateful acknowledgment to Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie for being awesome BFFs, and thanks for ABC Family Channel for playing reruns of Whose Line when I should be asleep. Title from Whose Line.
Disclaimer: Lies and untruths.
It's not Jensen's usual kind of audition.
He's got a good sense of humor, good timing, but he's never really been in a comedy before--he's used to being the funny guy in an action show, or a drama. Or a soap opera star, but whatever.
The improv is him needing a job, a lot, and Chris knowing this guy who's going to host some new show that's like an improv club on TV, or something similar, and Jensen hasn't had an audition in a while. He figures, if nothing else, it's better than sitting on his couch in his boxers, fielding calls from his mom about how work is going and calls from his brother and sister about his love life.
So he pulls on Chris's band shirt (so the host will know they're friends) and some relatively clean and unripped jeans and heads over.
There are about ten people on the stage when Jensen gets there, and he was told to expect about twenty total. The e-mail said to dress casual and be prepared to act, which is making Jensen's palms sweat. He's never really done something like this before, and he has no idea how he'll be at it. He's used to feeling a little more at home in auditions--he's studied the character, given himself a backstory in his head, worked out exactly who he is.
Then, someone says, "Dude, I saw that band last weekend!"
Jensen glances up, surprised, and sees a big guy with a huge, dimpled smile. He licks his lips, mouth a little dry. The guy is exactly his type, Jesus.
"Oh, yeah?" he asks lamely. "My friend's the guitarist, I'm surprised I didn't see you there."
The guy laughs, big, booming sound. "I know, right? I totally stand out."
Jensen laughs a little too, feeling more at ease. If the guy caught the because you're so hot vibe Jensen was giving off, he doesn't seem to mind it. "I'm Jensen, by the way," he says, offering his hand.
"Jared. Nice to meet you." Jared shakes his hand and gives him a thoughtful look. "Nervous?"
Jensen groans, but he's laughing too. "Oh god, am I that obvious?"
"I think everyone is. Well, except, like, Cook and Tosh in the corner over there, they actually do stand-up."
"You don't either?"
"Nope. But I've been told I'm pretty funny, and when you're this tall, physical comedy is always a hit." He shrugs, grinning. "Besides, it sounds like fun, you know?"
Jensen smiles. "Yeah, it kind of does," he agrees.
If it sounds like more fun now that he's talking to Jared, that's no one's business but Jensen's.
*
Except that, apparently, he and Jared had a great onstage vibe. Jensen's naturally a little on the quiet side in unfamiliar situations, but Jared is boisterous and it's easy for Jensen to just pretend they're joking around together, like they're friends already.
The host, Chris's friend Jeff, clearly agrees, selecting the two of them together for almost every sketch, although they both do fine on their own. They're just on fire together, even when they're doing singing, which Jared sucks at and clearly isn't totally comfortable with, because as long as he can catch Jensen's eye, he does fine.
There's are a couple blond girls who are doing pretty well too, but they get called up separately as much as together, and they're both clearly thinking that since the regular cast is going to be three people, they should be competing for slot number three.
It's a heady feeling, and Jensen comes off the hoe-down they have to do last feeling good, on fire.
He feels like they're in, and it doesn't even bother him that he's as excited about working with Jared as he is about getting this show.
And he's totally going to get this show.
"All right, everybody, that's the end of the open audition," says Jeff. "We got a short list of people we'd like to talk to, so let me see Ackles, Cassidy, Collins, Cuoco, Hodge, Nayyar, and Padalecki up here. We'll be in touch with the rest of you about possible recurring guest roles when you're available."
"Collins?" Jared hazards hopefully, giving Jensen a nervous smile.
"Ackles. Hodge?"
"Padalecki. Nice to meet you. Again." He jumps off the stage, grinning up at Jensen. "Come on, Ackles, let's go let them tell us how awesome we are."
The two blonde girls are there, along with an Indian guy, a black guy, and another brown-haired guy who has the most uncanny ability to deadpan under any and all circumstances Jensen has ever seen. The dude didn't crack a smile once.
"Okay, so, I'm Jeff." He looks over at Jensen, raising his eyebrows. "You must be that friend Chris told me about, but he didn't tell me you'd be bringing someone with you."
"I didn't," says Jensen, a little surprised.
"You didn't?" asks the Indian guy. "Wait, you two don't know each other?"
Jared and Jensen exchange a look.
"Not until about five minutes before the audition started," says Jared, looking confused.
"Wow," says Jeff. "You guys are that on and you don't even know each other? You are so hired."
Jensen blinks. "Seriously? Just like that?"
"You guys were awesome," says one of the blondes, sounding a little resentful.
"The five of you, we're gonna have a second audition to find our third regular, but all of you are gonna be on rotation for the fourth cast member, so don't get too heartbroken just yet." Jeff glances at Jared and Jensen. "You guys are free to go, we'll give you a call in the next few days to talk details. Looking forward to working with you."
Jensen's kind of dazed until they get out onto the street, the still-bright sunlight of early evening a shock after the dark theater. He got it. He can't quite believe he fucking nailed it.
Jared lets out a loud whoop that shocks Jensen out of his thoughts, and he turns just in time to catch Jared's huge smile before he's being caught up in a hug, lifted off his feet a little and swung around.
"Holy shit, we rocked that!" says Jared, putting Jensen down and grinning. "Dude! Come on, we are going out for a fucking drink. We're gonna be best friends, I just know it. This is like--destiny, or something! Fuck, we are gonna have so much fun, Jensen."
Jensen laughs, can't help it. "We're doing fucking improv, man. My last gig was on some fucking sci-fi thing up in Vancouver."
"My last one was on the WB," says Jared wryly. "Come on, who cares? We are gonna rock the hizzouse." He wraps his arm around Jensen's shoulder and starts half dragging, half guiding him down the street.
"Did you seriously just say hizzouse?" asks Jensen.
"I seriously just said hizzouse," Jared agrees. "This is the kind of awesome skill that I will bring to the show. Try not to be too jealous. I'm going to be the brains, and the talent, and the awesome, and you are going to be the eye candy."
Jensen raises his eyebrows, flushing a little. "I am?"
"You are," Jared agrees. "You're gonna bring in the female audience." He clucks his tongue. "And those girls were pretty hot, so we should have sex appeal covered right up." He nods, gives Jensen another blinding grin. "Like I said, rock the hizzouse."
Jensen laughs. "Oh god, I'm going to have to see you every fucking day," he says, shaking his head. "We absolutely have to get drunk right the fuck now."
*
Jensen wakes up with someone's foot pushing his kidney.
"Mmph," says Jensen.
"So," says Danneel. "I can't tell if your audition went well and you were celebrating, or your audition went horribly and you were drinking the pain away, but there is a seriously hot guy on our couch. When did you lose the ability to seal the deal, Ackles?"
"I can't feel my body," says Jensen. "I just feel pain. God." He rolls over and rubs his hand over his face, glaring at Danneel. "Why did you wake me up?"
"Because I wasn't sure you were still alive. Also, I want to hear about what happened. And the hot guy on our couch. Is he off-limits?"
Jensen feels a goofy grin spreading over his face. "He's my new co-star."
Danneel grins and cheers very, very quietly. He considers forgiving her for waking him up. "Congratulations. Did you fuck him?"
"I'm pretty sure I'd remember that," says Jensen. He sits up, rubbing his face again. "Shit," he says. "He's from Texas, I think? Used to be on, uh, Gallagher Girls? Something like that."
"Gilmore Girls," says Danneel, snapping her fingers. "I knew he looked familiar."
"You watched his show?"
Danneel shrugs. "He's cute." She hands Jensen a cup of water and some aspirin. "Try not to fuck him before the show starts, you'll mess up the vibe," she advises. "I'm going out with Riley, I'll see you later."
"Thanks," says Jensen, groaning and taking the pills with a long drink of water. He drags himself out of bed, pulling on a pair of jeans and t-shirt and following her out into the living room.
Jared is indeed on the couch, but he's sitting now and looking around, vaguely confused.
"Hey, Jared," says Jensen, with a little wave.
Jared looks relieved. "Oh, Jensen. Hi." His gaze slides over to Danneel. "Also, Jensen's girlfriend. Hi."
"Roommate," says Danneel, with a smile. "Hi, Jensen's costar, I'm heading out. Please only puke in our toilet."
"I'll do my best," says Jared solemnly. He pulls himself up off the couch with effort, watching Danneel leave before giving Jensen a sheepish smile. "I think we overdid it."
Jensen snorts. "You think?"
"Little bit."
Jensen laughs and shakes his head. "Come on, man, I'll make you some coffee."
"I already like you better than my last costar," says Jared, following him into the kitchen. "She just broke my heart and got me kicked off the show."
Jensen raises his eyebrows. "Sounds like a bitch."
Jared shrugs. "Not really. I mean, I was eighteen when I started on the show, really new to Hollywood and everything, and when we hit it off, I thought it was a great idea, you know? But she was the lead, and it was pretty awkward working with her after it went wrong, so I can't really blame her for pushing to get me kicked off."
Jensen blinks rapidly, trying to comprehend that much information this early in the morning. Finally he shakes his head and goes back to filling up the coffee pot. "You're disturbingly well-adjusted about that," says Jensen. "Jesus."
"Well, you know, it's easier now that I have this totally kickass new show with this totally kickass new costar."
"It's been a day," says Jensen. "There is still so much that could go wrong here."
"Okay, granted," says Jared. "But I've got a good feeling."
"A good feeling, huh?"
"Yeah," says Jared, slow grin spreading over his face. "We're gonna be awesome."
"I believe your exact words were rock the hizzouse."
Jared laughs. "Exactly." He gives Jensen a sheepish smile, looking over at Jensen through his bangs. It's the kind of look he must have perfected being on the WB.
"My roommate watched your show," Jensen blurts out, stupidly.
Jared raises his eyebrows. "She could still watch it, it's still on." He gives Jensen an odd look. "Seriously, just roommates? Cuz if I were you--"
"Just roommates," Jensen confirms. He considers, and then goes for it. "I'm gay, actually."
"Oh," says Jared. "Okay," he says, shrugging. "I was gonna say, I'd have trouble living with her and not, you know."
"Yeah," Jensen says dryly, "but you dated your costar, so you clearly have some boundary issues."
"Aww," says Jared, pouting. "Does this mean we're not gonna date?"
"I think you being straight means we're not going to date," Jensen notes. "Just a thought."
"Straight but not narrow," Jared intones seriously. He finishes off his coffee and sighs. "Man, I would love to hang out and shoot the shit, but I told my friend Chad I'd hang out with him today." He makes a face. "You're going to have to meet Chad eventually. I apologize."
Jensen laughs. "Yeah, get going. I'll see you--whenever, I guess."
"For the show," Jared reminds him.
"Whenever for the show, yeah."
"Oh, and give me your number," says Jared. "So we can hang out if the wait's too long."
Jensen laughs and rattles it off, smiling when Jared immediately sends him a text. Jared gives him another hug, tells him how awesome they're going to be, and heads out with a bright smile and a wave, and Jensen thinks, yeah, this might be it.
*
"All right, I'm Jeffrey Dean Morgan, and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway."
It's been a surreal couple of weeks. The show doesn't go like other shows Jensen's been on--they have rehearsals, but no lines, no characters, just a lot of innuendo (mostly between him and Jared), a lot of games, ranging from hilarious to lame (Jensen hates hoedowns almost as much as Jared does, seriously), and it's--fun. Really, it is.
"I never thought you'd be good at this," Danneel told him, the night before their first real show. "But you're really loving it, right?"
"I really am," Jensen agreed. And he meant it.
But right now, in front of the audience, with the lights on and the mics in, Jensen is nervous as shit.
"Our contestants today, the man, the legend, Misha Collins," says Jeff, and there's a smattering of applause, and Misha gives a wave. "The right stuff, Kaley Cuoco," he goes on, and their third regular flashes her best smile. She's definitely cute, and Jared's right--she's got some sex appeal. "Mmm, mmm, good, Jensen Ackles," and Jensen waves in a way that he's pretty sure comes off as manic and stupid, not--anything good. "And the world's largest ball of twine, Jared Padalecki." And then Jensen looks over, sees Jared smile and do these ridiculous finger guns, and the worry just melts out of Jensen.
"Our first game for the night is questions," says Jeff. "That means that everyone can only speak in questions. If anyone fails to do this, or takes too long to respond, I'll buzz them out. First up are Jensen and Misha, and your scene is the apocalypse. Whenever you're ready, gentlemen."
"What's going on outside?" asks Misha, with this earnest, terrified expression that makes Jensen almost crack up on its own. He's embarrassingly amused by Misha; Jared is always teasing him about it.
"Don't you know?"
"How am I supposed to know?" asks Misha.
"Isn't it your fault?"
"What did I do?"
"Isn't your father Satan?" Jensen thunders, and feels a thrill of triumph when totally loses it, running off the stage and tagging Kaley in before Jeff can even ring the buzzer.
"What's wrong with him?" asks Kaley, totally placid, and it's so deadpan that Jensen cracks up too, and he hears Jared laughing and clapping behind him as Jeff buzzes him off.
Jared goes in, and the game goes on, and Jensen feels the excitement pulsing through his veins, thrill of doing a job well, and the audience laughing, and everything.
It's the best feeling he never knew he wanted.
*
They go out after, all five of them, Jared hitting on Kaley so ridiculously no one can take it seriously, everyone making fun of Jeff for being old, or ugly, or a thousand other things, none particularly legitimate.
It's nice, and unexpected, and when Jared slings his arm around Jensen's shoulder and leaves it there, Jensen knows, in a rush of clarity, that this is going to work. That this is going to last.
*
"I'm thinking I should actually ask Kaley out," says Jared.
Jensen raises his eyebrows, sipping his coffee for a minute without commenting.
"So that's not approval," Jared continues, making a face.
"Honestly, I figured we'd be having this conversation a lot earlier. But no, it's not approval."
They're out for drinks after the penultimate episode of the first season. It's a melancholy time, like it was when his season of Dark Angel was winding down, because they're already confirmed for a second season, and they know it's just a hiatus, not an end.
If Jensen's honest, these are his favorite times, when it's just him and Jared, shooting the shit and joking around. Jared's been stepping up hitting on Kaley, and it's not exactly Jensen's favorite thing to watch, but it doesn't surprise him. It's just not a great idea. For the show.
"She's not gonna be a regular next season. Kunal is taking over."
"I know," says Jensen. "She's still rotating in."
"Did you have some kind of horrible experience sleeping with a costar, or is this a general bias?"
"My two costars dated on Dark Angel. It was great when they were on, it was awkward and terrible when they were off. And we had scripts. Characters. Distance."
"You think I can't handle it," says Jared, but he doesn't sound offended. Just thoughtful.
"I think it's a bad idea, and you can probably find someone who isn't on the show who's willing to date you. You're not that ugly. And they wouldn't know you personally."
Jared snorts. "Thanks as always for your support," he says, clinking his beer bottle against Jensen's. "This is why you're my best friend." He tilts his head at Jensen. "How come your perpetually single, anyway?"
Jensen shrugs. "It's not really worth being out," he says. "Not publicly, anyway."
Jared snorts. "You know half the hype for the show is our gay love, right?"
"Well, you keep groping me," Jensen shoots back.
"Oh, whatever, that so goes both ways."
"Just like you, apparently."
"Straight but not narrow," Jared intones seriously. His eyes light up. "Dude, can I set you up on blind dates? I love setting people up. I suck at it, but it's fun."
Jensen laughs. "That's a ringing endorsement right there."
"Seriously, you're way too awesome to be single."
"Maybe over the hiatus," says Jensen. He glances over at Jared. "Got any big plans?"
"Not really," says Jared. "Going home for a few weeks. Visiting Chad in North Carolina, since they finish later." He looks back at Jared, steady and a little hopeful. "You should come, see Danneel."
"Gonna miss me?" asks Jensen.
"Desperately. So you should come," says Jared.
"I'll come to North Carolina if you don't date Kaley," says Jensen, feeling like kind of an asshole.
Jared snorts and laughs. "Low blow," he says, leaning back. "But okay, yeah." He looks down, studying his beer. "It's a bad idea anyway. Me and her."
"Yeah," Jensen agrees, and tries not to feel happy.
*
"All right, for our last hoedown of the series, we need something to sing about. A high note to go out on."
"Please don't let Jared sing a high note to go out on," says Jensen, which of course gets a big laugh.
"Fair point. I'm taking suggestions, just shout them out!" says Jeff.
There's the usual random assortment--divorce, hangovers, blind dates--and then someone yells "Jensen!" and Jeff fucking cackles.
"All right, our hoedown is about Jensen. Just remember, everyone, you still have to see him next season."
Aldis starts it off, and Jensen is blushing fiercely before he even starts. He really hopes the stage makeup covers it up. "Jensen is my hero, he really helps me out," sings Aldis, "he even taught me what the birds and bees are about! It started off rocky, and then I got scared, at least until I found out that I didn't have to do Jared."
Kaley starts off snickering, along with the rest of the audience, because gay jokes about him and Jared? Always a hit. She gives him a beam before she starts off. "I love Jensen, he is oh so fine. I wish so much that he could be mine! But I realize we will never click, not unless I get myself a great big--boob job."
Jensen groans at that--Kaley doesn't even know he's gay, at least he's never told her, but he gives her a leer and makes a grabby motion at her chest, laughing as she cracks up too.
"No one realizes how tough it is for me," Jensen sings, assuming a face that indicates deep suffering. "Attractive and amazing are hard things to be. I know the mocking is just jealousy so deep, so obviously there are other reasons that I cry myself to sleep."
Jensen gets a big laugh for that, no surprise, but when he turns to Jared, Jared's not laughing. He's looking thoughtful.
"Jensen is amazing, he really is so great," Jared signs, off-key as always, but with this little smile like--like nothing Jensen's ever seen from him. "I have to admit that I just don't get the hate. I won't deny it, I really love the guy, and I know he'll be my best friend 'til I die."
The rest of them echo Jared's last line, like always, but Jensen can't. Jensen feels abruptly small, and strange, his stomach flipping over, his mouth going dry. Jared just shrugs, looking a little embarrassed, and Jensen gives him a big hug, ignoring the awws and the laughs and everything else, and thinks he might be just a little bit screwed.
*
Jared calls him up a week after the wrap party and says, "I'm bored, and I miss you."
"Of course you do," says Jensen.
"I went on a date last night," he says, with a rustle of clothing, and Jensen imagines he's lying back on his bed. He closes his eyes and doesn't think about it too much.
"Yeah?" asks Jensen. "How was it?"
"Not great. She was nice, but no spark."
"No second date?"
"No second date."
"Sorry, man," says Jensen, and wishes he meant it.
"I'll live. Are you busy tonight?"
"For you? Never."
Jared laughs. "Yeah, I am so much cooler than all your other friends."
"Obviously. What did you have in mind?"
"Come over, I'll make you dinner, we can play video games and practice questions."
"That sounded so good until that last part."
Jared laughs. "I don't wanna get rusty. You're already everyone's favorite."
"Well, I'm cuter than you."
"And better than me."
"And smarter than you."
"In all ways superior," agrees Jared. "So you're coming over?"
"Of course."
*
It's a ritual after that, weekly dinners, drinks with the rest of the cast sometimes, lunches with Misha, weird drunk texts from Kaley, but unfailing, once a week with Jared, sometimes more, until they go to North Carolina.
"Jensen," says Danneel, pityingly, as soon as she sees him.
"I know," says Jensen, not even pretending to deny it. "I know I'm being an idiot."
"He's cute."
"Yeah."
"He seems to really like you."
"Yup."
"He's straight."
"But not narrow," Jensen says, and groans. "It's not a big deal. I'm happy."
"The show's great."
"Thanks. Yours is--"
Danneel laughs. "Don't even try. I'm just proud of you for watching."
Jensen smiles. "I try."
She ruffles his hair. "I miss you. Living with you was fun."
"I wish we had hiatus at the same time," Jensen says. "I miss you too."
"Don't be an idiot about this," she says gently. "Find a normal boyfriend and go on vacation with him. Don't pine after your straight co-star."
"I know," says Jensen. "I know."
He's not saying he will, not even close, and from the way Danneel smiles at him, she knows it.
*
Their first show back is fun, manic energy and easy fun. Jeff came up with a horrific new game which involves Jensen acting as Jared's arms, which meant not only was Jensen pressing up right against Jared's back, but also force-feeding him a lot of disgusting stuff, which occasionally meant Jared sucking on his fingers, and it was hilarious but also really, really frustrating. And it's going to be a recurring bit now.
"I always thought you and Kaley would be a thing," Kunal is saying at the bar after the first show, as Jensen comes out of the bathroom. "I guess you still can be, but I thought you already would be."
"Jensen talked me out of trying to date another co-star," says Jared, shrugging easily. "You know, mess up the vibe."
"Ah," says Kunal. "Is that why you're not dating Jensen too?"
Jared laughs, loud and beautiful. Jensen's throat catches. He shouldn't be listening to this. "Dude, I don't think I could handle dating Jensen and Kaley. They'd run me ragged."
Kunal laughs too, and Jensen exhales, feeling relieved for no good reason.
He's being stupid, he knows. He's being so, so stupid.
But he slides in next to Jared, grabs a beer, and toasts another great season anyway.
*
"All right, this game is for everyone, and it's something we like to call party quirks. Aldis is hosting a party and Kunal, Jared, and Jensen are his quirky guests. At the end, we'll see if Aldis can guess what their deal is."
"Jensen's gay," Jared stage-whispers, and Jensen flushes a little, even when it of course gets big laughs.
Jensen's actual quirk is that he's a horny dog, so he spends the entire time humping Jared's leg, because, of course, Jared's card said mighty redwood.
"This job is fucked up," Jensen says, taking his seat next to Jared in the back of the stage, and he gets a big laugh for that.
"Yeah," agrees Kunal. "Everyone knows Jared is the horny dog who humps everything."
Jared pants a little and then, of course, licks Jensen, because this job is so fucked up.
*
Jared's roommate Rob gets cast in some drama that films in Canada a few weeks into the season, and Jared spends a week bitching and moaning about how he can't afford the place alone before he gives Jensen this totally rehearsed look and says, "Hey, you could move in."
Jensen raises his eyebrows. "Because that will convince everyone we're not fucking."
"I don't think anything can do that," says Jared. "Come on! I know your lease is up in a few months, I know you don't like your place much, and then we could carpool to work. It'd be awesome."
"Jared," says Jensen carefully. "Man, you know you're my best friend, but--don't you think that might be too much?"
"Too much what?" asks Jared, sounding genuinely baffled. Like he really doesn't get it.
"We might drive each other crazy. You might get sick of me."
Jared gets this sappy grin, spreading all over his face. "I could never get sick of you, Jensen."
"God, just start putting out already," says Jensen, groaning.
Jared grins. "That's a yes, right? You're totally moving in. We're gonna be roomies. My dogs need another dad. It's perfect."
"I'm just doing it for the dogs. And because my apartment is too big for just me and it's lonely," Jensen grumbles.
Jared wraps his arm around Jensen's shoulder and kisses his cheek. "Rock the hizzouse," he says. "My hizzouse, specifically."
Jensen snorts and shakes his head. "Whatever you say, Jared."
*
Jared and Katie and Aldis are playing pool in the corner when Jeff sits down next to Jensen and says, "We've got to talk, kid."
Jensen looks away from the table, where Jared's shirt is riding up and showing off the dip of his spine. "About what?" he asks.
"You and Jared moved in together," says Jeff.
"Yeah," says Jensen. Jeff just keeps staring, and Jensen chokes a little when he realizes why. "Oh--shit, not like that!" he splutters. "God. We're just roommates. It's not--like that."
Jeff considers him. "But you are gay," he says, and it's not a question.
Jensen wets his lips, sighs. "Yeah," he says. "It's not a big secret," he continues. He shrugs. "Jared knows. It just never came up."
Jeff nods. "Don't worry about it. Hell, I'm not opposed to sleeping with guys." Jensen's head jerks up, totally shocked, and Jeff is just looking, gaze steady and heated. "If they're the right guys."
"Oh," Jensen breathes.
"Just to take the edge off," he says, nodding toward Jared. "If you're interested."
Jensen's had enough drinks to feel horny and hopeless and generally stupid. And he likes Jeff. And Jeff is hot.
"Let's go to your place," he says, smiling when Jeff grins at him. "Mine would just be awkward."
*
Jeff gives him coffee the next morning, but they don't kiss each other goodbye or anything. Jensen wants to linger, but it's too awkward, and it's not exactly that he wants to spend more time with Jeff. It's just that he's terrified of going home.
He drives over to the CVS down the street from their apartment and calls Danneel, praying she's not filming right now. It's ten, lunch-break time in North Carolina. Hopefully.
"Hey, Jensen!" she says, bright and cheerful. "What's up?"
"I think I might have really fucked up."
"Oh god, you fucked Jared," she says, voice falling. "Jensen--"
"I didn't," he protests. "I didn't fuck Jared." He licks his lips, laughs a little. "I fucked Jeff."
There's a long, meaningful silence.
"Honey," Danneel finally says, like Jensen is a particularly naughty and dumb puppy. "Jensen."
"I know," says Jensen, hitting his head against the back of his car seat. "God, I know. But--he offered, and I'm fucking living with Jared. I'm going crazy."
"You're obviously going crazy," says Danneel. "Does Jared know?"
"He knows I didn't come home last night. I don't know if he saw me leave with Jeff or--fuck, Danneel." He rubs his hand over his face. "I'm never going to drink again."
"Yeah, don't," she says softly. "Go home, Jensen. Putting it off isn't going to help."
"I know."
"Are you going to see him again?"
"Not--like that," says Jensen. "It was just a one-night thing."
"Because you're in love with Jared," Danneel supplies.
Jensen laughs, for lack of any other reaction. "Yeah," he says. "Because I'm in love with Jared."
"Bye, honey," she says, after another meaningful pause.
"I'll let you know if I have to flee to North Carolina to live with you."
"Any time."
*
Jared's on the couch playing X-Box, looking like he hasn't slept at all. Jensen prays he didn't wait up.
"Hey," he says, soft and hesitant.
"You're a fucking asshole," says Jared, and he sounds so upset.
Jensen swallows. "Jared--"
"You tell me how bad it'd be for the show if I asked Kaley out, you tell me it'll be awkward and kill the vibe, and then you go and fuck the host. What the fuck, Jensen? What happened to all your fucking rules and brains? Why would you--"
"I'm sorry," says Jensen. It feels weird, apologizing to Jared for fucking someone else, because no matter what the real issue is, Jensen feels like he's apologizing for cheating on Jared, and that is kind of fucked up. He runs his hand through his hair. "I was drunk, and stupid, and--it was totally hypocritical of me and I apologize."
Jared pauses for a minute, like he was expecting Jensen to fight him on this, and Jensen can see the second the fight goes out of him. He doesn't look happy, he doesn't look better, he just looks resigned.
"Are you going to be awkward?"
"It was a one-night thing," says Jensen. "Just blowing off steam. He knows that."
Jared nods, once, jerkily. "Well. Hope it was fun," he says, and it sounds like an insult.
"Yeah," Jensen says hollowly. He goes upstairs to lie on his bed and read, even though he really wants to be hanging out with Jared, like they always do on their days off.
Jensen never realized fucking a costar could fuck things up with another costar, but, well, he never realized a lot of things before Jared.
*
Jeff is normal. Jared is normal. Everyone is horribly, totally normal, and it's making Jensen feel crazy. It's supposed to be fucked up and wrong and awkward, and Jared is just laughing like he always does, making jokes about how hot Jensen is.
It makes Jensen's palms itch. It makes Jensen think maybe everything is like this for Jared, that Jared's always acting.
"All right, the next game is questions, that's for everyone, we'll start off with Jared and Kunal. Your scene is that you are hanging out in a gay bar."
Jeff doesn't write the scenarios, Jensen reminds himself. He's reading his cards. It's not his fault.
"So, do you come here often, sailor?" Kunal asks Jared, with a waggle of his eyebrows.
"Who wants to know?" Jared asks, with a smarmy grin.
"Why don't you try me and find out?"
"What does that even mean?" asks Jared, so earnestly that Kunal cracks up, and that means--Jensen's in.
With Jared.
At a gay bar.
"I--" he starts, and corrects. "What's your sign?" he manages, feeling so awkward he's sure it must show all over his face.
Jared looks at him and then says, "Slippery when wet," with a very fake waggle of eyebrows and lets Jeff buzz him out to bursts of laughter.
They both manage to get out every time they're supposed to be in the scene together again, and Jensen doesn't have the energy to feel bad about it.
*
"So that sucked out loud," says Katie. Jensen can't object; it's what they were all thinking.
"What happened to you two? Did Jared leave the toilet seat up?" asks Kunal.
Jeff has the decency to look embarrassed; Jensen didn't explain the whole backstory of his costar fucking is bad policy, but it doesn't take a genius to put the pieces together. Even if no one but Jared seems to have noticed that Jeff and Jensen went home together.
"Leave them alone, everyone has off nights," says Jeff.
"Oh, who asked you," says Jared, with so much anger that Jensen is a little shocked. He can count on one hand the number of times he's heard Jared snap at someone.
And two of them have been since he slept with Jeff.
God, he never thought it would screw them up this much.
"Woah, touchy touchy," says Katie. "Did Jensen stop putting out?"
"Jensen doesn't put out," says Jared. "We're not fucking together, okay?"
He slides off the stool and storms out, leaving everyone staring at Jensen in shock.
"Everyone has off nights," Jensen mumbles, pushing away from the bar himself. "I better--shit."
Jared's car is gone when Jensen gets to the parking lot, but it's parked outside the apartment, so at least he didn't leave.
Jensen parks himself and heads upstairs, finding the door unlocked and Jared sitting on the couch in the dark. He looks miserable when Jensen flips on the light, and Jensen doesn't get what he did, even.
"I'm being kind of an asshole, huh," says Jared.
"I was an asshole first," Jensen offers. "I shouldn't have gone home with Jeff, not when I lectured you so much about that stuff."
Jared laughs humorlessly. "No, it's not--I just figured. If you were gonna break your costars rule, it'd be with me, you know?" Jared keeps going, not noticing when Jensen tenses up all over. "I mean, I'm your best friend, and I'm kind of hot, so I figured--but you know maybe Jeff's more your type or--"
"You're straight," says Jensen blankly. "Jared. You don't want to hook up with me. You don't like guys."
Jared looks up, and his expression is so fierce Jensen almost steps back. He gets up slowly, walking over toward Jensen, never breaking eye contact.
"So what if I wasn't straight?" asks Jared, voice low. "What if I wanted you, and I wanted to fuck you tonight, and wake up with you tomorrow, and take you on dates, and kiss you in public even more than I already do?" Jensen's back hits the wall and Jared doesn't stop. "Because I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Not since you fucked Jeff. I wanted to punch him today, you know that? Tell him you were fucking mine."
Jensen can't take it anymore, surges forward and kisses Jared, hard and frantic, and Jared kisses right back, just as eager.
"Fucking idiot," Jensen mutters, up against Jared's mouth. "I wouldn't have fucked Jeff if I thought I had a chance in hell with you. Why do you think I've been celibate for two fucking years?"
Jared grabs Jensen's hips, dragging him through the living room and back toward his bedroom. "I'm an idiot," he agrees, pushing Jensen down on his bed. "I am an idiot, and I'm so fucking in love with you."
Jensen stares. "Really?" he asks hopefully.
Jared's face splits out in a grin, climbing on top of Jensen and kissing him again, pressing their whole bodies together, and Jared is hard. Jensen kind of wants to cry with relief.
"Really," Jared murmurs. "I probably should have noticed sooner. Sorry."
Jensen tugs Jared's shirt off. He's seen Jared shirtless on occasion, but never really gotten to look, and now he can. "I should have said something," Jensen admits. "I, uh, didn't want to make stuff awkward."
"You should stop worrying so much," says Jared, fingers flying over the buttons of Jensen's shirt and pushing it off his shoulders. Jensen wriggles it off and tosses it somewhere in Jared's room. "About vibes," Jared teases. "I love our vibe." He leans down and scrapes his teeth over Jensen's neck, making Jensen shiver.
"You sure you're ready for gay sex?" Jensen asks breathlessly. "Straight boy."
"Straight but not narrow," Jared says with a big grin. His fingers stray down to Jensen's jeans. "I'm not ready for anything to go in my ass or whatever, but I am so ready to get my hands on your dick."
"You're ready," Jensen grumbles good-naturedly.
Jared pops his jeans open, pulls the zipper down, and shoves his hand into Jensen's boxers, wrapping his fingers around Jensen's dick with the kind of confidence a straight boy really shouldn't have. Jensen makes an embarrassing, strangled noise. "How long?" Jared murmurs, lips still working on Jensen's neck. "How long have you wanted me?"
"Since the first day, man," Jensen says, groaning. "First time I saw you."
Jared jerks Jensen's dick with slow, even strokes, and it's not the best handjob he's ever gotten, but it's from Jared, and that means everything.
"Dumbass," says Jared fondly, twisting his hand in a way that makes Jensen see stars.
"Jared," Jensen gasps. "Jared, I'm fucking desperate here."
Jared laughs. "This one's just to take the edge off," he says. "Next time, we're doing this right."
Jensen whimpers and comes, right there, just thinking about being with Jared again.
"Gonna buy you flowers," says Jared, grinning and licking the come off his hand. Jensen's dick twitches feebly, and Jensen needs to get his mouth on Jared right this second.
"That's great," he says, pulling Jared's jeans and boxers off. "I'm gonna blow you."
Jared laughs. "Or we could do that."
*
"All right," says Jeff, "our last game for the night is Jared's favorite, hoedown. What should we sing about?"
"The Civil War!" someone yells.
"Clowns!"
"Jared!"
Jeff laughs and grins. "All right, the Jared hoedown. Someday we're gonna get the whole set."
Jensen tugs Jared's shoulder and they switch places as Misha starts off. "Oh sometimes I wonder how Jared got so tall, sometimes I really do! I don't think it's fair, not to me or you. It doesn't make sense, it doesn't make a lick, so I just have to tell myself he's got a tiny--brain."
Kunal snickers, and Jared blows Misha a kiss.
"Jared is my buddy, he really is a gem," Kunal sings. "I've never met someone with so little going for them. He doesn't like to sing, he doesn't get women, so he should thank god that he's still got Jen-sen."
Jared bobs along and steps forward, dancing a little before launching into his own ditty. "I love Whose Line, everyone is so nice! Not all my friends would forgive my every vice. I don't know how I ever got so lucky, to have people like me when I am so Pada-sucky."
Jensen cracks up at that one, misses his own cue because he's still laughing, and when Jared catches his eye and winks, he totally abandons his original plan and improvises. "What can I say about this guy by me? God knows I love him, anyone can see! So I think it's time to put these rumors to an end, and admit to everyone that he is my boyfriend."
Jeff and Misha and Kunal knew, of course, so they just echo "He is my boyfriend!" at top volume while the audience screams and Jared pulls Jensen in for a kiss, laughing against his mouth.
"I think that means Jared and Jensen are our winners for today," Jeff deadpans, and then coughs when they still don't pull apart. "Seriously, guys, separate for the credits."
Jared lets Jensen go, but keeps his arm around him, and Jensen just smiles and leans against his boyfriend while Misha and Kunal read the credits in the style of two homicidal robots.
This job is so fucking awesome.
Author: poor_choices
Fandom: Supernatural RPS.
Pairing: Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles, minor off-screen Jensen/Jeffrey Dean Morgan, mentions of Jared/girls.
Rating: Hard R.
Word Count: 7000 words.
Warnings: None, really!
Summary: In 2005, instead of getting cast on Supernatural, Jared and Jensen get cast on Jeffrey Dean Morgan's new show, Whose Line Is It Anyway. BFFery and innuendo ensues.
Notes: Written for giandujakiss! I REALLY WANTED TO DO YOUR OTHER PROMPT but it was like pulling nails writing it, sadly. I hope to finish it someday! In the meantime, I hope this satisfies. With grateful acknowledgment to Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie for being awesome BFFs, and thanks for ABC Family Channel for playing reruns of Whose Line when I should be asleep. Title from Whose Line.
Disclaimer: Lies and untruths.
It's not Jensen's usual kind of audition.
He's got a good sense of humor, good timing, but he's never really been in a comedy before--he's used to being the funny guy in an action show, or a drama. Or a soap opera star, but whatever.
The improv is him needing a job, a lot, and Chris knowing this guy who's going to host some new show that's like an improv club on TV, or something similar, and Jensen hasn't had an audition in a while. He figures, if nothing else, it's better than sitting on his couch in his boxers, fielding calls from his mom about how work is going and calls from his brother and sister about his love life.
So he pulls on Chris's band shirt (so the host will know they're friends) and some relatively clean and unripped jeans and heads over.
There are about ten people on the stage when Jensen gets there, and he was told to expect about twenty total. The e-mail said to dress casual and be prepared to act, which is making Jensen's palms sweat. He's never really done something like this before, and he has no idea how he'll be at it. He's used to feeling a little more at home in auditions--he's studied the character, given himself a backstory in his head, worked out exactly who he is.
Then, someone says, "Dude, I saw that band last weekend!"
Jensen glances up, surprised, and sees a big guy with a huge, dimpled smile. He licks his lips, mouth a little dry. The guy is exactly his type, Jesus.
"Oh, yeah?" he asks lamely. "My friend's the guitarist, I'm surprised I didn't see you there."
The guy laughs, big, booming sound. "I know, right? I totally stand out."
Jensen laughs a little too, feeling more at ease. If the guy caught the because you're so hot vibe Jensen was giving off, he doesn't seem to mind it. "I'm Jensen, by the way," he says, offering his hand.
"Jared. Nice to meet you." Jared shakes his hand and gives him a thoughtful look. "Nervous?"
Jensen groans, but he's laughing too. "Oh god, am I that obvious?"
"I think everyone is. Well, except, like, Cook and Tosh in the corner over there, they actually do stand-up."
"You don't either?"
"Nope. But I've been told I'm pretty funny, and when you're this tall, physical comedy is always a hit." He shrugs, grinning. "Besides, it sounds like fun, you know?"
Jensen smiles. "Yeah, it kind of does," he agrees.
If it sounds like more fun now that he's talking to Jared, that's no one's business but Jensen's.
*
Except that, apparently, he and Jared had a great onstage vibe. Jensen's naturally a little on the quiet side in unfamiliar situations, but Jared is boisterous and it's easy for Jensen to just pretend they're joking around together, like they're friends already.
The host, Chris's friend Jeff, clearly agrees, selecting the two of them together for almost every sketch, although they both do fine on their own. They're just on fire together, even when they're doing singing, which Jared sucks at and clearly isn't totally comfortable with, because as long as he can catch Jensen's eye, he does fine.
There's are a couple blond girls who are doing pretty well too, but they get called up separately as much as together, and they're both clearly thinking that since the regular cast is going to be three people, they should be competing for slot number three.
It's a heady feeling, and Jensen comes off the hoe-down they have to do last feeling good, on fire.
He feels like they're in, and it doesn't even bother him that he's as excited about working with Jared as he is about getting this show.
And he's totally going to get this show.
"All right, everybody, that's the end of the open audition," says Jeff. "We got a short list of people we'd like to talk to, so let me see Ackles, Cassidy, Collins, Cuoco, Hodge, Nayyar, and Padalecki up here. We'll be in touch with the rest of you about possible recurring guest roles when you're available."
"Collins?" Jared hazards hopefully, giving Jensen a nervous smile.
"Ackles. Hodge?"
"Padalecki. Nice to meet you. Again." He jumps off the stage, grinning up at Jensen. "Come on, Ackles, let's go let them tell us how awesome we are."
The two blonde girls are there, along with an Indian guy, a black guy, and another brown-haired guy who has the most uncanny ability to deadpan under any and all circumstances Jensen has ever seen. The dude didn't crack a smile once.
"Okay, so, I'm Jeff." He looks over at Jensen, raising his eyebrows. "You must be that friend Chris told me about, but he didn't tell me you'd be bringing someone with you."
"I didn't," says Jensen, a little surprised.
"You didn't?" asks the Indian guy. "Wait, you two don't know each other?"
Jared and Jensen exchange a look.
"Not until about five minutes before the audition started," says Jared, looking confused.
"Wow," says Jeff. "You guys are that on and you don't even know each other? You are so hired."
Jensen blinks. "Seriously? Just like that?"
"You guys were awesome," says one of the blondes, sounding a little resentful.
"The five of you, we're gonna have a second audition to find our third regular, but all of you are gonna be on rotation for the fourth cast member, so don't get too heartbroken just yet." Jeff glances at Jared and Jensen. "You guys are free to go, we'll give you a call in the next few days to talk details. Looking forward to working with you."
Jensen's kind of dazed until they get out onto the street, the still-bright sunlight of early evening a shock after the dark theater. He got it. He can't quite believe he fucking nailed it.
Jared lets out a loud whoop that shocks Jensen out of his thoughts, and he turns just in time to catch Jared's huge smile before he's being caught up in a hug, lifted off his feet a little and swung around.
"Holy shit, we rocked that!" says Jared, putting Jensen down and grinning. "Dude! Come on, we are going out for a fucking drink. We're gonna be best friends, I just know it. This is like--destiny, or something! Fuck, we are gonna have so much fun, Jensen."
Jensen laughs, can't help it. "We're doing fucking improv, man. My last gig was on some fucking sci-fi thing up in Vancouver."
"My last one was on the WB," says Jared wryly. "Come on, who cares? We are gonna rock the hizzouse." He wraps his arm around Jensen's shoulder and starts half dragging, half guiding him down the street.
"Did you seriously just say hizzouse?" asks Jensen.
"I seriously just said hizzouse," Jared agrees. "This is the kind of awesome skill that I will bring to the show. Try not to be too jealous. I'm going to be the brains, and the talent, and the awesome, and you are going to be the eye candy."
Jensen raises his eyebrows, flushing a little. "I am?"
"You are," Jared agrees. "You're gonna bring in the female audience." He clucks his tongue. "And those girls were pretty hot, so we should have sex appeal covered right up." He nods, gives Jensen another blinding grin. "Like I said, rock the hizzouse."
Jensen laughs. "Oh god, I'm going to have to see you every fucking day," he says, shaking his head. "We absolutely have to get drunk right the fuck now."
*
Jensen wakes up with someone's foot pushing his kidney.
"Mmph," says Jensen.
"So," says Danneel. "I can't tell if your audition went well and you were celebrating, or your audition went horribly and you were drinking the pain away, but there is a seriously hot guy on our couch. When did you lose the ability to seal the deal, Ackles?"
"I can't feel my body," says Jensen. "I just feel pain. God." He rolls over and rubs his hand over his face, glaring at Danneel. "Why did you wake me up?"
"Because I wasn't sure you were still alive. Also, I want to hear about what happened. And the hot guy on our couch. Is he off-limits?"
Jensen feels a goofy grin spreading over his face. "He's my new co-star."
Danneel grins and cheers very, very quietly. He considers forgiving her for waking him up. "Congratulations. Did you fuck him?"
"I'm pretty sure I'd remember that," says Jensen. He sits up, rubbing his face again. "Shit," he says. "He's from Texas, I think? Used to be on, uh, Gallagher Girls? Something like that."
"Gilmore Girls," says Danneel, snapping her fingers. "I knew he looked familiar."
"You watched his show?"
Danneel shrugs. "He's cute." She hands Jensen a cup of water and some aspirin. "Try not to fuck him before the show starts, you'll mess up the vibe," she advises. "I'm going out with Riley, I'll see you later."
"Thanks," says Jensen, groaning and taking the pills with a long drink of water. He drags himself out of bed, pulling on a pair of jeans and t-shirt and following her out into the living room.
Jared is indeed on the couch, but he's sitting now and looking around, vaguely confused.
"Hey, Jared," says Jensen, with a little wave.
Jared looks relieved. "Oh, Jensen. Hi." His gaze slides over to Danneel. "Also, Jensen's girlfriend. Hi."
"Roommate," says Danneel, with a smile. "Hi, Jensen's costar, I'm heading out. Please only puke in our toilet."
"I'll do my best," says Jared solemnly. He pulls himself up off the couch with effort, watching Danneel leave before giving Jensen a sheepish smile. "I think we overdid it."
Jensen snorts. "You think?"
"Little bit."
Jensen laughs and shakes his head. "Come on, man, I'll make you some coffee."
"I already like you better than my last costar," says Jared, following him into the kitchen. "She just broke my heart and got me kicked off the show."
Jensen raises his eyebrows. "Sounds like a bitch."
Jared shrugs. "Not really. I mean, I was eighteen when I started on the show, really new to Hollywood and everything, and when we hit it off, I thought it was a great idea, you know? But she was the lead, and it was pretty awkward working with her after it went wrong, so I can't really blame her for pushing to get me kicked off."
Jensen blinks rapidly, trying to comprehend that much information this early in the morning. Finally he shakes his head and goes back to filling up the coffee pot. "You're disturbingly well-adjusted about that," says Jensen. "Jesus."
"Well, you know, it's easier now that I have this totally kickass new show with this totally kickass new costar."
"It's been a day," says Jensen. "There is still so much that could go wrong here."
"Okay, granted," says Jared. "But I've got a good feeling."
"A good feeling, huh?"
"Yeah," says Jared, slow grin spreading over his face. "We're gonna be awesome."
"I believe your exact words were rock the hizzouse."
Jared laughs. "Exactly." He gives Jensen a sheepish smile, looking over at Jensen through his bangs. It's the kind of look he must have perfected being on the WB.
"My roommate watched your show," Jensen blurts out, stupidly.
Jared raises his eyebrows. "She could still watch it, it's still on." He gives Jensen an odd look. "Seriously, just roommates? Cuz if I were you--"
"Just roommates," Jensen confirms. He considers, and then goes for it. "I'm gay, actually."
"Oh," says Jared. "Okay," he says, shrugging. "I was gonna say, I'd have trouble living with her and not, you know."
"Yeah," Jensen says dryly, "but you dated your costar, so you clearly have some boundary issues."
"Aww," says Jared, pouting. "Does this mean we're not gonna date?"
"I think you being straight means we're not going to date," Jensen notes. "Just a thought."
"Straight but not narrow," Jared intones seriously. He finishes off his coffee and sighs. "Man, I would love to hang out and shoot the shit, but I told my friend Chad I'd hang out with him today." He makes a face. "You're going to have to meet Chad eventually. I apologize."
Jensen laughs. "Yeah, get going. I'll see you--whenever, I guess."
"For the show," Jared reminds him.
"Whenever for the show, yeah."
"Oh, and give me your number," says Jared. "So we can hang out if the wait's too long."
Jensen laughs and rattles it off, smiling when Jared immediately sends him a text. Jared gives him another hug, tells him how awesome they're going to be, and heads out with a bright smile and a wave, and Jensen thinks, yeah, this might be it.
*
"All right, I'm Jeffrey Dean Morgan, and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway."
It's been a surreal couple of weeks. The show doesn't go like other shows Jensen's been on--they have rehearsals, but no lines, no characters, just a lot of innuendo (mostly between him and Jared), a lot of games, ranging from hilarious to lame (Jensen hates hoedowns almost as much as Jared does, seriously), and it's--fun. Really, it is.
"I never thought you'd be good at this," Danneel told him, the night before their first real show. "But you're really loving it, right?"
"I really am," Jensen agreed. And he meant it.
But right now, in front of the audience, with the lights on and the mics in, Jensen is nervous as shit.
"Our contestants today, the man, the legend, Misha Collins," says Jeff, and there's a smattering of applause, and Misha gives a wave. "The right stuff, Kaley Cuoco," he goes on, and their third regular flashes her best smile. She's definitely cute, and Jared's right--she's got some sex appeal. "Mmm, mmm, good, Jensen Ackles," and Jensen waves in a way that he's pretty sure comes off as manic and stupid, not--anything good. "And the world's largest ball of twine, Jared Padalecki." And then Jensen looks over, sees Jared smile and do these ridiculous finger guns, and the worry just melts out of Jensen.
"Our first game for the night is questions," says Jeff. "That means that everyone can only speak in questions. If anyone fails to do this, or takes too long to respond, I'll buzz them out. First up are Jensen and Misha, and your scene is the apocalypse. Whenever you're ready, gentlemen."
"What's going on outside?" asks Misha, with this earnest, terrified expression that makes Jensen almost crack up on its own. He's embarrassingly amused by Misha; Jared is always teasing him about it.
"Don't you know?"
"How am I supposed to know?" asks Misha.
"Isn't it your fault?"
"What did I do?"
"Isn't your father Satan?" Jensen thunders, and feels a thrill of triumph when totally loses it, running off the stage and tagging Kaley in before Jeff can even ring the buzzer.
"What's wrong with him?" asks Kaley, totally placid, and it's so deadpan that Jensen cracks up too, and he hears Jared laughing and clapping behind him as Jeff buzzes him off.
Jared goes in, and the game goes on, and Jensen feels the excitement pulsing through his veins, thrill of doing a job well, and the audience laughing, and everything.
It's the best feeling he never knew he wanted.
*
They go out after, all five of them, Jared hitting on Kaley so ridiculously no one can take it seriously, everyone making fun of Jeff for being old, or ugly, or a thousand other things, none particularly legitimate.
It's nice, and unexpected, and when Jared slings his arm around Jensen's shoulder and leaves it there, Jensen knows, in a rush of clarity, that this is going to work. That this is going to last.
*
"I'm thinking I should actually ask Kaley out," says Jared.
Jensen raises his eyebrows, sipping his coffee for a minute without commenting.
"So that's not approval," Jared continues, making a face.
"Honestly, I figured we'd be having this conversation a lot earlier. But no, it's not approval."
They're out for drinks after the penultimate episode of the first season. It's a melancholy time, like it was when his season of Dark Angel was winding down, because they're already confirmed for a second season, and they know it's just a hiatus, not an end.
If Jensen's honest, these are his favorite times, when it's just him and Jared, shooting the shit and joking around. Jared's been stepping up hitting on Kaley, and it's not exactly Jensen's favorite thing to watch, but it doesn't surprise him. It's just not a great idea. For the show.
"She's not gonna be a regular next season. Kunal is taking over."
"I know," says Jensen. "She's still rotating in."
"Did you have some kind of horrible experience sleeping with a costar, or is this a general bias?"
"My two costars dated on Dark Angel. It was great when they were on, it was awkward and terrible when they were off. And we had scripts. Characters. Distance."
"You think I can't handle it," says Jared, but he doesn't sound offended. Just thoughtful.
"I think it's a bad idea, and you can probably find someone who isn't on the show who's willing to date you. You're not that ugly. And they wouldn't know you personally."
Jared snorts. "Thanks as always for your support," he says, clinking his beer bottle against Jensen's. "This is why you're my best friend." He tilts his head at Jensen. "How come your perpetually single, anyway?"
Jensen shrugs. "It's not really worth being out," he says. "Not publicly, anyway."
Jared snorts. "You know half the hype for the show is our gay love, right?"
"Well, you keep groping me," Jensen shoots back.
"Oh, whatever, that so goes both ways."
"Just like you, apparently."
"Straight but not narrow," Jared intones seriously. His eyes light up. "Dude, can I set you up on blind dates? I love setting people up. I suck at it, but it's fun."
Jensen laughs. "That's a ringing endorsement right there."
"Seriously, you're way too awesome to be single."
"Maybe over the hiatus," says Jensen. He glances over at Jared. "Got any big plans?"
"Not really," says Jared. "Going home for a few weeks. Visiting Chad in North Carolina, since they finish later." He looks back at Jared, steady and a little hopeful. "You should come, see Danneel."
"Gonna miss me?" asks Jensen.
"Desperately. So you should come," says Jared.
"I'll come to North Carolina if you don't date Kaley," says Jensen, feeling like kind of an asshole.
Jared snorts and laughs. "Low blow," he says, leaning back. "But okay, yeah." He looks down, studying his beer. "It's a bad idea anyway. Me and her."
"Yeah," Jensen agrees, and tries not to feel happy.
*
"All right, for our last hoedown of the series, we need something to sing about. A high note to go out on."
"Please don't let Jared sing a high note to go out on," says Jensen, which of course gets a big laugh.
"Fair point. I'm taking suggestions, just shout them out!" says Jeff.
There's the usual random assortment--divorce, hangovers, blind dates--and then someone yells "Jensen!" and Jeff fucking cackles.
"All right, our hoedown is about Jensen. Just remember, everyone, you still have to see him next season."
Aldis starts it off, and Jensen is blushing fiercely before he even starts. He really hopes the stage makeup covers it up. "Jensen is my hero, he really helps me out," sings Aldis, "he even taught me what the birds and bees are about! It started off rocky, and then I got scared, at least until I found out that I didn't have to do Jared."
Kaley starts off snickering, along with the rest of the audience, because gay jokes about him and Jared? Always a hit. She gives him a beam before she starts off. "I love Jensen, he is oh so fine. I wish so much that he could be mine! But I realize we will never click, not unless I get myself a great big--boob job."
Jensen groans at that--Kaley doesn't even know he's gay, at least he's never told her, but he gives her a leer and makes a grabby motion at her chest, laughing as she cracks up too.
"No one realizes how tough it is for me," Jensen sings, assuming a face that indicates deep suffering. "Attractive and amazing are hard things to be. I know the mocking is just jealousy so deep, so obviously there are other reasons that I cry myself to sleep."
Jensen gets a big laugh for that, no surprise, but when he turns to Jared, Jared's not laughing. He's looking thoughtful.
"Jensen is amazing, he really is so great," Jared signs, off-key as always, but with this little smile like--like nothing Jensen's ever seen from him. "I have to admit that I just don't get the hate. I won't deny it, I really love the guy, and I know he'll be my best friend 'til I die."
The rest of them echo Jared's last line, like always, but Jensen can't. Jensen feels abruptly small, and strange, his stomach flipping over, his mouth going dry. Jared just shrugs, looking a little embarrassed, and Jensen gives him a big hug, ignoring the awws and the laughs and everything else, and thinks he might be just a little bit screwed.
*
Jared calls him up a week after the wrap party and says, "I'm bored, and I miss you."
"Of course you do," says Jensen.
"I went on a date last night," he says, with a rustle of clothing, and Jensen imagines he's lying back on his bed. He closes his eyes and doesn't think about it too much.
"Yeah?" asks Jensen. "How was it?"
"Not great. She was nice, but no spark."
"No second date?"
"No second date."
"Sorry, man," says Jensen, and wishes he meant it.
"I'll live. Are you busy tonight?"
"For you? Never."
Jared laughs. "Yeah, I am so much cooler than all your other friends."
"Obviously. What did you have in mind?"
"Come over, I'll make you dinner, we can play video games and practice questions."
"That sounded so good until that last part."
Jared laughs. "I don't wanna get rusty. You're already everyone's favorite."
"Well, I'm cuter than you."
"And better than me."
"And smarter than you."
"In all ways superior," agrees Jared. "So you're coming over?"
"Of course."
*
It's a ritual after that, weekly dinners, drinks with the rest of the cast sometimes, lunches with Misha, weird drunk texts from Kaley, but unfailing, once a week with Jared, sometimes more, until they go to North Carolina.
"Jensen," says Danneel, pityingly, as soon as she sees him.
"I know," says Jensen, not even pretending to deny it. "I know I'm being an idiot."
"He's cute."
"Yeah."
"He seems to really like you."
"Yup."
"He's straight."
"But not narrow," Jensen says, and groans. "It's not a big deal. I'm happy."
"The show's great."
"Thanks. Yours is--"
Danneel laughs. "Don't even try. I'm just proud of you for watching."
Jensen smiles. "I try."
She ruffles his hair. "I miss you. Living with you was fun."
"I wish we had hiatus at the same time," Jensen says. "I miss you too."
"Don't be an idiot about this," she says gently. "Find a normal boyfriend and go on vacation with him. Don't pine after your straight co-star."
"I know," says Jensen. "I know."
He's not saying he will, not even close, and from the way Danneel smiles at him, she knows it.
*
Their first show back is fun, manic energy and easy fun. Jeff came up with a horrific new game which involves Jensen acting as Jared's arms, which meant not only was Jensen pressing up right against Jared's back, but also force-feeding him a lot of disgusting stuff, which occasionally meant Jared sucking on his fingers, and it was hilarious but also really, really frustrating. And it's going to be a recurring bit now.
"I always thought you and Kaley would be a thing," Kunal is saying at the bar after the first show, as Jensen comes out of the bathroom. "I guess you still can be, but I thought you already would be."
"Jensen talked me out of trying to date another co-star," says Jared, shrugging easily. "You know, mess up the vibe."
"Ah," says Kunal. "Is that why you're not dating Jensen too?"
Jared laughs, loud and beautiful. Jensen's throat catches. He shouldn't be listening to this. "Dude, I don't think I could handle dating Jensen and Kaley. They'd run me ragged."
Kunal laughs too, and Jensen exhales, feeling relieved for no good reason.
He's being stupid, he knows. He's being so, so stupid.
But he slides in next to Jared, grabs a beer, and toasts another great season anyway.
*
"All right, this game is for everyone, and it's something we like to call party quirks. Aldis is hosting a party and Kunal, Jared, and Jensen are his quirky guests. At the end, we'll see if Aldis can guess what their deal is."
"Jensen's gay," Jared stage-whispers, and Jensen flushes a little, even when it of course gets big laughs.
Jensen's actual quirk is that he's a horny dog, so he spends the entire time humping Jared's leg, because, of course, Jared's card said mighty redwood.
"This job is fucked up," Jensen says, taking his seat next to Jared in the back of the stage, and he gets a big laugh for that.
"Yeah," agrees Kunal. "Everyone knows Jared is the horny dog who humps everything."
Jared pants a little and then, of course, licks Jensen, because this job is so fucked up.
*
Jared's roommate Rob gets cast in some drama that films in Canada a few weeks into the season, and Jared spends a week bitching and moaning about how he can't afford the place alone before he gives Jensen this totally rehearsed look and says, "Hey, you could move in."
Jensen raises his eyebrows. "Because that will convince everyone we're not fucking."
"I don't think anything can do that," says Jared. "Come on! I know your lease is up in a few months, I know you don't like your place much, and then we could carpool to work. It'd be awesome."
"Jared," says Jensen carefully. "Man, you know you're my best friend, but--don't you think that might be too much?"
"Too much what?" asks Jared, sounding genuinely baffled. Like he really doesn't get it.
"We might drive each other crazy. You might get sick of me."
Jared gets this sappy grin, spreading all over his face. "I could never get sick of you, Jensen."
"God, just start putting out already," says Jensen, groaning.
Jared grins. "That's a yes, right? You're totally moving in. We're gonna be roomies. My dogs need another dad. It's perfect."
"I'm just doing it for the dogs. And because my apartment is too big for just me and it's lonely," Jensen grumbles.
Jared wraps his arm around Jensen's shoulder and kisses his cheek. "Rock the hizzouse," he says. "My hizzouse, specifically."
Jensen snorts and shakes his head. "Whatever you say, Jared."
*
Jared and Katie and Aldis are playing pool in the corner when Jeff sits down next to Jensen and says, "We've got to talk, kid."
Jensen looks away from the table, where Jared's shirt is riding up and showing off the dip of his spine. "About what?" he asks.
"You and Jared moved in together," says Jeff.
"Yeah," says Jensen. Jeff just keeps staring, and Jensen chokes a little when he realizes why. "Oh--shit, not like that!" he splutters. "God. We're just roommates. It's not--like that."
Jeff considers him. "But you are gay," he says, and it's not a question.
Jensen wets his lips, sighs. "Yeah," he says. "It's not a big secret," he continues. He shrugs. "Jared knows. It just never came up."
Jeff nods. "Don't worry about it. Hell, I'm not opposed to sleeping with guys." Jensen's head jerks up, totally shocked, and Jeff is just looking, gaze steady and heated. "If they're the right guys."
"Oh," Jensen breathes.
"Just to take the edge off," he says, nodding toward Jared. "If you're interested."
Jensen's had enough drinks to feel horny and hopeless and generally stupid. And he likes Jeff. And Jeff is hot.
"Let's go to your place," he says, smiling when Jeff grins at him. "Mine would just be awkward."
*
Jeff gives him coffee the next morning, but they don't kiss each other goodbye or anything. Jensen wants to linger, but it's too awkward, and it's not exactly that he wants to spend more time with Jeff. It's just that he's terrified of going home.
He drives over to the CVS down the street from their apartment and calls Danneel, praying she's not filming right now. It's ten, lunch-break time in North Carolina. Hopefully.
"Hey, Jensen!" she says, bright and cheerful. "What's up?"
"I think I might have really fucked up."
"Oh god, you fucked Jared," she says, voice falling. "Jensen--"
"I didn't," he protests. "I didn't fuck Jared." He licks his lips, laughs a little. "I fucked Jeff."
There's a long, meaningful silence.
"Honey," Danneel finally says, like Jensen is a particularly naughty and dumb puppy. "Jensen."
"I know," says Jensen, hitting his head against the back of his car seat. "God, I know. But--he offered, and I'm fucking living with Jared. I'm going crazy."
"You're obviously going crazy," says Danneel. "Does Jared know?"
"He knows I didn't come home last night. I don't know if he saw me leave with Jeff or--fuck, Danneel." He rubs his hand over his face. "I'm never going to drink again."
"Yeah, don't," she says softly. "Go home, Jensen. Putting it off isn't going to help."
"I know."
"Are you going to see him again?"
"Not--like that," says Jensen. "It was just a one-night thing."
"Because you're in love with Jared," Danneel supplies.
Jensen laughs, for lack of any other reaction. "Yeah," he says. "Because I'm in love with Jared."
"Bye, honey," she says, after another meaningful pause.
"I'll let you know if I have to flee to North Carolina to live with you."
"Any time."
*
Jared's on the couch playing X-Box, looking like he hasn't slept at all. Jensen prays he didn't wait up.
"Hey," he says, soft and hesitant.
"You're a fucking asshole," says Jared, and he sounds so upset.
Jensen swallows. "Jared--"
"You tell me how bad it'd be for the show if I asked Kaley out, you tell me it'll be awkward and kill the vibe, and then you go and fuck the host. What the fuck, Jensen? What happened to all your fucking rules and brains? Why would you--"
"I'm sorry," says Jensen. It feels weird, apologizing to Jared for fucking someone else, because no matter what the real issue is, Jensen feels like he's apologizing for cheating on Jared, and that is kind of fucked up. He runs his hand through his hair. "I was drunk, and stupid, and--it was totally hypocritical of me and I apologize."
Jared pauses for a minute, like he was expecting Jensen to fight him on this, and Jensen can see the second the fight goes out of him. He doesn't look happy, he doesn't look better, he just looks resigned.
"Are you going to be awkward?"
"It was a one-night thing," says Jensen. "Just blowing off steam. He knows that."
Jared nods, once, jerkily. "Well. Hope it was fun," he says, and it sounds like an insult.
"Yeah," Jensen says hollowly. He goes upstairs to lie on his bed and read, even though he really wants to be hanging out with Jared, like they always do on their days off.
Jensen never realized fucking a costar could fuck things up with another costar, but, well, he never realized a lot of things before Jared.
*
Jeff is normal. Jared is normal. Everyone is horribly, totally normal, and it's making Jensen feel crazy. It's supposed to be fucked up and wrong and awkward, and Jared is just laughing like he always does, making jokes about how hot Jensen is.
It makes Jensen's palms itch. It makes Jensen think maybe everything is like this for Jared, that Jared's always acting.
"All right, the next game is questions, that's for everyone, we'll start off with Jared and Kunal. Your scene is that you are hanging out in a gay bar."
Jeff doesn't write the scenarios, Jensen reminds himself. He's reading his cards. It's not his fault.
"So, do you come here often, sailor?" Kunal asks Jared, with a waggle of his eyebrows.
"Who wants to know?" Jared asks, with a smarmy grin.
"Why don't you try me and find out?"
"What does that even mean?" asks Jared, so earnestly that Kunal cracks up, and that means--Jensen's in.
With Jared.
At a gay bar.
"I--" he starts, and corrects. "What's your sign?" he manages, feeling so awkward he's sure it must show all over his face.
Jared looks at him and then says, "Slippery when wet," with a very fake waggle of eyebrows and lets Jeff buzz him out to bursts of laughter.
They both manage to get out every time they're supposed to be in the scene together again, and Jensen doesn't have the energy to feel bad about it.
*
"So that sucked out loud," says Katie. Jensen can't object; it's what they were all thinking.
"What happened to you two? Did Jared leave the toilet seat up?" asks Kunal.
Jeff has the decency to look embarrassed; Jensen didn't explain the whole backstory of his costar fucking is bad policy, but it doesn't take a genius to put the pieces together. Even if no one but Jared seems to have noticed that Jeff and Jensen went home together.
"Leave them alone, everyone has off nights," says Jeff.
"Oh, who asked you," says Jared, with so much anger that Jensen is a little shocked. He can count on one hand the number of times he's heard Jared snap at someone.
And two of them have been since he slept with Jeff.
God, he never thought it would screw them up this much.
"Woah, touchy touchy," says Katie. "Did Jensen stop putting out?"
"Jensen doesn't put out," says Jared. "We're not fucking together, okay?"
He slides off the stool and storms out, leaving everyone staring at Jensen in shock.
"Everyone has off nights," Jensen mumbles, pushing away from the bar himself. "I better--shit."
Jared's car is gone when Jensen gets to the parking lot, but it's parked outside the apartment, so at least he didn't leave.
Jensen parks himself and heads upstairs, finding the door unlocked and Jared sitting on the couch in the dark. He looks miserable when Jensen flips on the light, and Jensen doesn't get what he did, even.
"I'm being kind of an asshole, huh," says Jared.
"I was an asshole first," Jensen offers. "I shouldn't have gone home with Jeff, not when I lectured you so much about that stuff."
Jared laughs humorlessly. "No, it's not--I just figured. If you were gonna break your costars rule, it'd be with me, you know?" Jared keeps going, not noticing when Jensen tenses up all over. "I mean, I'm your best friend, and I'm kind of hot, so I figured--but you know maybe Jeff's more your type or--"
"You're straight," says Jensen blankly. "Jared. You don't want to hook up with me. You don't like guys."
Jared looks up, and his expression is so fierce Jensen almost steps back. He gets up slowly, walking over toward Jensen, never breaking eye contact.
"So what if I wasn't straight?" asks Jared, voice low. "What if I wanted you, and I wanted to fuck you tonight, and wake up with you tomorrow, and take you on dates, and kiss you in public even more than I already do?" Jensen's back hits the wall and Jared doesn't stop. "Because I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Not since you fucked Jeff. I wanted to punch him today, you know that? Tell him you were fucking mine."
Jensen can't take it anymore, surges forward and kisses Jared, hard and frantic, and Jared kisses right back, just as eager.
"Fucking idiot," Jensen mutters, up against Jared's mouth. "I wouldn't have fucked Jeff if I thought I had a chance in hell with you. Why do you think I've been celibate for two fucking years?"
Jared grabs Jensen's hips, dragging him through the living room and back toward his bedroom. "I'm an idiot," he agrees, pushing Jensen down on his bed. "I am an idiot, and I'm so fucking in love with you."
Jensen stares. "Really?" he asks hopefully.
Jared's face splits out in a grin, climbing on top of Jensen and kissing him again, pressing their whole bodies together, and Jared is hard. Jensen kind of wants to cry with relief.
"Really," Jared murmurs. "I probably should have noticed sooner. Sorry."
Jensen tugs Jared's shirt off. He's seen Jared shirtless on occasion, but never really gotten to look, and now he can. "I should have said something," Jensen admits. "I, uh, didn't want to make stuff awkward."
"You should stop worrying so much," says Jared, fingers flying over the buttons of Jensen's shirt and pushing it off his shoulders. Jensen wriggles it off and tosses it somewhere in Jared's room. "About vibes," Jared teases. "I love our vibe." He leans down and scrapes his teeth over Jensen's neck, making Jensen shiver.
"You sure you're ready for gay sex?" Jensen asks breathlessly. "Straight boy."
"Straight but not narrow," Jared says with a big grin. His fingers stray down to Jensen's jeans. "I'm not ready for anything to go in my ass or whatever, but I am so ready to get my hands on your dick."
"You're ready," Jensen grumbles good-naturedly.
Jared pops his jeans open, pulls the zipper down, and shoves his hand into Jensen's boxers, wrapping his fingers around Jensen's dick with the kind of confidence a straight boy really shouldn't have. Jensen makes an embarrassing, strangled noise. "How long?" Jared murmurs, lips still working on Jensen's neck. "How long have you wanted me?"
"Since the first day, man," Jensen says, groaning. "First time I saw you."
Jared jerks Jensen's dick with slow, even strokes, and it's not the best handjob he's ever gotten, but it's from Jared, and that means everything.
"Dumbass," says Jared fondly, twisting his hand in a way that makes Jensen see stars.
"Jared," Jensen gasps. "Jared, I'm fucking desperate here."
Jared laughs. "This one's just to take the edge off," he says. "Next time, we're doing this right."
Jensen whimpers and comes, right there, just thinking about being with Jared again.
"Gonna buy you flowers," says Jared, grinning and licking the come off his hand. Jensen's dick twitches feebly, and Jensen needs to get his mouth on Jared right this second.
"That's great," he says, pulling Jared's jeans and boxers off. "I'm gonna blow you."
Jared laughs. "Or we could do that."
*
"All right," says Jeff, "our last game for the night is Jared's favorite, hoedown. What should we sing about?"
"The Civil War!" someone yells.
"Clowns!"
"Jared!"
Jeff laughs and grins. "All right, the Jared hoedown. Someday we're gonna get the whole set."
Jensen tugs Jared's shoulder and they switch places as Misha starts off. "Oh sometimes I wonder how Jared got so tall, sometimes I really do! I don't think it's fair, not to me or you. It doesn't make sense, it doesn't make a lick, so I just have to tell myself he's got a tiny--brain."
Kunal snickers, and Jared blows Misha a kiss.
"Jared is my buddy, he really is a gem," Kunal sings. "I've never met someone with so little going for them. He doesn't like to sing, he doesn't get women, so he should thank god that he's still got Jen-sen."
Jared bobs along and steps forward, dancing a little before launching into his own ditty. "I love Whose Line, everyone is so nice! Not all my friends would forgive my every vice. I don't know how I ever got so lucky, to have people like me when I am so Pada-sucky."
Jensen cracks up at that one, misses his own cue because he's still laughing, and when Jared catches his eye and winks, he totally abandons his original plan and improvises. "What can I say about this guy by me? God knows I love him, anyone can see! So I think it's time to put these rumors to an end, and admit to everyone that he is my boyfriend."
Jeff and Misha and Kunal knew, of course, so they just echo "He is my boyfriend!" at top volume while the audience screams and Jared pulls Jensen in for a kiss, laughing against his mouth.
"I think that means Jared and Jensen are our winners for today," Jeff deadpans, and then coughs when they still don't pull apart. "Seriously, guys, separate for the credits."
Jared lets Jensen go, but keeps his arm around him, and Jensen just smiles and leans against his boyfriend while Misha and Kunal read the credits in the style of two homicidal robots.
This job is so fucking awesome.