Angsty Fit
I was hit pretty bad by an angsty period today while I was coming back from work. My mind started to wander and think about a lot of things.
I had a discussion with Iru last night and he was suggesting on ways to improve our image, namely mine. Problem is, I can't do much to change my image with the exception of having a fantastic wardrobe. I look a lot better without glasses but then again if I were to take them off, I can't make eye contact with people or interact with them (I probably can't even make out their faces from where I'm standing) coz my vision would be reduced to about a few feet. He suggested me getting contacts but unfortunately, the last time I tried, my eyes kept tearing and the lady in the shop said my eyes can't take contacts for long due to uh.. rubbing them quite a lot over the years. My hair isn't straight or long so I can't do much to style it (even if I wanted to keep long hair, I'd probably be subject to a nagging by whichever boss I'm working for). Make up wouldn't really help at all (spare me the eyeliner and skirts, I'd rather wear spandex pants).
Another thing that we discussed was me learning to play the acoustic guitar. I don't mind at all but then that only adds to the number of things I have to learn and it leaves me with less time for other stuff. I was thinking about this and my mind started to wander again. I thought of how I screwed over the chance to learn vocals properly a year ago and to find out that when I am now able to pay for it, my teacher can't make the time for one to one lessons. I also recalled Alfe's words of saying how "God is fair" regarding the fact that musicians in general are not gifted in all aspects i.e. some might be good at playing technical stuff but are not able to play tasteful stuff and others might be good songwriters but they can't really perform very well. So it got me thinking about myself and I came to this conclusion. In the case of myself, I can sing averagely but the trade offs are that:
1. I can't write songs coz I am musically illiterate (ironic right?),
2. I can't play any instruments,
3. My showmanship sucks coz let's face it.. I'm afraid of doing stupid things and being mocked by people (had bad experiences with that and it left me scarred)
4. Last but not least, I don't have good looks.
At the moment, I was listening to Sacrifice by Edguy and was also thinking about how gifted and lucky Tobias Sammet was for being able to learn the organ at a young age and write his own songs and create his own metal opera masterpiece. About how many other people can sing and play instruments and express everything that they wanted to through music. God is fair alright..
And my mind started to wonder again. I'm 24, a graduate from NYP with a Diploma in Electronics Engineering and I'm working as a logistics dude in an import/export company. What the hell am I going to do in the future? I want to go ahead and do Sound Engineering but what prospect can I see with this cert? More importantly, can I get a job that's related? (can I even get a job next time?) Even more importantly, with all the things I have to pay for, how will i be able to fund the course of study? How long am I going to be stuck doing what I am doing now? How is all the effort I've put into playing in bands going to help me in the future? What will my relatives think about me if i decide to pursue life being a minimum wage earner by day and musician by night?
I must have looked pretty depressed in the train as I thought of all these things. Took out my player and switched the song to Edguy's Save Me. The song pretty much described how I was feeling and to this day I still love Edguy and my "bro", Tobias Sammet, for writing such a great song (although some people will call it an emo song but I beg to differ). Felt a lot better after a few listens while heading home. Well.. if this kind of thing were to be a test in what I believe, I just hope I don't fail the bloody exam paper.
Save Me
by Edguy
Waiting for a little sign
Seems like to no avail
Strolling down the pavement aimlessly
She's praying for someone to snatch her bag of memories
How come you call it destiny?
When the cross you bear's your only company
Never seen you, I don't even know your name
But still I believe
That you are gonna save me
Somehow I got a notion
Just a little affection on this cold and windy road
Save me, from a state of un-emotion
Just a little affection on this windy road
Why is it all so confusing?
Why does growing up hurt so bad?
We seek and we get lost,
We get found and go again
And I don't know what's gonna be
I won't make any promise, I believe
Never seen you, I don't even know your name
But still I believe
That you are gonna save me,
Somehow I got a notion
Just a little affection on this cold and windy road
Save me, from a state of un-emotion
Just a little affection on this windy road
I don't know if I can, I don't know if I should
I don't know what is right, and what's to come if you would
Here I stand in rain, here in stand in the cold
I'm reluctant to get another shot in my soul, no
I'm afraid of that harm
Save me, save me, got a notion
Just a little affection on this cold and windy road
Save me, save me from un-emotion
Just a little affection on this cold and windy road
Save me, save me
Just a little affection on this windy road
Save me, save me
Lonesome road
For those interested in listening, you can get the song here.
I had a discussion with Iru last night and he was suggesting on ways to improve our image, namely mine. Problem is, I can't do much to change my image with the exception of having a fantastic wardrobe. I look a lot better without glasses but then again if I were to take them off, I can't make eye contact with people or interact with them (I probably can't even make out their faces from where I'm standing) coz my vision would be reduced to about a few feet. He suggested me getting contacts but unfortunately, the last time I tried, my eyes kept tearing and the lady in the shop said my eyes can't take contacts for long due to uh.. rubbing them quite a lot over the years. My hair isn't straight or long so I can't do much to style it (even if I wanted to keep long hair, I'd probably be subject to a nagging by whichever boss I'm working for). Make up wouldn't really help at all (spare me the eyeliner and skirts, I'd rather wear spandex pants).
Another thing that we discussed was me learning to play the acoustic guitar. I don't mind at all but then that only adds to the number of things I have to learn and it leaves me with less time for other stuff. I was thinking about this and my mind started to wander again. I thought of how I screwed over the chance to learn vocals properly a year ago and to find out that when I am now able to pay for it, my teacher can't make the time for one to one lessons. I also recalled Alfe's words of saying how "God is fair" regarding the fact that musicians in general are not gifted in all aspects i.e. some might be good at playing technical stuff but are not able to play tasteful stuff and others might be good songwriters but they can't really perform very well. So it got me thinking about myself and I came to this conclusion. In the case of myself, I can sing averagely but the trade offs are that:
1. I can't write songs coz I am musically illiterate (ironic right?),
2. I can't play any instruments,
3. My showmanship sucks coz let's face it.. I'm afraid of doing stupid things and being mocked by people (had bad experiences with that and it left me scarred)
4. Last but not least, I don't have good looks.
At the moment, I was listening to Sacrifice by Edguy and was also thinking about how gifted and lucky Tobias Sammet was for being able to learn the organ at a young age and write his own songs and create his own metal opera masterpiece. About how many other people can sing and play instruments and express everything that they wanted to through music. God is fair alright..
And my mind started to wonder again. I'm 24, a graduate from NYP with a Diploma in Electronics Engineering and I'm working as a logistics dude in an import/export company. What the hell am I going to do in the future? I want to go ahead and do Sound Engineering but what prospect can I see with this cert? More importantly, can I get a job that's related? (can I even get a job next time?) Even more importantly, with all the things I have to pay for, how will i be able to fund the course of study? How long am I going to be stuck doing what I am doing now? How is all the effort I've put into playing in bands going to help me in the future? What will my relatives think about me if i decide to pursue life being a minimum wage earner by day and musician by night?
I must have looked pretty depressed in the train as I thought of all these things. Took out my player and switched the song to Edguy's Save Me. The song pretty much described how I was feeling and to this day I still love Edguy and my "bro", Tobias Sammet, for writing such a great song (although some people will call it an emo song but I beg to differ). Felt a lot better after a few listens while heading home. Well.. if this kind of thing were to be a test in what I believe, I just hope I don't fail the bloody exam paper.
Save Me
by Edguy
Waiting for a little sign
Seems like to no avail
Strolling down the pavement aimlessly
She's praying for someone to snatch her bag of memories
How come you call it destiny?
When the cross you bear's your only company
Never seen you, I don't even know your name
But still I believe
That you are gonna save me
Somehow I got a notion
Just a little affection on this cold and windy road
Save me, from a state of un-emotion
Just a little affection on this windy road
Why is it all so confusing?
Why does growing up hurt so bad?
We seek and we get lost,
We get found and go again
And I don't know what's gonna be
I won't make any promise, I believe
Never seen you, I don't even know your name
But still I believe
That you are gonna save me,
Somehow I got a notion
Just a little affection on this cold and windy road
Save me, from a state of un-emotion
Just a little affection on this windy road
I don't know if I can, I don't know if I should
I don't know what is right, and what's to come if you would
Here I stand in rain, here in stand in the cold
I'm reluctant to get another shot in my soul, no
I'm afraid of that harm
Save me, save me, got a notion
Just a little affection on this cold and windy road
Save me, save me from un-emotion
Just a little affection on this cold and windy road
Save me, save me
Just a little affection on this windy road
Save me, save me
Lonesome road
For those interested in listening, you can get the song here.