It has been a month.
The training has, as times, been difficult. At times even amusing. Although, I learned quickly NOT to laugh. Jack does not take kindly to it. Bruno is only trying to protect him and the baby... baby. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around that. To look at Jack you wouldn't think he was dangerous much less so agile. I mean he is huge! Another thing I learned not to say to him. My arm still hurts.
There are moments I get lost to the training, the instructions... the feeling of being here - of belonging. I still get defensive around Dragos; I am always waiting for his disapproval. As of yet he has only offered words of encouragement and praise. It is what I've always wanted yet I still feel... guarded. He still does not trust me. I know it; I know he knows I know it. I hate that I want to prove to him I am sincere. That hate makes me want to lash out at him, but that is an emotion Lord Edward has told me I must control. Michael has spoken with me about re-directing my emotions... Alison has spoken to me about moving on from them.
There is genuine concern here for me. At first I thought it only because of Dragos, but I have quite a bit in common with many of them. Alison and Marcel in particular. Although I sense Marcel avoids me, but it is more because of how alike Alison and I are that seems to worry him the most. I sense he had been unfaithful.
One of my powers that I never truly knew how to handle is sense. Once I opened up to it, it was almost too much. The feelings that surround my family are so intense. I also do not like knowing so much about them without their approval. That in itself is new to me. I care for these men. They all have mates which does not so much bother me, but remind me of the many opportunities I have had in the past that I walked away from. I enjoy my time with Dragos; we have even shared laughter and trained together. I am proud to be his brother. I only wish I could tell him that.
Today we gather and meet with Lord Gaspard and his new clan. Well, only Lord Edward was requested but none of us are passing up this opportunity. Not only for some of us to get a look at him, but to protect what is ours. He wants some that he walked away from. We are concerned for Raphi as well. I have sensed what happened with him and Lord Gaspard's mate Paul. The pain it cause and his fall - but now he had Ben. I admire them both. They have overcome so much.
We meet in a rather neutral place... at least for both clans. Lord Kenta's home is a smorgasbord of senses. I was so overwhelmed by sexual pleasure when we entered I thought I might need a smoke and a nap. Alexis and Bill laughed at me and helped me to a seat. It did not take long for me to recover, although I had to wait for Lord Kenta to leave the room.
Lords Gaspard and Paul entered and the atmosphere was quite electric. I appreciated the fact that Dragos and Michael moved closer to me. For whatever their purpose, their presence was comforting. Now Lords Edward, Ashik, Paul and Gaspard have retired to another room with one of Lord Gaspard’s clan to go over some legal documents. The room is rather electric with feelings and I try not to focus on anyone for too long.
But there is one who stays back, leaning against the wall that I find myself drawn to repeatedly. His beauty is striking and I cannot get much sense of him other than he is old and royal. Our eyes meet once again...