Comments | lords_of_war: Reflections

j_rhys in lords_of_war

Reflections

Jan 05, 2011 15:58

It’d been a few days since the attack, and Dan has been home recovering well. I don’t know why I was feeling so overwhelmed that I cracked and he saw it, but I was - and he did. I hate myself more than I ever have in the past. Through everything I did when I was with El this is by far the worst.

( Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future. )

Comments 24

__daniel__ January 5 2011, 23:40:19 UTC

Every fibre in my body, every instinct of self preservation I have is telling me to just walk away, just leave, go, get out of here, to protect myself from what is coming ( ... )

j_rhys January 5 2011, 23:54:28 UTC

Walking out onto the deck I see him standing by the railing looking out. He is lost in thought and I know he is hurting. I sigh wishing I had kept my damn mouth shut.

I move up behind him and wrap my arms gently around his waist and place my palms against his taunt belly. My lips softly on his neck I close my eyes and let the warmth and calmness roll over me.

After a moment I nuzzle his neck and whisper, "I love you."

__daniel__ January 6 2011, 00:21:04 UTC

I hear him walk up behind me and I want to turn and look at him but I don't. I'm afraid that I will betray what I have been thinking. I don't want to cause him more pain with my own ( ... )

j_rhys January 6 2011, 00:31:08 UTC

I smile at him and relish in the feelings I get when we are lost in each other. This is why we are together. I wish I could bottle this feeling and take it with me when we are apart.

Bringing up one hand I caress his cheek letting my thumb come to rest on his neck where I can feel his heart beating. "You give me a calm I've never known. My life before now has been all flash and drama; it's all I've known."

I look into his eyes and smile, "'bout time I stopped and smelled the roses, learned to slow down and savor," I lean in and lick his lower lip, "everything."

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