Comments | lords_of_war: Something I Must Do

innocentpaul in lords_of_war

Something I Must Do

Dec 31, 2009 08:16

I have spoken with Lord Edward, and he has allowed me to meet with Raphael. A part of me wants to run, to block this out, but now that Gaspard is free of the pain he felt from Father's misery I know I must do this.

( Read more... )

Comments 18

r4phi_k January 1 2010, 20:31:15 UTC

I can't believe my eyes that Paul is here. At first I think it's a dream, I have had plenty of those, where he comes back for me, where he speaks words so similar to those now coming out of his perfect mouth. But never do I smell him in my dreams and I do smell him, his scent is like the most expensive exquisite perfume to my nose and that has me sitting up.

I slip my feet over the edge of the bed feeling them touch the soft rug there and I don't take my eyes from him at all. My heart swells painfully at the sight of him. "It's really you." Then I am smiling and up on my feet reaching for him. "I missed you so much Paul..."

innocentpaul January 2 2010, 15:41:44 UTC

My heart aches. I've hurt him so much and now...

I take his hands in mine not allowing him to hold me which I'm sure was his intentions. "Raphael, I've wronged you terribly. I - I used you... I - oh Raphael you deserve so much more."

Taking a step closer I squeeze his hands, "I am with Gaspard again, things are different, he is better. Oh Raphael, please do not hate me."

r4phi_k January 2 2010, 17:38:10 UTC

I know what he says is not going to be anything I want to hear as soon as he takes my hands and keeps me at a distance. It hurts immensely after all this time to have him standing here and pretending that what I feel he does not feel as well. That he never felt it, that he used me, that what we had was basically nothing. It was not nothing and I know he felt it.

I let go of his hands and turn away from him. "I understand." He loves Gaspard more, I have come to accept that. The tears start falling. "I don't hate you. I love you Paul..." I know I would do anything for him but it's so hard. "I just want you to be happy."

innocentpaul January 2 2010, 17:58:58 UTC

My heart clinches. I think I'd rather he hate me.

"I want you to be happy as well Raphael. I was never meant to be your intended. If I had we would have been together before - before the night we spent together. Oh Raphael," I hang my head, "I - you are so much better than me. I don't deserve your forgiveness."

Thread 17

d4niel_t January 3 2010, 23:26:18 UTC

Edward had us on standby outside of Raphi's quarters, Michael, Alexis, himself and me. He knew this wasn't going to end well and it doesn't. When Paul leaves Raphi goes ballistic, starts tearing his room apart. It takes all four of us to finally subdue him. It's amazing how the release of that much pain and anger can give so much strength.

Eventually he stops struggling and ends up sobbing uncontrollably, then finally he passes out from exhaustion. Now I sit watching him sleep, Edward instructed he was not to be left alone. I look at him and know he has suffered so much but am glad this happened. I miss my friend, my brother, I want him back.