biting my tongue - for terri
i have no right to share the things HE has given me
i have no voice to speak of the marvelous encouragements HE has shown me
i am a scoundrel, you see, a murderer for my own gain
so i still the pen and hush the voice
for those who know me,
know of my evil deeds
those closest to me
have seen the wickedness wrought by my hand
and yet HE continues to use me
shows me things
gives me words
sometimes great poetry
other times
HE allows my sad lament to pour forth
and i am compelled to share
but i am not worthy
for the crimes i have committed
are those that kill
extinguishing the possibility
that anyone who sees me
might find HIM
though i reach hundreds, thousands, millions
with the inspiration inside my breast
that comes from HIM
though my words flow like water from the mountain
i have failed
in the very mission field HE placed me in
therefore i have no right
to encourage one
far away
in a distant time
or distant place
because i have sinned
because i caused pain
because i made division
because i chose poorly
because i rebelled
yet again he gives me words
songs
poems
encouragements
who then, shall i heed?
shall i heed you who stand up
for those wounded by my actions?
or HE who gave words
to the joys i have known
and healing to the pain i have endured
comfort to the fears i have huddled under
peace for the turmoil i have stormed into
who shall i heed?
what right do i have to laugh?
even smile?
celebrate?
death to the hand of the poet!
throw your stones at the sinner!
for we know what crimes
have transpired at the hand
of one who turns a cold shoulder at home
yet shares joy, peace, love, comfort, forgiveness, GRACE
with many...
death to the poet!
i am the psalmist, david
my words should not go out to those
who need encouragement
for i have sent to the front lines
one who was in my way
and now i can have
she who was his
and HE should turn HIS face from me
for i have sinned
i should be crushed
cursed amongst men
worthless for HIS purpose i am
do not read my words
for i am a sinner
guilty
cursed
condemned
throw your stone
for i have killed...
and i see me...
originally published "private" may 3 '07 just past midnight.