What's To Come Is Still Unsure (4/16?)
Title: What's to Come is still Unsure (4/16?)
Author: lorelaisquared
Rating: PG-13
Characters: TenII, Rose,
Word Count: 2891
Beta: The incredible cookie2697
Summary: Part One in an epic love story spanning time and space: When the Doctor abandons Rose in Pete's world with his counterpart, they must learn to live without him. Slowly they build a life together that is filled with love, adventure, danger, and more surprises than either had ever thought possible.
Authors Note: Warning: This chapter is a bit angsty.
This story wouldn't exist without the help I received from many people. My heartfelt thanks go out to cookie2697 for her invaluable brainstorming, nitpicking, enthusiasm and support throughout the entire process of writing and editing this massive epic. I'd also like to thank tardismate, gioiamia, rumpelsnorcack, meremoon and earlgreytea68 for the suggestions, support and enthusiasm that they offered along the way. *massive hugs to you all*
The title of this story comes from a line of a song in Shakespeares "Twelfth Night" commonly called "O Mistress Mine".
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3,
Chapter 4
Rose leaned against one of the coral beams of the TARDIS with a grin on her face as she watched the Doctor bounce around the console pressing buttons and pulling levers. It wasn't long before his foot was being used to press something in one area while he leaned over the console to grab something on the other side. Rose would have offered to help, but she knew he had missed flying desperately and felt instinctively that the Doctor needed to make this inaugural flight solo.
The TARDIS jerked suddenly and Rose clung to the pillar, sharing a delighted glance with the Doctor as the TARDIS landed.
"I have to say, that was one of the most graceful landings I've ever seen you make," Rose teased as the Doctor pulled on his jacket and took her arm. "So, now are you going to tell me where you've brought us?"
An amused smile pulled at his lips and he shook his head. "You'll see." They'd reached the door and he made a motion for her to open it.
She pushed through the doors and was immediately greeted by an expanse of bright green grass. Rose squealed, practically jumping up and down as she pulled the Doctor outside. "Applegrass!" She exclaimed. "You brought us to New Earth."
The Doctor pretended to look confused. "Did I?" Then he beamed at her. "I thought you'd like to see what it was like in this universe."
Rose squealed again, throwing her arms around him. "It's perfect! Thank you." She hugged him tightly, resting her head against his shoulder as she closed her eyes, feeling completely peaceful as she inhaled the sweet apple scent of the grass and the crisp sea air.
When she pulled away, one arm still around his waist the Doctor looked adorably proud of himself and she felt a stab of extreme affection for him. "What do you say we go exploring?" he asked. She nodded, her smile radiant when he placed his arm over her shoulders and began to walk toward the bridge.
They wandered through the city, frequently paying more attention to each other than their surroundings. Though they did notice cat people mixed in among the humans every now and then. They'd been walking for almost half an hour when the Doctor stopped suddenly, crooked his head to one side and frowned.
"Rose?" he asked. "Is something missing?" He waved his hand toward a stretch of beach in the distance.
She studied the spot and its surroundings for a moment before it dawned on her. "The Hospital. Wasn't it there?"
"Yes! That's right!" He placed his hands on either side of her head and kissed her forehead. "Wonder where it is. Maybe it's located in a different spot here?"
"Maybe," Rose agreed. "Let's ask someone."
"Good idea."
After making several inquiries, they discovered that the planet didn't have a hospital because they no longer had a need for one. Diseases didn't exist here anymore; they'd all been cured years earlier. It took several bouts of questioning before the Doctor learned that the Sisters of Plenitude had found a way to cure all diseases and they now ran this seemingly harmonious planet.
The Doctor was suspicious of how they had accomplished this harmony, but Rose had managed to convince him that their honeymoon was not the time to go looking for trouble. She wanted her husband by her side and not in jail somewhere. The Doctor had grudgingly agreed, and they continued their walk through the city.
They began to cross the bridge on their way back to the TARDIS, hands clasped tightly when they nearly bumped into a cat person carrying a bouquet of exotic fragrant flowers. The scent caused Rose's nose to twitch and she sneezed three times in a row.
At that exact moment, a siren went off, loud enough to be heard throughout the whole city. Suddenly, Cat nuns seemed to be emerging from everywhere. "Who sneezed?" one of them shouted.
"Is the decontamination crew ready?" yelled another.
The cat with the flowers pointed to Rose, "She did it."
A dozen pairs of yellow, feline eyes fixed their gaze on Rose, causing the Doctor to shift his feet nervously.
Everything began to happen at once. A battle cry was issued and the Cats charged toward them, their strange, plastic looking guns trained on Rose. A group of people showed up abruptly to protest. The Doctor shouted one of his favourite commands, "Run". Rose squeezed his hand and together they raced across the bridge, laughing as they narrowly escaped the wimpled nuns who chased them. They tore over the applegrass and scrambled into the TARDIS, slamming the door behind them just as a snarling nun got within reach.
The Doctor quickly shifted them into the time vortex. "I think that's enough adventuring for right now."
"I agree" Rose grinned, a glint in her eye.
For some time after that, the Doctor and Rose didn't leave the time vortex. Instead they drifted and enjoyed just being alone with each other in the TARDIS again. In between their lengthy love making sessions, the Doctor read his way through many of the new books in the library and wandered around, desperately searching for something to fix. Unfortunately, this TARDIS was much newer than his old one and there was very little to tinker with, though he still managed to find things to tweak and adjust. When she wasn't sleeping or spending time with the Doctor, Rose explored the many new rooms on the TARDIS, though the nursery remained her favourite. She found herself in there several times a day, trying to imagine what a child created by her and the Doctor would look like, how he or she would act. Her arms ached for the feel of a newborn baby in her arms and as time passed, the phantom child seemed to grow more real in her mind.
She was sitting in the rocking chair moping one afternoon when the Doctor poked his head through the door.
"Oh, there you are," he chirped. "I was thinking it's time for another adventure."
Rose's face lit up. "What did you have in mind?"
"I've been thinking about Women Wept lately. Remember Women Wept? With the frozen oceans? It was one of the planets that Davros and the Daleks stole, when the stars were going out. Reminded me of our trip there. Want to see if it's the same in this universe?"
"Oh, it was beautiful there. Can we go now?" Rose smiled and stood, leaving her haunted thoughts behind in the swaying rocker.
The Doctor beamed, delighted by her eagerness. "That was the plan." He hugged her to his side as they began to walk down to corridor. "Would you like to help fly this time?"
The sparkle in her eyes as she nodded enthusiastically was all the answer he needed.
Moments later, they were positioned at the console and Rose dutifully pressed, pulled and banged as directed. Throughout the process, they kept glancing at each other and grinning. Finally the Doctor threw the last lever and the TARDIS shook wildly as it landed, throwing them both to the ground as they laughed hysterically.
The Doctor helped her to her feet and together they dashed to the door, eager to see what awaited them on the other side.
They rushed out of the TARDIS into a burst of vibrant sunshine. They appeared to be perched on the lamenting woman's nose, and when they noticed this they collapsed into a mutual fit of hysteria that only ended when movement caught the Doctor's eye. He stood, pulling Rose to her feet as he pointed at the sea.
"Look, Rose, it isn't frozen in this universe." His eyes shone with wonder as he gazed out at the expansive ocean before them.
"Oh," Rose gasped, wide-eyed. "It's absolutely breathtaking."
The water swirled and flowed for miles and miles, a spectacular mix of blues, greens, and purples. The sun reflected off of the water, adding flecks of gold and silver to the frenzy of colours.
Wordlessly, Rose and the Doctor made their way down to the beach. They sat, side-by-side, hands clasped as they watched the waves in peaceful silence. Eventually, they made their way back to the TARDIS, still not speaking, as though speech would ruin the amazing sight before them.
When they were back in the TARDIS, the Doctor swiftly spun them into the vortex and gathered Rose into his arms. He found her lips and kissed her tenderly as he lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom where they remained for a very long time.
*****
It was quite by accident that they ended up on The Library one day. The Doctor had been trying to take them to see the great city of Velinox in the year 3654, but had managed to thoroughly miscalculate the date and location.
Rose laughed at him as his sentence about how she’d love the blue lollup trees died on his lips, only to be replaced with a look of utter confusion.
"What?" He stared at the shelves of books that surrounded them and frowned. "What?"
"Where are we?" Rose interrupted before he could add yet another "what" to his soliloquy.
"We're on the Library. Donna and I came here once, in the other universe. How did with get here?"
"Don't you mean in the Library?"
"No, no, no. I mean on. It's a planet, a whole planet of books..." He trailed off, tugging on his ear. "Odd, it's loud here, almost like..." A librarian pushed passed them, a trolley of books dragging behind her. "There's life here! The Vashta Nerada must not be in the books in this universe. It's the amazing place it was intended to be!" He grew more and more excited with every word he spoke, yanking on Rose's arm as he pulled her further into the beautifully constructed building.
There were people everywhere. Some were lounging on chairs reading paper bound books, while others were perched at computers reading electronic versions of their favourite stories. There were dozens of people, hundreds of people.
The Doctor laughed delightedly. "Oh, Rose, it's perfect. Come, I have so much to show you."
His glee was infectious and Rose found herself giggling as he lugged her through the building exclaiming over his favourite books and becoming positively giddy when he discovered a whole section of books he'd never even heard of.
They were on one of the top floors of the main building when the Doctor suddenly ceased his babbling and became reverently silent. Rose watched curiously as he stood on tiptoe, reaching for a book. He pulled a thick tome off of one of the highest shelves. The hardcover was old and frayed around the edges. The blue cover was adorned with intricate designs that Rose couldn't read, though the language was familiar to her, she'd seen it through the monitor on the TARDIS console enough times to recognize it. "That's Gallifreyan," Rose murmured.
"Yes," the Doctor whispered. "It's a book from Gallifrey. On the old TARDIS I had a copy of this, it was the last piece of Gallifreyan text that remained after... after..." He trailed off miserably, lost in the maze of nightmares from a previous life.
"What's it about?" Rose asked cautiously. The Doctor remained silent for a long moment and Rose began to wonder if he hadn't heard her. He just stood there, staring vacantly at the book in his hand. She leaned closer to him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Doctor? What's the story?"
He lifted his eyes, looking at her sadly. "It's a fairy tale. My parents used to read it to me as a child, before they sent me to the Academy. They let me take it with me when they sent me away from home forever. It was my one lasting memory of them. I always kept it, even all of these centuries later. My one treasure from my childhood. Doesn't matter now though. It's gone, back in the other universe on the TARDIS with him. Locked away from me, just like Gallifrey."
Sadly, he returned the book to its place on the shelf, his eyes lingering longingly, and Rose knew he wished he could take the last copy in the universe home with him.
"You know, Doctor, I've just realized something." He remained silent so she continued. "Everywhere we've been in this universe things have been better, fixed even. New Earth is a beautiful planet with no diseases, Women Wept is alive instead of frozen, The Library is actually a proper library."
He was looking at her now. "But on New Earth we were still chased by cats in wimples."
"I'm not saying it's perfect, just better," Rose insisted. "Don't you see, Doctor? It's like this universe is the place where wrong things become right. Look at the two of us, even. This universe is the only place where we’ve been able to be together and happy."
"Are you saying...?" he pointed to the book.
"It's possible."
He nodded, and considered for a long time. "Okay," he said finally. "Let's go."
Rose took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly as they walked, hand in hand, back to the TARDIS.
As the Doctor calibrated their coordinates, he thought about what Rose had said. She was right, a lot of things did appear to be better in this universe. Perhaps Gallifrey would be one of them. His moment of hope was interrupted by an abrupt lurch as the TARDIS came to an unexpected stop.
Rose flew off the jump seat, where she'd been perched, then she quickly brushed herself off and joined the Doctor at the console monitor. He frowned at it, studying the numbers and characters on the screen that Rose couldn't identify. "It appears we're here," he informed her.
Rose gave him a tight hug of encouragement and a small smile stretched across his face. Taking comfort and courage from the hand she offered, the Doctor pushed open the door and nearly fell out into a dark empty sky. His heart sank. It was gone. Even here, where everything was going right, the Time Lords and Gallifrey were gone. He supposed he'd known all along, really. His head had been empty from the day he arrived on the beach in Norway. But he'd managed to convince himself that the reason he couldn't hear any other Time Lords in his brain was because he was in a different universe, as though they somehow operated on a different frequency.
He stared out into space, to the spot where his planet once stood, but what he saw, was not the dark void of deep space. Instead he was imagining the Gallifrey of his childhood: the rolling hills and peaked mountains, the beautiful orange sky, and the bustle of the academy. He remembered standing before the time vortex for the first time at only eight years old and feeling that first inclination to run, to travel, to dance among the stars. He thought of the time war: the screaming, the fighting, the pain as thousands of Daleks tried to massacre his people. He remembered the moment he'd done something about it, irrevocably destroying his home and all of its inhabitants. He'd killed a part of himself that day, a part that had only begun to come back to life thanks to Rose's presence in his life.
It wasn't until Rose reached over to swipe at a tear on his face that he realized he had been crying. Not a day went by that he didn't miss his people, that he didn't feel guilty about what he had done.
"Doctor?" Rose said softly, her voice trembling. "I'm so sorry. I thought it would be here, I thought..." she trailed off and hugged him. "I'm just so sorry."
He clung to her, burying his face in her hair as he let the silent tears fall. "I wanted to show you," he whispered regretfully. "I wanted to show you the mountains and the trees and oh, Rose, you would have loved it."
She squeezed him more tightly. The last thing she had wanted to do was open an old wound. She should never have suggested coming here. "I'm sorry," she murmured again.
"It's okay Rose, I think I knew. The end of the time war, what I did... it was pretty final. I always suspected it was the same in all universes, but I didn't really want to believe it."
He released Rose, still keeping one arm wrapped around her waist as he turned to look out at the empty space again. "You should have seen her in her glory days, Rose. She was magnificent." He smiled, a sad smile filled with longing and wistfulness.
"I'm sure she was." Rose rubbed his shoulder to comfort him.
"I'm glad we came, Rose. I think I needed to know for sure, and to say goodbye. That's one thing I never got to do after the time war. Say goodbye."
Rose gave him a tight, sideways hug. "I'll leave you alone. Take all the time you need."
He nodded absently, lost in his thoughts again. She gave him one last hug and slipped away leaving him in silence to fight his darkest demons.
Next Chapter
Author: lorelaisquared
Rating: PG-13
Characters: TenII, Rose,
Word Count: 2891
Beta: The incredible cookie2697
Summary: Part One in an epic love story spanning time and space: When the Doctor abandons Rose in Pete's world with his counterpart, they must learn to live without him. Slowly they build a life together that is filled with love, adventure, danger, and more surprises than either had ever thought possible.
Authors Note: Warning: This chapter is a bit angsty.
This story wouldn't exist without the help I received from many people. My heartfelt thanks go out to cookie2697 for her invaluable brainstorming, nitpicking, enthusiasm and support throughout the entire process of writing and editing this massive epic. I'd also like to thank tardismate, gioiamia, rumpelsnorcack, meremoon and earlgreytea68 for the suggestions, support and enthusiasm that they offered along the way. *massive hugs to you all*
The title of this story comes from a line of a song in Shakespeares "Twelfth Night" commonly called "O Mistress Mine".
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3,
Chapter 4
Rose leaned against one of the coral beams of the TARDIS with a grin on her face as she watched the Doctor bounce around the console pressing buttons and pulling levers. It wasn't long before his foot was being used to press something in one area while he leaned over the console to grab something on the other side. Rose would have offered to help, but she knew he had missed flying desperately and felt instinctively that the Doctor needed to make this inaugural flight solo.
The TARDIS jerked suddenly and Rose clung to the pillar, sharing a delighted glance with the Doctor as the TARDIS landed.
"I have to say, that was one of the most graceful landings I've ever seen you make," Rose teased as the Doctor pulled on his jacket and took her arm. "So, now are you going to tell me where you've brought us?"
An amused smile pulled at his lips and he shook his head. "You'll see." They'd reached the door and he made a motion for her to open it.
She pushed through the doors and was immediately greeted by an expanse of bright green grass. Rose squealed, practically jumping up and down as she pulled the Doctor outside. "Applegrass!" She exclaimed. "You brought us to New Earth."
The Doctor pretended to look confused. "Did I?" Then he beamed at her. "I thought you'd like to see what it was like in this universe."
Rose squealed again, throwing her arms around him. "It's perfect! Thank you." She hugged him tightly, resting her head against his shoulder as she closed her eyes, feeling completely peaceful as she inhaled the sweet apple scent of the grass and the crisp sea air.
When she pulled away, one arm still around his waist the Doctor looked adorably proud of himself and she felt a stab of extreme affection for him. "What do you say we go exploring?" he asked. She nodded, her smile radiant when he placed his arm over her shoulders and began to walk toward the bridge.
They wandered through the city, frequently paying more attention to each other than their surroundings. Though they did notice cat people mixed in among the humans every now and then. They'd been walking for almost half an hour when the Doctor stopped suddenly, crooked his head to one side and frowned.
"Rose?" he asked. "Is something missing?" He waved his hand toward a stretch of beach in the distance.
She studied the spot and its surroundings for a moment before it dawned on her. "The Hospital. Wasn't it there?"
"Yes! That's right!" He placed his hands on either side of her head and kissed her forehead. "Wonder where it is. Maybe it's located in a different spot here?"
"Maybe," Rose agreed. "Let's ask someone."
"Good idea."
After making several inquiries, they discovered that the planet didn't have a hospital because they no longer had a need for one. Diseases didn't exist here anymore; they'd all been cured years earlier. It took several bouts of questioning before the Doctor learned that the Sisters of Plenitude had found a way to cure all diseases and they now ran this seemingly harmonious planet.
The Doctor was suspicious of how they had accomplished this harmony, but Rose had managed to convince him that their honeymoon was not the time to go looking for trouble. She wanted her husband by her side and not in jail somewhere. The Doctor had grudgingly agreed, and they continued their walk through the city.
They began to cross the bridge on their way back to the TARDIS, hands clasped tightly when they nearly bumped into a cat person carrying a bouquet of exotic fragrant flowers. The scent caused Rose's nose to twitch and she sneezed three times in a row.
At that exact moment, a siren went off, loud enough to be heard throughout the whole city. Suddenly, Cat nuns seemed to be emerging from everywhere. "Who sneezed?" one of them shouted.
"Is the decontamination crew ready?" yelled another.
The cat with the flowers pointed to Rose, "She did it."
A dozen pairs of yellow, feline eyes fixed their gaze on Rose, causing the Doctor to shift his feet nervously.
Everything began to happen at once. A battle cry was issued and the Cats charged toward them, their strange, plastic looking guns trained on Rose. A group of people showed up abruptly to protest. The Doctor shouted one of his favourite commands, "Run". Rose squeezed his hand and together they raced across the bridge, laughing as they narrowly escaped the wimpled nuns who chased them. They tore over the applegrass and scrambled into the TARDIS, slamming the door behind them just as a snarling nun got within reach.
The Doctor quickly shifted them into the time vortex. "I think that's enough adventuring for right now."
"I agree" Rose grinned, a glint in her eye.
For some time after that, the Doctor and Rose didn't leave the time vortex. Instead they drifted and enjoyed just being alone with each other in the TARDIS again. In between their lengthy love making sessions, the Doctor read his way through many of the new books in the library and wandered around, desperately searching for something to fix. Unfortunately, this TARDIS was much newer than his old one and there was very little to tinker with, though he still managed to find things to tweak and adjust. When she wasn't sleeping or spending time with the Doctor, Rose explored the many new rooms on the TARDIS, though the nursery remained her favourite. She found herself in there several times a day, trying to imagine what a child created by her and the Doctor would look like, how he or she would act. Her arms ached for the feel of a newborn baby in her arms and as time passed, the phantom child seemed to grow more real in her mind.
She was sitting in the rocking chair moping one afternoon when the Doctor poked his head through the door.
"Oh, there you are," he chirped. "I was thinking it's time for another adventure."
Rose's face lit up. "What did you have in mind?"
"I've been thinking about Women Wept lately. Remember Women Wept? With the frozen oceans? It was one of the planets that Davros and the Daleks stole, when the stars were going out. Reminded me of our trip there. Want to see if it's the same in this universe?"
"Oh, it was beautiful there. Can we go now?" Rose smiled and stood, leaving her haunted thoughts behind in the swaying rocker.
The Doctor beamed, delighted by her eagerness. "That was the plan." He hugged her to his side as they began to walk down to corridor. "Would you like to help fly this time?"
The sparkle in her eyes as she nodded enthusiastically was all the answer he needed.
Moments later, they were positioned at the console and Rose dutifully pressed, pulled and banged as directed. Throughout the process, they kept glancing at each other and grinning. Finally the Doctor threw the last lever and the TARDIS shook wildly as it landed, throwing them both to the ground as they laughed hysterically.
The Doctor helped her to her feet and together they dashed to the door, eager to see what awaited them on the other side.
They rushed out of the TARDIS into a burst of vibrant sunshine. They appeared to be perched on the lamenting woman's nose, and when they noticed this they collapsed into a mutual fit of hysteria that only ended when movement caught the Doctor's eye. He stood, pulling Rose to her feet as he pointed at the sea.
"Look, Rose, it isn't frozen in this universe." His eyes shone with wonder as he gazed out at the expansive ocean before them.
"Oh," Rose gasped, wide-eyed. "It's absolutely breathtaking."
The water swirled and flowed for miles and miles, a spectacular mix of blues, greens, and purples. The sun reflected off of the water, adding flecks of gold and silver to the frenzy of colours.
Wordlessly, Rose and the Doctor made their way down to the beach. They sat, side-by-side, hands clasped as they watched the waves in peaceful silence. Eventually, they made their way back to the TARDIS, still not speaking, as though speech would ruin the amazing sight before them.
When they were back in the TARDIS, the Doctor swiftly spun them into the vortex and gathered Rose into his arms. He found her lips and kissed her tenderly as he lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom where they remained for a very long time.
*****
It was quite by accident that they ended up on The Library one day. The Doctor had been trying to take them to see the great city of Velinox in the year 3654, but had managed to thoroughly miscalculate the date and location.
Rose laughed at him as his sentence about how she’d love the blue lollup trees died on his lips, only to be replaced with a look of utter confusion.
"What?" He stared at the shelves of books that surrounded them and frowned. "What?"
"Where are we?" Rose interrupted before he could add yet another "what" to his soliloquy.
"We're on the Library. Donna and I came here once, in the other universe. How did with get here?"
"Don't you mean in the Library?"
"No, no, no. I mean on. It's a planet, a whole planet of books..." He trailed off, tugging on his ear. "Odd, it's loud here, almost like..." A librarian pushed passed them, a trolley of books dragging behind her. "There's life here! The Vashta Nerada must not be in the books in this universe. It's the amazing place it was intended to be!" He grew more and more excited with every word he spoke, yanking on Rose's arm as he pulled her further into the beautifully constructed building.
There were people everywhere. Some were lounging on chairs reading paper bound books, while others were perched at computers reading electronic versions of their favourite stories. There were dozens of people, hundreds of people.
The Doctor laughed delightedly. "Oh, Rose, it's perfect. Come, I have so much to show you."
His glee was infectious and Rose found herself giggling as he lugged her through the building exclaiming over his favourite books and becoming positively giddy when he discovered a whole section of books he'd never even heard of.
They were on one of the top floors of the main building when the Doctor suddenly ceased his babbling and became reverently silent. Rose watched curiously as he stood on tiptoe, reaching for a book. He pulled a thick tome off of one of the highest shelves. The hardcover was old and frayed around the edges. The blue cover was adorned with intricate designs that Rose couldn't read, though the language was familiar to her, she'd seen it through the monitor on the TARDIS console enough times to recognize it. "That's Gallifreyan," Rose murmured.
"Yes," the Doctor whispered. "It's a book from Gallifrey. On the old TARDIS I had a copy of this, it was the last piece of Gallifreyan text that remained after... after..." He trailed off miserably, lost in the maze of nightmares from a previous life.
"What's it about?" Rose asked cautiously. The Doctor remained silent for a long moment and Rose began to wonder if he hadn't heard her. He just stood there, staring vacantly at the book in his hand. She leaned closer to him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Doctor? What's the story?"
He lifted his eyes, looking at her sadly. "It's a fairy tale. My parents used to read it to me as a child, before they sent me to the Academy. They let me take it with me when they sent me away from home forever. It was my one lasting memory of them. I always kept it, even all of these centuries later. My one treasure from my childhood. Doesn't matter now though. It's gone, back in the other universe on the TARDIS with him. Locked away from me, just like Gallifrey."
Sadly, he returned the book to its place on the shelf, his eyes lingering longingly, and Rose knew he wished he could take the last copy in the universe home with him.
"You know, Doctor, I've just realized something." He remained silent so she continued. "Everywhere we've been in this universe things have been better, fixed even. New Earth is a beautiful planet with no diseases, Women Wept is alive instead of frozen, The Library is actually a proper library."
He was looking at her now. "But on New Earth we were still chased by cats in wimples."
"I'm not saying it's perfect, just better," Rose insisted. "Don't you see, Doctor? It's like this universe is the place where wrong things become right. Look at the two of us, even. This universe is the only place where we’ve been able to be together and happy."
"Are you saying...?" he pointed to the book.
"It's possible."
He nodded, and considered for a long time. "Okay," he said finally. "Let's go."
Rose took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly as they walked, hand in hand, back to the TARDIS.
As the Doctor calibrated their coordinates, he thought about what Rose had said. She was right, a lot of things did appear to be better in this universe. Perhaps Gallifrey would be one of them. His moment of hope was interrupted by an abrupt lurch as the TARDIS came to an unexpected stop.
Rose flew off the jump seat, where she'd been perched, then she quickly brushed herself off and joined the Doctor at the console monitor. He frowned at it, studying the numbers and characters on the screen that Rose couldn't identify. "It appears we're here," he informed her.
Rose gave him a tight hug of encouragement and a small smile stretched across his face. Taking comfort and courage from the hand she offered, the Doctor pushed open the door and nearly fell out into a dark empty sky. His heart sank. It was gone. Even here, where everything was going right, the Time Lords and Gallifrey were gone. He supposed he'd known all along, really. His head had been empty from the day he arrived on the beach in Norway. But he'd managed to convince himself that the reason he couldn't hear any other Time Lords in his brain was because he was in a different universe, as though they somehow operated on a different frequency.
He stared out into space, to the spot where his planet once stood, but what he saw, was not the dark void of deep space. Instead he was imagining the Gallifrey of his childhood: the rolling hills and peaked mountains, the beautiful orange sky, and the bustle of the academy. He remembered standing before the time vortex for the first time at only eight years old and feeling that first inclination to run, to travel, to dance among the stars. He thought of the time war: the screaming, the fighting, the pain as thousands of Daleks tried to massacre his people. He remembered the moment he'd done something about it, irrevocably destroying his home and all of its inhabitants. He'd killed a part of himself that day, a part that had only begun to come back to life thanks to Rose's presence in his life.
It wasn't until Rose reached over to swipe at a tear on his face that he realized he had been crying. Not a day went by that he didn't miss his people, that he didn't feel guilty about what he had done.
"Doctor?" Rose said softly, her voice trembling. "I'm so sorry. I thought it would be here, I thought..." she trailed off and hugged him. "I'm just so sorry."
He clung to her, burying his face in her hair as he let the silent tears fall. "I wanted to show you," he whispered regretfully. "I wanted to show you the mountains and the trees and oh, Rose, you would have loved it."
She squeezed him more tightly. The last thing she had wanted to do was open an old wound. She should never have suggested coming here. "I'm sorry," she murmured again.
"It's okay Rose, I think I knew. The end of the time war, what I did... it was pretty final. I always suspected it was the same in all universes, but I didn't really want to believe it."
He released Rose, still keeping one arm wrapped around her waist as he turned to look out at the empty space again. "You should have seen her in her glory days, Rose. She was magnificent." He smiled, a sad smile filled with longing and wistfulness.
"I'm sure she was." Rose rubbed his shoulder to comfort him.
"I'm glad we came, Rose. I think I needed to know for sure, and to say goodbye. That's one thing I never got to do after the time war. Say goodbye."
Rose gave him a tight, sideways hug. "I'll leave you alone. Take all the time you need."
He nodded absently, lost in his thoughts again. She gave him one last hug and slipped away leaving him in silence to fight his darkest demons.
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