50 Things I Am No Longer Allowed To Do at Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters
Inspired by Skippy's List, and Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts, I give you 50 Things I Am No Longer Allowed To Do at Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters:
01. I will not sing "I Wear My Sunglasses at Night" every time Instructor Summers walks by.
02. My mutant ability is not "staying awake through Ms. Munroe's history class".
03. Nor is it being able to tell the difference between diet and regular cola.
04. Nor is it being able to recite all the dialogue from the movie "Dumb and Dumber".
05. I will not refer to Instructor Summers as "the Professor's bitch".
06. Even if Logan said it first.
07. Professor Xavier's telepathy is not "Jedi mind tricks", and I must stop referring to it as such.
08. I will stop referring to the Professor as "Big Brother".
09. I will not tell new students that Kitty Pryde is the house ghost.
10.I will not refer to Instructor Summers as "Dr. Grey's bitch".
11. Even if Dr. Grey said it first.
12. I will stop asking Logan if he also makes Julienne fries.
13. I will stop referring to Magneto as a "Heavy Metal Queen".
14. Mystique is not a Smurf.
15. I will not ask the Stepford Cuckoos if they do EVERYTHING together.
16. Because they do.
17. Up to and including making me think I am a chicken for the entirety of the Spring Formal.
18. There is no such thing as a "secret plot" when two of the faculty are telepaths.
19. Spandex is a privilege, not a right.
20. It is not appropriate to refer to Dr. Grey as "Big Red".
21. The Danger Room is for tactical training and battle simulations, not for throwing a pool party with all the Playboy Playmates of the Month from 1993-present.
22. Likewise, I must stop referring to it as "the Holodeck".
23. Pete Rasputin is not on steroids, and I should stop asking for him to be randomly tested.
24. The appropriate response to learning Magneto has broken out of prison is not "Viva la Revolucion!"
25. It is not funny to give Bobby Drake a copy of the Kama Sutra.
26. I will not tell new students that tinfoil hats can keep telepaths from reading their minds.
27. I will not refer to John Allerdyce as a "flamer".
28. There is no such thing as a "pantykinetic".
29. I will not refer to Instructor Summers as the "one-eyed wonder".
30. There is no sex in the Danger Room.
31. I will stop calling the Professor "Sugar Daddy".
32. I will not write RPS involving Logan, Instructor Summers and the "Blackbird of Love" for my creative writing assignment.
33. It is not advisable to put down "The complete and total destruction of mankind" as a career goal when applying for a spot on the X-Men.
34. I will not approach the Professor with a business proposal involving Cerebro and "Charles Xavier’s Psychic Hotline".
35. Releasing a tarantula in Theresa Cassidy's room is not funny.
36. I will not reprogram the Danger Room to put Senator Kelly's face on all enemies.
37. Even if it did lead to the highest kill tally in DR history.
38. I will not tell new students about Mystique's reputation and powers and then follow it with the line "…in fact, you're talking to her right now!"
39. I will not coerce Bobby to ice the dorm hallway floors to hold a figure skating competition.
40. Even if we make Ms. Munroe the "Winter Carnival Queen".
41. Attempting to reenact the "Fastball Special" is not advisable if you lack an adamantium skeleton.
42. Telling Dr. Grey to use the Force is only funny the first time.
43. I will not sneak into Instructor Summers' room and rearrange his sock drawer.
44. I will not post flyers in the hallways that say "Magneto wants YOU!" with an accompanying graphic of Uncle Sam wearing his helmet.
45. Tourette's Syndrome is not a mutation.
46. There is no such thing as an alternate timeline, and I should not use it as an excuse for why I don't have my homework.
47. Do not taunt Jones.
48. It is not funny to challenge Rogue to a game of strip poker.
49. Especially if she takes you up on it.
50. I do not get my own cape until after graduation, and I should stop wearing one to class.
(This ended up not being 50 things Pyro is no longer allowed to do, because it was just too limiting and I didn't want to have to do them "in-character".)
Hopefully these are at least a little funny, and if you have more, fire away!
01. I will not sing "I Wear My Sunglasses at Night" every time Instructor Summers walks by.
02. My mutant ability is not "staying awake through Ms. Munroe's history class".
03. Nor is it being able to tell the difference between diet and regular cola.
04. Nor is it being able to recite all the dialogue from the movie "Dumb and Dumber".
05. I will not refer to Instructor Summers as "the Professor's bitch".
06. Even if Logan said it first.
07. Professor Xavier's telepathy is not "Jedi mind tricks", and I must stop referring to it as such.
08. I will stop referring to the Professor as "Big Brother".
09. I will not tell new students that Kitty Pryde is the house ghost.
10.I will not refer to Instructor Summers as "Dr. Grey's bitch".
11. Even if Dr. Grey said it first.
12. I will stop asking Logan if he also makes Julienne fries.
13. I will stop referring to Magneto as a "Heavy Metal Queen".
14. Mystique is not a Smurf.
15. I will not ask the Stepford Cuckoos if they do EVERYTHING together.
16. Because they do.
17. Up to and including making me think I am a chicken for the entirety of the Spring Formal.
18. There is no such thing as a "secret plot" when two of the faculty are telepaths.
19. Spandex is a privilege, not a right.
20. It is not appropriate to refer to Dr. Grey as "Big Red".
21. The Danger Room is for tactical training and battle simulations, not for throwing a pool party with all the Playboy Playmates of the Month from 1993-present.
22. Likewise, I must stop referring to it as "the Holodeck".
23. Pete Rasputin is not on steroids, and I should stop asking for him to be randomly tested.
24. The appropriate response to learning Magneto has broken out of prison is not "Viva la Revolucion!"
25. It is not funny to give Bobby Drake a copy of the Kama Sutra.
26. I will not tell new students that tinfoil hats can keep telepaths from reading their minds.
27. I will not refer to John Allerdyce as a "flamer".
28. There is no such thing as a "pantykinetic".
29. I will not refer to Instructor Summers as the "one-eyed wonder".
30. There is no sex in the Danger Room.
31. I will stop calling the Professor "Sugar Daddy".
32. I will not write RPS involving Logan, Instructor Summers and the "Blackbird of Love" for my creative writing assignment.
33. It is not advisable to put down "The complete and total destruction of mankind" as a career goal when applying for a spot on the X-Men.
34. I will not approach the Professor with a business proposal involving Cerebro and "Charles Xavier’s Psychic Hotline".
35. Releasing a tarantula in Theresa Cassidy's room is not funny.
36. I will not reprogram the Danger Room to put Senator Kelly's face on all enemies.
37. Even if it did lead to the highest kill tally in DR history.
38. I will not tell new students about Mystique's reputation and powers and then follow it with the line "…in fact, you're talking to her right now!"
39. I will not coerce Bobby to ice the dorm hallway floors to hold a figure skating competition.
40. Even if we make Ms. Munroe the "Winter Carnival Queen".
41. Attempting to reenact the "Fastball Special" is not advisable if you lack an adamantium skeleton.
42. Telling Dr. Grey to use the Force is only funny the first time.
43. I will not sneak into Instructor Summers' room and rearrange his sock drawer.
44. I will not post flyers in the hallways that say "Magneto wants YOU!" with an accompanying graphic of Uncle Sam wearing his helmet.
45. Tourette's Syndrome is not a mutation.
46. There is no such thing as an alternate timeline, and I should not use it as an excuse for why I don't have my homework.
47. Do not taunt Jones.
48. It is not funny to challenge Rogue to a game of strip poker.
49. Especially if she takes you up on it.
50. I do not get my own cape until after graduation, and I should stop wearing one to class.
(This ended up not being 50 things Pyro is no longer allowed to do, because it was just too limiting and I didn't want to have to do them "in-character".)
Hopefully these are at least a little funny, and if you have more, fire away!