(no subject)
Good news, bad news. Sometimes I feel silly posting my cancer news here, because it's so confusing and repetitive. Chemo is continuing, the new drug regime seems to be working well and my tumor marker number came down by almost 200 points. Plus, I'm not dragging around feeling cruddy. General Malaise has returned to wherever it is he belongs, and taken his troops with him.
While waiting to see my oncologist last Thursday, I noticed a woman across the way staring at me. She came over and said hello. Her name is Angie, and we met last year on one of my very low point days. She was in the next chair, having first-round chemo for ovarian cancer. We have the same doctor, but at that time she had a much better attitude. Her sister was there and they were having a chemo picnic, eating and talking and laughing. And I was so miserable and sick that I had to kick myself in the ass not to be completely negative and depress them both. I mean, I didn't come out and say "look away or you'll see your future," but I think I was pretty frightening that day.
Fortunately, we ran into each other again, about a month later, once I was on Taxol and doing better, and I was able to be more positive. It was her "graduation day," the last round of chemo. Before I left that day I went to her chair and sang to her, and wished her well.
Like the nurses, I wished that I'd never see her again.
But unfortunately, Angie wasn't there last week just to see the doctor for a routine checkup. Her numbers started going up, a CT scan showed that she still has lots of nodules in her stomach cavity (just like me), and after trying tamoxifen with no effect, she was told on Thursday that she needs to start weekly Taxol.
I think I'm more depressed about Angie's news than happy about my own. She's such a nice person, and she didn't make the same mistakes I made. She had her surgery with Dr. Smith, the oncologist, a specialist. She should have had better odds just because of that. Instead, I feel like she's following in my footsteps -- and I wouldn't have ANYONE follow my footsteps on this. I wanted to believe that she'd make it, that she'd be one of the lucky ones who goes into a real remission and stays there.
We're both lucky to have Taxol, it's a drug they didn't have 20 years ago and it's made chemo much more effective. From my experience, the side effects from the weekly Taxol are minimal and Angie might even get into remission (or, as I did, semi-remission). If she does, they will develop new drugs and she'll have Avastin and lots of other new treatments to try if the cancer comes back.
One of the bad things about taking Uncle Jim along for chemo is that after Angie left, I couldn't just sit there and cry.
While waiting to see my oncologist last Thursday, I noticed a woman across the way staring at me. She came over and said hello. Her name is Angie, and we met last year on one of my very low point days. She was in the next chair, having first-round chemo for ovarian cancer. We have the same doctor, but at that time she had a much better attitude. Her sister was there and they were having a chemo picnic, eating and talking and laughing. And I was so miserable and sick that I had to kick myself in the ass not to be completely negative and depress them both. I mean, I didn't come out and say "look away or you'll see your future," but I think I was pretty frightening that day.
Fortunately, we ran into each other again, about a month later, once I was on Taxol and doing better, and I was able to be more positive. It was her "graduation day," the last round of chemo. Before I left that day I went to her chair and sang to her, and wished her well.
Like the nurses, I wished that I'd never see her again.
But unfortunately, Angie wasn't there last week just to see the doctor for a routine checkup. Her numbers started going up, a CT scan showed that she still has lots of nodules in her stomach cavity (just like me), and after trying tamoxifen with no effect, she was told on Thursday that she needs to start weekly Taxol.
I think I'm more depressed about Angie's news than happy about my own. She's such a nice person, and she didn't make the same mistakes I made. She had her surgery with Dr. Smith, the oncologist, a specialist. She should have had better odds just because of that. Instead, I feel like she's following in my footsteps -- and I wouldn't have ANYONE follow my footsteps on this. I wanted to believe that she'd make it, that she'd be one of the lucky ones who goes into a real remission and stays there.
We're both lucky to have Taxol, it's a drug they didn't have 20 years ago and it's made chemo much more effective. From my experience, the side effects from the weekly Taxol are minimal and Angie might even get into remission (or, as I did, semi-remission). If she does, they will develop new drugs and she'll have Avastin and lots of other new treatments to try if the cancer comes back.
One of the bad things about taking Uncle Jim along for chemo is that after Angie left, I couldn't just sit there and cry.