"But...You're a girl"

[lost_dreamer44]

I had a bit of an identity crisis last night.

Lindsay (my new ladyfriend) spent the night, and lo and behold various bedroom horizontal activities took place. We started talking afterwards, and I told her that I wanted to use a strap-on, but I refused to use something completely fake and unrealistic. I believe my exact words were "I don't want to

Comments

[kaygigi]

Huh. I don't do the realistic ones on the basis of not being a man/male/transguy, but not because I am a girl/woman/female (because those labels don't quite fit either). I am thinking about getting a realistic one, for the times I want to play male, but the primary strap-on is teal with ribs, because thats what Zach (my current squeeze) has. When I bought one myself, years ago and then it got stolen by my ex, it was more realistically shaped but a royal blue.

Anyway, I think it's probably time to have a gender conversation with the ladyfriend. If "trans" is a big stumbling block, you might want to go for a less definite identity category, like genderqueer or boi, or even just stone butch. No butch I know likes to be called "girl"!

[lost_dreamer44]

I know I need to have the conversation, but I get the impression that she's not going to be very open to it. I mean, how do I explain why the word "girl" almost offends me? ESPECIALLY in bed? Sometimes I don't even know why it rubs me the wrong way. I've told her I'm stone, but it doesn't really seem to have set in.

[grrlboiwunder]

its hard to have that conversation. especially if you don't really know where things are going with your lady friend. but if you do decide you see a potential for something greater, then a talk is very necessary. when i told my girlfriend awhile back that i was trans, or well not a girl, i basically related it to her. i said im a boi. she said she didnt get it. i said well you like being a girl, woman a feminist. i mean she was pretty hardcore. she hated being called a chick. so i equated being called chick like me being called a girl because i didnt relate to that word. it held a certain meaning that didnt represent me, so then she said oh you are butch. and i said no. im a boi. not quite man, but far from butch. like if there was a scale of masculinity, i would rate myself at the time a 7 or 7.5 if 10 were absolute stone hardcore man. i would say i rate at like a 9 now. it helped her a bit and she stopped referring to me as a girl. eventually i told her i wanted to transition and she broke up with me. but for a time she was ok with