*Sigh*
The summer is coming to a close and I realize that To be honest I am really irritated with my sister right now. Has she done anything to me lately to make me upset with her? No, not really, but I am just so tired of this bullshit.
She has been one full year out of college, but she has made absolutely no attempt to find herself a job or better herself in any way. She has been beating herself up about it excessively (but only when made to think about it), and makes herself feel like shit giving her less and less motivation to try and do something with herself. At first I was very sympathetic, I felt really bad that she was constantly breaking herself down and I wanted to help get her out of her slump. But as time has passed by this summer I've lost my sympathy.
My family is going through an INCREDIBLY difficult financial situation right now, and she has not raised one finger inside or outside of this house to try and help. I came home from school for the summer to the realization that my parents had been lying to me about our financial situation, and it was MUCH worse off than they were letting on. The moment I came to know that I made two decisions right off the bat. The first decision was that I needed to get a job, try to help in whatever way I could and not ask them for any money. The second thing I decided to do was cook dinner and prepare their lunches for work every day, just to take one burden off of their shoulders because they don't get home til around 7:00-8:00 anyway. So I cook and I clean and work from home.
My sister meanwhile, has avoided dealing with her school loans so long that there is no negotiating with the lenders. She has defaulted and her payments are too much for my parents to take on at the moment. Yet she acts like it is unimportant, not realizing that by traumatizing herself (yes she has done all of this to herself) she is fucking up her credit and ruining her chances of buying a car, a house, of having a stable future. Is any of this important?
No, clearly not. Although I realize getting a job in Illustration (what she majored in) isn't as simple as getting some entry level job that your degree guarantees you, she has made NO attempt at trying to start her career at all whatsoever. She hasn't tried to get ANY job, not even for the interim. This summer I applied to maybe 25 places, trying to find a temporary job (while still working for my school online) and she, seeing me making my effort, still refused. She always has some crazy stupid reason for why she isn't trying. She attempts to justify it to herself and when asked to speak about it, she flips out on people and attempts to victimize herself. She refuses to take responsibility unless she is having a breakdown.
I spent four hundred and fifty dollars trying to bail her (somewhat) out of the shithole she has made for herself, and she has the fucking nerve to get mad at ME for mentioning the possibility of jobs and the like. FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS. I am 20 years old. I don't have that kind of money to bullshit away because my sister wants to live in her own little world.
I am just really frustrated right now, because I try to talk to her, and most of the time she freaks out at me. Rarely, however, she will have a serious conversation with me and talk about how no she will try now, this time this time, but she never does. She is following right in my fathers footsteps, and I have enough issues with him already.
I'm leaving soon, so I won't have to deal with this directly, but it pisses me off to know that the moment I leave to school, this house is going to shit because no one gives a fuck regardless of how much time they have on their hands. She watches me cook and clean all the time and never offers help, and I know that the moment I leave this will all fall on my mother's shoulders again and I know that my mother has too much to deal with by herself as is, and that she is too good a woman to deserve all this. I also know that I am the only one thinking about her, because my dad, my brother and my sister are all perfectly content pretending that my mom is superwoman and can handle doing everything.
GAH.
.
She has been one full year out of college, but she has made absolutely no attempt to find herself a job or better herself in any way. She has been beating herself up about it excessively (but only when made to think about it), and makes herself feel like shit giving her less and less motivation to try and do something with herself. At first I was very sympathetic, I felt really bad that she was constantly breaking herself down and I wanted to help get her out of her slump. But as time has passed by this summer I've lost my sympathy.
My family is going through an INCREDIBLY difficult financial situation right now, and she has not raised one finger inside or outside of this house to try and help. I came home from school for the summer to the realization that my parents had been lying to me about our financial situation, and it was MUCH worse off than they were letting on. The moment I came to know that I made two decisions right off the bat. The first decision was that I needed to get a job, try to help in whatever way I could and not ask them for any money. The second thing I decided to do was cook dinner and prepare their lunches for work every day, just to take one burden off of their shoulders because they don't get home til around 7:00-8:00 anyway. So I cook and I clean and work from home.
My sister meanwhile, has avoided dealing with her school loans so long that there is no negotiating with the lenders. She has defaulted and her payments are too much for my parents to take on at the moment. Yet she acts like it is unimportant, not realizing that by traumatizing herself (yes she has done all of this to herself) she is fucking up her credit and ruining her chances of buying a car, a house, of having a stable future. Is any of this important?
No, clearly not. Although I realize getting a job in Illustration (what she majored in) isn't as simple as getting some entry level job that your degree guarantees you, she has made NO attempt at trying to start her career at all whatsoever. She hasn't tried to get ANY job, not even for the interim. This summer I applied to maybe 25 places, trying to find a temporary job (while still working for my school online) and she, seeing me making my effort, still refused. She always has some crazy stupid reason for why she isn't trying. She attempts to justify it to herself and when asked to speak about it, she flips out on people and attempts to victimize herself. She refuses to take responsibility unless she is having a breakdown.
I spent four hundred and fifty dollars trying to bail her (somewhat) out of the shithole she has made for herself, and she has the fucking nerve to get mad at ME for mentioning the possibility of jobs and the like. FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS. I am 20 years old. I don't have that kind of money to bullshit away because my sister wants to live in her own little world.
I am just really frustrated right now, because I try to talk to her, and most of the time she freaks out at me. Rarely, however, she will have a serious conversation with me and talk about how no she will try now, this time this time, but she never does. She is following right in my fathers footsteps, and I have enough issues with him already.
I'm leaving soon, so I won't have to deal with this directly, but it pisses me off to know that the moment I leave to school, this house is going to shit because no one gives a fuck regardless of how much time they have on their hands. She watches me cook and clean all the time and never offers help, and I know that the moment I leave this will all fall on my mother's shoulders again and I know that my mother has too much to deal with by herself as is, and that she is too good a woman to deserve all this. I also know that I am the only one thinking about her, because my dad, my brother and my sister are all perfectly content pretending that my mom is superwoman and can handle doing everything.
GAH.
.