This isn't my first experience with 'mones, albeit previously they were all herbals. And I'm not exactly out of the closet. And I've come to terms that I'm going to be in the closet for a long time to protect my kiddos. ~shrugs~ Not that I was overly depressed before either though.
There was a great deal of excitement when I first started them. And even now, I'm constantly looking into the mirror for changes and I get a thrill when I see something I notice. But mostly, it's life as usual right now...
I hope that makes sense...
Part of me is scared though. Scared I'm going to pass this off as a phase, yet again. Try and "toghen up" and ignore this and go back to "doing the right thing." That's why I've created this journal. So, maybe, I'll have friends who will keep me from trying to go back to closeting this from myself again...
Yes, it makes perfect sense. Like the time I was driving and I looked at my hands on the steering wheel and noticed that I didn't have "sausages" for fingers anymore. Hon, so many of the changes are small, and don't get talked about. We aren't just "boobs and bums". I'll be here to talk if you need.
I know that! These measurements are things I can quantify though. I can look at over time and see the progress.
I guess I worry about how much is wishful thinking with non-quantity measurements. I worry how much of what I think I see are changes I want to see...rather than something tangible.
But I guess it doesn't matter if the changes exist outside of my own head. Because I plan on hiding them from everyone else.
~sigh~ I know we are more than just boobs and bums...I guess I just want to feel pretty.
And now I'm going to end this comment, before someone notices me crying at work...
Comments 17
My first changes were emotional ones (hey, you KNOW there are changes when you drop a life-ling depression overnight).
Reply
This isn't my first experience with 'mones, albeit previously they were all herbals. And I'm not exactly out of the closet. And I've come to terms that I'm going to be in the closet for a long time to protect my kiddos. ~shrugs~ Not that I was overly depressed before either though.
There was a great deal of excitement when I first started them. And even now, I'm constantly looking into the mirror for changes and I get a thrill when I see something I notice. But mostly, it's life as usual right now...
I hope that makes sense...
Part of me is scared though. Scared I'm going to pass this off as a phase, yet again. Try and "toghen up" and ignore this and go back to "doing the right thing." That's why I've created this journal. So, maybe, I'll have friends who will keep me from trying to go back to closeting this from myself again...
Reply
Like the time I was driving and I looked at my hands on the steering wheel and noticed that I didn't have "sausages" for fingers anymore.
Hon, so many of the changes are small, and don't get talked about.
We aren't just "boobs and bums".
I'll be here to talk if you need.
Reply
I know that! These measurements are things I can quantify though. I can look at over time and see the progress.
I guess I worry about how much is wishful thinking with non-quantity measurements. I worry how much of what I think I see are changes I want to see...rather than something tangible.
But I guess it doesn't matter if the changes exist outside of my own head. Because I plan on hiding them from everyone else.
~sigh~ I know we are more than just boobs and bums...I guess I just want to feel pretty.
And now I'm going to end this comment, before someone notices me crying at work...
Reply
Leave a comment