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[lostinmyworld53]

God, I want to write so bad. I don't even know why, but there's so much I want to spit out and I don't even know what it is. I couldn't sleep last night b/c I kept thinking about LJ and so much random shit I wanted to write down. I was tempted to hop right out of bed and sit back dwn at my desk to try and spill some of this shit building up. I

Comments

[lilcarrotop33]

Thank you for not including me in there at all. Really. It's nice to know that someone who helped get me through high school really couldn't give a shit about me anymore. I want to get past this but I can't Brittny, you used to be the one I valued most but now I don't even exist to you. I think about you everyday and I hate it. I hate that you let some dumbass shit over a guy get in between us. I remember once when we were BEST FRIENDS. Those were some of the best times, well only for me apparently. I wish you cared. And don't say that Sean, Tyler and all them were the only ones there for you. I was there for you always whether you want to admit it or not. You've really hurt me Brittny, honestly.

[lostinmyworld53]

hannah, i know you and everyone else is trying to say that the reason we aren't friends like we used to be is b/c of kevin. that's not why. yes, we did have some great times i'll be the first to admit that. i was telling andrew last night how close we used to be and how i honestly do miss that. but either you or i have changed and i don't feel like i have anything in common w/ you anymore. i'm not "mad" at you or w/e anymore and i haven't been since you confronted me and i told you i wasn't mad. i also don't "hate" you like i've also heard. i'm not going to pretend like you never meant anything to me. you were one of my best friends, but i feel like we grew apart. and i know everyone says that's my fault, so i'll take the blame for it... but it's not something i can change.

[wuts2comeofthis]

baby

[lostinmyworld53]

shley.....i.........

...well, i love you.

and i promise things will be okay next year. i know it feels like your would is going to fall apart, and in a sense, it is i guess... but it's all for the better. i think you'll enjoy things more than you're thinking you will.

i remember sammy hoover telling me this last year and i thought she was out of her mind. well, she was right.

[lostinmyworld53]

thanks, ty. i owe you 3 pieces of candy for reading all of that. that was like a whole damn novel!

i can't wait for mexican! (i know sean gets home on the 21st, but i think he said LATE on the 21st. we'll see...)

[phatpigy]

you choked me up some. i miss you. i liked being able to see you at band stuff and all, but i dunno, it didnt feel right. i miss our 2 am talks with applesauce. i miss your advice. i miss crying on you. i miss it all. the "crew" meant a lot to me cause it gave me something to do, but you are the one who really gave me a place. i dont know if that really makes sense, im not good at portraying thoughts with words. sorry :( anyway, i really hope i get actually heart talk happy time with you during thanksgiving break or winter break. i need me some britty

[lostinmyworld53]

aw, ally, i love you. you made me tear up, which is something i haven't done in a while. you... hit a spot? baby, i miss you too... and it means the world to me to hear that i "gave you a place" <3

To Deskins

[hdplayer8]

Brittny, I love you. Not because you wrote about me, but because you have always been unafraid to share your heart. It's a good one, I assure you. I remember last year, you, me, and Jen were sitting at my desk after school, talking about everything. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, you said, "I love this; I love being here with you all; I love talking, here at this desk, just..." and you stopped. You began to cry. I'll never forget that. I realized then the value of your vulerability, and it's your most endearing quality. I love you, kiddo. I always will. Never forget that. And? I have prayed for you this week; a lot. Stay strong, and I'm here if and when you need.

- El Ruiz

PS--you're such a great writer! I LOVED reading this!

Re: To Deskins

[lostinmyworld53]

i'm so glad you read what i wrote. as i was writing, i kept thinking, "i wonder if ruiz will read this. is that proper grammer? will ruiz tell me if i left out a comma?" haha. and not only that, but i did want you to hear what i had to say. i know it was a lot, but i had a lot to spill. i try not to care about "sharing my heart" but when i do this, it scares me. i AM vulnerable and even though i know this, i still constantly take the risk of opening up completely. i'm afraid i'll get seriously hurt form this one day...

anyway, thank you for commenting. i love you, too, ru'