"Now still there's pain in my chest I still wish you the best."
1. Five Finger Death Punch ~ Far From Home
She misses home, there's no denying it. Every night she finds herself staring up at the sky, reminiscing in long forgotten times of peace and family. Before word of the End ever came. Before Lucifer's War, before everything. When it was just them, praising and loving and happy. Sometimes she watches the stars slide away from the oncoming sunlight, that very same light chasing away her memories, reminding her to run.
2. A Fine Frenzy ~ Near To You
She'd grown up like most young girls did, experienced butterflies, love, heartache and break. It had hurt so horribly, that first time. The first time he'd left her in the empty second floor hallway, the sour taste of breakup thick on her tongue. It had hurt just as much the next time, had felt just as amazing with the next boy a year later, had left her soaring so unimaginably high. Anna could remember the fall just as clearly as she could the first time, all those years ago. It never got easier.
3. Green Day ~ Holiday
She stood at the edge, eyes cast down to the sparkling planet below. Her pulse would have been racing, if she'd had one. But she would have one, could have one. Just one step, one reach inside herself, one pull and tear, one Fall. Haniel never looked back, never took in the last look of pearl gates and golden pillars. She didn't need it.
4. Nickelback ~ Next Contestant
The bar is nothing like any of the ones she might have visited a year ago. It's louder and quieter, rowdier, dirtier, livlier. No one's there to pretend they're someone they're not, no girls in too-short skirts, no boys with their hands in places their mother would be ashamed of. It's no place Anna Milton would have stopped into. Anna loved it.
5. One Republic ~ Good Life
September 17th, 2008. Anna visits her parents, content to spend the evening watching old movies, sharing popcorn and laughs with them until her mother turns in for the night. Her dad stays up, and they talk for hours, hushing each others laughs for fear of turning Amy's wrath upon them for being up so late. It's been ages since she'd last had a visit like this; with no school exams hovering over her head, no stress of finding a job or boyfriend troubles. It was the last time she'd ever be able to have moments like this.
6. Nickelback ~ This Is How You Remind Me
Anna had looked for Dean first. Searched high and low, visited Bobby's, Pamela's, tried some of the old motels along the highway for three days. He was nowhere to be found; anywhere. She'd never had so much trouble finding a single human before. So she visited his dreams, flitting into a raunchy number; and there he was. Same as before.
7. Lenka ~ Trouble is a Friend
She should have known, really. Should have seen it coming, when she ended with a hand on her shoulder, wheeling her out to the street, a solid "get lost" falling out right after her. She didn't regret it, per se. But she should have known. Griffin was never, ever, a good influence, and yet her grin had never been wider.
8. Pink ~ Long Way To Happy
The same night she remembers, remembers who and what she was, she finds herself outside, eyes to the sky, heart heavy against her chest. Everything was over. No more hiding in childish naievity. There's no winning this situation, not really. No turning back to what she was, no more happy days of ignorance.
9. The Glitch Mob ~ Fortune Days
No one visits the Throne Room anymore. Not even Michael, Raphael. Gabriel hasn't been seen in days, and she can guess why, where he's gone. Where he's run to. Many of her brothers and sisters don't understand. Why had Michael retreated? Why had Raphael turned so cold? Where had Gabriel gone? Anna doesn't know, but she has a thought that the answer revolves around Lucifer. Uriel had turned to her with questions washing over his wings, looking to her for an answer, an order. Something to guide him in the post-war calm. But how could she know? She was just as lost as the rest of them.
10. Blink 182 ~ I Miss You
It's funny how a simple blip in your memory can be so obvious, and so hauntingly normal. Siren's Port had never happened. Or had it? She couldn't find it again, no matter how far and wide she searched. Realities shifted, forwards in time, backwards, sideways, longways, upside down. It was nowhere. He was nowhere.
11. Regina Spektor ~ Us
Christ has been dead for seven hundred years now, and still the Christian faith is strong in places. Other religions have always existed, ever since the early days. They still send praises to God and the rest of the Angels, pray for protection, love, wealth, fame, health, all of it. They raise statues in what they think the Angels look like, portraits, images, books, stories, fairy tales. They name their children after them; Gabriel, Mikael, Rafiel, Hannah. Years pass, the world grows weary, grows strong, weary, rinse, lather repeat. Eventually the names are laughed at, the glory days long gone. No one ever guessed it would have been like this.
12. Regina Spektor ~ Hero
She meets a man a few weeks after leaving Gabriel. He's in the wrong place at the wrong time, unfairly shot in the stomach for passing by a liquor store robbery. A single look sends the Reaper on their way, and Anna takes to her knees next to the gasping man. He looks at her in confusion, anguish and fear. It only takes a touch of her hand to heal the wound and return the blood to his veins, untouched and bullet-less. He guesses what she is on the first try and she smiles. "Some of us still care." She leaves him there.
13. Red ~ Nothing and Everything
She should have known Castiel would lead them away. Would steal their trust without so much as a question of 'why'. He'd thrown her trust back in her face, and sometimes she wondered if he'd ever do the same to them. There's no one else to turn to anymore. She's gone too far this time, and her family knows it. There are no second chances for an Angel.
14. JSRF - Hideki Naganuma ~ Fly Like A Butterfly
Maybe it's a lingering sentiment from when she'd been human, but the adrenaline rush still comes when she does something reckless. Steps off the top of the Empire State building, spreads her wings in the middle of a storm, closes them and feels the drop towards the Pacific Ocean. The human eye could never hope to keep up with the speed that she flies, but for Anna, it's the same as it's always been. Exhilarating.
15. Evanescence ~ Hello
Angels don't have emotions. Or at least, they shouldn't, lest they fear the wrath of their superiors. It was a weakness, a gateway to sin, to doubt, to disobedience. But even an Angel feels pain, when one of their own turns their back. When Lucifer had lashed out, brought War to Heaven's gates and been cast out by Michael's hand... Everyone had shared that pain. The loss of a brother. Anna wonders if anyone felt the same when she tore out her grace twenty six years ago. If any of her brothers or sisters had turned their head to cast a mourning look at her empty post. Or if they had all been statues for so long, that they'd forgotten what loss felt like.
16. Glee Cast ~ Can't Fight This Feeling
It's not until she catches herself for the third time that day, thoughts wandering away from the book in hand, that she realizes it. Maybe it's more than just that initial attraction. She'd caught herself, more than once, wondering if she had any reason to call him. If maybe she had something else to give him in terms of protection against her unfortunate brothers. She rarely did, but that didn't stop her from making things up, just to have a reason.
17. Red ~ Never Be The Same
How could she face him again? The Anna he knew was gone, never to return no matter what she did. No matter how long she screamed to the skies, hoping beyond hope that her Father would take pity, let her hide away the memories of everything she was and had ever been. She didn't want to be Anael again. Only Anna Milton had known him; a Fallen Angel had no business trying to fit into that spot.
18. Rufus Wainwright ~ Hallelujah
It was during the day, when Purgatory was closed and Soul was off till the evening hours, that Gabriel let her wander near the grand piano. He never had a problem with her finding solace in playing, as long as they never veered too Soulful or Baby Jesus. She couldn't bring herself to play them anyway; not after she'd heard the news of her parents. Rich Milton had taught her to play when she'd still been small, but she'd never found any reason to love it until now. The reminder of her parents, who no matter if she stayed in the Port or returned home to Ohio, wouldn't be there any longer.
19. Doctor Who OST ~ Satan's Pit (Track 28)
She runs as soon as her Grace is fully a part of her again, runs to the depths of the Ocean, the deepest levels between the long drowned mountains beneath the sea. It's there that she takes the moment to breathe, figuratively speaking. To stretch her wings she hadn't felt upon her back in decades. She could feel everything again, the turn of the Earth, the crash of waves on the shores of the Bermuda Triangle, the winds whipping against the Eiffel Tower, the fires in the belly of Mount St. Helen. Every whispered prayer to the Angels, every hushed verse of reverence to God himself. It was glorious and magnificent, empowering, enriching, perfect. She hated it.
20. Anjulie ~ Boom
He's talking. Or at least, he might be; Anna isn't listening. Not on purpose, but she's finding it difficult to pay attention when he does talk, too busy studying the way his lips move, the way he gestures with his hands and flexes his arms or laughs or smiles. Maybe she should pay attention again, but she's almost positive she wouldn't hear him over the pound of her heart, anyway.
21. Christina Aguilera ~ Show Me How You Burlesque
Daddy would be so appalled to see her, up on the table with the two other girls; Mia and Jessie. Her mother would faint to see her dressed in such a skimpy outfit, dressed to the nines in heels and stockings, midriff baired and bra exposed. She's positive she'll be ashamed at herself in the morning, too. But it doesn't matter now, with the rush of alcohol in her system, the raucous shouts of the bar hoppers. All those years of gymnastics certainly made you the star of the evening when you could bend over backwards and steal a kiss from the nearest person. Someone with blue eyes and scruffy blonde hair, ears just a little too pink to be on the head of a sober man.
She misses home, there's no denying it. Every night she finds herself staring up at the sky, reminiscing in long forgotten times of peace and family. Before word of the End ever came. Before Lucifer's War, before everything. When it was just them, praising and loving and happy. Sometimes she watches the stars slide away from the oncoming sunlight, that very same light chasing away her memories, reminding her to run.
2. A Fine Frenzy ~ Near To You
She'd grown up like most young girls did, experienced butterflies, love, heartache and break. It had hurt so horribly, that first time. The first time he'd left her in the empty second floor hallway, the sour taste of breakup thick on her tongue. It had hurt just as much the next time, had felt just as amazing with the next boy a year later, had left her soaring so unimaginably high. Anna could remember the fall just as clearly as she could the first time, all those years ago. It never got easier.
3. Green Day ~ Holiday
She stood at the edge, eyes cast down to the sparkling planet below. Her pulse would have been racing, if she'd had one. But she would have one, could have one. Just one step, one reach inside herself, one pull and tear, one Fall. Haniel never looked back, never took in the last look of pearl gates and golden pillars. She didn't need it.
4. Nickelback ~ Next Contestant
The bar is nothing like any of the ones she might have visited a year ago. It's louder and quieter, rowdier, dirtier, livlier. No one's there to pretend they're someone they're not, no girls in too-short skirts, no boys with their hands in places their mother would be ashamed of. It's no place Anna Milton would have stopped into. Anna loved it.
5. One Republic ~ Good Life
September 17th, 2008. Anna visits her parents, content to spend the evening watching old movies, sharing popcorn and laughs with them until her mother turns in for the night. Her dad stays up, and they talk for hours, hushing each others laughs for fear of turning Amy's wrath upon them for being up so late. It's been ages since she'd last had a visit like this; with no school exams hovering over her head, no stress of finding a job or boyfriend troubles. It was the last time she'd ever be able to have moments like this.
6. Nickelback ~ This Is How You Remind Me
Anna had looked for Dean first. Searched high and low, visited Bobby's, Pamela's, tried some of the old motels along the highway for three days. He was nowhere to be found; anywhere. She'd never had so much trouble finding a single human before. So she visited his dreams, flitting into a raunchy number; and there he was. Same as before.
7. Lenka ~ Trouble is a Friend
She should have known, really. Should have seen it coming, when she ended with a hand on her shoulder, wheeling her out to the street, a solid "get lost" falling out right after her. She didn't regret it, per se. But she should have known. Griffin was never, ever, a good influence, and yet her grin had never been wider.
8. Pink ~ Long Way To Happy
The same night she remembers, remembers who and what she was, she finds herself outside, eyes to the sky, heart heavy against her chest. Everything was over. No more hiding in childish naievity. There's no winning this situation, not really. No turning back to what she was, no more happy days of ignorance.
9. The Glitch Mob ~ Fortune Days
No one visits the Throne Room anymore. Not even Michael, Raphael. Gabriel hasn't been seen in days, and she can guess why, where he's gone. Where he's run to. Many of her brothers and sisters don't understand. Why had Michael retreated? Why had Raphael turned so cold? Where had Gabriel gone? Anna doesn't know, but she has a thought that the answer revolves around Lucifer. Uriel had turned to her with questions washing over his wings, looking to her for an answer, an order. Something to guide him in the post-war calm. But how could she know? She was just as lost as the rest of them.
10. Blink 182 ~ I Miss You
It's funny how a simple blip in your memory can be so obvious, and so hauntingly normal. Siren's Port had never happened. Or had it? She couldn't find it again, no matter how far and wide she searched. Realities shifted, forwards in time, backwards, sideways, longways, upside down. It was nowhere. He was nowhere.
11. Regina Spektor ~ Us
Christ has been dead for seven hundred years now, and still the Christian faith is strong in places. Other religions have always existed, ever since the early days. They still send praises to God and the rest of the Angels, pray for protection, love, wealth, fame, health, all of it. They raise statues in what they think the Angels look like, portraits, images, books, stories, fairy tales. They name their children after them; Gabriel, Mikael, Rafiel, Hannah. Years pass, the world grows weary, grows strong, weary, rinse, lather repeat. Eventually the names are laughed at, the glory days long gone. No one ever guessed it would have been like this.
12. Regina Spektor ~ Hero
She meets a man a few weeks after leaving Gabriel. He's in the wrong place at the wrong time, unfairly shot in the stomach for passing by a liquor store robbery. A single look sends the Reaper on their way, and Anna takes to her knees next to the gasping man. He looks at her in confusion, anguish and fear. It only takes a touch of her hand to heal the wound and return the blood to his veins, untouched and bullet-less. He guesses what she is on the first try and she smiles. "Some of us still care." She leaves him there.
13. Red ~ Nothing and Everything
She should have known Castiel would lead them away. Would steal their trust without so much as a question of 'why'. He'd thrown her trust back in her face, and sometimes she wondered if he'd ever do the same to them. There's no one else to turn to anymore. She's gone too far this time, and her family knows it. There are no second chances for an Angel.
14. JSRF - Hideki Naganuma ~ Fly Like A Butterfly
Maybe it's a lingering sentiment from when she'd been human, but the adrenaline rush still comes when she does something reckless. Steps off the top of the Empire State building, spreads her wings in the middle of a storm, closes them and feels the drop towards the Pacific Ocean. The human eye could never hope to keep up with the speed that she flies, but for Anna, it's the same as it's always been. Exhilarating.
15. Evanescence ~ Hello
Angels don't have emotions. Or at least, they shouldn't, lest they fear the wrath of their superiors. It was a weakness, a gateway to sin, to doubt, to disobedience. But even an Angel feels pain, when one of their own turns their back. When Lucifer had lashed out, brought War to Heaven's gates and been cast out by Michael's hand... Everyone had shared that pain. The loss of a brother. Anna wonders if anyone felt the same when she tore out her grace twenty six years ago. If any of her brothers or sisters had turned their head to cast a mourning look at her empty post. Or if they had all been statues for so long, that they'd forgotten what loss felt like.
16. Glee Cast ~ Can't Fight This Feeling
It's not until she catches herself for the third time that day, thoughts wandering away from the book in hand, that she realizes it. Maybe it's more than just that initial attraction. She'd caught herself, more than once, wondering if she had any reason to call him. If maybe she had something else to give him in terms of protection against her unfortunate brothers. She rarely did, but that didn't stop her from making things up, just to have a reason.
17. Red ~ Never Be The Same
How could she face him again? The Anna he knew was gone, never to return no matter what she did. No matter how long she screamed to the skies, hoping beyond hope that her Father would take pity, let her hide away the memories of everything she was and had ever been. She didn't want to be Anael again. Only Anna Milton had known him; a Fallen Angel had no business trying to fit into that spot.
18. Rufus Wainwright ~ Hallelujah
It was during the day, when Purgatory was closed and Soul was off till the evening hours, that Gabriel let her wander near the grand piano. He never had a problem with her finding solace in playing, as long as they never veered too Soulful or Baby Jesus. She couldn't bring herself to play them anyway; not after she'd heard the news of her parents. Rich Milton had taught her to play when she'd still been small, but she'd never found any reason to love it until now. The reminder of her parents, who no matter if she stayed in the Port or returned home to Ohio, wouldn't be there any longer.
19. Doctor Who OST ~ Satan's Pit (Track 28)
She runs as soon as her Grace is fully a part of her again, runs to the depths of the Ocean, the deepest levels between the long drowned mountains beneath the sea. It's there that she takes the moment to breathe, figuratively speaking. To stretch her wings she hadn't felt upon her back in decades. She could feel everything again, the turn of the Earth, the crash of waves on the shores of the Bermuda Triangle, the winds whipping against the Eiffel Tower, the fires in the belly of Mount St. Helen. Every whispered prayer to the Angels, every hushed verse of reverence to God himself. It was glorious and magnificent, empowering, enriching, perfect. She hated it.
20. Anjulie ~ Boom
He's talking. Or at least, he might be; Anna isn't listening. Not on purpose, but she's finding it difficult to pay attention when he does talk, too busy studying the way his lips move, the way he gestures with his hands and flexes his arms or laughs or smiles. Maybe she should pay attention again, but she's almost positive she wouldn't hear him over the pound of her heart, anyway.
21. Christina Aguilera ~ Show Me How You Burlesque
Daddy would be so appalled to see her, up on the table with the two other girls; Mia and Jessie. Her mother would faint to see her dressed in such a skimpy outfit, dressed to the nines in heels and stockings, midriff baired and bra exposed. She's positive she'll be ashamed at herself in the morning, too. But it doesn't matter now, with the rush of alcohol in her system, the raucous shouts of the bar hoppers. All those years of gymnastics certainly made you the star of the evening when you could bend over backwards and steal a kiss from the nearest person. Someone with blue eyes and scruffy blonde hair, ears just a little too pink to be on the head of a sober man.