honestly
i did this late at night and well it explains itself dont bother to click if u dont care or have time to read
okay I dont even know why I am typing this. I never actuall planned on showing this to anyone but somewhere thru the it I decided I don't care anymore. It's really long tho so most wont read it. its just truths about me that I never really shared. And to be honest I dont expect anyone to care about it enough to even read it.
I love people and I think that they're over all good at heart, some just have a hard time putting it to action.I trust those I love. But I am constantly afraid of losing them in some way. I dont know what I want from day to day. I want to be there for all my friends and help them whenever they need me. I know exactly what they need to hear even if they dont want to hear it. But when its comes to myself I have no clue. I am always wondering what other people think about me and wish that I could read minds. But at the same time I'm not going to be someone I'm not. I am constantly insecure about how my friends feel about me.Because I have had fake people pretend to care about me and hurt me in the end. But I know that it gets most people mad when I wonder that stuff and that I am being irrational so I try to hide it. In truth every once in while I'd love it if my friends would just randomly call me and say that they do care always will and not to worry so damn much.
I am religious. and and some things in the bible confuse me alot. I know God exists and I trust him completely. I'm not ashamed to admit I have gone to lutheran private schools for the entire duration of my education. and I plan on attenting a catholic college. I feel bad for not being a good christian especially since I know I'm not and dont make as much of an effort as I could to fix it. I don't pray as much as I used to but now that I realize it I'll try to fix it. Although I know the bible says we should worship with fellow christians I cant seem to make my thoughts and actions in church feel as genuine as the nights when I sit in my bed read some of my favorite passages and realize how lucky I am to have this kind of secuirty through my faith. and to have teh knowledge that i can turn to God and know that he will always do whats best for me. I can't stand my religion class because all the teacher does is talk about paul who quite frankly I dont care to learn about. I am much more interested in the theological and moral aspects of the bible and christianity. My favorite books of the bible are and most likely always will be proverbs, romans, psalms, and revelations. I am terrified of confrontation so find it hard to be a good missionary but have succesfully managed to share the word and help someone find church in there area while remaining hundreds of miles away. One of my favorite passages is psalm 3:33 "Let love and faithfullness never leave you, bind them round your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."
I love my family. My mom and I dont get along she is not and never really has been very stable and I dont feel that I can rely on her for much. But I know that she loves me with all her heart even if she cant show it in a healthy way. My brother and I didnt get along growing up he'd rather of done his own thing and leave me out of it. But I love him and would do anything for him. As we got older we have grown closer and now I go to madison and visit him where he lives with his girlfriend. I have always looked up to him and admired him even if hes not always right I am still able to learn from him. Kellie his girlfriend is one of the sweetest most genuine people I have ever met and I think she is the best thing that ever happened to him. My dad and I were not close when I was really young but around age 9 we started to get really close and I was a total daddy's girl. around 14 we grew apart and things got shaky. I realized hes not perfect but he will always be the one person who loves me and will be there no matter what even if I think hes not. Things were bad with us last year but have only gotten better. I couldnt be happier that he found melanie. I love her and her family as if they were my own. I admire her so much for all her strength she has been through so much at such a young age. I admire the way her family is like a safety net for eachother and the fact that her mom and her talk all the time. I love her two kids becca and devon as if they were my own brother and sister and when I am cuddling with one or even both I feel like life is complete. I want them to remain innocent as long as possible and have never yelled at them in the three or four years I have known them. I believe that family is truly a gift of God and should be held as close and tightly as possible no matter how disfunctional.My father instilled a strong moral system in me and I believe that my brother and him have had the biggest part in my moral developement and my beliefs system.
I don't have a boyfriend and to be honest I never have. Its not that I havnt had opportunities its just that its not a big deal to me and I am picky. When I do decide to have a boyfriend I will know that he is the right one at the time. I dont know if I'll be a virgin when I am married but I do believe with my whole heart in waiting for the right person and for the right time which may mean marriage. I can be a huge flirt cant help it, but only when I am actually attracted to a guy. My body is only mine and no guy is ever going to change that. If some guys violate me or someone I care about by hurting them in any physical or sexual way he WILL be sorry. I dont need other people to protect me from a guy. If I dont like a guy I'm not going to lead him on for fun while knowing he genuinely has feelings for me. When the right guy comes along I'll know it. Sometimes I'm afraid people will think I'm immature or weird in someway for not having a boyfriend. But the way I see it I have the guts to go against the grain and wait around instead of doing it cuz everyone else is. I'd rather not say this but in the spirit of being honest I will: I have only kissed one guy and it was just goofing around playing a game. It was akward and didnt mean anything. He doesn't even know he was my first kiss but probably will now... gahh! This all may suprise some people. But most likely it wont be a suprise at all. I love the country and I think that the perect date would be just driving to the middle of no where on a perfect starry night in a huge pick up and sitting by a fire with lots of blankets.
I love to read the classics and watch classic movies. I enjoy the fact that they arent all about materialistic or selfish things, and manage to convey real meaning and thought without being vile or crude. I sing and dance around the house when I am alone and often think outloud when no ones around. I love debating importnat issues or questions in a mature enviroment and wish that more teens had an interest in things other than music, movies, fashion,and dating. I can be totally insecure about my body to the point of being ridiculous no matter what my friends say. But I'm making an effort to change what I dont like about myself physically and mentally. and the things that I cant change I try to embrace. I love quotes and think that the wisdom of generations passed should alwaus be cherished. I fully believe that I have what is called an old soul but also am blessed with being young at heart. I cant stand liberals or atleast the stereo typical liberal. I believe that it takes everyone making an effort to change things for society to work. to use the phrase of a friends parent I want to give A HAND UP NOT A HAND OUT. If we send inner city kids to suburban schools so that they can have a better life we waste money that could be going to helping the community and family. The broken homes and communties are what hurt the kids and make them the way they are, if we can fix that then everything will improve in turn. If we can help the community and family instill a proper moral system in them as children we wont need to worry about them not striving for education and wanting to be productive members of society where as now we are just taking thousands of dollars and throwing it to good schools for taking in a small percentage of a larger probelm and leaving the rest in the dust. I thope that I am always able to accept others just as they are and not want to change them. I want to embrace other cultures and life styles. and I also know that I can be a total hypocrite. But so can everyone.I can also be inclined to be selfish or lazy. I have had depression and am terrified to sink that low ever again and I have cut myself in the past but it was a long time ago i didnt do it much and is something that I now feel is a dumb decision and have promised never to again. My favorite sound is the wind in the trees on a cool summer night. I love to stare at the stars and I love the feeling of a long drive home after a good night with my family and the munchkins snuggling close to me in the backseat as I stare out the window.
My first goal in life is to have a family and assure my kids a good childhood. Anyone who doesnt love their kids and help them be healthy emotionaly mentally and physically doesnt deserve them. I want to be an interior designer and art is a huge part of my life. I could survive with out painting and drawing, but also love to study immpressionist mainly degas and vangogh. I truly enjoy the art museum.I am going to go to matc to take my basic courses and transfer to mount mary college for a major in interior design. I dont now if I'll ever be famous bt alot of people have told me with my art I will be. I dont believe them but its the thought that counts. In todays society there isnt much room for famous artist. You have to die first. lol. I love the flapper womens suffrage era. but also love the elizabethan era mainly because of mary queen of scots and queen elizabeth I. I am totally stark raving mad about my heritage and the fact that my dad immigrated from scotland. I love the rich culture surrounding the country. and cant wait to go back there for the 2nd time.
There is so much more that I could say and well it just feels good to be honest right now. I don't mind if people have a problem with something I said and I think that anyone should voice their opinion if they are capable of foing it in a mature way with out being crude, rude, or neadrathalic.
okay I dont even know why I am typing this. I never actuall planned on showing this to anyone but somewhere thru the it I decided I don't care anymore. It's really long tho so most wont read it. its just truths about me that I never really shared. And to be honest I dont expect anyone to care about it enough to even read it.
I love people and I think that they're over all good at heart, some just have a hard time putting it to action.I trust those I love. But I am constantly afraid of losing them in some way. I dont know what I want from day to day. I want to be there for all my friends and help them whenever they need me. I know exactly what they need to hear even if they dont want to hear it. But when its comes to myself I have no clue. I am always wondering what other people think about me and wish that I could read minds. But at the same time I'm not going to be someone I'm not. I am constantly insecure about how my friends feel about me.Because I have had fake people pretend to care about me and hurt me in the end. But I know that it gets most people mad when I wonder that stuff and that I am being irrational so I try to hide it. In truth every once in while I'd love it if my friends would just randomly call me and say that they do care always will and not to worry so damn much.
I am religious. and and some things in the bible confuse me alot. I know God exists and I trust him completely. I'm not ashamed to admit I have gone to lutheran private schools for the entire duration of my education. and I plan on attenting a catholic college. I feel bad for not being a good christian especially since I know I'm not and dont make as much of an effort as I could to fix it. I don't pray as much as I used to but now that I realize it I'll try to fix it. Although I know the bible says we should worship with fellow christians I cant seem to make my thoughts and actions in church feel as genuine as the nights when I sit in my bed read some of my favorite passages and realize how lucky I am to have this kind of secuirty through my faith. and to have teh knowledge that i can turn to God and know that he will always do whats best for me. I can't stand my religion class because all the teacher does is talk about paul who quite frankly I dont care to learn about. I am much more interested in the theological and moral aspects of the bible and christianity. My favorite books of the bible are and most likely always will be proverbs, romans, psalms, and revelations. I am terrified of confrontation so find it hard to be a good missionary but have succesfully managed to share the word and help someone find church in there area while remaining hundreds of miles away. One of my favorite passages is psalm 3:33 "Let love and faithfullness never leave you, bind them round your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."
I love my family. My mom and I dont get along she is not and never really has been very stable and I dont feel that I can rely on her for much. But I know that she loves me with all her heart even if she cant show it in a healthy way. My brother and I didnt get along growing up he'd rather of done his own thing and leave me out of it. But I love him and would do anything for him. As we got older we have grown closer and now I go to madison and visit him where he lives with his girlfriend. I have always looked up to him and admired him even if hes not always right I am still able to learn from him. Kellie his girlfriend is one of the sweetest most genuine people I have ever met and I think she is the best thing that ever happened to him. My dad and I were not close when I was really young but around age 9 we started to get really close and I was a total daddy's girl. around 14 we grew apart and things got shaky. I realized hes not perfect but he will always be the one person who loves me and will be there no matter what even if I think hes not. Things were bad with us last year but have only gotten better. I couldnt be happier that he found melanie. I love her and her family as if they were my own. I admire her so much for all her strength she has been through so much at such a young age. I admire the way her family is like a safety net for eachother and the fact that her mom and her talk all the time. I love her two kids becca and devon as if they were my own brother and sister and when I am cuddling with one or even both I feel like life is complete. I want them to remain innocent as long as possible and have never yelled at them in the three or four years I have known them. I believe that family is truly a gift of God and should be held as close and tightly as possible no matter how disfunctional.My father instilled a strong moral system in me and I believe that my brother and him have had the biggest part in my moral developement and my beliefs system.
I don't have a boyfriend and to be honest I never have. Its not that I havnt had opportunities its just that its not a big deal to me and I am picky. When I do decide to have a boyfriend I will know that he is the right one at the time. I dont know if I'll be a virgin when I am married but I do believe with my whole heart in waiting for the right person and for the right time which may mean marriage. I can be a huge flirt cant help it, but only when I am actually attracted to a guy. My body is only mine and no guy is ever going to change that. If some guys violate me or someone I care about by hurting them in any physical or sexual way he WILL be sorry. I dont need other people to protect me from a guy. If I dont like a guy I'm not going to lead him on for fun while knowing he genuinely has feelings for me. When the right guy comes along I'll know it. Sometimes I'm afraid people will think I'm immature or weird in someway for not having a boyfriend. But the way I see it I have the guts to go against the grain and wait around instead of doing it cuz everyone else is. I'd rather not say this but in the spirit of being honest I will: I have only kissed one guy and it was just goofing around playing a game. It was akward and didnt mean anything. He doesn't even know he was my first kiss but probably will now... gahh! This all may suprise some people. But most likely it wont be a suprise at all. I love the country and I think that the perect date would be just driving to the middle of no where on a perfect starry night in a huge pick up and sitting by a fire with lots of blankets.
I love to read the classics and watch classic movies. I enjoy the fact that they arent all about materialistic or selfish things, and manage to convey real meaning and thought without being vile or crude. I sing and dance around the house when I am alone and often think outloud when no ones around. I love debating importnat issues or questions in a mature enviroment and wish that more teens had an interest in things other than music, movies, fashion,and dating. I can be totally insecure about my body to the point of being ridiculous no matter what my friends say. But I'm making an effort to change what I dont like about myself physically and mentally. and the things that I cant change I try to embrace. I love quotes and think that the wisdom of generations passed should alwaus be cherished. I fully believe that I have what is called an old soul but also am blessed with being young at heart. I cant stand liberals or atleast the stereo typical liberal. I believe that it takes everyone making an effort to change things for society to work. to use the phrase of a friends parent I want to give A HAND UP NOT A HAND OUT. If we send inner city kids to suburban schools so that they can have a better life we waste money that could be going to helping the community and family. The broken homes and communties are what hurt the kids and make them the way they are, if we can fix that then everything will improve in turn. If we can help the community and family instill a proper moral system in them as children we wont need to worry about them not striving for education and wanting to be productive members of society where as now we are just taking thousands of dollars and throwing it to good schools for taking in a small percentage of a larger probelm and leaving the rest in the dust. I thope that I am always able to accept others just as they are and not want to change them. I want to embrace other cultures and life styles. and I also know that I can be a total hypocrite. But so can everyone.I can also be inclined to be selfish or lazy. I have had depression and am terrified to sink that low ever again and I have cut myself in the past but it was a long time ago i didnt do it much and is something that I now feel is a dumb decision and have promised never to again. My favorite sound is the wind in the trees on a cool summer night. I love to stare at the stars and I love the feeling of a long drive home after a good night with my family and the munchkins snuggling close to me in the backseat as I stare out the window.
My first goal in life is to have a family and assure my kids a good childhood. Anyone who doesnt love their kids and help them be healthy emotionaly mentally and physically doesnt deserve them. I want to be an interior designer and art is a huge part of my life. I could survive with out painting and drawing, but also love to study immpressionist mainly degas and vangogh. I truly enjoy the art museum.I am going to go to matc to take my basic courses and transfer to mount mary college for a major in interior design. I dont now if I'll ever be famous bt alot of people have told me with my art I will be. I dont believe them but its the thought that counts. In todays society there isnt much room for famous artist. You have to die first. lol. I love the flapper womens suffrage era. but also love the elizabethan era mainly because of mary queen of scots and queen elizabeth I. I am totally stark raving mad about my heritage and the fact that my dad immigrated from scotland. I love the rich culture surrounding the country. and cant wait to go back there for the 2nd time.
There is so much more that I could say and well it just feels good to be honest right now. I don't mind if people have a problem with something I said and I think that anyone should voice their opinion if they are capable of foing it in a mature way with out being crude, rude, or neadrathalic.