It's time for a change
Title: It's time for a change
Pairing: Jongdae/Yixing
Rating: PG
Length: 1,455 words
Warnings: self beta-ed
Summary: Maybe Jongdae is just used to everything.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
Notes: written for the xingdae fic fest, the prompt: What is love?
Maybe it’s the simple push of his feelings, the simple motion of his life, Jongdae wonders how someone can make you feel things, deep inside his chest, by doing absolutely nothing.
Breathing is a requirement to be alive, it does not count, Jongdae can’t blame the oxygen, he can’t blame anybody, but himself.
Blaming someone else is always easier, running away is easier, leaving is easier.
But he wonders - he really does - why does he feel a pang on his chest? There’s nothing wrong with him, his healthy or with Yixing.
He knows Yixing does his best for him, but deep inside Jongdae is too much of an observant person and he thinks that he does so much more than Yixing. It feels like he is the one holding the strings of their relationship together.
But what if Yixing’s concept of love is different from his? But what if his concepts of love are too high? But what if Yixing doesn’t love him as he says so?Jongdae’s mind is filled with buts and endless unanswered questions.
Miscommunication is probably the worst thing that could ever happen, yet, with Yixing out the whole day due to his work and Jongdae having to be awake until late at night because of a few projects he has to finish is what leads them to this. This, something that Jongdae can’t even point a finger to and clearly say what it is.
Yixing is a lawyer and he spends most of his time inside his office and Jongdae works at home, he’s an architect and, even though he does the plannings to build buildings and houses, he can’t seem to grasp what he’s doing wrong with the building and steadiness of their relationship.
But the even more troubling part is that Jongdae still can’t point out what’s wrong. He always goes to bed with a even more hazy mind, filled with exasperation and agony, thinking about nothing and everything.
(What if I’m not good enough for him?
What if he decides that I’m trying too hard?)
All of them end with the same question: what if he leaves me?
Their daily routine is usually the same, Yixing wakes up first and has breakfast alone because last night Jongdae had to stay up until late at night to finish something that has a deadline nearing - sometimes Jongdae has to admit that he gets more than he can handle, but that’s what he does for a living, he can’t just lean on Yixing for everything -, he takes a shower quickly and picks one suit for the day out of his dozen other ones, when Jongdae wakes up, Yixing is not home anymore and all he can do is drag himself to the bathroom to wash his face, do the daily tasks inside the house and go out to buy art supplies or pass by the architecture office to see if they need him - they usually call, but Jongdae just wants to make sure nothing’s missing or anything -, Kyungsoo would dismiss him as soon as he sets foot inside the place and Baekhyun, the secretary, would just glance at his phone and ignore him, Jongdae is already used.
On his way back home, he passes by the grocery store to buy what he needs to get dinner done (and his lunch, he always has it alone too). He’s not really into all this domestic shit, but he knows that Yixing comes home dead tired because of all the crap he has to endure and deal with at his workplace, be it from clients or from co-workers, Jongdae knows he’s at advantage for staying at home, so he assumes that that’s the least he can do for him, besides, he’s already used.
Today is just another one of those days, Jongdae is halfway done with the groceries and ready to run back to his house, he doesn’t like to go out that much after all, he walks as fast as he can while holding the bags and hoping he won’t get tired too soon, when he’s in front of his door, he struggles to get the key out of the pocket of his jeans, but he manages after a few seconds, twisting it and pushing through the door, going straight to the kitchen and finally settling for making his lunch, something basic, he’s extra tired today and he doesn’t know why.
When he’s done and the dishes are already drying, he walks up to the room he uses as office, the sooner he starts working, the sooner he’ll be finishing it, hopefully.
When Jongdae has papers and all the plans scattered in front of him, he loses track of time, before starting, he glances outside the window and the sun is shining through it, the next time he does it, it’s dark and he didn’t even notice that night has fallen when he has to turn the lights on, it’s disconcerting in some way, but when he focuses on something he forgets about everything else.
He hears the front door closing and he jumps from his seat and runs out of the office and downstairs, Yixing is easing the knot of his necktie and putting his coat on the hanger when he reaches the living room, Jongdae smiles at him and Yixing smiles back, one tired smile.
“You should go shower,” Jongdae says before giving Yixing a quick kiss and taking the leather briefcase from his hold.” “Dinner will be ready when you get back downstairs.”
Yixing nods and, without saying anything, he does what Jongdae suggested and Jongdae is left alone, he goes to the kitchen like he planned earlier, same for the meal, he thought about it earlier and it won’t take long for him to make pasta for the both of them.
He hears footsteps and it’s obviously Yixing, he’s glad he calculated the time well because he’s setting the table with the plates when Yixing takes a seat and smiles at him.
It’s at times like these, when they’re together, just the two of them, that Jongdae forgets all of those worries he has every single day, they come to haunt him when he’s the only awake soul in the house.
“How was your day?” Yixing asks and brings the fork to his lips, trying to eat the pasta without getting his lips all red, Jongdae laughs at the face he makes when his attempts fail.
“Normal,” Jongdae replies and sighs, the sigh goes unnoticed by Yixing - or not, but if he notices, he doesn’t say anything about it. “The usual.”
Yixing hums and Jongdae doesn’t ask him about his day, he knows that it’s stressing and bringing it up to Yixing won’t be exactly what he would call pleasing.
Dinner ends faster than Jongdae wished it would, but there’s nothing he can do about it, he can’t control the time and as soon as they’re done, Yixing kisses his temple and runs a hand through his hair, whispering him goodnight because he’s tired from all the work he had today and please, don’t stay up until too late which Jongdae replies with a I’ll try and that’s enough to get Yixing smiling at him again.
Yixing is probably asleep when Jongdae finishes washing the dishes, looking at the clock and reading that it’s already past eleven, he sighs, time to work some more before going to bed.
Jongdae does his job quickly, he really does, mainly because of all these years working with the same thing, tomorrow he has a meeting with one of their customers past lunch time and he needs to finish this one project because they’re going to talk about it, there are only a few details missing, Jongdae looks at the clock next to him, almost one in the morning.
He decides to go to bed early today - not really early, but early compared to the majority of the days -, he can finish it tomorrow in the morning. On his way, Jongdae can’t stop thinking that maybe, Yixing is not the problem, maybe Yixing loves him more than he can show and Jongdae is just not able to see it, he’s possibly blind with all the questions that cloud his mind, if he takes note of every detail of their daily life, he should be able to notice some little things that Yixing does, shouldn’t he? He really should, maybe he should try, because what if he’s the one lacking?
Jongdae has a new goal, he needs to stop being used to everything, to what he thinks it’s true, it’s time to get moving and change what’s going to happen if he stays like this.
Pairing: Jongdae/Yixing
Rating: PG
Length: 1,455 words
Warnings: self beta-ed
Summary: Maybe Jongdae is just used to everything.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
Notes: written for the xingdae fic fest, the prompt: What is love?
Maybe it’s the simple push of his feelings, the simple motion of his life, Jongdae wonders how someone can make you feel things, deep inside his chest, by doing absolutely nothing.
Breathing is a requirement to be alive, it does not count, Jongdae can’t blame the oxygen, he can’t blame anybody, but himself.
Blaming someone else is always easier, running away is easier, leaving is easier.
But he wonders - he really does - why does he feel a pang on his chest? There’s nothing wrong with him, his healthy or with Yixing.
He knows Yixing does his best for him, but deep inside Jongdae is too much of an observant person and he thinks that he does so much more than Yixing. It feels like he is the one holding the strings of their relationship together.
But what if Yixing’s concept of love is different from his? But what if his concepts of love are too high? But what if Yixing doesn’t love him as he says so?Jongdae’s mind is filled with buts and endless unanswered questions.
Miscommunication is probably the worst thing that could ever happen, yet, with Yixing out the whole day due to his work and Jongdae having to be awake until late at night because of a few projects he has to finish is what leads them to this. This, something that Jongdae can’t even point a finger to and clearly say what it is.
Yixing is a lawyer and he spends most of his time inside his office and Jongdae works at home, he’s an architect and, even though he does the plannings to build buildings and houses, he can’t seem to grasp what he’s doing wrong with the building and steadiness of their relationship.
But the even more troubling part is that Jongdae still can’t point out what’s wrong. He always goes to bed with a even more hazy mind, filled with exasperation and agony, thinking about nothing and everything.
(What if I’m not good enough for him?
What if he decides that I’m trying too hard?)
All of them end with the same question: what if he leaves me?
Their daily routine is usually the same, Yixing wakes up first and has breakfast alone because last night Jongdae had to stay up until late at night to finish something that has a deadline nearing - sometimes Jongdae has to admit that he gets more than he can handle, but that’s what he does for a living, he can’t just lean on Yixing for everything -, he takes a shower quickly and picks one suit for the day out of his dozen other ones, when Jongdae wakes up, Yixing is not home anymore and all he can do is drag himself to the bathroom to wash his face, do the daily tasks inside the house and go out to buy art supplies or pass by the architecture office to see if they need him - they usually call, but Jongdae just wants to make sure nothing’s missing or anything -, Kyungsoo would dismiss him as soon as he sets foot inside the place and Baekhyun, the secretary, would just glance at his phone and ignore him, Jongdae is already used.
On his way back home, he passes by the grocery store to buy what he needs to get dinner done (and his lunch, he always has it alone too). He’s not really into all this domestic shit, but he knows that Yixing comes home dead tired because of all the crap he has to endure and deal with at his workplace, be it from clients or from co-workers, Jongdae knows he’s at advantage for staying at home, so he assumes that that’s the least he can do for him, besides, he’s already used.
Today is just another one of those days, Jongdae is halfway done with the groceries and ready to run back to his house, he doesn’t like to go out that much after all, he walks as fast as he can while holding the bags and hoping he won’t get tired too soon, when he’s in front of his door, he struggles to get the key out of the pocket of his jeans, but he manages after a few seconds, twisting it and pushing through the door, going straight to the kitchen and finally settling for making his lunch, something basic, he’s extra tired today and he doesn’t know why.
When he’s done and the dishes are already drying, he walks up to the room he uses as office, the sooner he starts working, the sooner he’ll be finishing it, hopefully.
When Jongdae has papers and all the plans scattered in front of him, he loses track of time, before starting, he glances outside the window and the sun is shining through it, the next time he does it, it’s dark and he didn’t even notice that night has fallen when he has to turn the lights on, it’s disconcerting in some way, but when he focuses on something he forgets about everything else.
He hears the front door closing and he jumps from his seat and runs out of the office and downstairs, Yixing is easing the knot of his necktie and putting his coat on the hanger when he reaches the living room, Jongdae smiles at him and Yixing smiles back, one tired smile.
“You should go shower,” Jongdae says before giving Yixing a quick kiss and taking the leather briefcase from his hold.” “Dinner will be ready when you get back downstairs.”
Yixing nods and, without saying anything, he does what Jongdae suggested and Jongdae is left alone, he goes to the kitchen like he planned earlier, same for the meal, he thought about it earlier and it won’t take long for him to make pasta for the both of them.
He hears footsteps and it’s obviously Yixing, he’s glad he calculated the time well because he’s setting the table with the plates when Yixing takes a seat and smiles at him.
It’s at times like these, when they’re together, just the two of them, that Jongdae forgets all of those worries he has every single day, they come to haunt him when he’s the only awake soul in the house.
“How was your day?” Yixing asks and brings the fork to his lips, trying to eat the pasta without getting his lips all red, Jongdae laughs at the face he makes when his attempts fail.
“Normal,” Jongdae replies and sighs, the sigh goes unnoticed by Yixing - or not, but if he notices, he doesn’t say anything about it. “The usual.”
Yixing hums and Jongdae doesn’t ask him about his day, he knows that it’s stressing and bringing it up to Yixing won’t be exactly what he would call pleasing.
Dinner ends faster than Jongdae wished it would, but there’s nothing he can do about it, he can’t control the time and as soon as they’re done, Yixing kisses his temple and runs a hand through his hair, whispering him goodnight because he’s tired from all the work he had today and please, don’t stay up until too late which Jongdae replies with a I’ll try and that’s enough to get Yixing smiling at him again.
Yixing is probably asleep when Jongdae finishes washing the dishes, looking at the clock and reading that it’s already past eleven, he sighs, time to work some more before going to bed.
Jongdae does his job quickly, he really does, mainly because of all these years working with the same thing, tomorrow he has a meeting with one of their customers past lunch time and he needs to finish this one project because they’re going to talk about it, there are only a few details missing, Jongdae looks at the clock next to him, almost one in the morning.
He decides to go to bed early today - not really early, but early compared to the majority of the days -, he can finish it tomorrow in the morning. On his way, Jongdae can’t stop thinking that maybe, Yixing is not the problem, maybe Yixing loves him more than he can show and Jongdae is just not able to see it, he’s possibly blind with all the questions that cloud his mind, if he takes note of every detail of their daily life, he should be able to notice some little things that Yixing does, shouldn’t he? He really should, maybe he should try, because what if he’s the one lacking?
Jongdae has a new goal, he needs to stop being used to everything, to what he thinks it’s true, it’s time to get moving and change what’s going to happen if he stays like this.