Ashes of Another Life (Sam/Dean, NC-17) Prologue
Sam felt numb as he dropped into an empty seat on the Greyhound. This was supposed to be his chance to start over, to do something other than hunt. This was his chance to do something normal for the first time in his life. He was going to college, a full-ride to Stanford. He should be happy. He should be, but he wasn't.
He'd always known there was more to life than the next hunt. Sam had never wanted to follow in his father's footsteps. He wasn't cut out for a life on the move, searching out the things that went bump in the night. He didn't want to spend his entire life on a quest fueled by revenge. Revenge for the death of a mother he never remembered.
Sam dreamed of normal like most children dreamed of freedom. His dream for normal may have just cost him everything. He had wanted this for so long. Now that it was within reach, when he was just about to have a taste of the life he so desperately wanted, it felt like the world was crumbling beneath his feet.
He had no family left to turn to. No father, no brother, just the empty space in his life where they used to be.
He was all alone.
After everything he had already faced in his short life, he was surprised at how much the loneliness terrified him. He could feel his eyes burn with unshed tears and rubbed the back of his hand across his face, willing them away. It would do no good to break down now. The damage was done. He'd made his choice.
"Is this seat taken?"
Sam glanced up and found an elderly woman watching him with a concerned look. He noticed several empty seats around them and was tempted to point them out, to suggest that she would be more comfortable sitting somewhere else. But something made him stop. He shook his head and scooted over, giving her more room.
It was a tight fit and Sam was already uncomfortable, his long legs shoved awkwardly into the tiny space. He just sighed and rested his head against the cool glass. The bus's engine rumbled to life and Sam watched as a few people in the station waved their goodbyes, wishing their loved ones off. Sam glanced around the depot, hoping to spot just a glimpse of a familiar black car. Deep down, he knew it wouldn't be there but he had hoped-
Well, it didn't matter what he had hoped, did it?
The first few hours of the trip went by quickly. Sam ended up falling asleep almost immediately, the stress of the past few weeks finally catching up to him. The vibrations the bus made as the wheels traced a path across the pavement were familiar, lulling him into a dreamless sleep.
Sam woke with a start when the bus's engine turned off, the loss of the deep rumble leaving behind an empty silence. He felt a warm hand on his arm and turned to stare through sleep-heavy eyes at the lady next to him. She patted his sweatshirt and Sam felt oddly comforted by her attention. "Just stopping for gas, dear. The driver says we have 15 minutes and I'm sure you could probably use the chance to stretch those legs of yours."
Sam mumbled his thanks and followed the woman off the bus. He watched her head off towards the restrooms before taking in his surroundings.
The bus had stopped at a small gas station just off the interstate. Sam had no idea where they were but it didn't really matter. All these places were exactly the same. He and Dean used to race each other down the aisles of the tiny shops while their father filled the tank. Dean would drag Sam around the store, loading up his arms with junk food. Those were the happier times and Sam did his best to push the memories out of his mind.
Thoughts of Dean filled him with pain, the tears once again threatening to fall. His brother hadn't even said goodbye, just stormed out while Sam and John screamed at each other. Dean didn't come home again after that and Sam wasn't sure if he'd ever see his big brother again. Dean's angry silence was worse than anything he could have said. Sam swallowed around the lump in his throat and pushed the memories away, determined to move on.
He was all alone. Now he just had to get used to it.
The store was small but well-stocked. Sam's mouth watered as he passed the hot dogs and sausages, slowly spinning on the grill. He pulled out his wallet and flipped through the cash stored inside. He had been working odd jobs for the past year keeping his money tucked away, secret from his family. He had quite a bit saved up but Sam knew he had to watch his expenses. He still had to buy books and new supplies and he didn't know how long it would take him to find a job. Sam sighed, ignoring the ache in his stomach, and put his wallet away.
He'd gone hungry before when times were tough. He could do it again. With one last look at the greasy food, Sam made his way back to the bus.
As the short break drew to a close, the other travelers began to stagger back on board. Sam's seatmate slowly climbed up the stairs, a white bag in her hand. She smiled at Sam as she took her seat.
The bag made a crinkling noise as the woman dug through it, pulling out her purchases one by one. Sam tried to block the scent of sausage as she produced two sandwiches, but it was too late. His stomach gave a low growl. Embarrassed, he turned to look out the window.
"Oh dear."
Sam glanced at the elderly woman, his eyebrows knit together in concern. "Are you ok?"
She laughed. "I'm fine, but it seems like my eyes were bigger than my stomach. This is simply too much."
Sam gave her a small smile before looking out the window once more.
"Well, I just hate letting good food go to waste." She grabbed Sam's hand and placed one of the sandwiches in it.
Sam stared at her and held the sandwich out, attempting to give it back. "I couldn't."
His stomach chose that moment to betray him again and Sam blushed. The woman gently pushed his hand away. "Nonsense. I insist. Growing boy like you, I'm sure you'll have no problem eating that."
Sam wanted to argue but something told him he wasn't going to get far with her. And he was really hungry. Arguing seemed fairly pointless. "Thank you."
She smiled, obviously pleased with his response. "You're welcome."
They sat in silence while they ate, Sam extremely grateful for her kindness. He tried to eat slow, wanting to savor this meal, not knowing when he'd be able to afford another one.
The lady finished her own sandwich and tossed the empty wrapper in the bag and held it out for Sam to do the same. She smiled as he settled back into his seat, stomach full and body weary. "So, young man, what should I call you?"
Sam hesitated for a moment, recalling his father's warnings about giving people information that could be used against him. He shook his head slightly, reminding himself that he was done with that life. "I'm Sam."
"Well, Sam, I'm Mae." She laughed, her eyes lighting up at some private joke. "But everyone just calls me Grandma Mae."
Sam grinned, her good humor contagious. "It's nice to meet you, ma'am."
"Such manners," she pat Sam's cheek and he immediately blushed. "So, Sam, where are you headed?"
Sam had a story prepared to answer that very question, but when he opened his mouth, the truth popped out. "To Stanford. It's my freshman year."
"My my." She leaned closer and winked at him. "That is quite an accomplishment."
Sam gave her a shy smile. Here was a complete stranger giving him the praise he had wanted so desperately from his father. He ducked his head low. "Thank you."
"Your family must be so proud of you." She paused, tilting her head to the side. "Why aren't they here with you?"
Sam paled, the sudden onslaught of painful memories knocking the breath out of him.
If you walk out that door, don't even think about coming back. You leave now, you leave for good.
Sam suddenly felt as if he were suffocating, an invisible fist wrapped tightly around his throat. "I don't have a family anymore," he finally choked out. He could feel the tears forming but he held his head high, even though his heart was breaking.
He was all alone.
"Oh honey."
Before Sam knew what was happening, Mae pulled his head to her chest. She smelled like apple pie and baby powder and Sam latched on to the affection she offered. She rubbed his back, whispering words of sympathy and comfort, and Sam's walls crumbled. He sobbed into her shoulder, no longer able to hold back the tears that had been threatening to fall since he walked through that motel door and out of his family's life.
"It's ok, child, let it go." Mae hugged Sam tighter, murmuring soft words into his hair. "Don't you worry."
When he felt he couldn't cry no more, Sam pulled back and wiped his face with the sleeve of his shirt. Mae took his face in both of her wrinkled hands and looked into his watery eyes. "Don't you worry," she repeated with a smile. "You're much too young to be alone in this world. You can be my family now."
Sam sniffled and settled into his seat. He shifted uncomfortably, his leg muscles tense from the cramped quarters. He closed his eyes for a moment, letting Mae's comforting presence calm him. He smiled to himself, knowing now that everything was going to work out. He was going to be ok.
Mae reached into her purse and pulled out a chocolate bar. She handed it to Sam who simply beamed at her in response, dimples showing.
"Reeses? That's my favorite."
"I know." Mae smiled and ruffled his hair. "Now how about we go get you set up at school so you can start this great adventure of yours?"
Sam ducked his head, blushing. He glanced over at her with a look of tender affection. "Thanks, ma'a...Grandma Mae."
She waved her hand. "Anything for you." She pat his knee as he shifted again. "My darling, Sammy."
Part 1