Fic: Just So You Know (Beautiful Soul) (2/3)

[lostt1]

Part One

Jensen sighed and stared down at the open notebook laid out on the desk. He could almost hear the melody in his mind, but it kept getting lost beneath the sounds of Jared moving around in the other room. He'd been trying to finish this song for hours, weeks even, but it was impossible when Jared was right there. It was too weird.

He hummed the first few bars, his eyes tracing the words that stretched across the page.

*This should be so easy / But my head gets in the way / All the things that I want to tell you*

Jensen snorted. Easy? Yeah, right. He tossed his pen down and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. The words were there, the melody was there, he just couldn't make them work together to form something that made sense.

A tentative knock at the door pulled Jensen from his thoughts.

"Come in."

The door opened and Jared popped his head inside. "Hey, I'm going to run to the grocery store to get a few things. You want anything?"

Jensen bit his lip and looked at the pages spread across his desk. Maybe he could get something written if Jared was out of the apartment. He certainly wasn't getting anything done with him there.

He glanced at Jared and then back at the scribbled notes, coming to a decision.

"You know what, give me a minute and I'll just go with you."

Jared nodded and backed out into the hallway as Jensen turned his attention back to his notebook with a heavy sigh.

The song could wait. He still had time.

******

"Hey, can you hand me those ears of corn?"

Jensen reached over and grabbed the plate and passed it to Jared before going back to working on the steaks. He hummed under his breath as he worked, the two of them moving around each other in the kitchen with ease.

Jensen watched as Jared shucked an ear of corn and buttered it up, long fingers wrapped around it, stroking it in an almost pornographic way. Jensen shifted his weight, suddenly uncomfortable, and tore his eyes away. "So...how did your meeting at the agency go?"

He glanced over in time to see Jared blush bright red. "It went ok, I suppose."

Jensen rolled his eyes. Sometimes getting Jared to talk was like pulling teeth. "Well, tell me about it."

Jared sighed. "Not much to tell. I got there early and had to wait around for awhile." Jared shrugged. "Met this guy, Chad. He seemed pretty cool."

Jensen nodded and waited patiently for Jared to continue.

"I went in and Mr. Morgan took some pictures and that's pretty much it." Jared shifted, his eyes boring holes into the counter. "He had me take off my shirt, which was pretty uncomfortable. But I think it went alright."

"Did JD sign you?" Jensen finished preparing the steaks and turned to Jared, leaning his hip against the counter.

"Yeah," Jared replied, keeping his eyes averted. "I have an appointment with a photographer on Wednesday so I can get some headshots and photos to start my portfolio. JD said he'd probably have something for me sometime next week if everything turns out ok. Seems fast, if you ask me."

"I wouldn't worry about it. JD's good and people respect him. He probably has certain clients that trust his judgment. He knows his stuff. If he says you've got it, then you've got it." Jensen reached for a paper towel, wiping it across the surface of the counter. "You know you don't need to work, right?"

Jared gave him a small smile. "Yeah, so you've said." He rolled his eyes. "But I want to."

"It's up to you," Jensen shrugged. "Just saying you don't have to."

They went back to work, silently preparing their meal. After a few minutes, Jared leaned over, bumping his shoulder against Jensen's. "You don't have any big plans tonight?"

Jensen shook his head. "Nah, not really. I was just going to spend a quiet evening at home, maybe get some work done."

"But it's Friday night," Jared frowned down at the corn as he slathered each ear with butter. "Thought you'd be heading out to a club or something. Isn't Chris still around?"

"Yeah, he is. I just don't feel like going out tonight," Jensen shrugged. "How about you? I thought you'd be out with Katie. You two have been practically attached at the hip the past couple of weeks."

Jared blushed and stared down at the countertop. "Actually, she's out with her boyfriend."

"Her boyfriend?" Jensen's eyebrows shot up. He hadn't seen that one coming.

"Yeah, her boyfriend." Jared bumped Jensen out of the way with his hip and turned on the water, washing his greasy hands. "Why's that so strange?"

"It's not," Jensen rushed. "It's just...I thought..I mean, you two-"

Jared turned to him, an amused tilt to his lips. "You thought we what?"

Jensen shrugged, struggling helplessly to find the words. "I thought maybe you two were...you know."

Jared flushed and rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. "No, that's not...we're not-" he sighed and released a shaky breath. "God, I thought you knew."

"Knew what?"

Jared held his hands out in a helpless gesture and slumped back against the counter. He closed his eyes and tilted his head down toward the ground. "Jensen, I'm gay."

Of all the things he'd been expecting Jared to say, that wasn't one of them. "Come again?"

Jared huffed a laugh but there was no amusement in the sound. He looked up at Jensen, fear and uncertainty swimming in his eyes. "I'm gay. I thought...I thought you knew."

Jensen frowned, hating the way Jared's voice shook with every word. "How would I know?"

Jared shrugged, his hands finding the hem of his shirt again. "Jeff tells you everything, so I just assumed-"

"So Jeff knows?" Jensen couldn't help but feel like he'd been blindsided with this new information. And his best friend had known all along, but he'd never said anything.

"Of course, he's my brother." Jared's voice was quiet, subdued. "Does this change things between us?"

Jensen stared at Jared with wide eyes, startled by the question. He suddenly realized that Jared was coming out to him, something he'd had practice with in the past. He knew just how difficult it could be and didn't want to make it any harder on Jared than it already was.

"What? No, Jay. It doesn't change anything." Jensen reached out and knocked the underside of Jared's chin with curled fingers, forcing Jared to lift his head. "God, it doesn't change anything between us. You're still the same guy I've always known. Nothing could ever change that."

Jared shifted his weight and glanced around the room, refusing to meet Jensen's gaze.

Jensen took a deep breath, steeling himself. "Besides, it would be hypocritical of me to treat you any differently seeing as how I'm gay, too."

Jared's eyes snapped to Jensen's and his mouth dropped open slightly. "You're...wait, what?"

Jensen gave him a small smile. "For as long as I can remember."

"Does Jeff know?" Jared asked, mouth tilting down in a frown.

"Of course, he's my best friend."

Jared laughed weakly as Jensen repeated his words back to him. "Wow. Ok, so now that that's out in the open-"

Jensen felt the tension seep out of his shoulders as he released a deep breath. He hadn't been expecting any serious revelations tonight but that's exactly what happened. The conversation had been surprising, but very revealing.

There was a sudden flare of hope deep in his chest when he thought about Jared's admission. It was one thing to crush on the straight guy. But if Jared were gay-

Jensen took a deep breath and shook his head, reminding himself that Jared was still Jeff's little brother. His orientation would never change that.

"We good?" Jensen held his breath, anxiously waiting for Jared's answer.

Jared gave him a shaky smile and nodded. "Yeah, we're good."

"Good." Jensen grabbed the plate of steaks. "I'm just going to put these on the grill. You coming?"

Jared shook his head. "Not just yet. I'll be out soon." He turned his back to Jensen, facing the counter. Jensen could see how Jared's hands shook as he reached for the plate of corn. "I just need-"

"It's ok, Jay," Jensen said, keeping his voice soft. "Take all the time you need. You know where I'll be."

Jensen turned and was nearly to the living room when he heard Jared's quiet voice behind him, words so soft he almost missed them.

"Thanks, Jen."

******

"So how come you never told me Jared was gay?"

"Hello to you, too, Jensen. What was that? My day? It's been pretty good. How about yours?"

Jensen rolled his eyes, wishing Jeff were actually close enough to hit. "Hi Jeff. How're you? Why didn't you tell me your brother is gay?"

"So the kid finally told you, huh?"

"It sort of came out while we were fixing dinner earlier." Jensen poked his head out into the hallway, listening for the shower. He breathed a sigh of relief at the sound of running water. This wasn't a conversation he wanted Jared to overhear. He felt guilty enough for having it in the first place. "So why didn't you tell me."

"Wasn't my secret to tell, man."

Jensen rubbed a hand over his face. "Yeah, I know you're right. It's just...it could've gone better, I suppose."

Jeff sighed. "So tell me what happened."

Jensen groaned. "I was just asking him about his friend Katie and told him I thought they were dating. And he thought I knew already so it was just awkward."

Jeff laughed. "You two are so completely oblivious sometimes." He paused. "So Katie..."

"Yeah, Katie." Jensen huffed out an annoyed breath. He was still struggling with the new information about Jared and didn't really know where Katie fit in anymore. "I'm still a bit surprised Jared managed to make friends with a hot girl like that."

"Why's that?"

Jensen heard the defensive tone in his best friend's voice and groaned. "Not that she shouldn't want to be his friend, because she should. Jared's awesome and gor.." He trailed off, realizing he was talking to Jeff, Jared's brother and not one of his other friends. "Anyway, she should definitely want to be his friend. I'm just surprised because he's so damn shy-"

Jeff snorted. "Jensen, Jared may be a lot of things, but shy isn't one of them."

Jensen frowned. "Yes he is."

"No he isn't," Jeff argued. "I should know. He's my brother."

"Well, I think you must be blind." Jensen thought back at all the times Jared stood in front of him, fingers twisting in his shirt or hand rubbing at the back of his neck, awkward and unsure. "Trust me, he's shy."

Jeff sighed. "Look man, I'm not going to argue with you about this. Jared used to be shy but after you left, he grew out of it. He was a pretty popular kid in high school."

"But he's," Jensen stopped and breathed deep. He knew arguing with Jeff about Jared was pointless. Even if he knew he was right. "Never mind."

"Well, I'm glad he finally told you. I don't think he's told anyone but me and I was...I don't know, I was worried about him."

"Worried?" Jensen frowned. "Why?"

Jeff sighed. "You know how Jared is when he has a secret. Keeping things to himself just eats him up inside. The kid's too sensitive, if you ask me."

"Yeah, well, maybe things can change. He's starting fresh here. And this isn't Texas." Jensen exhaled. "I should know."

"Yeah, yeah," Jeff muttered, but Jensen could hear the underlying worry. "Look, man, I've gotta go. But tell my brother he better call me soon. He's been avoiding me."

"He's just been busy," Jensen immediately jumped to Jared's defense.

"I'm sure he has," Jeff mumbled before brightening. "Anyway, take care of yourself man. And watch out for that brother of mine. No girls, no strange dudes-"

"-No booze, no nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got that the first hundred times you told me.."

"And Jen?"

"Yeah."

"I'm glad you're there for him. If I can't be there, you're the next best thing."

Jensen stared at the phone in shock, the dial tone sounding in his ear. He and Jeff had been best friends their whole lives, but they just didn't do sappy or soft. He set the phone back down in its cradle.

The water turned off and silence filled the air. Jensen rubbed a hand over his face as he thought about the night and the things it had revealed. He suddenly felt a fierce burst of protectiveness towards Jared. Being gay was hard but being gay on your own was harder. He was determined to be there for Jared, give him whatever he needed.

And if that sudden burst of hope was reignited, who was he to push it away? Maybe things would find a way to work out after all.

******

"Jensen? It's Lauren. Just wanted to check in with you to see where you were with the McCartney song. I know you said you needed some more time, but it's been two weeks and I haven't heard from you. Give me a call."

Jensen flipped his phone shut as he entered the apartment. He closed his eyes and dropped back against the closed door, wishing he could start the day over. He'd had a headache all morning and it was only getting worse, his stress levels rocketing to new heights.

You're the one I wanna chase / You're the one I wanna hold / I won't let another minute go to waste / I want you and your beautiful soul

Jensen's eyes popped open and he followed the sound of the music. It was a song he'd never, ever wanted to hear in his apartment. Especially since it meant-

Jared was reading a book while lying flat on his stomach, his long limbs stretched across the floor. He didn't look up as Jensen entered the room, just turned the page while tapping his fingers against the spine, keeping time with the beat.

Jensen coughed to announce his arrival. "Not exactly the music I pictured you listening to," he said, tilting his head toward the stereo when Jared looked up.

Jared blushed and turned his focus back to his book. Jensen tried not to focus on how adorable it was when Jared got all embarassed. "It's not bad, actually. Kind of catchy."

Jensen dropped onto the couch, trying not to stare. It's not every day that he comes home to find one of his songs pouring through the speakers.

Jared slammed the book shut and rolled over onto his back. He grinned over at Jensen. "I know, this is not usually my style. But Katie wanted me to listen to it."

"Why?" Jensen couldn't help but wonder. Why that song?

Jared shrugged. "The guy who sings this?" Jared waited and Jensen nodded for him to continue. "Guess it's her ex or something. She wanted me to listen to it and try to figure out what he was trying to say."

"And?" Jensen tried not to panic. The fact that Jared's new best friend once dated one of his clients was just a crazy coincidence. He took a deep breath and reminded himself that his secret was still safe.

"And...I don't know." Jared paused and Jensen simply waited. He could see the wheels turning in Jared's mind as the song came to an end and then immediately started up again. Jensen gave him a look and Jared just shrugged, a sheepish grin on his lips. "On the surface, it's pretty simple. He wants her, that much is obvious. But it's something more. He doesn't like her because she's pretty. Looks are superficial. It's what is underneath that counts. He's just telling her that she's more than her looks, that he wants her because she's beautiful inside and out. Or something like that."

Jensen couldn't stop the small smile from gracing his lips. That's exactly what he'd been thinking when he wrote the song. It had started as a joke. He'd never expected the song to actually go anywhere. But once he'd started to write it, everything just flowed together perfectly.

He could still remember that day clearly, even though several years had passed. It had been raining outside and Jensen was feeling a bit homesick. He'd called Jeff but Jared had answered instead. They'd talked on the phone for hours, talked about anything and everything that had come to mind. Jared was in the middle of explaining his argument for an upcoming debate meet on animal rights when Jensen had come to a startling realization.

Jensen had been in love with Jared for years. It was always there, a feeling deep inside that he usually managed to push aside, to forget about when Jared wasn't right there in front of him. He had been hesitant to put a name to the emotions that he had been feeling, but at that moment, separated by the many miles between them, Jensen had never felt more sure about it. He'd fallen hard for this boy, this young kid, who had one of the most beautiful souls in the entire world.

Age didn't mean anything. The four years between them only meant that Jensen was forced to grow up and move on first, years before Jared would even have the chance. When Jensen had left, Jared was adorably awkward, still learning to control his long, gangly limbs. He was a long way away from the guy lying on the floor in front of him. But looks hadn't meant a thing. Jensen had dated gorgeous guys before. And often, he'd been left miserable and unimpressed by them. Every time he had a bad date, he'd go home and think about Jared, wondering what this boy back home in Texas had that all these other guys didn't.

The answer was simple. Jared had soul. He loved with his whole heart and gave everything he had to his friends. It was what was on the inside that counted the most.

Was the song a masterpiece, a work of art that would stand the test of time? Probably not. But it said exactly what Jensen had wanted to say.

"Sounds like a good answer to me," Jensen said, sprawling out across the cushions. He closed his eyes, enjoying the comfortable silence between them, his song the only sound in the room. "So Katie dated Jesse McCartney?"

Jared snorted. "And you were giving me crap for listening to pop music? You knew the guy's name."

Jensen grabbed a pillow from below his hip and tossed it at Jared's head, smiling as Jared grunted upon impact. "Shut it. I'm a music teacher. We're supposed to know these things."

"Thought you were supposed to be all about the classical music," Jared muttered but Jensen could see the smile tugging at his lips. "Not exactly the same genre, is it?"

"It's high school. Never hurts to be well-versed." Jensen glanced at the clock over the mantle and groaned. He rolled back up into a sitting position. "Hey, you doing anything tonight?"

Jared stretched out, movements lazy like a cat, and Jensen resisted the urge to stare as a thin strip of skin was exposed above the waistband of his jeans. He scrunched his nose, thinking it over. "I was going to go over to Chad's but he got stuck at work."

Jensen blinked at the mention of Chad. Jared had been spending a lot of time with the guy since working for the modeling agency and Jensen once again felt the familiar surge of jealousy. He took a deep breath. "So no plans, then?"

Jared cocked his head to the side. "No. No plans."

"Good, keep it that way." Jensen grinned at Jared's amused expression.

"We doing something?"

"Yup."

"You planning on telling me what?" Jared stared up at him, eyebrows raised.

"Nope."

Jensen laughed as Jared pouted. "Just be ready to go by nine. I'm going to go get some work done before we leave."

"You're really not going to tell me?"

Jensen shook his head. "Nope. Wear what you want. Casual is the only code."

"Fine," Jared muttered, rolling back onto his stomach and flipping his book open. He glanced at Jensen over his shoulder. "Shouldn't you be off doing some work before this super-secret outing you've got planned."

Jensen kicked his foot out, making contact with Jared's thick thigh.

"Ouch, asshole." Jared reached down and rubbed his leg, glaring back up at Jensen.

"Stop being a whiny little bitch," Jensen rolled his eyes. "I barely tapped you."

Jared didn't respond, just gave him a pointed stare before looking over at the hallway. Jensen shook his head in mock annoyance. "Fine, fine. I'll go. Just be ready."

He could hear Jared muttering under his breath as he made his way down the hall to his bedroom. Tonight would be fun.

He just needed to get some writing done first.

******

The blank page lay flat on the desk, mocking Jensen with its emptiness. Jensen leaned forward, burying his face in his hands.

He'd been trying to write for the past hour and had absolutely nothing to show for it.

Zero. Zilch. Nada.

Not one word, not one note. The song he had previously been working on lay to the side, discarded due to a lack of inspiration. Jensen was suffering from a severe case of writer's block and it was slowly killing him. He needed to be creative to feel alive. Music was his outlet, his journal to the world.

Being unable to write meant keeping everything locked up inside. And right now, that's exactly what he didn't want. He needed a release from the emotions that were threatening to drag him under.

He tossed his pen down, the realization that he wasn't going to get anything done that night heavy on his mind. He had deadlines to make and he was falling far, far behind.

Maybe all he needed was a relaxing night out with friends. Hopefully, the night could bring him a little inspiration.

******

Jared glanced at the poster on the outside of the building as he and Jensen pushed their way through the doors and into the crowded bar.

"Life of Riley? Is that-?"

Jensen tossed a grin over his shoulder. "Riley's band? Yeah, it is." He shrugged. "Thought you might like to see the guys in action."

"Cool."

Jensen tilted his head toward the bar. "I'm going to get a beer. You want one?"

Jared frowned. "Jen, I'm not-"

Jensen shook his head. "I'm buying." At Jared's pointed stare, he just smirked. "Look, if I buy, no one is going to think twice about it. You're a giant. What's a few more months?"

Jared rolled his eyes. "Fine, but if I get kicked out, you're coming with me."

"Dude, you're not going to get kicked out. Have some faith, man." Jensen nodded over towards the corner before turning to the bar. "I see Chris over there. Why don't you go on over and I'll get our drinks."

Jared gave a short nod and headed towards the stage. Their friends were scattered around two tables that had been shoved together, the surface already littered with empty bottles.

Jensen nodded to the bartender and leaned against the bar while he settled in to wait. He watched Chris pull Jared in with a slap to the back just before leaning up and whispering something in his ear. Jared threw his head back, his laughter filling the room, making Jensen smile. He was glad his friends had taken Jared under their wings. It made things easier, knowing that all of his favorite people got along.

By the time Jensen started pushing his way through the crowd, two beers in each hand, Jared was sprawled in a chair, one arm draped along the back of Danneel's, his fingers brushing her shoulder as he whispered something into her ear, making her laugh. Jensen set two bottles down in front of him and Jared looked up at him, eyebrow cocked in a silent question.

"Figured we need to get caught up here," he explained, motioning at the empty bottles.

"Hell yes, you do," Chris moved up beside him, slinging an arm around Jensen's shoulders. "Bout time you and the kid made it here, Hooker."

Jared just stared up at the two of them and shook his head. He took a sip of his beer, looking them over. "Ok, so I get why you sometimes call him Jenny. But you're gonna have to explain the 'Hooker' thing."

Chris just laughed as Jensen dug his elbow into his friend's side. He gritted his teeth in a painful smile and shook his head at Jared. "No. Chris is going to just shut his mouth. No explaining that one."

"All in good time," Chris said in a mock whisper, smirking in Jensen's direction before taking a long pull from his beer.

Jensen shrugged out from under Chris's arm and slumped down in the seat next to Jared. Chris leaned forward, closer to the stage.

"Hey! You ladies about done putting on your stage makeup back there yet? Because we came here for a show."

"Shut up, Kane," came the muffled reply and Chris turned back to their table, a smug smile firmly in place.

Jared leaned closer. "He drunk?"

"No," Jensen shook his head. "He's just Chris."

Jared laughed and settled back in his chair, legs falling open, his knee pressed up against Jensen's. Jensen breathed deep, tried not to focus on that one point of contact even though every nerve was firing on all cylinders. Ever since that kitchen confession, Jensen found himself intensely aware of Jared. His very presence was slowly driving him mad.

The arrival of Riley and his band on stage was a welcome distraction. Within minutes, they were all set up and began to play.

Jensen could feel the bass vibrating through the floorboards as he closed his eyes, losing himself in the music. His toe tapped out the steady beat as he let the music wash over him, Riley's familiar voice filling his head.

Nothing else mattered. Nothing but the music.

Jensen opened his eyes during the first song break and found Riley staring back at him, a strange gleam in his eyes.

"I just want to thank everyone for coming out and supporting us tonight. Performing is what we love to do and it wouldn't be possible without all of you." Riley smiled as the room erupted in a smattering of applause and wolf whistles, courtesy of Chris and Mike.

"Tonight, we have a special treat for all of you."

Jensen caught Chris watching him and suddenly got a very bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Riley leaned closer to the mic. "I have had the pleasure of writing music with one of the most talented songwriters out there and he just happens to be here tonight."

Jensen stared up at Riley with wide eyes. He wouldn't-

"So why don't we bring him up here to join us for a song." Riley grinned down at Jensen, eyes dancing with amusement. "Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. TJ Ross."

Jensen closed his eyes and sighed. Apparently, he would.

"Jen, do you know-"

Jensen ignored Jared as he stood up and moved toward the stage, mouthing threats of death and mutilation at his one-time friend. He could hear the audience's applause as he climbed the stairs but he couldn't focus on anything beyond the trip-hammer of his heart.

As he got closer, Riley leaned in to whisper in his ear. "I told you Jared would find out." He shrugged at Jensen's heated glare. "I just helped you along."

Jensen accepted the stool and guitar from one of the stagehands with a shaky smile. It wasn't his fault Jensen's friend was a sneaky, conniving asshole. He settled onto the stool and hooked the toe of his boot into the lowest rung. He fiddled with the guitar, strumming the chords, before nodding at Riley and waiting for the count.

Jensen focused on the opening notes and started to play. He looked out over the crowd, careful to avoid the tables filled with his friends. He could feel Jared's eyes on him as he began to sing, his voice blending perfectly with Riley's.

*And I need you to know / That I'm missing you so / So I'll keep on waiting and anticipating alone / Cause I'm too blind to see what this place could be / Until you're here with me.*

As they moved out of the chorus and into the second verse, Jensen couldn't avoid Jared any longer. He bit his lip and kept playing, feeling vulnerable, exposed, and completely terrified.

His eyes met Jared's and Jared smiled wide, dimples flashing in the shadows and Jensen couldn't help but smile in return. And as they moved into the chorus for the second time, Jensen sang directly to Jared.

The song was about him, anyway.

******

The ride home was quiet, no sounds beyond the ringing in his ears.

Jensen turned to look at Jared in the passenger seat, unsure of how to start. "So..."

Jared turned to him, expression unreadable. "So you're a songwriter?"

"Yeah," Jensen replied on an exhale, wishing he could read Jared the way he used to when they were younger, before the kid grew up and became a mystery.

"Apparently a popular one, if everything the guys said while you were onstage is true."

Jensen stared at the road in front of him, focusing on his driving. "I do alright."

"What else have you written?" Jared asked, tone questioning.

Jensen shrugged. "I mostly work with pop artists. They only know me under my pseudonym, TJ Ross." He glanced over at Jared. "That's where the whole 'Hooker' thing came from, by the way."

Jared looked at him, a frown on his face. "I don't get it."

"Hooker, TJ. Show from the 80's?" Jensen rolled his eyes as Jared gave him a blank stare. "Chris has a thing for young Heather Locklear."

Jared shrugged. "If you say so."

Jensen just shook his head. "Anyway...like I said, I mostly work with pop artists. That song you were listening to earlier, the one by Katie's ex?" Jensen waited until he saw Jared's nod out of the corner of his eye. "Well, I actually wrote that one. And you got the meaning of it exactly right."

Minus a few details, such as who the song was about.

"You wrote that song." Jared's voice was flat, toneless.

Jensen sighed as he pulled into the lot. "Yeah, I did." He swung his truck into his spot and turned the key, listening to the click of the engine in the still air. "Jay?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jensen cringed at the hurt in his voice. "All those times you were going to work on something in your room? Were you writing music?"

"Not all of the time." Jensen closed his eyes for a moment as Jared snorted. "Ok, most of the time. But I haven't been able to write anything in weeks."

Jared exhaled slowly. "I guess...I don't know. I guess I just want to know why you didn't tell me. Why'd you think that was something you had to hide?"

"It's hard to explain," Jensen admitted. "I mean, it's pop music."

"Pop music can tell a story, too, Jensen." Jared's voice was quiet. "I just wish you'd said something earlier. It's...well, it sucks that you felt you needed to hide that from me. For what it's worth, though, I think it's really cool."

Jensen's head snapped in Jared's direction, eyes wide. "You do?"

Jared gave him a small grin. "Yeah. I mean, I can honestly say one of my best friends has written songs that everyone's heard played on the radio. That's pretty awesome."

Jensen grinned. "It is kind of cool."

Jared sighed. "You should be proud of yourself, man. I'm proud of you. And I know Jeff will be proud of you, too. Once you tell him about it."

"What makes you think Jeff doesn't already know?" Jared gave him a pointed stare and Jensen rolled his eyes. "Ok, so maybe I didn't tell him yet. Can't we just let this slide?"

Jared shook his head. "No way, man. If I let something slip somewhere down the line, you and I will both be in major shit. And as much as I love you, man, he's my brother."

"Yeah, yeah," Jensen grumbled as he rested his forehead on the steering wheel, knowing Jared was right. He needed to fess up with Jeff. The only reason he hadn't told him yet was because he was scared. He was scared that Jeff would see right through him to find the truth. It was a risk he hadn't wanted to take.

"Hey, it'll be fine." Jared reached over and squeezed the back of Jensen's neck. "Now come on. Let's go up and you can show me everything you've been working on."

Jensen rolled his head to the side. "Everything, huh?"

"Every last bit and piece," Jared replied, smile wide. "I want to know everything, every last secret you've been hiding."

Jensen sighed as he climbed out of the car.

That's what scared him the most.

******

"Shit. Ouch."

Jensen lifted his head off the sofa just in time to see Jared struggle down the hallway, his arms loaded down with a couple bags of dirty laundry. "You alright there, Squirt?"

Jared dropped his arms to his sides and blew the hair out of his face with an annoyed huff. "Squirt? Seriously? You and Jeff really need to retire that nickname."

Jensen rolled his eyes. "Fine. Are you alright there, Sasquatch?"

"And that is so much better." Jared glared back at him but Jensen could see a slight quiver to his lips from his place on the couch. Jared just shook his head. "I'm just going to head down the street, do some laundry."

Jensen groaned. "Oh man, I totally forgot to call the repairman, didn't I?" The washer had broken sometime last week and Jensen had been meaning to get it fixed. But he'd forgotten, the constant pressure of looming deadlines taking precedence over everything else.

Jared shrugged. "That's ok, you've been pretty busy." He tilted his head towards the front door. "Anyway, I'm just gonna-"

"Hey, wait," Jensen held up a hand as he pushed himself up off the couch. "I'll go with you. Give me a minute and I'll get my laundry."

"Quality time at the Spin Cycle?" Jared grinned as Jensen ducked into his room.

"Why not?" Jensen pulled out his laundry basket and tossed in the few items scattered around his room. "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages, man. Where've you been?"

"You know, the usual. School, work," Jared paused. "JD's been sending me on a lot of shoots lately. Which is good, because the money is definitely nice. But it's keeping me pretty busy. Been spending a lot of time with Chad, too."

The jealous flare in the pit of Jensen's stomach was sudden, but not completely unexpected. He took a deep breath before joining Jared in the hall. He knocked his shoulder into Jared's. "Oh yeah? What do you guys do together?"

"Mostly we just hang out at his place. He has this killer game system setup." Jared grabbed his keys from the counter and opened the door. "You know, you should really hang out with us sometime. You'd probably-"

Jensen watched as Jared pulled the door shut behind them and locked it, a small frown on his face. "I'd probably what?"

Jared made a face and shook his head. "Actually, you'd probably hate Chad. He's like Chris, only...not."

Jensen snorted. "Yeah, that clears that right up."

Jared sighed. "Whatever. I can't explain Chad. He's just...Chad. I like the guy but I don't think you guys would mesh."

"Well, maybe we'll just surprise you." Jensen doubted it, but he wasn't about to tell Jared that. He kicked his foot out and into Jared's laundry bag. The bag swung towards the wall, the momentum dragging Jared with it.

"Jackass," Jared muttered, trying to glare but his lips were twitching upwards.

Jensen just laughed and started down the stairs, heading for the ground floor. "Come on, man. Talk to me. How's work been going? Any pretty models you feel like hooking me up with?"

Jared made a face. "Not so much, no." He glanced over at Jensen, lips pursed in thought. "So Jensen, since you mentioned work, that reminds me. I've been meaning to ask you-"

******

"Jared, are you sure it's ok for me to be here?" Jensen hissed into the boy's ear, eyes darting around, looking at the various pieces of equipment that littered the room.

"Of course it is," Jared shrugged. "Why wouldn't it be?"

Jensen just stared at Jared through narrowed eyes. Jared sighed. "Look, I checked with JD and he said it was fine as long as you stay out of the way. And I've worked with this photographer a couple of times before. I can call JD again if you'd like."

Jensen frowned, his gaze never wavering, trying to determine if Jared was telling the truth. Jared stared back at him, eyes wide, expression sheepish. Jensen exhaled and shook his head. "No, that's ok. I trust you." He moved closer to Jared as they walked across the warehouse, stepping over cords and weaving around several people doing their jobs. "So why'd you want me to come again?"

Jared reached down and grabbed Jensen's hand, tangling their fingers together and tugging him towards the left where there was a row of lighted mirrors set up. "Hey Allison," he waved at a redhead nearby.

Jensen forgot his earlier question, his entire focus drawn to the hand that was latched to Jared's.

Jared gave him a small smile. "I just wanted you to see what I do?"

Something in Jared's tone set off warning bells for Jensen. He pressed his lips together and watched Jared, waiting him out.

Jared sighed and ran his free hand through his hair. He leaned closer. "Look, I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend," he said, keeping his voice low so no one could overhear. "There's this guy, another model, and he won't take no for an answer. So I told him I had a boyfriend and...well-"

Jensen rolled his eyes. "Seeing is believing?"

Jared gave him a hesitant smile. "Yes?" He paused. "Does that mean you'll do it?"

"Yeah fine, I'll do it," Jensen grumbled, but his lips twitched as he fought back a grin. "But you really should have warned me earlier."

Jared shrugged. "And you should have told me you were a musical ghostwriter. Consider us even."

Jensen gaped at him. He was getting ready to tell Jared that they were nowhere near even when Jared suddenly pulled him towards an empty seat and his focus returned to their linked hands. Jared pushed Jensen down on the chair and pressed forward until he was standing between Jensen's spread thighs. He leaned down, supporting his weight on the arms of the chair. "Thank you," he whispered and Jensen couldn't prevent the shiver that ran through his body as Jared's breath blew warm against his ear.

"Well aren't you two just the cutest things?"

Jensen glanced over Jared's shoulder to find an older woman approaching, a wide smile on her face. Her long brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She brushed her hands on her jeans before reaching out to them.

Jared twisted to the side between Jensen's legs and gave the woman a small smile in return. "Hi Sam." He motioned to Jensen. "Jensen, this is Sam, the photographer. Sam, this is Jensen, my-"

"Well, hon, I'm assuming he's your boyfriend." She reached out, taking Jensen's hand in her firm grip. "Or at least he'd better be or you'd have some explaining to do," she added, motioning at their position.

Jared's face immediately flamed up and Sam laughed, delighted.

Jensen shook his head, amused, before deciding to save Jared from his own misery. "Yes ma'am." He drawled, laying the Texas on thick. "I just wanted to see Jared work, if that's alright with you."

Sam waved a hand through the air. "Doesn't bother me at all." She gave him a wink. "I'm sure your presence will help me get some good shots, just having a good looking guy like you around should do wonders. I'm sure Jared just loves showing off for you."

Jared dropped down so he was sitting on Jensen's leg and buried his face in Jensen's shoulder. "Oh god, make her stop."

Jensen snorted and Sam just watched them, lips turned up in amusement. "Alright, well, I'll just leave you two alone. Jared, just check in with Hillary and she'll show you what you're wearing today. Then head on over to hair and makeup."

"Yes ma'am," he nodded at Sam, polite like his mama raised him. He squeezed Jensen's hand and nudged his shoulder with his own before standing, pulling Jensen up with him. "Come on, it's right over here."

Jared led him over to a corner of the room that was set up with racks upon racks of clothing. "Hillary? You around here somewhere?"

"Just a second," a muffled voice came from one of the racks only moments before a tiny blonde pushed her way through the middle of one.

The girl took one look at Jared and a smile lit up her face. "Jared! I didn't realize you were on today's shoot."

Jared shrugged. "Yeah, last minute switch. Justin's stuck in New York or Amsterdam or somewhere that's not here. So they called me in."

"Well look at you. You're getting to be an old pro at this, aren't you?" Hillary shook her head as she walked around Jared, giving him a once over.

"Hardly," Jared snorted. "I've only been doing this for a few weeks."

Jensen laughed. "And yet everyone already seems to know and love you. Let me tell you how shocking that is."

Jared ducked his head, but not before Jensen caught the telltale flush. He sighed. "Hillary, this is-"

"Jensen, I presume," Hillary held out her hand for Jensen to take.

Jensen looked at her, eyes wide with shock. "Um, yeah. I guess this guy talks about me." He tilted his head in Jared's direction.

"You have no idea. I was starting to wonder if you were real. Hillary gave Jensen an appraising glance and whistled. "Wow, Jared, you weren't kidding, were you?" Hillary asked, laughing as Jared pulled his hand away from Jensen in order to hide his face.

"Kill me now," he muttered.

"Awww, honey," Hillary clucked, patting Jared on the shoulder. "I think it's sweet."

"Can I just get my wardrobe so I can run away now?" Jared mumbled into his hands.

Hillary pulled a pair of dark jeans and a forest green button-up from the racks. She handed them over to Jared and with a shoo of her hands, ushered him behind one of the racks to change.

Jensen turned his back to give Jared some privacy. "So you just change right here."

"Well, I've been told time and time again that there's no room for modesty in modeling, isn't that right Hillary?"

Hillary laughed. "Damn straight, it's right." She tossed Jensen a wicked grin. "Besides, we like to ogle around here."

Jared rolled his eyes as he walked over to her. She twirled her finger in the air and he turned around slowly, arms straight out at his sides, giving her time to check the fit.

"Shirts a bit tight in the shoulders but it definitely works. Thank god you and Justin are pretty much the same size." Hillary tapped a finger against her lips as she walked around Jared. She tugged on the waist of his jeans and reached for a clip. A couple quick alterations later she nodded, seemingly happy with the result. "Ok, you should be good. Chace should be around here somewhere."

"Awesome," Jared mumbled and Jensen shot him a look. Jared nodded, confirming Jensen's suspicion that Chace was the reason he was there. Mr. Won't-Hear-No.

Jensen watched, fascinated, as Jared sat through hair and makeup. He'd never seen Jared sit so still before. Jared was usually a whirlwind of energy, always bouncing a leg or waving a hand as he talked. But here, he remained steady and collected, joking with the hairstylist and makeup artist with a calm demeanor that was completely foreign to Jensen.

Kristen was just putting the final touches on Jared's makeup when a voice called out to him from across the room. "Jared, it must be my lucky day. I heard Justin couldn't make it but I didn't know you were his replacement."

Jared met Jensen's eyes in the mirror before glancing at someone over his shoulder. A guy slipped past him and flopped down on the seat next to Jared. Kristen gave Jared an apologetic pat on the chest just before she got up and left, claiming him finished.

"Chace," Jared replied, a tight smile on his face. Jensen watched as Jared subtly shifted away from the other man.

Chace didn't seem to notice Jared's discomfort. He leaned closer, resting his elbows on his knees. "So I was thinking that maybe you and I could go get something to eat after this. Maybe check out that steakhouse that opened over on Corbett."

Jared caught Jensen's eyes again and Jensen smiled, giving him a small nod to let him know he was willing to play along. "Sorry, Chace, I can't. I've got plans."

"That's a shame." Chace reached out and placed a hand high on Jared's thigh, causing Jensen to growl.

"Um, Chace," Jared reached down and pushed his hand away from his body. "I'd like you to meet Jensen." He tilted his head back, staring up at Jensen from below. "My boyfriend."

Chace pulled back, his face immediately falling into an apologetic mask. Jensen clenched his teeth at the other man's false expression. "Boyfriend?" He glanced up at Jensen, eyes wide. "Man, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"Uh huh," Jensen dryly replied, holding a hand out for Jared. When Jared tangled their fingers together once again, Jensen pulled him up. "Now, I believe you two have a photoshoot to do. And I'm kinda hoping you finish quick because I have plans for you tonight."

Jensen decided to take advantage of the situation and leaned in to nuzzle at Jared's neck, his eyes keeping a close watch on Chace in the mirror. When Chace's eyes met his, Jensen smirked, his lips tilting upwards in a silent 'fuck off, he's mine.'

"Ummmm..." Jared moaned and pressed in closer to Jensen. "Yeah, can't wait. Chace?"

Jensen grinned, taking pleasure in Jared's breathy sigh.

Chace stood up and nodded, his lower lip firmly between his teeth as he watched Jared drop his head back, exposing more of his neck to Jensen. Chace stared hard at Jensen before turning his focus to Jared, smile back in place. "Yeah, sounds good. I'll see you over there."

Jensen waited until Chace was a few feet away before he pulled back. Jared stared back at him, eyes wide and pupils dilated a fraction. He gave Jensen a shaky smile. "Thanks."

Jensen returned the smile, wishing like hell the act had been more than just a show to get rid of unwanted attention. He wanted it to be real more than anything else. But it wasn't meant to be.

He nodded his head toward the far side of the room where Sam was setting up her camera, getting ready to work. "Now go be pretty and then we can get out of here."

"Seriously, man, I-"

"I know," Jensen brushed off Jared's gratitude with a wave of his hand. "It's fine. Now go. I wasn't kidding when I said you and I had plans tonight. I'm expecting steak. Maybe the steakhouse on Corbett."

Jared laughed, eyes sparkling. "Alright. We can do that."

******

The photoshoot itself was a lesson in torture for Jensen.

Everything started off well enough. Jensen couldn't stop grinning as he watched Sam moving around Jared, Chace, and two other models as they clowned around. Arms tossed around shoulders, shades on, and smiles in place, they looked like they'd just stepped out of an episode of Entourage.

The set-up was simple. Four friends out having the time of their lives. Four good-looking guys but Jensen only had eyes for one. Jared was magnetic, drawing Jensen's focus as he moved from pose to pose. Jensen could hear Sam giving direction, the guys obeying her every command.

"Ok guys, that's great." Sam smiled, setting her camera down on the tripod as she walked over to the group. "Tyler, Kevin, thanks. I think I got everything I need from you two. Jared, Chace, the client also wanted something a little different from the two of you."

Jared tossed a grin in Jensen's direction and rolled his eyes as Sam approached him, reaching her hand up and running it through his hair, giving it a more casual, wind-blown look. She grabbed Jared's hips and turned him around until he was facing Chace.

"Ok boys, think of earlier as the bachelor party. And now it's time for wedding night."

Jared shot another look over at Jensen, smile thin and uneasy, as Sam moved back over to her camera. Chace also spared Jensen a glance, his smirk harder.

Sam switched out a couple of the lights, bathing the room in a soft glow. She took a couple of test shots and once she was happy with the results, she motioned for the boys to get started. "Just do what comes natural. Remember, we're selling the clothing but we're also telling a story."

Chace immediately moved forward, running his hands down Jared's chest. He leaned in and whispered something in Jared's ear, making Jared blush. Jensen saw Jared give a tiny nod just before ducking his head down lower and getting to work.

Jensen was a mess of warring emotions as he watched Jared and Chace together. He wanted to close his eyes, didn't want to see Chace's hands trace the contours of Jared's body. He didn't want to watch Chace's lips brush along Jared's cheekbones. He didn't want to watch, but he couldn't tear his eyes away.

Jared was beautiful and even though he hated to admit it, Chace wasn't too bad himself. Together, they were stunning.

Jensen didn't know what to focus on. His eyes flitted from the smooth golden skin exposed as Chace undid the buttons of Jared's shirt, one by one, to the way Jared's hand wrapped around Chace's neck. Jared dropped his head back, groaning as Chace's lips skimmed the air just inches from Jared's heated skin before making contact on the underside of Jared's jaw.

It was better than any porn Jensen had ever seen but Jensen wanted to scream, to make it all stop. He wanted to rip Chace away from Jared. He wanted to take Chace's place, to be the one that made Jared's breath speed up, that made his heart pound.

"And that should just about do it."

Sam's voice broke through the silence, cutting through the tension that had been building like a knife.

"Chace, you're free to go," Sam nodded toward the back of the large room. "Jared, JD asked if I could take a couple more shots for your portfolio. We could do that now, if you have the time."

Jared shook his head slightly. He ran a hand over his face. "Sure, I guess I can do that." He glanced over at Jensen. "Think you can handle a bit longer?"

Jensen nodded, not yet trusting his voice. He noticed Sam was also staring at him, her finger tapping against her lips. She dropped her hand to her side and gave Jensen a wide smile before turning back to Jared.

"Jared, go ahead and take your shirt off." She waved her hand in the air, motioning for Jared to toss the clothing aside. "Jensen, come over here."

Jensen shared a questioning look with Jared but the other man just shrugged, obviously just as clueless about the photographer's intentions. Jensen shook his head, but did as he was told. As soon as he was close enough, Sam grabbed his arm and pointed in Jared's direction.

"I want to take some shots of you two together," Sam finally said. She turned to look Jensen in the eyes. "That is, if it's ok with you."

Jensen was speechless. He definitely hadn't been expecting that. He glanced over at Jared and found him staring back, cheeks red. "Ummm," Jensen coughed, trying to cover the roughness of his voice. "I guess it's ok."

Sam nodded, as if expecting his answer, and grabbed her camera. "Great, then take off your shirt and go stand with Jared."

Still stunned, Jensen couldn't think of anything beyond obeying her instructions. He tugged his shirt off and let it fall to the floor before moving closer to Jared.

"You don't have to do this, you know," Jared whispered as soon as Jensen was close enough.

"I know," Jensen replied. He looked up at Jared and shrugged. "Could be fun, though, don't you think?"

Sam picked up her camera. "I want you two to do the wedding night scenario again. I know I was able to capture some great shots with Jared and Chace and the clients are going to love them, but I can't help but feel that there was something missing."

Sam's voice faded away and the room was silent except for the quiet click as the camera's shutter opened and closed.

Jared took a couple steps closer to Jensen, his movements awkward and unsure. He lifted one hand and placed it on the ball of Jensen's shoulder.

"Come on boys, at least pretend like you like each other."

Jensen rolled his eyes. They were being ridiculous, like two teenage boys at their first dance. He took another step closer and pressed his hips against Jared's. He let his hand run up the length of Jared's arm, the touch soft and soothing, as if he were trying to calm a spooked animal. "Come on, Jay. It's just me."

Jared's eyes met his and Jensen was startled by the heat he saw staring back at him. Jared's lips quirked up in a barely there smile. He ducked his head down, letting his lips brush the shell of Jensen's ear, making him shudder. "Just you, huh?" Jared's voice was low, tone gritty.

Jensen wanted to say something, wanted to take back some of the control but the words got lost in the rush of emotion as Jared let go, his hands suddenly everywhere all at once. Fingertips traced the edge of rib as knuckles brushed down his side.

"Just think of it like acting."

Jensen inhaled sharply as Jared's hands wrapped around his waist, pulling him forward until their bodies were pressed together, chest to groin. Jared's hand moved up to cup Jensen's cheek, his thumb tracing the line of Jensen's jaw.

Jensen closed his eyes, trying to steady himself. He definitely wasn't acting.

Jensen grabbed onto Jared's upper arms and held on as Jared leaned in, his mouth following the path his thumb had made moments earlier, his breath warm against Jensen's skin, the perfect illusion of a kiss. He could feel Jared's muscles tremble beneath his touch.

"I just knew something was missing," Sam muttered from somewhere just over Jensen's left shoulder and it was as if he'd just had a bucket of ice water thrown on him. He took two steps back, pulling away from Jared, breath escaping in short puffs.

"Don't stop on my account."

Jensen just shook his head as he stared at Jared, taking in his flushed skin and dark eyes. Surely he wasn't the only one that had felt the spark between them.

Jared took a deep breath before tearing his eyes away from Jensen's. He glanced over at Sam, who was sitting at the computer, looking through the shots she'd just taken. "Did you get it?"

Sam looked up at them, eyes bright and smile wide. "Oh, I definitely got them."

Jared shot Jensen a soft smile and Jensen's heart pounded inside his ribcage. When he closed his eyes, he could still feel Jared's hands on his skin, their ghostly touch setting his nerves on fire.

It was his greatest dream and his worst nightmare all wrapped up in one. He knew what it felt like to have Jared's lips brush his skin, knew what Jared's soft whimpers sounded like pressed against his ear. But then everything was ripped away before he had a chance to really experience anything.

It was just a taste of heaven. The problem was, Jensen knew a taste would never be enough.

Part Three