don't read this unless you care about me.
Okay, he's not wrecking everything. He's making everything so much better. But I feel guilty becaue no matter how many amzing friends I have at the moment I still can't think of anyone I can talk to about the problem I'm having now. I could discuss it on this journal, but lately whatever I say on here has been read and people have been hurt. It's jut something I can't help. I guess I just say how I feel, and I WANNA say how I feel, but I don't want anyone mad or upset about this.
there's just something wrong with my heart and I can't say exactly what's going on or even what's bothering me. I don't know how i feel anymore and im confused. i feel like theres some sort of person im supposed to be just to please others. ive changed a little or maybe a lot, maybe i havent at all. but i feel like i have. ive been having crazy extreme mood swings lately. one second im the happoest person in the world, and then i feel like the lowest piece of shit ever. I couldn't stop thinking all day today about people. 3 people. that won't get out of my head and im pretending to have something that isnt there. im pretending to want someone i can never have. im acting like someone i dont want to be.
I don't know what's wrong. I just need to feel like i'm a part of someone's life. i want someone to take time out of their day to show me affection and treat with the greatest amount of respect . i need romance. i need love. love love. i hate that word. i love to be in love but i hate it when i fall so deep into love, i cant live normally. I'm starting to think im going crazy. I know there's nothing wrong with mebut there is defintely something missing. there's a hole somewhere that gets filled half way and then when it starts to fill more, everything turns to crap again. it's dissapointing
i feel like im not worth anyones time. i can't say that though because there are too many people that care about me. or maybe no one cares about me. its all an illusion. or its something i wish i had but i pushing away the fact that there's nothing there.
i know its too much to want to be held. its way too much to ask anyone to just hold me and sing to me while i fall into a deep sleep. it's all i want to wake up and see someone sleeping beside me. i want kisses, and hugs, and hand holding, and fun and never ening talks late at night. i want walks and lots of cuddling. i wanna fall asleep with my feet touching his feet and my body next to his. i wanna feel the warmth that only another body can provide. I wanna be touched.
it's pathetic how i wrap myself up i my blanket at night and think about how perfect I want things to be. i have this big plan that wont work out. i want everything. i want the world. i want to be his world. I'll put a smile on my face for you, and make jokes for you to laugh at, but you'll never know what lies so far within my soul or what's hiding behind my eyes.
can someone just take my hand and take me somewhere where we can be alone? i want something special.
there's just something wrong with my heart and I can't say exactly what's going on or even what's bothering me. I don't know how i feel anymore and im confused. i feel like theres some sort of person im supposed to be just to please others. ive changed a little or maybe a lot, maybe i havent at all. but i feel like i have. ive been having crazy extreme mood swings lately. one second im the happoest person in the world, and then i feel like the lowest piece of shit ever. I couldn't stop thinking all day today about people. 3 people. that won't get out of my head and im pretending to have something that isnt there. im pretending to want someone i can never have. im acting like someone i dont want to be.
I don't know what's wrong. I just need to feel like i'm a part of someone's life. i want someone to take time out of their day to show me affection and treat with the greatest amount of respect . i need romance. i need love. love love. i hate that word. i love to be in love but i hate it when i fall so deep into love, i cant live normally. I'm starting to think im going crazy. I know there's nothing wrong with mebut there is defintely something missing. there's a hole somewhere that gets filled half way and then when it starts to fill more, everything turns to crap again. it's dissapointing
i feel like im not worth anyones time. i can't say that though because there are too many people that care about me. or maybe no one cares about me. its all an illusion. or its something i wish i had but i pushing away the fact that there's nothing there.
i know its too much to want to be held. its way too much to ask anyone to just hold me and sing to me while i fall into a deep sleep. it's all i want to wake up and see someone sleeping beside me. i want kisses, and hugs, and hand holding, and fun and never ening talks late at night. i want walks and lots of cuddling. i wanna fall asleep with my feet touching his feet and my body next to his. i wanna feel the warmth that only another body can provide. I wanna be touched.
it's pathetic how i wrap myself up i my blanket at night and think about how perfect I want things to be. i have this big plan that wont work out. i want everything. i want the world. i want to be his world. I'll put a smile on my face for you, and make jokes for you to laugh at, but you'll never know what lies so far within my soul or what's hiding behind my eyes.
can someone just take my hand and take me somewhere where we can be alone? i want something special.