Very nice...just a couple of little things, hope you don't mind me being the obsessive-compulsive grammar police.
"the tone in my voice leaving no brook for argument": I don't know that this is really incorrect, it just reads a little awkwardly to me. I've always seen this phrase used something like "in a tone that brooked no argument".
"He slowly began to rub me through my pants once more as I released his hands and placed them on the cushions beside me." This is a bit confusing; James's hands are still on Sirius's groin, right? It's Sirius's own hands that move to rest on the cushions beside him?
Anyway, the story was HOT! I can't wait for the next chapter. Love, Aranel
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"the tone in my voice leaving no brook for argument": I don't know that this is really incorrect, it just reads a little awkwardly to me. I've always seen this phrase used something like "in a tone that brooked no argument".
"He slowly began to rub me through my pants once more as I released his hands and placed them on the cushions beside me." This is a bit confusing; James's hands are still on Sirius's groin, right? It's Sirius's own hands that move to rest on the cushions beside him?
Anyway, the story was HOT! I can't wait for the next chapter.
Love, Aranel
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And yes, it is Sirius's hands that are on the cushion, not James's. Just read that... >>... I really wonder how I pass english sometimes... -.-
xD. Sorry for the confusion. Glad you liked nonetheless!
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