go ahead and have my past but dont forget i will always be the one who lived it first. i will always be the one he loved first and with his whole heart. i will always have a piece of his heart. ill always be in his head no matter how much u fuck his brains out. fuckin skank.

now i can go to work.

I want to scream!!!! end of story.

today was an emotional day. im completely drained. i feel so alone. they both are so happy and sleeping with someone. while i sleep alone. i have the perfect opportunity to have someone there. i can pick from a handful of great guys and more. but i dont want anyone else. i cant get close. love hurts too much. i feel like im losing myself again. i ( Read more... )

last night was....sucky cause the red sox lost to the yankees but i won. i woke up so awake this morning so refreshed and i didnt have to take drugs for it. i had the best talk of my life. my friend Rick is probably the only one that truely understands me and ive only known him for a month. seriously the shit that was coming out of his mouth was ( Read more... )

i got a random text from Garrett at 5am the other morning. it read "what attracts me to girls, or people in general is a fascination factor. what fascinates me most about most girls is their minds...." then he goes on to say that its not the intellectual mind but more the fucked up part. pretty much saying he wants to understand. i surprising was ( Read more... )

dont call him......

is the most confusing month of my life. its like everyone ive never gotten closer from decided its time to pop back into my life! Phil, Joe, Alex oh my! oh and the best one is Matt. yup the ex. what is goin on?!?! ugh! i just dont know what to think. theres so much to write but im so not up for it right now. later

I just want the pain to stop.....i cant do this anymore. pretending to be happy is so fuckin draining. i hate you....yet i still love you. why wont the thread just break?

i gotta stop crying over him. he should mean nothing to me. im stronger than this bullshit. i have this one tiny thread of hope that is still holding on to everything. still hoping things will work out and we'll live happily ever after with our awesome families. fuck it.

Does it hurt
to know I'll never be there
Bet it sucks ( Read more... )

so the first week of the break up was so hard i thought i wouldnt survive. i had severe anxiety attacks, the worse ive ever had and they were scary. i had to call my friend Jess and have her come over during one. i couldnt even breathe. i was on the floor, hyperventilating, almost ripping out my hair, crying uncontrolably. no one, NO ONE had ever ( Read more... )