NEW BSG FIC: Improper Conduct; Lee/Kara, some Adama/Roslin rated R
Title: Improper Conduct
Author: lotus79
Rating: R, for a whole battleship full of innuendo
Spoilers: Um, it doesn’t really fit anywhere in the timeline. But let’s just say all of season 2 to be 100% safe.
Pairings: Kara/Lee, some Adama/Roslin
Summary: Kara’s incorrigible, Lee’s mortified, the admiral’s grinning and the president is loud. Crackfic PWP. 1600 words.
Warnings: This fic is crack. Don’t read at work or while drinking anything that’s bad for keyboards.
Author's Note: I asked my dear friend misscam to challenge me to write something, and she asked for “A wireless, a plant, a picture of a cat, a carved rabbit with a flower and a letter opener that looks a bit like a phallic symbol” and since she ships A/R she also asked for "an attempt at family dinner with Lee and/or Kara getting a bit awkward over A/R being affectionate." So here we are. I had to cheat with the rabbit and the cat, but they are there, if you look.
Written for and dedicated to misscam, who spent hours in chat with me coaxing this along and coming up with silly innuendo to add. Adama in! Also for suggesting titles from "Cooking with Kara" to "Eating with the Adamas" and worse ones in between. Will you accept this in lieu of that Rose/Martha fic I owe you from two years ago? Love ya babe!
Improper Conduct
This had to rank as one of the weirdest and most uncomfortable family dinners Lee Adama had ever sat through in his life.
Kara kept looking at him and smirking. That was strange in itself; but more than strange was the fact that the president was actually giggling at his father. Bill Adama, for his part, was grinning widely and… well, the most accurate description would be “making eyes at her”.
“Leeee,” Kara drew out his name deliberately, her breath tickling his ear. “I really think you should try this. It almost tastes like real chocolate!”
Kara was definitely up to something, but he let her spoon a mouthful of dessert into his mouth. She was right, it did taste good, and he allowed her to feed him more of it.
When he turned his attention back to the other occupants of the table, uncomfortable didn’t even begin to cover it. Laura had shifted from her own chair to perch on his father’s lap, and his Dad’s hand-
Lee jerked his chair back, wiping his mouth and standing up. “Uh, thanks for the meal, Dad,” he said quickly. “Laura,” he acknowledged. “We’d better be getting back. Kara has CAP in the morning.”
As soon as the hatch clanged shut behind them, Kara let out a shriek of laughter. “Oh, you should see your face,” she told him.
Lee frowned at her, narrowing his eyes. “You know something I don’t,” he stated.
She smirked. “My dessert went down well,” she observed.
Lee’s mouth dropped open. “Kara, did you actually just drug the president of the colonies and the admiral of the fleet?”
She nodded, still giggling. “Also the CAG and the flight instructor,” she confessed. It should kick in after a few minutes, I think.”
She’d overestimated the timing a little, because even as he was staring at her aghast he could feel a languorous warmth stealing over him. It started at the top of his head and spread downwards to the tips of his toes, and his last responsible thought was that he was going to have to get someone to cover her CAP, because tomorrow she was going to be in the brig facing charges. Again.
* * *
Kara was stoned. Deliciously stoned, and she could see that Lee was finally feeling it too because he’d stopped looking like he was about to strangle her and instead seemed to be focused completely on her bottom lip. Lee’s problem, she decided, was that he spent too much time thinking and not enough doing.
She revised this opinion a second later, finding herself sandwiched between the admiral’s hatch and the admiral’s son; the latter doing his best to insert his tongue into her oesophagus. Doing. Good. Good doing.
“Oh, Bill... yes! MMMMMAAAGH!”
Kara found her mouth suddenly her own again as Lee tore away from her. Thinking again, but she figured she’d forgive him. She didn’t really want to think about what they were doing in there either. “Your office,” she offered and he fairly sprinted down the hall, dragging her along behind.
* * *
She was doing it again. Tugging his lower lip into her mouth and just lightly working her teeth along it. With the hatch dogged, he had her down to her underwear and she was just tugging his trousers down when the wireless buzzed.
He knew he shouldn’t answer it because surely it’d be obvious that he was under the influence of a hallucinogen and engaging in improper conduct with one of his pilots, but he was still CAG and it might be important.
“Adama ,” he answered, praying that he could get rid of whoever it was quickly.
Kara seemed to have no intentions of granting him a respite, however; she merely transferred the attentions of her mouth to an area much lower. Lee gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut. Don’t moan don’t moan oh frak don’t moan.
“Captain, this is the XO. Have you had any contact with the Admiral? I can’t seem to raise him on the wireless tonight.”
Of all people, it had to be Tigh. “Uh, he had a few things to, uh... put to the president. I’d say try again in a few hours?” His voice involuntarily rose an octave on the last word. Gods, Kara, teeth! There was an infinitesimal pause on the other end of the line. Frak! Lee scrambled for a good cover story. Oops, I stubbed my toe?
“Understood Captain, I’ll try later. Tigh out.”
“Adama out,” he replied, and just managed to hang up before her throaty chuckle turned his sigh of relief into an undignified squeak.
“Adama out?” She dragged her devilish mouth northwards again and speared him with a glance. “I want Adama in,” she growled. “Now, please.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Is that an order, Captain?”
“Yes, Major, that’s an order. Make with the frakking. Less talking, more frakking. Let’s frak like bunnies. That clear enough for you?”
“As crystal,” he growled. He mirrored her earlier action and knelt before her, sliding her underwear down her legs and then kissing his way back up, tongue darting out to tease her skin.
She made a frustrated sound that was half a growl and half a purr, tugging his mouth back up to hers. “I said Adama in!”
“Yes, Captain.” He calmly lifted her onto his desk, dug his thumbs into her hips and slid home. Frak yes.
She was definitely purring now, and hammering her heels into his buttocks, urging him closer. Lords, if he got any closer they’d be one person.
* * *
Oh, Lords of Kobol hear my prayer. Don’t let him stop. Don’t let him ever stop! Kara was getting pretty close to where she wanted to be; waves of sensation building with every twist of Lee’s hips. Still, a little encouragement never hurt anyone.
“Come on, Apollo,” she breathed into his ear. “I know you can frak me harder than that.”
“You asked for it, Starbuck,” he muttered, and bent her further forward. “I’ll frak you right through the desk and onto the floor if you like.”
And he was certainly trying. She vaguely wished they’d thought to sweep the desk clear before starting, but she couldn’t worry about that now, when Lee was single-mindedly pounding her into oblivion.
Something had to give soon, and when she felt his teeth bite down on her earlobe, something did. Ohfrakme ohfrakme frak frak!
Dimly, Kara felt the back of her head hit something hard as she lost the will to hold it up. Lee was still bent over her and in her, gasping for breath.
“Thanks, Major. I think you killed me.” At least I died with a smile on my face.
“Don’t mention it.”
Awareness of her surroundings was returning slowly. Something sharp was digging into her back. “What is that poking me?”
“I thought it was me?” Gods, he was attempting to smirk at her.
“No, this is much smaller and pointier,” she shot back. She reached behind her to remove the offending item and discovered a letter opener. She waved it in front of Lee’s still red face. “Who uses a letter opener, Mr CAG?”
The smirk grew wider. “I like the sliding action.”
* * *
The next day Lee was not surprised to be called into his father’s office. He felt like he was ten years old again and headed for “The Study”.
He was never letting Kara cook anything ever again.
It was probably the most awkward conversation he’d ever had with his father, and gods knew that was saying a lot. Kara, in typical kamikaze style, confessed to everything and claimed he’d had no part in it.
They had to listen to a disappointed speech about respecting the office of the president, after which there was an unspoken agreement to never speak of the matter again.
Kara managed to hold her peace exactly as long as it took them to get to the mess hall and sit down with breakfast.
“Can you believe that stuff about maintaining the dignity of the presidency?”
“Kara...” Lee cheerfully contemplated strangling her.
“I suppose we should be thankful that he didn’t start talking about the rigidity of the admiralty.”
“You need more than one admiral to have an admiralty,” Lee replied absently. He’d learned from long experience that it was best to just let Kara rant and rave while he quietly tuned her out.
“Well, I wouldn’t worry,” she continued, leaning closer as he took a sip of his coffee, “I think Laura Roslin’s taking good care of your dad’s admiralty.”
He choked. Kara’s timing had always been phenomenally good or phenomenally bad, depending on your point of view. He was quite sure she’d done that on purpose, mainly because of the enormous shit-eating grin on her face as she thumped him on the back.
Catching his breath, he shot her his best glare and then returned to single-mindedly scoffing his breakfast as quickly as possible.
Kara mercifully did the same, but when she stood to leave she couldn’t resist.
“Leee...?” she purred. He swallowed and braced himself as she bent to whisper in his ear. “While your dad’s worrying about maintaining the dignity of the presidency, and Roslin’s looking after the rigidity of his admiralty, d’you think I could maybe book another appointment with your CAGhood?”
~finis
Crossposted in a few places
Author: lotus79
Rating: R, for a whole battleship full of innuendo
Spoilers: Um, it doesn’t really fit anywhere in the timeline. But let’s just say all of season 2 to be 100% safe.
Pairings: Kara/Lee, some Adama/Roslin
Summary: Kara’s incorrigible, Lee’s mortified, the admiral’s grinning and the president is loud. Crackfic PWP. 1600 words.
Warnings: This fic is crack. Don’t read at work or while drinking anything that’s bad for keyboards.
Author's Note: I asked my dear friend misscam to challenge me to write something, and she asked for “A wireless, a plant, a picture of a cat, a carved rabbit with a flower and a letter opener that looks a bit like a phallic symbol” and since she ships A/R she also asked for "an attempt at family dinner with Lee and/or Kara getting a bit awkward over A/R being affectionate." So here we are. I had to cheat with the rabbit and the cat, but they are there, if you look.
Written for and dedicated to misscam, who spent hours in chat with me coaxing this along and coming up with silly innuendo to add. Adama in! Also for suggesting titles from "Cooking with Kara" to "Eating with the Adamas" and worse ones in between. Will you accept this in lieu of that Rose/Martha fic I owe you from two years ago? Love ya babe!
Improper Conduct
This had to rank as one of the weirdest and most uncomfortable family dinners Lee Adama had ever sat through in his life.
Kara kept looking at him and smirking. That was strange in itself; but more than strange was the fact that the president was actually giggling at his father. Bill Adama, for his part, was grinning widely and… well, the most accurate description would be “making eyes at her”.
“Leeee,” Kara drew out his name deliberately, her breath tickling his ear. “I really think you should try this. It almost tastes like real chocolate!”
Kara was definitely up to something, but he let her spoon a mouthful of dessert into his mouth. She was right, it did taste good, and he allowed her to feed him more of it.
When he turned his attention back to the other occupants of the table, uncomfortable didn’t even begin to cover it. Laura had shifted from her own chair to perch on his father’s lap, and his Dad’s hand-
Lee jerked his chair back, wiping his mouth and standing up. “Uh, thanks for the meal, Dad,” he said quickly. “Laura,” he acknowledged. “We’d better be getting back. Kara has CAP in the morning.”
As soon as the hatch clanged shut behind them, Kara let out a shriek of laughter. “Oh, you should see your face,” she told him.
Lee frowned at her, narrowing his eyes. “You know something I don’t,” he stated.
She smirked. “My dessert went down well,” she observed.
Lee’s mouth dropped open. “Kara, did you actually just drug the president of the colonies and the admiral of the fleet?”
She nodded, still giggling. “Also the CAG and the flight instructor,” she confessed. It should kick in after a few minutes, I think.”
She’d overestimated the timing a little, because even as he was staring at her aghast he could feel a languorous warmth stealing over him. It started at the top of his head and spread downwards to the tips of his toes, and his last responsible thought was that he was going to have to get someone to cover her CAP, because tomorrow she was going to be in the brig facing charges. Again.
* * *
Kara was stoned. Deliciously stoned, and she could see that Lee was finally feeling it too because he’d stopped looking like he was about to strangle her and instead seemed to be focused completely on her bottom lip. Lee’s problem, she decided, was that he spent too much time thinking and not enough doing.
She revised this opinion a second later, finding herself sandwiched between the admiral’s hatch and the admiral’s son; the latter doing his best to insert his tongue into her oesophagus. Doing. Good. Good doing.
“Oh, Bill... yes! MMMMMAAAGH!”
Kara found her mouth suddenly her own again as Lee tore away from her. Thinking again, but she figured she’d forgive him. She didn’t really want to think about what they were doing in there either. “Your office,” she offered and he fairly sprinted down the hall, dragging her along behind.
* * *
She was doing it again. Tugging his lower lip into her mouth and just lightly working her teeth along it. With the hatch dogged, he had her down to her underwear and she was just tugging his trousers down when the wireless buzzed.
He knew he shouldn’t answer it because surely it’d be obvious that he was under the influence of a hallucinogen and engaging in improper conduct with one of his pilots, but he was still CAG and it might be important.
“Adama ,” he answered, praying that he could get rid of whoever it was quickly.
Kara seemed to have no intentions of granting him a respite, however; she merely transferred the attentions of her mouth to an area much lower. Lee gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut. Don’t moan don’t moan oh frak don’t moan.
“Captain, this is the XO. Have you had any contact with the Admiral? I can’t seem to raise him on the wireless tonight.”
Of all people, it had to be Tigh. “Uh, he had a few things to, uh... put to the president. I’d say try again in a few hours?” His voice involuntarily rose an octave on the last word. Gods, Kara, teeth! There was an infinitesimal pause on the other end of the line. Frak! Lee scrambled for a good cover story. Oops, I stubbed my toe?
“Understood Captain, I’ll try later. Tigh out.”
“Adama out,” he replied, and just managed to hang up before her throaty chuckle turned his sigh of relief into an undignified squeak.
“Adama out?” She dragged her devilish mouth northwards again and speared him with a glance. “I want Adama in,” she growled. “Now, please.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Is that an order, Captain?”
“Yes, Major, that’s an order. Make with the frakking. Less talking, more frakking. Let’s frak like bunnies. That clear enough for you?”
“As crystal,” he growled. He mirrored her earlier action and knelt before her, sliding her underwear down her legs and then kissing his way back up, tongue darting out to tease her skin.
She made a frustrated sound that was half a growl and half a purr, tugging his mouth back up to hers. “I said Adama in!”
“Yes, Captain.” He calmly lifted her onto his desk, dug his thumbs into her hips and slid home. Frak yes.
She was definitely purring now, and hammering her heels into his buttocks, urging him closer. Lords, if he got any closer they’d be one person.
* * *
Oh, Lords of Kobol hear my prayer. Don’t let him stop. Don’t let him ever stop! Kara was getting pretty close to where she wanted to be; waves of sensation building with every twist of Lee’s hips. Still, a little encouragement never hurt anyone.
“Come on, Apollo,” she breathed into his ear. “I know you can frak me harder than that.”
“You asked for it, Starbuck,” he muttered, and bent her further forward. “I’ll frak you right through the desk and onto the floor if you like.”
And he was certainly trying. She vaguely wished they’d thought to sweep the desk clear before starting, but she couldn’t worry about that now, when Lee was single-mindedly pounding her into oblivion.
Something had to give soon, and when she felt his teeth bite down on her earlobe, something did. Ohfrakme ohfrakme frak frak!
Dimly, Kara felt the back of her head hit something hard as she lost the will to hold it up. Lee was still bent over her and in her, gasping for breath.
“Thanks, Major. I think you killed me.” At least I died with a smile on my face.
“Don’t mention it.”
Awareness of her surroundings was returning slowly. Something sharp was digging into her back. “What is that poking me?”
“I thought it was me?” Gods, he was attempting to smirk at her.
“No, this is much smaller and pointier,” she shot back. She reached behind her to remove the offending item and discovered a letter opener. She waved it in front of Lee’s still red face. “Who uses a letter opener, Mr CAG?”
The smirk grew wider. “I like the sliding action.”
* * *
The next day Lee was not surprised to be called into his father’s office. He felt like he was ten years old again and headed for “The Study”.
He was never letting Kara cook anything ever again.
It was probably the most awkward conversation he’d ever had with his father, and gods knew that was saying a lot. Kara, in typical kamikaze style, confessed to everything and claimed he’d had no part in it.
They had to listen to a disappointed speech about respecting the office of the president, after which there was an unspoken agreement to never speak of the matter again.
Kara managed to hold her peace exactly as long as it took them to get to the mess hall and sit down with breakfast.
“Can you believe that stuff about maintaining the dignity of the presidency?”
“Kara...” Lee cheerfully contemplated strangling her.
“I suppose we should be thankful that he didn’t start talking about the rigidity of the admiralty.”
“You need more than one admiral to have an admiralty,” Lee replied absently. He’d learned from long experience that it was best to just let Kara rant and rave while he quietly tuned her out.
“Well, I wouldn’t worry,” she continued, leaning closer as he took a sip of his coffee, “I think Laura Roslin’s taking good care of your dad’s admiralty.”
He choked. Kara’s timing had always been phenomenally good or phenomenally bad, depending on your point of view. He was quite sure she’d done that on purpose, mainly because of the enormous shit-eating grin on her face as she thumped him on the back.
Catching his breath, he shot her his best glare and then returned to single-mindedly scoffing his breakfast as quickly as possible.
Kara mercifully did the same, but when she stood to leave she couldn’t resist.
“Leee...?” she purred. He swallowed and braced himself as she bent to whisper in his ear. “While your dad’s worrying about maintaining the dignity of the presidency, and Roslin’s looking after the rigidity of his admiralty, d’you think I could maybe book another appointment with your CAGhood?”
~finis
Crossposted in a few places