Six Times Starbuck and Apollo Frakked 2/6
Six Times Starbuck and Apollo Frakked
or
Five Times Starbuck and Apollo Couldn't Get the Timing Right
(And Once When Time Was All They Had)
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Part Two: Lost in You, Lost in Me
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Zak’s dead.
It’s her fault, and she knows that this guilt she feels is right and proper and deserved.
She discovers at the wake just how much Lee has against his father. He’s angry, and broken, and his words should be aimed at her. They should be. She breaks down sobbing and he leads her out and away and drives her home. He thinks his anger upset her and he’s right-but in the wrong way. She can’t tell him the truth, and so he keeps apologising, and she can’t explain why that just makes her cry harder, and that makes him apologise again until he’s crying himself. She should be begging his forgiveness but she can’t so instead she tilts her head up and kisses him.
He tastes of salt and guilt and sorrow. For a moment he kisses her back, but then he pulls away, shaking his head. “No, Kara. You’ll hate yourself if we do this.” If only he’d said we can’t do this to Zak she would have let it go, but she can’t imagine hating herself any more than she already does.
She blinks the tears away a little until she can see him clearly. “Don’t you want to feel something else, just for a while?” she asks. And she knows she’s taking Lee with her on this spiral of self-destruction, but she can’t stop herself.
He rubs rough thumbs across her cheeks, staring at her. And then he’s kissing her eyelids oh so gently. But it’s not supposed to be gentle and tender and comforting. It’s supposed to be judgement and condemnation. It’s supposed to hurt.
It does hurt. Delicious agony, and it’s still wrong.
She leads him to the bed and he doesn’t resist as she pulls him down with her, feet shoving his trousers down past his hips, knees, ankles and off. Her hands attack the buttons of his dress greys and he tugs her trousers down, kissing his way back up her thighs and stomach until he’s diving into her mouth again, mindless. She knows he’s trying not to think either, but somehow he still manages to take his time. He doesn’t ask her again if she’s sure this is what she wants, but when he hitches her leg up against his hip and slides in, it’s achingly slow and tender.
But she doesn’t want tenderness, she doesn’t want... gods, she doesn’t know what she wants.
Two nights ago she was frakking Zak in this bed and lying to save his feelings.
She wants to go back and change it. She’d do it, she’d break his spirit, make him hate her and himself if only he’d live again.
Too late.
Maybe Zak’s brother is close enough. Maybe he can absolve her. Except they’re nothing alike, not really. Zak had a sort of simple joy about him. He was carefree, and considerate, and fun-loving. Lee burns with intensity, concentration, devotion. Everything he does is deliberate and premeditated. Zak was freedom, Lee is restraint.
She lies to herself; the mouth pressed against her collarbone is Zak’s, and not Lee’s. Those are Zak’s hands tangled in her hair, and not Lee’s fingertips pressing into her skin. This is Zak’s body fitted to hers, familiar as breathing; and not Lee, not Lee…
“Zak,” she whimpers, and Lee’s sad eyes catch hers and hold. He too knows how wrong this is. He can’t save himself anymore than she can.
They break apart together, shuddering in a mix of ecstasy and sobs, and in the morning when she wakes he’s already gone.
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Series Summary: Starbuck and Apollo are the best pilots in the fleet. In the air, they have perfect synchronicity; on the ground, not so much. Six ficlets, interconnected but standalone.
Fic Title: Lost in You, Lost in Me
Rating: MA for descriptions of sex
Spoilers: This part, just the miniseries.
Pairings: Kara/Lee, mentions of Kara/Zak
Wordcount: ~600
Summary: “Don’t you want to feel something else, just for a while?” she asks.